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Click here"Yes, we definitely have to repeat it."
"Alright, deal! – I think we need to take two taxis as we're going in different directions." – Karen basically ended the evening with that sentence. She waved to a taxi that was coming close, turned back to Harold and said "Harold, have a good night. I enjoyed this." – she smiled and hesitated for one more second in which Harold would have had the power to turn around the events, but he replied with "Have a good sleep, Karen."
She got into the car, the door closed and the taxi drove off.
-
Cindy licked the shaved pussy in front of her. Gwen moaned: "Yes Cindy, that's the way ... you learn it."
Gwen had explained Cindy that every session had to end with a reward for the teacher. In this case, Cindy had to learn how to lick another woman and Gwen insisted that Cindy would do a good job.
Obviously the hour on the pole for Sandra was over for quite some time. She now stood relaxed on the dildo which stopped moving. Still, she had to stay there and continue watch the corner because she was not allowed to move away without permission.
After a couple of minutes, Gwen moaned louder and louder until she finally reached orgasm. Jules came into the room a minute earlier and watched the scene on the bed in front of him. He turned to Sandra and told her "You can un-mount yourself now." – Sandra carefully bend herself forward and then moved her own body up on her toes and stabilized her body with both hands on the wall. The dildo moved out of her snatch and flipped back. She was finally free. She took out the gag of her mouth.
"OK girls", he said to everyone in the room, "it's getting late. Get cleaned up, get dressed ... see you tomorrow."
He turned around and walked out of the room towards the elevator. He had a busy day ahead of him tomorrow so after a quick late dinner prepared by Michelle, he want to sleep early.
- COMMENTS
RedJohnnyover 11 years agoThe story seems like it will have a lot of potential, and writing a story this long in a non-native language takes a lot of time and effort. I commend you for all of that. However, since you chose to put it in English it needs to be much better written in English.
The only stylistic element that might not be part of the translation problem is that you tend to use short, choppy sentences for narrative exposition rather than letting the characters tell the story (an example is the back-story around Pet and the maid). That type of narration is made more awkward by some of your translation issues, particularly around changing tenses. You frequently move from the present tense to the past and back again unintentionally (and inappropriately).
There are a number of people on Literotica who have volunteered to help edit stories - and many of them are very good. I'd recommend you try to find one who also speaks your native language so that you can work together and bring out the full potential of this story.
Anonymousover 11 years agoYou need to improve your writing - not the premise or plot - but the actual writing... misspelling - wrong word usage ( halve instead of half ) and tense completely take the reader out of the story...
ResidentWeavilover 11 years agoI had been a little disappointed in the first chapter since it was rather short and had skipped the promised mc element. You more than made up for it here!
While simply having a harem of women might be enough, I am still puzzled by Jules motivation. I hope we get into that more in the next chapter. The pace is good. The characters are fleshing out and there is an element of intrigue. Fun Fun Fun!
More please.
