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Click hereBut I knew that most of society would frown upon us for our investors relationship. Mom never approved, and eventually after Teá hit nineteen, mom had enough, blew a gasket, and kicked us out; disowning us. I was thankful that I had enough money at this point that I was able to buy us a house; a one study one bedroom house that was rather pleasing looking.
I ended up marrying Teá, and the countless nights of making love finally caught up to us and she became pregnant. We only had one child; daughter, who we named Monica, but that was good enough for us.
I guess everything worked out in the end for the both of us. I had a wife that I knew would never hurt or betray me, with a bond that was made more special due to us being family, and Teá had a husband that loved how she already was, her chubbiness and huge birthmark.
You ruined it with how naive the characters got and you made me wonder how old you are to write such a ridiculous story.
Bullshit on his friend being cool with it and bullshit on them getting married. Keep writing.
A good storyline that just got butchered by errors, changes in basic information etc
As has been pointed out an editor (or even just a printout and actually READ by the author) might have caught those.
I give 2 stars because it's not easy coming up with an idea, producing it, and putting it out here for the world to see.
Would like to see more, but only after an understanding of getting details, grammar and such, worked out. You're just wasting time if you're not going to get better.
First of all congrats on your first story on LE! I enjoyed it quite a lot much thanks to characters that do not abide to the usual Adonis & Aphrodite description. Giving them real life characteristics does a great deal toward a believable setting and creating an atmosphere that allows us to connect with them. The story itself isn't revolutionary but got enough of a spin (this time it was the sister holding her emotions in check) to make it worth my time.
There are however some mistakes, most notable are many grammatical ones. It's nothing to serious but a couple read throughs, or better an editor, can fix that problem quickly. The community can provide you with one if you'd like to.
In the end it was an entertaining read that left me content and looking for more from you in the future.
With much joy and as encouragement I gave you a 4*.
Between being offended by the repetitive gross description of an extremely ugly girl, you drive drunk, can't spell, and the words are messed up in too many places to count. If this story were written properly and proofed, it would still only be worth 2 stars. As written, it gets an F. I'm sure you are used to them.
You earned a single star. Simply put, this story is awful.
Te'a sound to be a very sexual woman. Happy for the way it turned out a baby and hubby an wife that love has no boundary. That is true love and wish there was more like you fucked that drunken bitch of a mother!!!!!!
you should have laid some pipe in those lips of hers
8=====D~~ ~~ {|}
That you are going to keep writing! And knowing you did this on a mobile is impressive. Keep at it. You get better with practice. Good luck!