Sadie's Travels

"Your arm?" I asked softly.

The question threw her a bit. She glanced down at it. "It went clean through. I had someone look at it. It's fine." It was the same husky, raspy voice I'd fallen for...but it was tight at the back of her throat, like something was stuck and needed it to come out. The truth maybe?

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

She looked at me quickly before looking away again. She didn't answer at first, but I wasn't going to rescue her. I needed to know why she'd kept all of this from me.

"My life...the way I choose to live it?" She swallowed, hesitating..."it's hard for people to accept." I watched as she licked her lips, still avoiding my gaze. "I thought I'd told you enough."

I tried to digest what she was saying. Tried to understand it from her perspective. I tried...was trying. Was failing...

"I don't understand why you didn't trust me." I said to her softly.

She shook her head, "it wasn't about that."

"Then tell me. Tell me what it was about."

She sighed again, still avoiding my gaze. "I tried to warn you. I told you not to rush things, not to—"

"So this is my fault? Because I wanted to be with you?"

"No. No." She stood, impatiently combing fingers through her close cropped hair. "I shouldn't have said that." She admitted. I watched as she grabbed my empty glass, filled it almost to the brim with the amber liquid, and then downed it in one swallow. Even as upset as I was at the moment, I had to admit the way this woman moved, even the way she swallowed, was darn arousing. I sighed at the thought.

"Tell me what happened. Everything."

She nodded, returning the glass to the table and then slowly, hesitantly, taking one of my hands in hers. I didn't pull away as she held my hand between the two of hers, stroking it tenderly.

"Caruso worked under a man named Anthony Johnson a few years back. He was Johnson's second. I was under Caruso."

"Worked as in sold drugs?" I clarified. I didn't want any more misunderstandings between us.

She nodded, "heroin. Johnson had a guy bringing it in from overseas." She licked her lips, looking at me carefully through shielded eyes before continuing. "I started meeting the hook up for them in Detroit. That's where I go every few weeks. Then Johnson winds up dead and Caruso takes over."

I was following now, and no longer willing to play dense, "winds up dead?" I thought for a moment longer, piecing it together, "you mean Caruso had him killed?"

She nodded slowly, "I can't tell you how angry that made a few of the brothers. A fucking Guido bastard killing one of us? Up here? In Harlem? It was only a matter of time."

I could see a different side of her now. The tone of voice, the look on her face...hard, a side she'd need to survive in the world she was describing. The side of her that stood with a knife, outnumbered, and still fought. That side of her that didn't panic when someone was shooting at us. It wasn't the woman that made love to me...it wasn't the woman that held me close to her afterwards...it was a different Lin. A darker Lin. A more masculine Lin...and a Lin that I clearly found a little intriguing...a little sexy. I sighed, trying to ignore the warnings bouncing around in my head I'd received from Mrs. Johnson about 'bad boys.' Once I'd found out about Lin, and the fact that she wasn't a 'boy', those warnings didn't apply...right? She wasn't a boy at all, right? Yeah, right.

"If you knew someone was going to kill Caruso, why didn't you get out?" I asked. I wasn't sure if it was a stupid question or not.

She shook her head slowly, "you don't just get out, Sadie. If I'd had tried to leave, Caruso would've had me tracked down and killed."

"But now they're going to track you down and kill you anyway, aren't they?"

I could see the dilemma she'd faced more clearly now. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I sat there as she refused to answer and...something else suddenly occurred to me.

"Anthony Johnson?" I repeated the name, a little shocked that I hadn't made the connection sooner. "As in Mrs. Johnson's brother? The one she told me was killed?"

Lin nodded, watching as I pieced the rest of it together, "so you stopping by the shop more often after she died? She asked you to keep an eye on me?"

Another nod as she poured more liquid into the empty glass on the table and drank, avoiding my gaze.

"So, if you knew Mrs. Johnson, if you were close enough for her to ask you to do that...and she knew Caruso killed her brother..."

I stopped there. I had to. The next logical thought was causing my stomach to churn...violently. I slowly, carefully, removed my hand from hers and sat back against the sofa, putting some distance between us. A different side to her for sure...a much darker side.

"Sadie..." She started.

"You had him killed." I threw the words up like vomit. They left just as sour a taste in my mouth.

She didn't blink...didn't deny it...didn't do anything. She just sat there, her lips drawn tightly against her teeth, her eyes, those warm, intense, beautiful chestnut eyes that appealed to me on some elemental level, watching me from a distance. I stood abruptly, ignoring the fact that my legs felt like jelly, and headed toward the door. I needed to get out, to get away...I needed to think.

She was there before my hand reached the knob, grabbing me around the waist, pulling me back against her, holding me to her with arms that felt like steel bands. I struggled against her, fighting to get loose.

"Shh, shh, shh..."

She made calming sounds as she held me to her even tighter. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. I thought of that scary, intimidating man I'd met in the restaurant, that sweating, overweight man dressed in a finely made suit jacket that strained to stay on his massive frame. The man with the red, ruddy face and thick, luxurious black hair...the one she'd grown up with...except all I could see was a gaping hole in his forehead. And Lin had put it there. I started to fight harder to get free.

"Sadie," she whispered against my ear, her warm breath stirring something deep within me, some part of me that would forever belong to her, "calm down. It's okay."

"Let me go, Lin," I demanded, out of breath, still fighting her.

Instead of releasing me, she spun me around in her arms, backed me up against the door and covered my lips with hers. My body had not caught up to my brain, because it responded to her like I was a strung out whore, the feel of those lips stirring up sensations that only Lin could create. I felt my nipples harden as her mouth moved against mine, begging for admission. I felt a tightness in my belly that no longer resembled the guttural fear that had been there a moment ago. The lips between my thighs began to swell, my body tuned into her like some kind of animal in heat. My brain was still resisting, but my lips parted just enough to invite her in, allowing her tongue to explore, the heat of that powerful muscle stroking and manipulating me into submission. I don't know when my arms curved around her neck or when my body began to desperately press itself against hers. I don't know why my body didn't realize this woman was a murderer, just as sure as if she'd pulled the trigger herself. But for some reason, as her hand desperately tore the cotton panties from me, her knee roughly parting my thighs as her lips continued to fog my brain, for some reason my body didn't seem to care as she drove two fingers into my already wet center, sliding them in and out of me brutally, forcing my breath to hitch as I started that roller coaster ride again. And start it I did, climbing, climbing, her fingers pumping into me, her hand manipulating my nipple, her mouth driving me mad...then it crashed into me suddenly, without warning, a sinfully wicked punch of emotions that ignited the gasoline moving through my veins. I cried out and clung to her desperately. She lifted me onto my toes with the force of her movements, never relenting, pounding into me, her fingers curved forward, stroking a spot I didn't even know existed, her other hand now cruelly twisting my nipple, her teeth biting into my bottom lip. The blending of feelings, of utter bliss mixed with a little pain...it was swallowing me whole, forcing my entire body to contract painfully, so painfully, as she continued to assault me, viciously, wonderfully, controlling me, reaching up into the core of me, hard, desperate, calling to me... ... ... this one exploded like a time bomb, an explosion of sensations that started at the core of me and radiated outward, wave upon wave upon wave of unbearable pleasure...I couldn't breathe as the feelings consumed me...pulses of deliciousness generating from within, spreading through me like molten lava, leaving nothing but devastatingly sweet pleasure in their wake. My chest tightened as another wave suddenly rolled through me, slamming into me, suffocating me...and then there was nothing.

*

I have no idea how long I was out, but suddenly I could hear voices, one very angry, talking softly beside me.

"She was going to leave, so you fucked her until she passed out? That's how you handled it?"

Betty's voice, angry.

"Betty, give me a break and shut up, will you? Jesus."

Lin's voice, subdued, tight...worried?

I shifted a little and realized I was not on the floor where I thought I should be, but lying on the sofa. Both women grew quiet as I managed to get up into a sitting position and open my eyes. They were sitting on the coffee table, watching me, concern on both of their faces.

"You okay, Sadie?" Betty asked first.

Lin looked over at her, "are you for real? Can you give us a damn moment?" She snapped at her sister.

Betty was about to say something, but held her tongue. Standing, she left us, slamming the bedroom door behind her.

Lin sighed, reaching for one of my hands and holding it in hers. I slowly removed my hand from hers, not sure how I felt about her at the moment. I could not reconcile how she made me feel with what she'd done. One part of me felt bound to her, connected in a way I'd never experienced before and hardly understood...another part of me was scared to death of someone who could arrange for the murder a man she'd known most of her life. I didn't understand the feelings waging a war inside me right now, but I knew I didn't want her touching me. I couldn't think when she touched me.

"Sadie," she sighed again.

"You won't let me leave, will you?" I asked softly, avoiding her eyes.

There was a moment of silence and then she stood, moving away from me.

"It's not safe. I need you to stay here...for a while." Her voice was colder, withdrawn.

"How long?" I asked.

"I don't know. I'll let Mitchell know you're okay, but you can't go to work either. And if you need anything, Betty will get it for you."

More silence...and then I heard the apartment door open and close. She'd gone and...part of me was disappointed, worried about when I would see her again, wondering if she'd be safe. The other part of me was glad to have some time away from her, time to think, time to process. I buried my head in my hands, refusing to give way to the tears that were threatening. I wanted to take a bath. My body was still tingling, still raw from the ride she'd taken it on...and I could smell her on me. Taste her. Feel her. I just needed to be me for a little while if I was going to think this through. I couldn't have Lin all over me and think clearly.

I made my way to the only other door in the one-bedroom apartment, closing and locking it. I turned on the water, making it as hot as I could stand it, and then poured some of the bath beads Betty had on the counter into the tub. As the steam began to rise, I disrobed, trying to ignore how aroused my body was. I was still aching for her, hungry for her touch. I shook my head, wondering what was wrong with me.

I sank slowly, carefully, into the steamy, hot water and sighed, laying my head back and closing my eyes. The smell of the bath beads was nice...peaceful. The caress of the water against my skin soothed me. But the thoughts in my head were swirling rapidly. I was so confused, I found it hard to focus on any one thought...except the memory of Lin, those intense, chestnut brown eyes, her strong arms around me, her fingers, buried deep within me, thrusting in and out, driving me nuts...before I knew it I was stroking myself beneath the heated, scented water, my body tensing yet again, my breath hitching until, a moment later, a familiar warmth rushed through me. It was nothing like what Lin had just done to me...for me...but, as I released a breath, I was hoping it would allow me to relax and think. Instead, I found myself sobbing softly into the washcloth I held.

***

Two weeks passed and nothing. She hadn't returned and Betty would not let me leave the apartment for any reason. Betty assured me she'd stopped by and checked on Mr. Mitchell. Devastated at first, he'd received a hefty sum of money to help with the shop's restorations. I was pretty sure where the money had come from and was pleased Lin had taken care of it. Betty also told me Mr. Mitchell had managed to finish the dresses for that wedding party and had received three new orders. He was hoping to give some of the work to her for me since she was in touch with me. I told her it was okay. It's not like I was doing anything else.

Other than that, my life was spent cooped up in Betty's small apartment. Betty had encouraged me to take the bedroom, but I was comfortable enough on the couch. I stopped asking to go back to my spacious 3-bedroom apartment after a few days. Betty had managed to bring me quite a few personal items and some of my own clothes, I was grateful for that.

The phone would ring some nights and Betty would answer it in her bedroom. I was pretty sure it was Lin, but she didn't ask to speak with me and I didn't ask to speak with her. I was still very confused about my feelings toward her, especially after our last encounter. And I was scared to ask Betty any more questions, fearful of the answers.

On the other hand, I had forgotten how nice it was to live with someone else. Yes, I would have preferred to move upstairs to the more spacious apartment, but just having someone to talk to, especially someone as funny and free spirited as Betty, was really nice. We ate together, listened to the radio, read the same book and discussed it at length...and before I knew it, I was actually having a little fun. I made it a point not to talk about Lin, as did Betty, and that pact between us seemed to work for the best.

We were relaxing one evening, listening to some jazz on the radio, when someone pounded on Betty's door. It was a loud, angry pounding that startled us both. Betty paused for a moment before grabbing my hand and dragging me into the kitchen. She kicked at the bottom of what I thought was solid paneling and a door popped opened, one that I hadn't realized existed. Inside was a pretty narrow cupboard, shelves in the back with quite a few large, clear plastic bags holding something that like looked like brown dirt in them. She pushed me inside.

"Stay in here Sadie, no matter what, okay?"

"Betty, what's going on?" I whispered desperately, afraid to let her go, remembering what happened the last time someone shoved me into cupboard.

"Shhh! And don't come out no matter what, okay?"

And she closed the door, locking me in darkness. I heard her call out that she was in the bathroom and to give her a moment. I could hear everything pretty clearly. Once she opened the door, two men started asking her about me. I could hear their deep voices. She said she was a friend of mine, but hadn't seen me in a few weeks. One of them continued to ask questions, inquiring about the suitcase beside the couch. I could hear the other one moving about the apartment, searching for me? She told the one still questioning her that she had a friend staying with her, but her friend was out looking for work. Then he asked about Lin and she said she had no idea who he was. He said Lin was my boyfriend, she said she didn't know I had one. He asked her about Lin again and she gave the same answer.

Then I heard what could only be the sound of someone being slapped across the face. Fear clutched at my heart and I started searching for a way out of the cupboard, pressing the corners, kicking at the bottom with my bare foot, trying to get out. I heard her scream, then a muffled "oof" sound. I wasn't sure what that was, but I was terrified for Betty and doubled my efforts. They were looking for me, not her. For me.

Then I heard softer, muffled cries, pleas that sounded like "no" and "don't," Betty begging for someone to stop, the creaking noises I typically heard when Betty had a restless night and tossed and turned in bed...I didn't want to think about what was going on. I was trapped and I couldn't get out, couldn't help her. I covered my ears, feeling like that little girl stuck in the cupboard all those years ago, listening to the noises as my parents were beaten and then murdered. I was so scared, I couldn't think, trapped in the nightmare of my childhood...I felt the warmth of urine as it traveled down my leg.

It went on for some time, those noises...and then the pleas and cries stopped. Or they were so muffled I simply couldn't hear them anymore. I tried to get out for the hundredth time, tried to find whatever secret latch there might be...and then I heard them. Two pops. Not like the loud, thunderous pops that reverberated in my head sometimes when I thought of my parents. No. Quieter...lighter sounds...like firecrackers on the Fourth of July. And then I heard the apartment door close.

I sank down to the floor, trapped in that tiny, dark cupboard, my knees drawn up and my arms around them, squeezing tightly, as I trembled...as I cried. There were no noises in the apartment except for the periodic ringing of the telephone. I don't know how long I sat there, crying, and then, eventually, I grew numb. She had been trying to protect me and I just let them...I just let them...I didn't want to finish the thought. Why hadn't I called out so they knew I was here? Then they would have left her alone, right? I could have saved her life...

My legs were stiff, I smelled of urine and had to go to the bathroom again...I tried to find a way out once more and couldn't. I was worried, about Betty...about Lin. I was worried and trapped. And I wondered how long I would have to stay in here. Maybe no one would find me and I would die, alone, in this tiny space. It would serve me right. Why hadn't I helped her? Why? I sobbed and sobbed, my body tensed with the need to relieve itself until I urinated on myself once again. Then I cried even harder. I'd fallen asleep finally, but was awakened by a noise. I was afraid it was a rat or something, but as I listened more carefully, I heard someone moving around the apartment. I was about to call out when I clamped my hand over my mouth. What if it was them, those two men, looking for me again? I started to cry softly, my entire body shivering violently. But then I heard it. That sweet, raspy, husky voice that I longed for desperately.

"Sadie!?"

Lin. She was looking for me. I struggled to stand, ignoring my wobbly legs, and started pounding on the wood, screaming out her name, wondering if she could hear me. Then I heard her call out for me again as she rushed into the kitchen. Seconds later she kicked the bottom of the cupboard and the panel popped open. She caught me as fell, pulling me to her, holding me. I was crying, clinging to her, just happy to hear her voice and see her face. She helped me to my feet and led me away from that awful cupboard.