Rough Draft: Twisted Ink

"Hello," her voice was thick, but not tearful. Dammit. I wanted to be mad and yell, but shit I'd have pulled the same shit in her position.

"Hey, angel. You left?"

"Yeah. It was...it was all too much," she whispered.

"Yeah. Look I'm sorry about Lana, baby. She heard on a police scanner and thought it was me. And then she hugged me and...fuck I'm sorry."

"It's ok. I shouldn't have reacted that way. You've got enough going on today without me adding to it," she said softly.

"Where are you?"

"In a cab on my way home," she answered.

"Stay there, ok?"

"Yeah, baby. I'll be there," she said. "I'm sorry, Ben. We're good, ok? So don't worry about that."

"Ok, angel. I'll see you soon, yeah?"

"Yeah. Bye, sweetheart," she said.

"Bye, baby." I pushed end and turned back to the room. I came face to face with Lana.

"Everything ok?" She asked. I nodded. "That's good." She looked down and furrowed her brow. "Angel? You never called me that," she said to the ground.

"You never were one," I answered softly, but sharply. Her head snapped up.

"I deserve that," she whispered.

"Why are you here, Lana?"

She flattened her mouth and raised her eyebrows. "I think I made a mistake, Ben."

I snorted, "Ya think? You had another man's baby."

"I know and I'm sorry I hurt you, but I felt so alone. I know it's no excuse and I should've talked to you, but you weren't there for me to talk to," she said in a pleading tone.

"I was trying to provide for you! For our future family," I hissed.

"I know," she muttered. She looked up at me with wet eyes. "Maybe we could try again?" This bitch had lost her mind.

"You should have said that before you fucked my friend and had his kid," I snapped. She nodded and let out a single sob.

"I'm sorry I bothered you, Ben. And I'm sorry for your loss," she whispered and walked away. Jesus Christ! What else was going to go to shit today.

I asked Raine to take me home. As soon as we got there, I got on my bike and took off to my girl.

Jen 4

The funeral was three days later. Kyle had been released. Fortunately the bullet was a through and through in the side. Ben had been busy with insurance and the police. I hadn't seen him since that night, but he called every day. Multiple times a day.

All in all Ben was a great boyfriend. He was considerate. He wasn't clingy, but wasn't distant either. Being with him, talking to him it was just natural. There were no expectations between us.

I had told Ben, I'd meet him at the funeral home. The boys had closed the shop for the day, but I'd needed to work half a day.

When I pulled up, Anya and Jack were getting out of his truck.

Jack was pulling at his tie and muttering to his girlfriend, "I hate ties."

"Leave it alone. You look nice," Anya chastised. She saw me and greeted, "Hey, girl. Where's Ben?"

"We're meeting here. I had to work half a day," I explained. As I said the last I heard the tell/tale signs of Harley pipes. He killed the engine and backed into a spot. He looked...damn. He had on black dress pants and a slate gray button down. He'd trimmed his goatee. He pulled off his sunglasses and replaced them with...glasses? Like Nerd glasses. It was freaking sexy. 'Oh my God, Jennifer, you are at a funeral! Don't be a ho!' I had to keep telling myself this, otherwise I'd have jumped him. I know. I know. I blame grief. It makes people do strange things.

"Hey, angel," he said and hugged me. "Missed you." God. He smelled good. Sandalwood and Ben. I'm going to market it and call it Sexy Time Cologne.

"I missed you, sweetie," I replied to he chest.

"Hey, guys," he greeted Jack, Anya and Kyle who'd appeared sometime during my droolfest.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," I said to him.

"I don't normally. Usually, I wear contacts, but today it was...um...easier today." So what he meant to say was, 'I may cry and contacts would hurt me if I do, but I'm too manly to admit this, so I'm going to say its easier.'

"They're sexy. You should wear them more often," I said and smiled.

"Oh yeah? Got a thing for nerds?"

"No, sweetheart. Gotta thing for you," I answered and grinned at his mouth gaping expression. I walked toward the door, while he stood gaping after me. He snapped out of it and rushed to catch up with us.

The funeral was admittedly very, very sad. But, what could anyone expect at a funeral for such a young girl. I held my man's hand through the whole thing and more than once I looked up to see tears running down his face. I'm a realist. Men cry. Perhaps not as often as women, but he'd lost an employee, a friend, and she was so young. I would never call him less of a man for getting emotional that day.

After the funeral we followed the motorcade to the graveside and bid our final farewells to Brittany. Poor Kyle had to walk away. Anya went with him to offer him comfort.

"She was so young," Jack said as we were walking back to the cars. "So sweet." He shook his head. "It's not fair."

No. It wasn't, but life usually never is.

"It's not, but I believe there is a reason for everything," I piped up and said to Jack. "We may not be privy to the reasons, and we may not like them, but we live with them."

"What reason is there for a girl to be shot to death," Jack said harshly.

"Dude," Ben said. "She's just trying to help."

"No. It's ok, babe. I know you're angry, Jack. We all are. It was a senseless act of violence, but I have to believe there is a reason for these things. The alternative is too painful. Death is a part of life. It's not a fair part or a good part, but it comes for all of us. We don't get to say when or how, all we can do is pray that it's peaceful."

"Who was it?" Jack stopped walking and asked.

"What?" I turned to him.

"Who died?"

"My mother. I was twenty-four. She was too young to go, but she did. I had to make the decision to let her. They asked me to play God in that hospital. I chose to let my mother die. So you see I 'have' to believe there's a reason for all of this, otherwise, I killed her," my voice broke and I felt tears stinging my eyes. Arms wrapped around my back and pulled me in. No. No. I was going to lose it. Not here. Not here. I jerked away.

"I'm fine," I said and looked at Ben. His expression was hurt, but I couldn't lose it. Not in public, not about this. He'd seen me cry too much.

I looked up to the sky, blinking back tears. When I got control back, I gave Ben my fake smile and turned back to the cars.

"You ok?" Anya asked when I got to my car. She was standing with Kyle, who was leaning on Jack's truck.

"Yeah I'm good, just some bad memories, ya know?" Ben and Jack came up behind us. I turned to Ben and asked, "Do you mind riding with Jack back to your bike? I need to be alone for a little while."

He got that wounded look again. "Um, sure. You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I just...I don't do well, with public grief."

"Sure. Ok. Call me when you feel up to it," he said and climbed into the truck. I knew he was grieving, but I couldn't be there for him when I was on the verge of breaking down.

"Don't take it personally, Ben," Anya said from the backseat. "I didn't see her cry through the whole thing with her mom. She just went...stony."

"I know, I just don't like to know she's upset, and she's dealing with it alone," I told her. I could tell that bringing up her mom had affected Jen. She tried to hide it, but she failed. "How old was she? Her mom?"

"Forty six," Anya answered. Jesus, she was So young. And they put those decisions on her daughter? 'I killed her'. My poor girl. I frowned at her words. 'They asked me to play God in that hospital.' Anya's face went dark and distant. "I remember her asking the doctor what the quality of life would be if she woke up." Anya's voice cracked and she said, "He told her 'Sweetheart, she's as awake as she'll ever be."

Oh dear, God. Never in my life could I imagine that kind of pain. "Were they close?"

"Talked every day. The hardest part for Jen is that she won't ever forgive herself. She blames herself, everyday. They'd fought an hour before she got the call to go to the hospital. It was bad, but I heard it. When they hung up they exchanged I love you's. But it didn't matter they'd argued, so Jen blamed herself. It was so stupid. Her mom thought she was wasting her life. Said that the guy she was dating was worthless, she needed to straighten up and focus on figuring out what she wanted from life.

Turns out Ms. Maggie was right. A few months later, he broke her heart; said he was tired of being with the 'fat chick' and he needed to move on. I punched him in his face. Broke my damn hand," Anya sneered. Go, Anya. Fucking asshole deserved to be castrated. "She's never really gotten serious since. She was put down her whole life. She hides it ya know, but shit weighs on a body. Her dad, that motherfucker, called her stupid, fat, worthless, hell everything but a child of God. She hero worshipped him though. Even with all his bullshit. Then he bolted. It broke something inside of her that she's never been able to fix. In Jen's mind men leave. Love leaves, dies, burns out."

Anya shook her head and sighed. "Ben, Jen's my best friend. My soulmate. She's a part of me and I'm a part of her. Be careful with her, she's more fragile than she lets on."

I blew out a long breath. That was a lot to take in. Jesus, how did she do it? Everyday, she put on a smile and went on with life. She found a way to stay funny and sweet. I knew she'd do anything for anyone. I'd seen it. She was a loyal friend and a prize girlfriend. She was incredible and knowing all that she'd been through made her more so. Jen was everything I could want in another person. Intelligent. Witty. Loyal. Faithful. A giving lover. Charming.

Realization hit me square in the gut. Fuck. I'd fallen for Jen. Hard. Let me tell you, when you finally realize its happened, that shit hurts like a motherfucker.

Jen 5

Ben and I had been having trouble seeing each other since the funeral. Literally I'd seen him twice in as many weeks. Both times were quick and consisted mostly of frenzied and hurried sex.

We weren't distant or anything. We talked and texted throughout the day, everyday. He was just busy. They were short handed at the shop. Even more so now that Jack had to take a couple of days for his brother's wedding. Ben was basically alone. Kyle helped as much as possible, small tats and working the lobby, but Ben had worked sixteen hours for two days.

So I thought I'd surprise him with dinner from our favorite wing place. I was pulling into the shop's lot when a woman walked out. Her hair was disheveled and her make-up smeared. Lana. What? The fuck? Her shirt was half undone. She looked recently fucked. Oh hell no.

I got out of my car and walked into the shop. Kyle was at the front and smiled at me. I dropped off his food and walked toward the back. The door to the office opened and Ben came out. Putting on his motherfucking shirt! His eyes went wide at the sight of me. Angry tears fell from my eyes.

"I brought you dinner," I said barely audible to even myself.

"Shit! Jen, it's not what you think," he said walking toward me.

"NO! Just no," I shouted. "I can't believe I'm such a fucking idiot. I trusted you!" I screeched. "I trusted you," I said again losing steam.

"Angel, please. Let me explain," he pled.

"You have five seconds," I said, glaring.

"She came here crying about Luke suing for custody. She wanted help. When I told her I couldn't help her she got mad and threw an ink bottle at me. It got all over my shirt, so I changed," he said, looking so damned upset. No. No I know what I saw. Didn't I? He disappeared back to the office and came out with a shirt. "Look. Look, baby," he said forcefully. He placed the shirt in my hand. I held it up and sure enough there was a huge red stain on it. "I didn't...I wouldn't, baby. Never."

"She's got to go," I said more calmly. "She needs to understand the meaning of 'ex' and move on."

"I know, angel," he said quietly and pulled me to him. "There's a problem with that, though," he said and sighed. "She said the baby is mine."

I was tired. Understatement. I was exhausted. I'd logged sixty hours this week. Jack's brother, Jared, picked one hell of a weekend to get married. I'd just finished a septum piercing and finally, there was a lull. I sent a naughty text to Jen and walked up to shoot the shit with Kyle.

Poor guy was trying to help, but sitting for too long caused his side to hurt. I was missing my girl and tired of being busy all the damn time. Talking to her on the phone and jerking off in the shower wasn't cutting it. I was ready to spend a few hours, fuck days inside of Jen.

The bell chimed on the door. Fucking super. I looked up to greet the customer and instead greeted a teary eyed Lana.

"Hey. What's wrong?" I asked immediately. Lana was a crier. This could be a broken nail or could be serious.

"Luke called," she sniffled.

"Ok?" Why did I care? Bastard stole my wife.

"He's suing me for custody of Zachary," she wailed. Well, damn. I didn't want to care, but I did.

"Come on," I motioned her back to the office. I leaned against the desk and crossed my arms. "Continue," I nodded once at her.

"He wants full custody. Said I can't be trusted to give him visitation of his child."

"Can you?" I thought it was a valid question.

"You, asshole," she screeched and threw and ink bottle at me.

"What the fuck, Lana? What do you want me to say? You made this bed you die in it. This has nothing to do with me. I can't help you. I won't help you," I yelled.

"This has everything to do with you, you piece of shit!"

"Oh? I'm the piece of shit?" I hollered.

"You fucked up my life," she screamed and slapped me.

"You fucked my best friend," I screamed back and caught her arm. "What do you want from me?"

"He's yours, you son of a bitch!"

The world stopped. Just stopped. Gravity ceased to exist and I was floating somewhere outside of myself looking down. "What did you say?" I whispered.

"Zach is yours," she whimpered.

"No. You said it wasn't possible. You can't be sure," I said in a panic.

"He's got your eyes, mouth. He's got your whole fucking face. You're his father, Ben," she sighed.

Father? Me? "How old is he?"

"Fourteen months," she answered. I left her eighteen months ago, we hadn't had sex in four months before then. That was twenty two months, the baby was conceived what twenty-three, twenty-four months ago. Jesus!

"When did you know?" I asked. I had no emotion. I think I'd gone into shock.

"The moment I held him," she cried.

"The birth certificate. What does it say?" I asked in a deadly voice.

"Ben, please. Try to understand..." She pled. Fuck that.

"What. Does. It. Say." I repeated venomously.

"Luke," she whispered. Motherfucker! I was no longer in shock, now all I felt was rage.

"You fucking knew? And you 'still' put that piece of dog shit as the father? Get. The. Fuck. Out. Now. Get out of my shop," I screamed and moved toward her. She didn't move. "I said GET OUT!"

"Ben. Ben, please. You don't understand," she whined. God, why did I ever marry this bitch?

"Bitch! Get out or I will throw your boney ass out," I yelled again. I dropped my voice and got in her face. "You 'will' be hearing from my attorney. I 'will' have a paternity test done. And if I am that child's father, bitch, I will make you regret the day you decided to keep that shit from me. You feel me?"

She nodded and whimpered. "Get out of my sight, you make me fuckin' sick," I said and turned my back on her.

"Ben?" She whispered. God this bitch was stupid. I ignored her. She kept fucking talking. "I came here hoping we could try again. Be a real family. Me, you and Zach. I want another chance, Ben. Please," she sobbed. Yep. Bitch had gone off the deep end.

"Just fucking go. I can't talk to you right now," I said and exhaled. I was drained. Out of steam. Fucking exhausted. Between work and the bullshit with insurance and now this shit and Jen...Jen. I needed her right now. I closed my eyes and saw her smiling face. I pulled off my stained shirt and picked up a spare I kept. I was putting it on when I opened the office door.

Jen stood there with an expression I don't think there are words in the English language to describe. I knew immediately she saw Lana leave. I knew she saw me putting my shirt on. I knew what she thought was going on. I knew she was going to leave.

"I brought you dinner," she said so softly I could barely hear her.

"Shit! Jen, it's not what you think," I said taking a step toward her.

"NO! Just no," She shouted. "I can't believe I'm such a fucking idiot. I trusted you!" she screeched. "I trusted you," she said somewhere between a whisper and a sob.

"Angel, please. Let me explain," I asked. She had to. I felt the lump in my throat. I couldn't lose her on top of everything else today.

"You have five seconds," she said, glaring at me.

"She came here crying about Luke suing for custody. She wanted help. When I told her I couldn't help her she got mad and threw an ink bottle at me. It got all over my shirt, so I changed," I said, praying that she'd believe me. Needing her to believe me. I walked into the office and came out with my stained shirt. "Look. Look, baby," I begged. I handed her the shirt and sent up a silent prayer that she'd understand. She held it up and saw the stain on it. "I didn't...I wouldn't, baby. Never." I whispered to her.

"She's got to go," she said more in control of herself. "She needs to understand the meaning of 'ex' and move on."

"I know, angel," I agreed. Jesus, I had to tell her. What would happen? Would she leave me? "There's a problem with that, though," I said and sighed. Hoping against hope, she would stay with me. "She said the baby is mine."

I didn't know what to expect from Jen. I figured she'd be upset. I mean, shit, she'd found out that I most likely came with the baggage of a child. A child with a crazy bitch. Never in a million years would I expect what she did. She pulled out her phone and pushed the button to call someone.

"Erica? Jennifer Devereaux. I'm fine, fine. Is Colton in? Thank you." There was a pause. "Colt. Hi, Jen Devereaux. I'm good. How have you been? That's good. Oh well, thank you, but I can't. I'm seeing someone." What? The hell? "Actually, Colt that's why I'm calling. He's come into some parental rights problems. Can you meet with him? Not exactly sure, that's part of the problem. Great. Yes. Retainer? Colt, I couldn't ask you do that. Okay. Yes. Thank you so much. Bye now."

"Um, what the fuck was that?" I asked utterly bemused.

"Colton Dyers is the best family law attorney in the area. He owes me a favor," she said and shrugged. And this is why I loved this woman. She didn't run, she didn't throw a fit, she handled business. "He's waving the retainer. He'll discuss cost when you meet with him Monday. Do you want me to come with you?"

Damn I loved my girl. "Yeah, angel, I do."

Ben 4

"Mr. Allen. Colt Dyers. Nice to meet you," the polished, three piece suit extended his hand. I took it and shook. "Are we ready?" He asked with a shark smile. I despised attorneys.

"Jen's on her way, if you don't mind waiting for her?" I asked.

"Certainly," he said with a wistful smile. "She's a special woman." Um. Yeah. I had already asked Jen about her relationship with this guy. I didn't like the answer. He had been a 'friend' of hers. But, the guy didn't hesitate to help me. He seemed wistful, but not jealous. I could handle that, I supposed.

But for good measure..."Yes my girl is." I knew he didn't miss my possessive tone. He smiled.

"Well, while we're waiting, why don't you catch me up. I know it's about paternity of a Zachary Grayson?" He said.