Redemption

"What is it?"

Dan broke through her reverie. The time had come. She opened up her pocketbook and brought out a letter sized envelope with his name handwritten on it. She gave it over to him. Though dying to rip it open immediately, the last thing he wanted to do was read his wife's final communication to him in front of somebody else. He looked over to her.

"Donna, I don't want to be rude, and I do want to thank you for bringing this to me, but do you think you might ... you know ..."

She looked equally unsettled but proceeded as she had been asked. "Maureen was quite explicit with me Dan, that I stay with you until you were finished reading it."

What could possibly be contained within, he thought, that his wife had believed it necessary for somebody to be with him as he read it, especially someone like Donna who already thought so little of him. Still, it was his Mistress' wish, among her last at that, and even at this point he would do nothing else but obey. Ever so carefully, so as not to damage in any way one of the final things that she had ever written, he unsealed the envelope, removed and unfolded her letter. With eyes already glistening he began to read.

My Dear, Dearest Dan,

My Darling Husband ... 'My slave'

While you are reading this I will be gone. I know that you often felt and may well still feel now that you somehow failed me. I cannot plead with you more emphatically that nothing could ever be further from the truth. My body failed me, not you. You were my rock. Without you constantly by my side I could not have endured, and without you there I wouldn't have wanted to endure. You were the only reason that I fought so hard, so that I could spend every last joyful moment with you that I had left. My only gnawing regret is that as I go I am leaving you behind. Alone.

I also know you so well that I know that you will deeply mourn and grieve, and while this is necessary for a time I truly hope and strongly desire that you not do so for too long. You will need, and I dearly want you to move on with your life, to find new purpose and a road to happiness beyond that which we so wonderfully had.

My greatest fear for you though is that left so alone in sorrow you may go down one of two polar opposite paths. The first is that you will withdraw in grief and self recrimination and shut yourself away from the world, wrongly believing that you are somehow unworthy and undeserving of any future love and joy. My other, maybe even greater fear is that unmoored from the strength of our relationship you will too rapidly and recklessly strive to find any new port in the storm, someone to whom you can offer all that you have of yourself as you have done for me. I am so afraid though that in your wounded and susceptible state you may be seized by someone who will not love and cherish you for what you give, but will instead only take and use you for their own selfish purposes and advantage.

I know I may sound paranoid and I may well be. But I know that such people exist and I will not be there to keep you safe. In the outside professional world you are so capable and brilliant that anyone would feel the utmost confidence in putting their life in your hands (as I did, you may recall). But in the personal you may be so vulnerable. So I ask, beg, plead, as one who has loved you beyond measure, that you do indeed search for new happiness after I am gone, but please take the utmost care and be sure of your unfettered love and devotion before you offer yourself up fully to someone new.

You are no doubt wondering why I have asked Donna to bring you this letter, particularly as you have always felt that she doesn't like you. While I have tried to reassure yo that this is not the case I have never explained why, but I feel it is necessary to do so now, even as I break her confidence to do so. Donna married very young, to a brutal man who abused and regularly beat her, and who had his way with her whenever HE wanted. She suffered this horribly for many years and though at times she sought help from others she received none, even from the legal system. She only escaped when after one of his physical and drunken rages he stormed out of their house and was killed in an auto accident.

Even though she was then free of him she has never been able to overcome her intense distrust, fear, and maybe even hatred of men. All men. I have tried over time to convince her that not all men are like that, that many are kind, caring and giving. In my attempts to do so I now have to confess to you that I revealed to her the essence of our relationship. All of it. Please forgive me for this, my love. I know that we both always strove to keep knowledge of that special part of our life to ourselves. But aside from you she is my closest friend in the world, and I have so wanted her to see, to know, to understand that there is so much more and better to have and experience in and with men. Yet she still can't bring herself to believe, so that part of her life remains so poisoned and sad

I have also written a final letter to her to be opened after my death. In it I have related to her part of my concerns about you after I am gone, how I greatly fear that you might fully withdraw within yourself in your grief and how I feel that you will need something to draw you back into the world. I express how you have always enjoyed working with your hands outdoors with manual projects and I implore her as a final favor and gift to me to see if she might find some way to involve you with such things for her, to try to help take your mind away from your grief. While I do believe that this indeed would be of some benefit for you, my major hope and purpose in this is that if she can bring herself to do so she can begin to see that some men can be safe, generous and giving while expecting nothing back in return. And there is nobody in the world who is a better example of that than you. If she can experience these attributes with you then perhaps she will be able to find the courage and desire to allow herself to have a relationship with someone in the future who can bring her the joy and comfort that she has never had, but so deserves.

In my letter to Donna I do not reveal that I have now told you of her past, or that I have also made you aware of her own knowledge of our 'special' relationship. To her my request is all about seeking to help you and I don't want there to be any issues that might dissuade her. I don't know if she can overcome the barricades she has set up in her life and accede to my final wish. I truly hope that she does, and if so I ask, but do not order, that you my slave play your part as well. I do feel that it will also help you to find the strength to begin your own search for new happiness, which is more important to me than anything else.

Know always Dan that you have always been the light and love of my life, and I have cherished every moment that I have spent of it with you. But as mine now ends my most fervent prayer is that you begin a new life with new love. Find happiness. That is my last and greatest wish.

And command.

Your eternally loving,

Maureen

After he finished reading Dan slowly dropped his hands with the letter onto his lap, tears silently trickling down his cheeks. He brought one arm back up to wipe across his eyes. He hated looking so weak and pathetic, especially in front of someone who disdained and likely even detested him. Donna, who had watched him throughout hoping that he would be settled and sturdy enough that she wouldn't even need to consider acting on Maureen's request, saw instead how dispirited and lost he appeared. She even felt more than a pang of envy for what Maureen had possessed, and almost wanted to reach out to touch and console him. But this would break through a wall that she had set up around herself and she couldn't allow that to happen. In the outside public world she could interact with men professionally when and if necessary, but never so in the personal one. This was why she was so conflicted about what Maureen had asked of her to do, and why she had waited so long to even bring him her letter. She truly didn't know how to proceed.

Dan finally gathered and composed himself. "Thank you for bringing this to me Donna." he said quietly.

"Yes, well, um ... I thought it might mean a bit more if I waited some before bringing it." she answered weakly.

"It means the world. Again, thank you." he replied, hoping that this would signal to her that she didn't need to offer anything more.

It was decision time, and despite her major misgivings, Maureen had been her greatest friend.

"Uh, Dan," she began, "Maureen wrote a letter to me as well."

The die was cast.

"Yes, she mentioned that in here."

"Yes, well, ah, in mine she asked if I might look in on you from time to time ... to see how you were doing and maybe help get you out of the house and get your mind off things. She said that you liked especially outdoor manual type activities to keep busy."

He really didn't want to go down this road, and his Mistress had made it clear that she wasn't making it a command. But any such wish that she could make, particularly in the manner that she had, was to him now an inviolate edict. He had no choice.

"What did you have in mind, Donna?" he responded, knowing that he would move forward with it whatever.

"I don't know, " she stammered, as she really didn't. She had not really anticipated that it would reach this point. She frantically cast around in her thoughts for something, anything, and finally grasped at the first thing that presented itself, hoping that he would find it too juvenile and demeaning and refuse outright and they would be done with it. "Well, I was paying a local high school boy to mow my lawn every week but he went off to college about a month ago and I haven't looked for anybody else or gotten a lawn service or anything to replace him yet, and well, I guess it would seem very foolish but ..."

"I would be happy to do it for you." he broke in. "For free." he added, smiling. "When would you like me to come over."

She couldn't bear the thought of being home when he was there. It had been hard enough for her to come today. It had to be when she was at work, and this was already Saturday.

"How about Monday.' she said. "The mower is in the shed. Let me give you my cell number and you can text me if there are any problems."

"Excellent." he replied as she handed him a slip with the number and her address. "Monday it is then."

She couldn't leave quickly enough.

When Dan arrived at her house on Monday, following his GPS as he had never been there before, he calculated upon looking that it had to be at least a month since the lawn had been mowed, and likely even longer that the shoulder high hedges that lined her spacious back yard had been trimmed. She had a large front yard as well. In the far corner of the back yard he found and entered the shed. Fortunately she had a power mower, and after cleaning it up and putting gas in he set about mowing both front and back. As they were both fairly overgrown it took him far longer than it would usually, having to frequently empty the catchment bag and packing the mown grass into refuse bags. It took about three hours to finish. Although it hadn't been specifically discussed or asked he then went about trimming the hedges as they were in dire need of it. With this though, as there were only manual hedge shears, it took him the better part of the rest of the day to complete that task.

He had to admit that it did feel good to be out working again in the fresh air. His wife had been right that he enjoyed doing physical chores, although far more so when he was doing them for her. Still, as he left for his own home he felt invigorated and satisfied with his day's activities.

Donna, who had procrastinated leaving work so that there would be a better chance that he would be gone when she got home, was astonished with what he had accomplished. The lawns were well trimmed, and the hedges, which she hadn't even thought about, hadn't looked as good in years. She felt that she had to acknowledge it somehow so she texted him a thank you, commenting on how nice it all looked. He texted back that it had been his pleasure and that he would be happy to come back every Monday to keep everything up to snuff. It took a while before she texted an enigmatic one word reply, 'Okay'.

So for the next several months Dan went over every Monday. Not only did he now mow the lawns and trim the hedges, but he also fertilized, weeded and replanted her small untended flower bed as well as a number of large flower pots that she had on her front porch and back deck. With her acquiescence he also undertook a number of projects including fixing a broken railing and step on her porch, and power washing and then water staining her deck which was in bad need of both.

They communicated only by text, but as time went on their messages grew longer and more involved, and not only about his work around her house. He would frequently compliment her on her layout designs on specific features that he admired in her magazine, and she would congratulate him on the huge success of the posthumous publication of Maureen's last book which he had shepherded through, and then on the multi eight figure contract he secured for the film rights to her series. They also began to often inquire about each other's well being, and she surprised herself by how genuinely interested she had become in his, if only electronically. They both were content that they were fulfilling their respective obligations to Maureen so comfortably and painlessly.

It was after six months as such that on one Monday which was a national holiday, Donna decided to stay at home to finally get to some in house projects that she had been putting off for too long. She never even imagined that Dan would come over to work on a holiday. Her first order of business was to take down the heavy drapes covering her living room picture window to clean them. As she reached the top of her step ladder to begin unhooking one end she heard a sound outside. Looking out she saw him working on the flower garden right in front of the window. Not wanting him to know that she was at home she quickly twisted away from the window but lost her balance. The step ladder tumbled over and she fell hard to the floor.

Outside, Dan heard the crash and subsequent pain ridden scream. He hadn't know that she was home but he rushed to the front door and found it locked. From his activities he knew that she kept a spare key hidden under one of the flower pots, which he rapidly retrieved and hurried inside to find her on the living room floor in agony, holding her right arm with her other.

"Donna, are you hurt? What happened?" he exclaimed.

"I fell off the stool and I think I broke my arm." she cried, trying to hold back sobs.

Seeing the odd angle that her wrist was hanging he surmised that she was likely right. "We have to get you to a hospital right away." he declared.

"Please just call 911 and get me an ambulance." she responded in anguish.

"We're not going to wait for that." he asserted and strode over and gingerly picked her up into his arms. He momentarily wondered if the flinch in her that he felt was only due to her pain. He carried her out to his car, setting her down carefully to open the passenger side door, then secured her in the seat, got in the driver's side himself and sped off tho the nearest hospital.

They spent the better part of the rest of the day in the emergency room. The doctors eventually confirmed that she had broken both bones in the lower part of her forearm and one in her elbow as well. An orthopedist finally arrived to set and cast it from above her elbow to her wrist flexed 90 degrees at the elbow, and told her that she would have to remain in the cast for about eight weeks.

Throughout it all Dan never left her side, and handled many of the necessary queries that she was too dazed and upset to ask. When they were done, after a stop at a local pharmacy to pick up some pain medication which the ER doctor had called in for her, he drove her home. When they arrived he noted that neither of them had eaten all day and he offered to make them both dinner. She protested that he had already done far too much, and that she really didn't have any appetite. He insisted that she needed to keep up her nutrition to begin to heal, and she didn't have any fight left in her to demur.

Sitting in the living room as he set about the dinner preparations she began to seriously fret about how she was going to manage everything for the next two months with her one arm immobilized. Driving was clearly out of the question, and even normal daily living activities suddenly seemed very daunting. As the pain medication started to take effect though, the delectable smells wafting from the kitchen made her realize that she really was hungry, and when he came in to announce that dinner was ready she didn't offer any resistance.

The meal truly was delicious although her ongoing worry tempered some of her enjoyment of it. He suggested that she take the next day off from work to collect herself and recover some. She concurred but stated that she couldn't take any more time off than that. He then asked how she planned to get to and from work, which had already been weighing heavily in her mind.

"I guess I'll have to contract a car service." she lamented, internally wincing at the severe crimp that would put in her already tight budget.

"Nonsense." he replied. "I can take and pick you up every day."

"Dan, I can't expect you to do that. It's way too much to ask."

He grinned, a bit mischievously. "Wasn't it part of your charge from Maureen to keep me busy. And I've got little but time on my hands, so I won't take no for an answer."

He appeared so good natured about it, and it did at least take part of the financial burden off her shoulders, that she couldn't come up with any viable argument. With major internal reluctance she agreed.

Bright and early on Wednesday morning Dan picked her up. Twice the day before he had stopped over to check on how she was doing and to bring her lunch and dinner but he hadn't stayed, knowing that she needed her rest, and her space. Donna didn't know quite what to make of it and on the ride to work she remained mostly silent except to dutifully thank him for all that he was doing. After he had left her off at her office, instead of going to his own home he went back to hers where he set about doing the things he knew she would be unable. He made her bed, vacuumed or swept all the floors, cleaned all the bathrooms and tidied up anything that was in disarray. He then made preparations for her dinner in a slow cooker he had brought from home before it was finally time to go pick her up at the end of her work day.

When they arrived back she was incredulous and even a little dismayed at all that he had done.

"Why Dan? Why are you doing all of this?" she asked, truly perplexed and even somewhat angry.

"Because you need the help." he answered simply at first. "And I enjoy doing things like this, and it's really nice doing them for someone else again for a change." he went on. "And you were Maureen's best friend and she would have wanted me to do this for you. And for me." he finally concluded.

She carefully considered everything he just said. Maureen had often related to her that her husband always had an innate need to be of need, and now it was Donna herself that had a great need. Maybe she should accept his aid, just for the necessary two months, and it would benefit them both. And it would also more fully fulfill Maureen's last request.