Passion and Lust 05

Allen opened his mouth to continue, but another bout of coughing cut him off. Falling to a knee, he did his best to keep from passing out as he spewed spit and filth. He looked up at Lust and Val through blurred vision. Val looked torn between helping him and chastising him, Lust was stuck between vicious and defensive.

"But if I'm going to bare everything, I shouldn't leave myself out, yeah? All this coughing you've been seeing, Val? It is something to worry about. Because I've got fucking cancer. Turns out not everyone can get away with smoking for half their life and now my lungs are so fucked up they're not going to last me another month. I haven't been helping you because I'm brave, I'm not saying all this to your and Lust's face because I'm clever, I'm doing it because I just don't care any more. In a way, I'm even more pathetic than the two of you, only really capable of being someone when the threat of failure has lost its teeth. Do whatever you want with humanity—soon I won't even be a part of it. Fuck each other, hate each other, kill each other, it doesn't matter to me. I tried to help, I really did, but I guess there's only so much a human can do." He stumbled to his feet, breathing as best he could. Holding his chest, he ambled toward the door, two pair of eyes locked on him the entire way.

"You know nothing about me, human," said Lust.

"You keep telling yourself that," said Allen, and he left.

He didn't know where to go. He could head back to his car and drive home. He could find some alley to lie down in until he died. There was a nice restaurant down the street; he could splurge there and enjoy another nice meal. His head fell. Nah, it wouldn't be the same without Val. Least he could do was hold onto that memory a little longer.

Pain gripped his chest as he laughed at himself. How sad was it that the one thing he held onto when death stared him in the face was a memory of a girl who saw him as nothing more than a tool? He should've gotten past that. Nothing in the world should've been worth caring about anymore, yet somehow he managed it anyways.

That alley was sounding awful nice right about now.

Looking up, his eyes caught the white glare of the moon amongst the streetlights. The depths of night had swallowed the air since he last felt it. Not a soul besides him wandered the streets, the wind and buzzing of electric lights the only comforts holding back the silence. If only it was raining, too.

With a sigh, he sat himself down on a the curb. He leaned forward, staring at the ground, half-ready to start puking. So this is how it'd end. A petty argument between sisters. All that stress, that searching, all amounting to nothing because the problem was simpler than Allen could've imagined. Closing his eyes, he waited.

"I can't help but see some irony here."

Allen slowly raised his head, but didn't turn to Val's voice. "Yeah?"

The smack of bare feet on cement grew closer, stopping right next to him. Without looking, Allen could see Val with arms crossed and hands on her hips. "I seem to recall you not having much patience for moping."

Allen smiled. Ornery to the last. "Just the annoying kind. And I think I've earned a little moping."

"Maybe." She sat down next to him. Allen fought the urge to scoot away. "What sort is the 'annoying' kind?"

"Mainly when it's not me. No one else seems to know what's worth moping over."

"Is that so? And what might you be moping about now? What happened back there or your unfortunate fate?"

Allen coughed out a laugh. 'Unfortunate'. That was an understatement. "Both. Neither. I said I didn't care what happened any more and I meant it. Whether you or your sis make up or decide to kill everyone doesn't matter."

"And you?"

"I tried to do something productive with my life and blew both chances. I think I'll hang it up early."

"'Both chances'?" He heard her shift around—she was interested. Damn. Should've watched his mouth more closely.

Shaking his head, he answered, "What the hell, I'll tell you. Better than letting it die with me." He let out a long, heavy breath. Val would be the first he told. "I had a sister."

Val nodded, her eyes locked onto Allen.

"She was younger than me, but smarter and better-looking. Had hair like wildfire, but eyes blue enough you could've been looking into the sea. So fucking stubborn, but only because she was right most of the time. Frail enough to come to her brother when things went to shit, but brazen enough to smack an asshole who wouldn't get out of her face. A creator, through and through. She liked building things with legos, with twigs, with blocks, whatever she could get her hands on. Had an interior decorator phase, but that wasn't for her. We had this dog... this little shrimp of a thing that wandered around the house, and she wanted to make a little wall he couldn't get over. So she builds this wall—ugly piece of shit, made out of 10 different lego sets—and sticks it in a doorway. The wall was way too short and even our shrimp of a dog could get over it, or just knock it out of the way if he was bored." Allen shook his head. "But she didn't give up. Remade the wall a dozen times before she figured out she couldn't block the doorway. And what does she do? Sticks it on the stairway. Alone, it wasn't enough, but add the height of a stair and the dog didn't know what to do. Course, the dog didn't care, he wasn't allowed upstairs anyways, and Mom tripped over the damn thing as soon as she got home. The wall never reappeared, but my sister had her victory. It's the memories like that... she was the best part of my life. I used to brag about her all the time, how she graduated high school and college early, how she landed a crazy job out of school, just, everything about her was perfect." Allen turned to Val, wagging a finger. "And I'm not exaggerating on the perfect. She really was."

"I believe you."

"But she never wanted to find a man. When I'd bug her about it, she'd always tell me, 'You're the only man I need in my life, brother'. While I knew that wasn't true, I think I liked hearing it. It was nice to know that after all those years looking after her, she really appreciated it. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything. I never risked my life for her or anything so brave, but I kept her safe when she needed to feel safe, told her she was stupid when she was being an idiot, teased her when she got cocky... the important stuff, you know? Then I blew it."

"How so?"

Allen bit his lip. "I started smoking. Well, the smoking was just the beginning. Remember how I told you she was smarter? That never stopped being true, and the older we got, the more I realized I would always be dumber than my kid sister. The same sister who I had to look out for, who I sacrificed for. I thought it wasn't fair, thought I deserved more. So I became bitter. Not overnight, but I had all the time in the world to fuck up that relationship. I say it started with the smoking because my sister always bugged me about stopping. 'It's bad for your health,' 'you'll get cancer,' 'you're not yourself without the cigarettes,' and all that other stuff. I thought she was browbeating me, using her brains to make me look even dumber than I was, so I naturally did the dumbest thing possible. I pushed her away."

Allen brought a fist to his mouth and bit down on a knuckle. He knew, knew it'd always been his fault, but this was the first time he'd actually said it. Not only that, he'd told someone else.

"From your wording earlier, I thought something had happened to her."

"Might as well have. I'm dead to her. At least this way, she now has room for a real man in her life." He looked at his hand where tooth marks had appeared. "I hope she's found someone."

"I'm sure she's fine." Val laid a hand softly on his shoulder.

"Goddammit!" Allen drove a fist into his knee, trying to drill his knuckles through his jeans. "I thought I was done making girls worry about me."

Another hand touched him, this one rubbing his back. "One of the things I always liked about you was how you never allowed me to hold onto irrationality or foolishness, even if it meant I might become annoyed with you in the short-term."

"The phrase is, 'not putting up with your shit'. And yeah, you didn't put up with mine, either."

"I am a bit concerned, however, that your dire circumstance might have made you a bit less... mmm..."

"I've always been an ass, if that's what you're wondering."

"We can't all be perfect."

"Yeah... yeah, we sure can't."

Allen stared at the ground, playing with his hands, twitching as Val's hands rubbed his back. Half of him wanted to shrug her off, the other half just wanted to enjoy it. Someone actually cared enough to, at the very least, pretend they felt for him, even when he himself didn't think he deserved it.

"Why are you still here?" he asked.

"Because you need my help."

"And your sister doesn't?"

"She needs a little time." Val squeezed his shoulder. "What you said got to her, I think."

"What about you? Aren't you angry, too? Wasn't exactly pulling punches back there."

Closing her eyes, Val thought on her answer a moment. "While I don't entirely agree with all of what you said, there were some things I think I need to reflect on."

Allen spit and stared out across the street. "Throw enough shit and something will stick, I guess."

"To be perfectly honest, Allen, it's not so much what you said that I think is worth considering, it's what you implied."

"What? That you and your sister are fuckin' idiots?"

Val grimaced. "No, you stated that quite clearly."

He shrugged. "Told you I was an ass."

"What I took away from it was an idea, one you'd offered before yet I never accepted. I think it's possible there isn't quite the chasm between human and spirit I thought there once was. I think there is a way we can understand each other."

"Oh? And what way is that?"

"Love."

Turning away, Allen shivered, saying, "That's quite a word to be throwin' around."

As sly as he thought he was, however, Val didn't miss his eyes flicker to hers, asking that silent question before throwing up his defenses.

"I do not 'throw' it lightly."

Allen did his best to force down a knot clogging up his throat. "Look, Val, it's great that you're coming to see the light, but I'm really not the guy to be having this conversation with."

"And why's that?"

He scooted away from her. "Because I already fucked my chances. A guy like me you can give all the leeway in the world, and I'll still disappoint you."

She scooted with him. "And what if I don't believe that?"

"Then you're crazy. That shit that just happened in there? That's not the first time. There are other guys out there with more sense than me, guys actually worthy of you."

"I don't want them."

When she gave him a smarmy smile, he had to fight a smile of his own, twisting it into a snarl. "Even if you don't, I'm not long for this world. I've got another month, if I'm lucky."

"I can fix that."

Allen didn't have a retort for that one. "You can?"

"I'll have to do a little more research, figure out exactly what is killing you, but yes, I have healing powers. Remember? I mentioned it once while we were in the car."

Allen looked up trying to reach back into his memory, but the thoughts kept slipping away. The weight of the two things Val was proposing right now had started spinning his head like a top and he didn't expect it to stop any time soon.

"Alright, well, then... I've... uh... I've got a shitty job."

Val simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"Dammit, woman, I'm trying to tell you I'm no good for you!"

Several hands reached around to his far side and forced him to face her. "And I'm trying to tell you I don't care."

"Fuck! Fine then. Your funeral."

With that he laid his hands on the side of her head, pulled her in, and kissed like it was the last thing he'd ever do. Her passion met his own with fervor, mouths clashing in reckless emotion. Her tongue tasted of rose, her scent smelled of spice. His eyes widened in surprised when all eight of her arms wrapped around him, two on his head like he held hers, and yanked him in. Her back hit the sidewalk, but she was too lost to care. They kissed as if they'd been waiting for it their whole lives, wrapped their bodies up in each other in a desperate attempt to be closer, to touch everything about one another. Each breath only fueled their desires further, each exhale smothered the air in their ardor.

Finally, Allen pulled away, but just enough to look Val in the eyes as he spoke.

"I told you you were an idiot," was what he said, but for some reason, he couldn't stop grinning.

"Being an idiot doesn't seem so bad," she said, smiling back.

They stared at each other, those stupid smiles stuck on their faces, before Allen glanced back to the door of the Diamond Eye.

"So, uh, I think we better make sure your sister doesn't go on a killing spree, but after that, you wanna fuck?"

"I'd love to."

**

Allen fumbled with the keys, almost dropping them twice before unlocking his apartment door and throwing it open. Before him stood the most wonderful woman, grinning and clearly waiting for him to enter.

"Heard anything from her?" Allen asked, closing the door behind him.

"No, I have not." Val glided forward to greet him, giving him a deep kissing and hugging him close with her many arms before removing herself. "How do you feel?"

"Haven't coughed in weeks. Feels a little weird to think about, like I'm gonna hack up a big one any second." He took a deep breath, holding a hand to his chest as he blew out. "Think we're gonna hear from her any time soon?"

"It's hard to say. She told me she'd be leaving for a while, but 'a while' could mean just about anything, coming from a spirit."

"And you think she'll behave?"

"I think she's got other things to think about besides the slow and steady extermination of the human race."

Allen shot her a frown, then made for the couch. "That's not exactly encouraging."

"I'll take what I can get." She followed him and sat down beside him, leaning on his shoulder as he turned on the TV. "She really has changed, you know."

Allen's face twisted a bit before settling on a small smile. "I suppose I can give her the benefit of the doubt."

"I love you," said Val.

"I still think you're an idiot."

"You pronounced 'I love you too' wrong."

"I love you too."

"Mmm. I know."