Playing Matchmaker

"But Don. Guys may make love to their mothers in secret, but they don't exactly live happily ever after as a couple. You said with those two guys..."

"I know what I said. But that's just two guys. There are thousands more. And the relationships don't always end. They can last years, sometimes a lifetime."

"But Don,"

"Don't be so closed-minded James. What if you and Jill moved to a new city? What if you moved somewhere where you weren't known? No one would need to know your girlfriend was actually your mom."

"That's crazy."

"Really? Have you ever met guys who were in long term relationships with, shall we say, older women? Young guys with cougars? Sugar mamas? Think about it. Men don't usually go after older women. When it happens, there's usually a reason."

"Money."

"Yeah, sure, sometimes it's money. But sometimes, when a new couple moves in next door, and it's a young guy with an older girlfriend, and they can't seem to keep their hands off each other,"

"Then you're saying the girlfriend is actually his mother."

"Of course! Yes, society doesn't approve, but as long as the mom and son maintain the proper pretense and maybe throw in a fake name, most people are willing to look the other way. It happens all the time."

"I don't know."

"As long as you take a few basic precautions, you and your mom could be harnessed together at night for years to come. Think about her needs James. You said it yourself; she's insatiable. Her appetite for cock - who else is going to provide what you can? Who else do you want providing that? I mentioned myself once - entirely as a joke - and you got angry. So now what, she's trolling the personal ads?

"No!"

"Of course not! You've got to be one who's there every night to plug that socket."

"But family, Don. Kids. Someday I'm going to want a family."

"There's adoption. There's surrogacy. Hell, reproductive science is coming up with new miracles every day. By the time you're ready for a child, you and your mom may be able to have one naturally without any risks. Anything's possible if you have the right attitude and commitment to your partner."

"Don."

"Think about it. You and Jill, together for the long run. Kids. Family. Maybe a ring on her finger?"

"Don!" James stood up and faced me. "Enough fantasy! You've been a big cheerleader for me and mom, and sure, I appreciate it. Something really special happened between us thanks to you. But this was always going to be temporary. I don't belong with my mother, like some backwoods weirdo, I belong with girls my own age! I'm glad you see the romance in it, but sometimes I think you're just a little too excited about my love life. I'm sorry Don, but I'm going to need you to take a step back."

"...Hey, whatever. Sure." I said lamely. "Boy, look at the new confidence on you. I wonder where that came from?"

"It's runs in the family. You can keep the rest of the beer. I gotta go." James opened the screen door and made a quick departure. I sat there on the balcony and listened to my front door open and close, and then to the receding footsteps.

Shit. I pushed him too far. Too far too fast. Why the hell did I mention adoption and wedding rings? Stupid stupid stupid. I should have kept the focus on the short term, and how breaking up right now would be a bad move. How could I have expected to sell him on the long term at this point in the relationship? What the relationship needs now isn't a 10 year plan. It just needs some basic commitment. Ahhh, yes. That's the magic word: commitment. That's what's missing. You get James to make a basic commitment to being his mom's lover, and then the long term takes care of itself.

I ended up staying out on the balcony for an hour or so more, drinking and considering my next moves. By the time I shambled back inside to crash on the futon, I knew I had one card left to play. It was risky, and bold, but maybe I could still put James on the road to marrying his mother. And I couldn't wait long - James might already be planning the breakup.

6

I waited until Saturday when I knew James would be at his part time job at Walgreens. I biked over to his house around noon, and knocked on the kitchen door.

"Hey James," I called out. "Buddy, you there?" I put a hand to my eyebrows and looked through the glass. As expected, it wasn't James who came walking to the door but Jill Alcott herself. She was barefoot, wearing a white robe and of course her trademark librarian glasses. I gave her a second to figure out who I was, as I watched her take a drag from a cigarette. The door opened.

"It's Don, isn't it?" said Jill.

"Sure is Mrs. Alcott. I mean Jill. Was just looking for James."

"He's working today. You know I've been meaning to talk to you. Why don't you come in?"

I wasn't quite sure what that meant, but in I came. Jill leaned back against the stove, while I tried to act casual. I saw some family photos on the fridge and leaned in for a look.

"Hey is that Mr. Alcott?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Wow. He and James could be twins."

"That was a long time ago, before his first deployment. But you're not wrong. Jim could slip right into his father's wardrobe, if I ever bring it down from the attic." Jill stepped over to take a closer look at the picture. "You know you and Jim have been pretty close these last few months. He's always sneaking out of here to go over and see you."

"Yeah I guess you could say we've gotten pretty close."

"Then I'm a bit jealous. It's not the easiest thing in the world to get Jim to tell me what's really on his mind. Is there anything you two have discussed - that a mother should know about?"

"Well, you know, Jill, I wouldn't betray a friend's confidence."

"And I wouldn't ask you to."

I took a seat at the breakfast table. "But since you mention it, I was planning on giving James some advice about his personal life. That's sort of why I came over here."

"His personal life?"

"Yeah. About his ladyfriend actually."

"Oh? Did he... say who this ladyfriend was?"

"That I'd rather keep in confidence. You don't have another one of those smokes, do you?" Jill stared blankly at me for a second. Then she quickly opened a drawer, pulled out a pack of American Spirits and handed them over. She took the seat across from me, her eyes never leaving mine.

"And what did you want to tell him? I'd be glad to give him the message."

"Just that I think I've never seen him happier, more satisfied, and more, I don't know, alive, than when this relationship started. And I think that if he throws it all away, he'd be making a big mistake."

Jill sat up straight in her chair. "What you mean, throw it away? What does that mean?"

"I think it means that even though he's happy, for some reason he has it in his head that this girl isn't right for him. That he needs to move on. Frankly, I think that's going to happen sooner rather than later."

Jill was silent. Her lips may have twitched, but I have to give her credit; this was a smart woman and she wasn't giving anything away. I continued: "And I care about James, and I don't want to see him doing something so stupid. The problem is that I've told him this already and he doesn't want to hear it."

"But what can I do?" Jill said quietly. "I mean, what can I do to give him good advice about this girlfriend?"

"Here's my thinking." I flicked on my lighter and took a few puffs on the cigarette. "You have this influence on him that no one else does. He respects you. He looks to you for direction, for guidance. Two words from you can accomplish more than I can with a whole night full of arguing. Someone needs to teach him about the meaning of commitment, and you might be the best person to do it."

"You think so?"

"James needs to commit to this relationship. Because honestly, if he does, then I see it lasting for the long term. I see Jim together with this girl for the rest of their lives."

"I... I think so too. I wasn't sure about it, but sometimes I hoped."

"But the problem is, every relationship has the honeymoon phase, where everything is white hot, and everything is new. But then eventually things settle into a long term phase, where the love is deeper, more meaningful - but the day to day excitement doesn't come as easily as it used to."

"I agree."

"And I think James see the honeymoon ending, and he doesn't want to have to think about what comes next. He doesn't want to have to deal with it."

"That does sound like James."

"And maybe that's where you come in. You could tell him, show him, that when things move into that next phase, that's where the richest rewards truly lie."

Jill sat back in her chair and studied me intently. Her short blond hair was disheveled and unwashed, and it occurred to me that if James' timetable of his daily lovemking routine was accurate, she had been on the receiving end of one of her 'proper fuckings' just a few hours before.

"You know," she said to me, "I knew all this time that James had an angel on his shoulder, whispering good advice to him. That angel was you, wasn't it?"

"I'm no angel," I replied.

Jill stood up again, and I sensed the interview was over. "I'll think about what you said," she told me. I got up too and Jill held the door open for me. On my way out, I couldn't resist one question.

"Jill, just tell me. Why was this girlfriend so interested in James to begin with?"

"I'm sorry Don, but that's something you'll never understand."

I chewed on that as the screen door shut noisily in my face.

7

It probably makes sense to skip ahead now to the next time I saw James, which was also the last time. Yes, he was pissed at me the night I suggested he think about putting a ring on his mom's finger, but we weren't a couple of chicks. We didn't hold grudges. After talking to Jill, it was about a month until I saw James on the basketball court. School was out, which meant the neighborhood court got a lot busier. After our game ended, he asked me to walk him to his car, and he opened up to me like no time had passed.

"The truth is," he said, "You're the only one I can talk about this shit with because you're the only one who knows."

"How can I help?"

"So, you know how I was planning to break up with mom, right?"

"Yeah you told me. I told you it was a bad move."

"I was thinking that after finals would be the right time. I would have to move out, I knew that. But with school over and a little money saved up I could make it happen. Plus, you know I always had my eye on Ashley - from our English class. I've wanted to ask her out forever, and who knows how long I'd have before someone beat me to it."

"Oh, yesssss - Ashley. You may not be the suavest guy in the world but there's no faulting your taste."

"But mom, she's been turning up the heat on me. First of all, she's been making me fuck her like a workhorse. She's never satisfied until I'm totally exhausted and I can't even leave the house unless my balls are completely drained."

"She thinks you won't have the energy to make moves on other girls."

"And dammit, she's right. I've had a dozen opportunities to ask out Ashley, but when the moments came, it never felt that important."

"Note to self - only ask girls out with full balls."

"Exactly. And now get this, mom is the one threatening to end it."

"No shit?"

"She says the one thing I'm missing is commitment. I'm like, commitment? Have you been paying any attention for the last 3 months? Has there been a single day when I haven't waited on you hand and foot? A day when my tongue hasn't spent an hour caressing and loving every inch of your pussy? A day my face hasn't been completely coated in your lube? A day I haven't gotten you off a dozen times? A night you've spent without my stiff cock locked inside you like you own the title?"

"All true."

"So how can she say I'm not committing, Don? What does she want from me?"

"Well, you were planning on breaking up with her and dating other people right?"

"Yeah I know."

"So in the most important sense, you haven't committed at all. And you can spare me the righteous lecture about how giving you are in the bedroom. I know you're getting off on it just as much as she does."

"But what more can I do? Everything she asks, I say yes. From the big to the small. The micro to the macro. My own mother, who in a million years I would never have looked at sexually. The woman who made me eat my vegetables, do my homework. She decided she wanted me as her lover, and what did I say? I said yes."

James was fishing for sympathy but I had none for him. I looked him straight in the eye. "Commitment isn't about having the strength to say yes. Commitment is about saying no. Think of Ashley. Think of those incredible lips. That body, that beautiful heart-shaped ass that follows her around.

Let's say she finds you after class, she flirts with you for a little bit, and then she presses a piece of paper into your hand. When you look at it, there's her number, and a note that says "call me" and a little heart. Do you have the commitment to say no? To throw that piece of paper in the garbage? To know that you already have something better than Ashley? You have a mother at home who needs serious lovemaking on a daily basis, and she needs it from you?"

"But Don... it's too much to ask. Mom wants me to be faithful to her. To give up on the idea that I'll ever be with anyone else."

"Ashley would ask for that too. Any woman would demand that. The question is, who's ever going to come along that has more to offer than your mother?"

"I do love her Don. I would never do anything to hurt her. But my mind can't wrap itself around taking this next step. A man isn't supposed to live happily ever after making love to his mother. And if I 'commit' to mom, that isn't something I can easily undo."

"Then don't do it right now. Keep thinking about it and give it time."

"I would like to, but mom is giving me an ultimatum. She's going to dump me unless I get with her program."

"You were going to be the one dumping her a little while ago. Are you saying you don't want to be the one who gets dumped?"

"...No, I don't want to be dumped."

"Then it looks like you only have one choice."

James stood there, tall and lanky, perched by his car door, looking out into the distance and considering his options. He bit his lip, and then, almost imperceptibly, he hung his head. In that moment, I knew the battle was won.

"Yeah you're right, he said softly. "I have to commit. Mom it is."

"And mom it will stay," I added.

James got into his car and fired it up. "I'm gonna get back home," he told me. "Can't keep her waiting. And I guess I'd better tell her."

"You've made a great decision. And please give Jill my best."

"That's funny," James looked at me strangely, "She said she same about you."

The car peeled off and as I watched James drive away the smile on my face grew and grew.

8 (Epilogue)

So if you're wondering what happened to James and Jill in the end, the news is that James got his credits transferred to U of A Tucson, and he and Jill moved there in the fall.

Because I'm such a cherished friend, I didn't find out until I drove past their house and saw the for-sale sign and wondered what the fuck was up. A month or so later, a "James Cotton" hit me up on Facebook and we reconnected. In an abundance of caution they had both changed their names. Pretty soon I was seeing pictures: nights out with new friends, a fall dance, a weekend getaway - all featuring James with his somewhat older blond girlfriend. James' new friends had no shortage of comments on these pictures. 'U 2 R so cute!' 'Why isn't my BF as into PDA as James??' etc. etc.

We even chatted once or twice over the computer. James was bitching because in addition to the nighttime harness, he now had to wear some kind of chastity device when outside during the day. James called it the 'dick tube'.

But it wasn't all bad, I told him. 1) He could come home anytime and immediately get it taken off, 2) he wouldn't be tempted by other girls, and 3) wearing it would be proof of his commitment. But James only wanted to whine, not to be corrected. He told me he felt like he didn't even own his dick anymore. When he wasn't fucking his mom, or sheathing his cock inside her at night, now she even wanted to control it during the day. It was too much! But of course, having vented to me about it, he was prepared to live with it.

He signed off the chat session rather abruptly:

"Uh oh. Mom's here."

"Great. Say hi for me."

"No no, gotta go. She's got a shirt on but no bottoms. She wants me to follow her."

"Where?"

"I think she wants to watch TV. But she likes a good dicking at the same time."

"A multi-tasker."

"Gotta go."

"Make her happy, James."

And that was that. I was proud of my buddy, and I was sure that if he wasn't 100% happy in the new incestuous life I had maneuvered him into, then at least he'd learn to be happy with it over time.

But I was even prouder of myself. Since when had I ever accomplished anything? Since when had I ever finished what I started? This called for a real reward. I deserved a medal, but that night I was willing to settle for weed and pizza.