All Comments on 'Simple Math Ch. 02'

the druggie would have ruined anyones life, his wife, his child, his brothers (oh he already did that), and really destroyed his mothers. Better he killed himself in prison. The exwife from the description fits the mold of a user and the child sooner or later will be a ward of the state. One set of comments once you are married you should not have to fight for your wife or your marriage. The wifes job was to make sure the husband did not have to fight for their marriage. She totally failed as a wife.

the wife truly abandoned him and I can't say enough about his mother. The wife claimed he didn't try fighting for her but he did throw his brother out after discovering them and she chose to go with him. Sounds like all got what they deserved in the end

Is this sicko for real ?? "1*" !

And I'm not sure it was well written. It jumped around so many times. None of the characters were worth a plug nickel. Just desperate people struggling to survive. A dysfunctional family if ever there was one. Maybe if the characters were fleshed out more this might be a well written, longer story. But as it sits it was a misplaced, depressing tale of woe. Certainly not what you'd expect to find in a porn site. No joy my friend, no joy.

Congrats. A well written but sad story. Four out of five. Sort of BTB but not really. Not really my cup of tea but I admire the writing.

they have to decipher Blood. TK U MLJ LV NV

and tedious.

The "killed my own father" twist came too late for me to even care about it or any of the characters.

I know you don't care what your readers think because, after all, we got to read this for free. And you do have a real talent but you need a rather ruthless editor, in my opinion.

This story is sad without end,it's like a nightmare going on and on makes you think who is at fault here

not a likable person in it

There are some things like treason and pedophilia and this style of betrayal that even we the faithful can not be expected to forgive. If you are religious, let your God do the forgiving, BTW there is no " law " that says a person has to be able to forgive to get on in life after they have been wronged. Such a view is ridiculously simplistic. You don't have to hold onto and nuture your hurts and grudges, but sometimes trying to eradicate the last vestige of them is as tiring and futile as trying to hold them at their fullest. OldBearSwitch PLEASE keep Writing !!

She certainly treated him like a second class individual.

It's nice to have your relatives' backs... but when they're trying to (and succeeding at) stabbing you in it...? Where does ANYone get off on trying to guilt you into continuing to help them...? Including your parents...

Even for family, there should be a point where what you do is unforgivable...

Obviously, her baby could do no wrong...

Did I read this before? I must have because I gave it five stars. Now my impression has changed a little. Of course realizing this is fiction, everyone needed to be locked away in straight jackets before they hurt anyone. Also the father was really still alive, just manipulating everyone in his insanity. Finally, there was no baby, just a dog. Now am I as insane as everyone in this tale?

Hmmm...

the ending does not really explain his ex-wife's situation

reading the whole thing was exhausting. I was barely getting by by the time sally showed up. Then there's the whole i-killed-my-father thing that's supposed to clear the foggy air that's been permeating the story, his father's voice haunting him and his disjointed narration and apathetic reactions. Brilliant narration? Maybe. But not for me. Great job being a lemony though.

Joey could just as easily have had that mental dialog with the people he was talking to - it already happened in "Boilerplate" - and his uncompromising reaction to his betrayal by every member of his family would have been more credible if he hadn't been so burdened by guilt over his imagined killing of his father.

But even with all that, I can't see Joey just closing his door and doing nothing while an innocent child suffers at the hands of his ex-family. Make a call and report them to Child Protective Services.

themain character left no discernable mark on the world. he couldn't make the ex-wife see his point of view, so the only burning was by her own hand. we weren't shown how the father's death directly made the brother and mother act out the way they did. there wasn't enough foreshadowing to the twist, it was pure exposition; felt tacked-on.

I think people are missing the flavor of the story. It's not about his marriage, not about the cheating, not even about his dead dad. This is piece is all about him and what he is going through it's meant to be internal because it is entirely an internal dialogue.

In that way it's not like other stories that deal with the world. You don't get mad at chocolate ice cream for not being vanilla. You shouldn't get mad at this story for not being a BTB or even really about the marriage. It used that vehicle to tell a story of a man getting along in life. And in life there are no real wrap ups.

its was totally riveting for me, thoroughly enjoyed it

(1-1)+1=1

sons child like wonder leads to accidental death of father (1-1)

the shock & guilt, destroys his innocence, fears consequences of his actions, lets a not guilty individual(i cant say innocent, as he was drunk, IMO he bears partial blame), throws away the evidence of the wolf.

All the following events, his mothers breakdown, his act at the river, allows him to resurrect his father "dad is here" in his mind. +1

his marriage, brother usurping him, his divorce & the next 2 years are balancing force for the trauma since childhood. =

Now that he has found a more suited companion, & no longer bound by blood ties, he readies himself to let go of his father, & be the father & husband his family need him to be. He no longer has a family in the past, his family awaits for him in the future. 1

Hence:

(1-1)+1=1

Simplicity of Math.

She wants to “heal” the rift? Tell Michael and Sally to give him the damn divorce!

"Joey," Sally gasps. "Help." – Fuck, no!

I totally bought his rejection of Sally at the end, I especially liked his point how she was happier without him, but he was still supposed to save her? Like she would have accepted his "saving"?

I think he's too hard on himself for his father's death. In NO WAY did he kill him, he could take SOME responsibility if he scared his father into swerving to his death, but he didn't deliberately scare the DRUNK driver!

Waste of time

Easy to try to read ahead for reader still riding the short bus and miss lunch, or the Meat, of the story. Glad there are classics on Lit. and always looking for more to come. Waiting to enjoy your next by you, Oshaw and other of Lits' best.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

One of the best

Duuuuddde.

Was that "pre-hung," or did it come to you AS you were writing it?

About the "internal monologue" style. Liked the story but not the structure and in the end I didn't vote. Sorry, hope the comment makes up for it.

Norm

One can appreciate the effort that went into elaborating this rather slippery concoction. But technique can obscure the real human feeling that wants to express itself. Kind of like a wanker guitarist who plays too many notes.

It's not exactly clear but the protagonist probably wasn't supposed to come off so Norman Batesy. But that is more or less what happens.

On the other hand he does finally dump his shrill, deranged mother instead of immortalising her in a rocking chair. Still, why dampen off the schaedenfreude with another volley of italicised verbiage. It would have been great to see that bitch choke on it!!

If the author's intention was a kaleidescopic, desultory romp through the fragmented mind of some guy who just happens to be somebody's husband, then one might suggest that this was submitted under the wrong category.

At any rate, his reverie in the end spoils the opportunity for the reader to experience the down-home bitch slapping that the wife truly deserved. Yes, he spurns her. But the author has him mentally masturbating the moments away when he should have rained down some hellfire on his ice-cunt ex.

In the end it just fizzled out and the reader is left with the quirky fact of the protagonist's boyhood patricide.

"A gimmick does not a denoument make".

Someone said that once :))

Good work.

On the site. Good is in the mind of the reader. I'm the market for this Piticular story. Didn't see the ending coming, but then agIn, noclues either

Chilley

Yes, one of the best. The connection to SirThropas alone implies greatness on the part of the author. Five stars. Still a favorite. Still love it.

Came back for a reread .... Very powerful and gritty tale. For me, the style detracted from the overall flow. It jyst seemed to trickle to death at the end. Still, it sort of fit.

Thanks.

To me it was a rather disjointed tale and an unpleasant story. I flat out didn't like it.

one of the best stories on the site, 5*

bonus points for pissing off the wannabe cucks

The second time I've read this and it hasn't gotten any better. Still a 2* story...

Boring. Disjointed.

I found myself scrolling thru it to get to the end.

Why do you even attempt to write stories such as these? They jump all over the place. What gets me is that you give crappy reviews of other authors here who write excellent stories.

Also any story that HarryinVA likes has to be a baddy written story!

Well written! Hopefully you'll continue this story line

you used some big words in this one hoss, got those clueless little closet cuckies confused!

great writing, 5 stars

To the vapid prating of the unwashed. This is clearly the most original and complex tale I have read on this forum, and probably miscategorized considering the bleatings of the Great American Unwashed. I think you might be following in the wake of Pinter and Stoppard after a bit of polishing and editing. I havent been effected this much since "The Homecoming"! GOOD ON YA!

This story should have ended when he got “no-billed” for shooting and killing his brother when he caught him raping his wife. Would have been a lot better story.

well written, not under or over explained. and after all that he cuts the toxic waste out of his life with no guilt trip taken 5stars

Pretty realistic in a way. Worthless little drugged up brother stealing his older brother's wife. Face it, we all know that addicts care about nothing but themselves. Sally was a lowlife to succumb to the little creep. Happens everyday somewhere I suspect. The provider husband loses out to another male providing his wife the attention she wants... Same old same old. I read both stories, and found both just sad. Every character in the story were miserable and sad in their own way.

I have some of those feelings about my father although I had nothing to do with his death. I just had some of those feelings about what our relationship was and how he did his best but he didn't love me. That affected how I grew up and am today.

Great writing skills and strong characters make this, for me, one of the best ever.

I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Thanks

Perhaps the best I’ve read here on Literotica. Hell, maybe one of the best short stories I’ve ever read. Certainly in top 50, and I’m including things by the biggies, like Mark Twain, Thurber, Heinlein, etc.

It was one of the first 20 or so stories I’d read here last year, and got me sucked into Literotica. Finally got back to reread it and commenting. Everyone else had a high bar to match. Forgot just how good it was in the intervening months. Have to bookmark it to my Safari app.

God, what a brilliant read.

Both of your stories are great. I know I'm a greedy bastard, but I really hope someday you'll come back with more of your awesome writings.

Nevertheless, I gave it a 4 for the quality of the writing and imagination the story showed plus the emotions it evokes. Joey was a real Shit. Kills his father, destroys his brother and mother and wife and doesn't even have enough sense of morality (or guilt) to try to help his niece, who he created indirectly. The death of the father was not Joey's intentional fault but his actions caused it and he should have had the decency to try to clean it up the messes he caused for other people even to the point of sacrificing his own life to do it. I wonder how his niece turned out?

anon.1

I did not like it at all! gave it 2-stars because apparently they delete one star. The save at the end where he explains why his father's voice always were with him was exactly that. Trying to save a weak story! a Total waste of time - and I'm usually not this critical!

It could use a good editing all all the boring thoughts that makes the story really slow.

A good of insight is good. A lot of insight turns your story into the architect explaining the Matrix. Sorry You had a good tale but you rant too much. You need to show more and explain less.

Not the easiest story to follow and digest but well worth the effort. The Unorginalist has a very original take on the Loving Wives genre. Pity he hasn't published more than the two stories presented here.

LA

All I can say is thanks.

Chur bro awesome story

Great story, again. Love your thought processes and the ending is excellent. I wish you would add to your collection. Very talented.

One of the best wrap ups I've seen in a LW story. Bye Sally, don't let the door hit you. Much deserved karma for all involved.

that you stopped writing, or at least you don't post stories here anymore.

Loved the technique of the dad chiming-in, as a memory in Joe’s head. It works well, ties the story together. Didn’t expect the closing of Joe causing his dad’s death. Joe didn’t seem to live under a burden of guilt, none of his actions would have been different.... and seriously, if he was on good terms with his father, why wouldn’t he consider how his dad handled fatherhood when faced with similar parenting issues?

Sooo painful and yet so good...

This is a clear example when a good plot is destroyed by moronic "modernist" writing. Instead of focusing on plot the writer is putting whole emphasis on trying to look as a "writer." This garbage is difficult to read because of the way it is written.

Now if this were something new and ingenious I would admit. But it isn't, it is just a cliche style.

The story is good though.

did not see that. Great Job.

WoW!

So much this story evokes, but the ending was so powerful that I can't help to think how much that little thing he did, the wolf surprise, changed the future course for the whole family. Would Michael have turned out the way he did if his father lived? Would the cops' families not suffered the pain of their losses if he turned out differently? His mom wouldn't have clung on to Michael the way she did ending up ruining him, in her own pain.

Sally accused him of being cold and distant. Was that due to this guilt and pain he carried in being the cause of his father's death? The thing that worries me about my wife and son is not if I or my wife make a mistake knowingly. It's that thoughtless moment where you call your wife while she is driving and she looks down, or my son walking home from school distracted by his friends and gets hit by a car. Just that thoughtless little things we do that most of the time we get away with ("simple math" or simple the odds) and the one in a thousand time that changes everything.

True masterpiece like your last one.

Dion't stop writing. You have a gift. Let the caged bird sing,

Superb story, but it’s a reading IQ test, and beyond the Ken of many.

Chilleywilley

Wow! You get 10 stars ⭐️ for this o e and especially that ending. He treated that bitch just like sowing and reaping required for her wicked ass...

Genuinely engaging story, I admire your ability to convey the emotions of the characters. Love this story and boilerplate, hopefully one day you'll write more.

Thanks

Excellent story....

Helluva story. Far above the usual fare on here. Until the wolf story, I figured he owed Michael an annual thank you card for getting that useless loser of a woman out of his life. By the end, I realized everyone was damaged. I guess we all are to some extent.

My God that was good. The twist at the end came out of nowhere.

As for the main characters, yes, all are flawed, some more than others. I’ve, unfortunately, seen a woman like the mother.....so enabling of the worst traits in a child that she becomes immune to anything that child does.....and insists that her other children enable the slacker even more. The result is always a dysfunctional family that, ultimately rips itself apart. This author caught that dynamic perfectly.

I’d love to see more from this author. He has a gift of creating very realistic stories that are full of tension.

Still one of the best wrap ups that I've ever seen in LW. Everyone got exactly what they deserved, except the poor little girl. You have to feel for her. The twist about his dad was brutal. Great stuff.

Niece didn't deserve treatment

Not her fault shit for parents

How to fix?

....to be very enjoyable and that's the only reason I read such stories. This one was a real downer. Two stars is my top mark for such a dirge

At the end coming, never in a million years.

"I guess it's possible that she lost her side of the spark, somewhere along the line. I can understand how that can happen. But that only justifies the leaving. Not the betrayal. Not the cruelty. Or the lies, or the indifference. Nothing can justify that."

"So you were happier after leaving." "Yes, dammit. I was." So leave and be happy again.

"Ahh, family. The last ugly weapon of all truly manipulative people. "Sorry," I tell her, "but she isn't. 'Family' is a word that exists only in my future...not my past."

"Blood is just something that soaks into the ground."

I thought Chapter 2 was a story written in a clearer manner to understand. You've expressed thoughts in a way I haven't read before, certainly not on Lit, certainly not in LW. Now we know how the part-time bartender was going to support 'his' family. Seems everyone got what they deserved except Linda and his father. A very well done dark, dark story with a serious twist at the end. He made the correct decision not to keep his old family in his life, they would be toxic to his new life. Time to let them go. Fight for her indeed, why should he have to fight his brother for his wife, she was happier after she left after all, right? Signed: BTW

Dampen the long boring internal dialog.

At the risk of sounding harsh, it's clear that you fancy yourself as a deep and intense sort of writer (and you are good), but you don't really accomplish that either with the plot or with the unfolding of it. I can't pinpoint what was missing but something certainly was.

This feels real. Thanks for writing it.

Your plot twist in the end is what sets your story apart from most of the other stories in the loving wives action but those long monologues and internal dialogues are unnecessary. They come off as pretentious and take the fun out of an otherwise nice story.

I anticipated the ex would be using, but not the wolf.

I've known some addicts and you nailed them perfectly. They blame, make excuses, and avoid consequences until it all catches up with them. I'll bet she was using when she left him.

I fall into the mistake of criticizing the choices made by characters when it's a story about flawed people. These are deeply flawed and I suspect he should do something for his niece even though the effort will fail.

Good writing! Unique story.

I have it 4*s first, I would change that to five if I could

This story was written by a master. Powerful, emotive, moving. Thank you for sharing your gift with us mortals. Wow.

I think I have read this 5 times and still think you are one of the best writers on this site, and I have read nearly all the Loving Wives section. I love both your stories to date and solely wish you had writen more. Superb story. Loved the Father bit and the ending. How anyone could call it “pretentious”, an earlier comment from a numpty, is beyond me. Well done.

There is some nugget of a good story, and I am glad that it worked for other readers/commentators. But I did not care for the writing.

It was just hard reading trying to keep all the pieces together and too drawn out for the content.

I also do not see the ending is having any real connection with the rest of the story.

The author is good with words, but this story was way to convoluted. Half the time I had no clue what or who he was talking about. I found myself skipping whole paragraphs just to get to something I could identify. I did read the whole thing hoping it would get better. It didn't. Incredibly dark story! Not entertaining in the least. Where's the satisfaction in writing or reading such a story, if there's no enjoyment ?

Sorry, only a 2. It wasn't enjoyable on any level.

What a tale, impressed. It is so deep at so many levels. Not all the LW readers will like it and pick it apart but that is due to they didn't get to wack-off reading it. I could see you writing eNovels/Books if they all have this type of depth. 6*, Hooyah, salute!

Good ending but way to much navel gazing in the first 2/3 of the story.

It was a good plot but sometimes hard to follow. Nice twist at the end

Another great, but very sad story. This author was good at this type story, just didn't write enough.

This story was just much hard work, sorry not my style of story telling⭐️⭐️

Michael saved him. He should be grateful. His failure as the protector of his (future) children started with marrying Sally. How could any careful discerning intelligent man not discover her shallowness, her selfishness, her lack of morals and ethics, her lack of a soul? If we discount Martian Slut Ray, she was always flawed and immature. And very very stupid. What other kind of woman would throw herself and her marriage away on a worthless piece of dog shit like Michael? And She Was Happy having done so, for as long as it lasted.

Michael saved him from the biggest mistake he had made since causing his father's death. Too bad that reality and gratitude didn't get acknowledged.

Thanks for the effort.

Interesting but not my style of storytelling.

...that he goes onmeandering all over the fucking place ...for Einstein maybe would have the ability to keep up...but most of us folks on literotica want some easier stuff to enjoy...

Please publish for your high falutin cronies and your Uber readers on a publishing house...

Not for us ur unoriginal all over the place stories!

Screwed up. Words, words, words.

"But it's someone even better...someone so remarkable, and so impeccably pure, that I'll not defile her by putting her in a story as sordid as this one."

Damn, that's a great line. And pretty apt, this was a powerful ugly story populated by very damaged people. Feel bad for Linda, but sometimes a bleeding heart isn't enough.

yeah so now what, more heart ache, more love, pretty macabre as some of these stories go

Probably didn’t deserve my 2 ⭐️ rating, but it is what it is.

Bill

Not my cup of tea but losers gotta lose and there are those who like to wallow in their misery.

Damn, this is a dark story. Not feel good at all. Still gave it 5 stars.

Well played. Life is dark. Horrible things happen. I like to believe that we all come to a point in our lives where we decide. Our trama leads us or we harness it and ride. It may seem like a simplification, and it is, but it holds truth about the strength of your character.

full of nastiness and mixed up conversations.

Superb story telling. Dark and disturbing, complex characters, dubious morality and a shocking but surprisingly logical end.

LA

As I suspected, and commented after the first chapter. Joe exhibited schizophrenic cognition in his dialogues with his father. TheUnoriginalist provided the causative trauma at the very end.

Great follow up chapter. After starts and stops, Joe shed himself of those negative parts of the past that he realized were toxic to him; the guilt surrounding the death of his father, the clinging mother that psychologically sought a replacement for her dead husband in Joe, the fatally traumatized brother, and the ex wife. Hopefully, he will now be able to build/rebuild his life into a healthy family.

Fantastic. So we'll done. Boilerplate is such a masterpiece. This is not too far behind. TC Ireland

Whoever the fuck you are I hope you quit writing and I've read your last story. My soul can't take much more of your gut wrenching shit. You're as fucked up as I am and that's not a good thing.