Sleeping with the Enemy

I had kept Hugo out of it up until now but I was about to change up the plan and I needed his help. What I asked him was an outrageous favour especially as I couldn't share with him what it was for. He was reluctant at first but I begged and he finally agreed and one morning he brought in a small package and placed it carefully on my desk.

'I don't know what you're doing and I don't know want to know, but whatever it is, I hope you know what you're doing. Please don't ever ask me to do anything like this again.'

'Hugo, I promise. I do know what I'm doing. You're a star and I love you for this.'

He grunted and left.

Sam had asked me round to his newly renovated flat for dinner on Saturday evening and I still had a couple of things to get sorted before then. A visit to the local high street got me what I needed, and I was ready.

Saturday came, and I put on what I thought was my sexiest dress; very short, showing off my legs and my breasts in equal measure. A trip to my local beauty salon and I was good to go. Bag over my shoulder I arrived at Sam's flat and he buzzed me up on the entryphone. I kissed him on the cheek as he let me in and he whistled as he looked at me.

'Like it?' I gave him a twirl.

'Like it? I love it, you look gorgeous. Come in and see the flat. They've done a great job, if I say so myself.'

The flat did look great; it had been two flats originally, knocked into one and then renovated with great style. He took me on a tour and spent a little too long showing me his bedroom I made the expected appreciative Ahhing noises before we sat down to drink the Champagne I had brought as a flat warming gift. We moved onto dinner which Sam had cooked and I have to admit it was pretty good. We chatted over dinner and Sam told me about his work at the bank which involved a lot of entertaining and client relationship work. I shared some stories about the Estate Agency and some of the things I had seen whilst showing houses, including opening the door on the owners having sex in their bathroom. They claimed they didn't know there was a showing going on.

We finished dinner and moved to the lounge for a brandy. I asked Sam if I could get some water first and as he disappeared into the kitchen I shook a sachet of powder I had in my bag into his brandy and gave it a quick swirl. Sam returned with the water and I sipped my brandy, watching him intently as he brought the glass to his lips as if to drink and then putting it back on the table to wave his arms around as he told a story.

Finally he picked up the glass and took a big sip, he wrinkled his nose a little but sipped some more and then drained the glass. I watched as his eyelids grew heavy and his speech began to slur a little. He yawned and said softly he must be more tired than he thought. He tried to get up, failed and slumped back onto the sofa.

My plan had been to get him into the bedroom and to do what I intended there. However, I had not counted on how difficult it would be to move a dead weight. I pulled and shoved but even though he was no heavyweight, he was too heavy for me to move far. No matter, the sofa would have to do.

The plan which had crept into my mind the night following the opera had grown like a cancer. From a simple desire to avenge myself on the man who had bullied me and made my life a misery during and after our schooldays, the idea had morphed into something darker and far more evil. I would drug Sam, set him up so I could take pictures of me with him, him sucking my cock and then for me to rape him on camera with me clearly visible so that he would know who had done this to him and why.

I set up the three small cameras I had bought to record what was going on and then I could download the video and transfer it to his laptop and leave it running so he would see it as he woke up. The favour I had asked Hugo for was to obtain a fast acting sedative and it had worked perfectly with Sam now deeply asleep.

It was as I turned back and saw Sam asleep on the sofa that I realised I could not go through with it. I sat down heavily on the chair and stared at him. However much I hated this man, nothing could justify the evil of the plan I had concocted in my mind. I had rationalised it all to myself because of what had been done to me and I suddenly knew that whatever cruelty had been visited on me could not be assuaged by the cruelty I had planned in return.

I beat my head with my fists as it sunk in that to go on with my plan would have hurt not only Sam but me as well. It would have compounded the damage done to me and I would have become a monster. Madness takes over when we forget our humanity and we risk losing our soul to the darkness. At that moment I felt Charlie close to me, looking at me and saying, 'I knew you would come to the right decision in the end.'

I began to cry, and the tears poured down my face. Gradually I stopped blubbing and started thinking about what to do next. Another plan came to me, one which I hoped would let me move on.

I could imagine what would happen when Sam woke up. He would slowly come to and shake his head as if he felt he was waking up from a hangover. He would look around and see his laptop on the table. He couldn't remember putting it there and there was a hand written sign on it. What the hell was this all about. He remembered being here with Olivia and then falling asleep. Where was Olivia? Gone, he would guess after he fell asleep. He must apologise to her tomorrow. he looked closer at the laptop. The sign said play me. There was a video set up on the screen. This is weird he thought but let's see what this is all about.

He would press play and the video starts and it's Olivia, this is so weird, he thought, why has she sent me a video. he then realised it was filmed in his flat, I must still be asleep he thought.

Olivia begins to speak.

'Sam, if you're watching this then you will have just woken up. You were asleep because I drugged you. It's a long story, but it begins fourteen years ago when we were at school together. Yes, I know it was a boys only school but I can assure you we were both there. The thing is you would have known me not as Olivia Archer but as Oliver, Oliver Armitage. You were closer to the truth than you knew when you asked if we had met before. We have, but we were all different back then. I hope you can remember what you did to Oliver at school because that may help explain why I drugged you. I wanted revenge for what you and your cronies did to Oliver - cold hearted revenge. Oliver was small and different from the rest of you. He was gay, and that made him a target for people like you. He did nobody any harm, but you decided that doing no harm was no defence. You set out to bully Oliver, to work out whatever hate you had in your heart on someone unable to defend himself. I don't know why you hated Oliver, but you succeeded in making his life a hell back then. He was forced to leave the school because your father was rich and the school needed a new science block. I wonder if you were happy with what you had done because Oliver certainly wasn't.'

Olivia pauses here and looks away from the camera for a moment before going on.

'I'm not Oliver anymore, I left him behind years ago, I'm Olivia now. Since we last met I've been as far down as you could go and the with the help of a wonderful man to whom I owe everything, I have climbed back up. But the day you walked back into my life I began to slide down again. Tonight I planned to do something to you which would have dragged me right down to the bottom once more. After drugging you I was going to film me raping you in retaliation for what you did to me. Yes, I look like a woman but I could still do that to you. I came within a few minutes of it but I couldn't go through with it. I remembered just in time what humanity is. I couldn't let you drag me down once again.'

Another pause as Olivia wipes a tear from her eye.

'But I couldn't let you get away scot free Sam. So I thought I would make this video so I could explain why I wanted to get my revenge on you. You may do whatever you want with this video, scrub it if you want, I don't have a copy, or take it to the police if you want to press any charges. I don't care, I now feel free of you, Sam. Enjoy your life.'

The video would stop and what I couldn't have imagined was the sight of Sam holding his hands over his face weeping his heart out.

I had left Sam's flat before he woke up and in a frightful state I rang Hugo. He was at home with company but he insisted I come round immediately. He said it was only a guy from the pub who was bi-curious and who was now looking for an escape route anyway.

I got there half an hour later and Hugo sat me down and I told him everything that had happened.

'Bloody hell, Livvie. I wish you had told me, I could have locked you up or something you mad bugger.'

That made me laugh at last. I stayed with Hugo that night because I needed some company, I couldn't have been on my own. The next day I called in a sickie, although as the boss, I didn't need to. I went back to my flat and soaked in a bath for a long time until I began to feel a bit less emotional.

I had turned off my phone sometime last night, and it was about midday when I turned it back on. It lit up like a Christmas tree with messages and missed calls. Most were from Sam and a couple from Hugo asking me to call him as soon as I could.

I assumed Sam's would just be abusive, so I ignored them and called Hugo.

'Livvie, I think you should get down here quick.' For some reason Hugo was whispering.

'Why, what's up?'

'He's here, Sam, he's here and he's in pieces.'

'Is he causing trouble? If so, call the police.'

'Not exactly babe, I've put him in your room. He's crying his eyes out, says he has to see you to make it right.'

'What?'

'Livvie, I have never seen a bloke in this state. I really think you need to get down here.'

'OK, give me half an hour.'

God, what had I done?

I got ready quickly, and a taxi had me at the Agency in half an hour. The staff were quiet but I could tell inquisitive about what was going on. Hugo came out into the big room and told everyone to mind their own business and get back to work.

I walked through to the back and Hugo told me Sam had arrived about 11 and had been here ever since. He had been crying and asking to see me.

'Livvie, I don't know what you did to him last night, but the guy is a mess.'

My heart sank, I thought I had got free of this man.

Hugo said he would be outside the door if there was any trouble and he'd come straight in. I walked into the office and found Sam sat in one of the easy chairs, his head in his hands, and I could see from his eyes he had been crying. My heart went out to him but I couldn't afford to let him drag me back.

'Olivia, I am so sorry to come here and I hope I haven't caused any embarrassment but you wouldn't return my calls.'

'Sam, what do you want?' I said as gently as I could.

He looked at me with red-rimmed eyes. 'I watched your video, and I wanted to say how sorry I was for what happened when we were at school. I know there's nothing that can excuse what I did and the harm I did you. I deserved everything you said on the video and more. I can't make up for what happened and I also know you can't forgive what I did. I have thought a lot about what happened over these years and there's something which I only slowly came to understand. I know I don't deserve it but if you could give me one chance to tell you, and then I will be out of your life forever.'

'Sam.' I said slowly, 'I'm not going to get dragged back again.'

'Olivia, I can promise you I won't do that and you can walk out anytime.'

'Sam, this is it, say your piece now and we can both move on.'

I sat in the other easy-chair and waited for him to start.

'At school I know what it looked like, I had everything I wanted. I was the leader of a gang and I could do what wanted, get whatever I wanted. I had a position to uphold, my family were always telling me, 'Uphold the family position.' It became a mantra that I had to repeat and repeat. Everything I did had to be about upholding the family position and that's what it seemed to everybody else. But it wasn't how I felt. All that I did was for show; I tried to compensate for how I felt inside. Most of the time it worked, but when it came to you, or Oliver as you were, it did not. You may think I hated you, but I didn't. I liked you, no, that's not right, I was attracted to you. I thought you were the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I dreamt about you, and about you and me together. I couldn't bear to look at you sometimes, I felt so drawn towards you.'

Sam paused at this moment and wiped his eye.

'The truth was I couldn't square this with upholding the family position. I was so blinded by what I thought this meant that I couldn't deal with the feelings I had for you and the need to maintain my position. So I dealt with it in the only way my family had ever shown me and that was to attack. I turned my attraction to you into something dark and horrible, and I tried to get rid of you from the school so I didn't have to deal with those feelings any more. Instead of upholding the family position, it turned into something shameful and you suffered because of it. I am sorry and I wish there was something I could do to make amends. I am so glad to see what a wonderful person you have become. I will now do what you asked and leave you alone. I hope everything goes well for you, Olivia, You deserve it.'

He stood and walked straight out of the door, leaving me rooted to the chair.

Hugo walked in, 'You OK, Livvie?'

'Think so, Hugo. What did you make of that?'

'What? I didn't hear a thing.'

'Liar, you heard everything on the intercom, I could see the red light blinking on the phone.'

'Oh, that? what Sam said? I don't know, he may be trying to convince himself he was a victim too, of his family honour, for God's sake, or he maybe meant it all and he's just as bonkers as the rest of us.'

I nodded slowly.

'Livvie, it's over now, You're free of him.'

I kept nodding and thinking, maybe.

Can we ever be free? We act as we do as the result of our genes and our experiences. We can't change our genes and maybe we can't change how we remember our experiences. If so, can we ever choose freely what we do next?

I tried to settle down to work, but I felt restless and irritable. Hugo told me I was getting on everyone's nerves and maybe a holiday would do me good. So, I packed a bag, stuck a pin in a map and caught the next flight to India. I arrived in Delhi and immediately picked up a tour around the Golden Triangle of Delhi, Agra and Jaipur. India turned out to be exactly what I needed: colourful, noisy, crowded, smelly and so full of life it began to reinvigorate me.

I defy anyone who comes to visit the Taj Mahal not to be moved to tears by its beauty early in the morning. I sat quietly and as I drank in the utter perfection of the gleaming white marble minarets and domes, I said a prayer for Charlie. He seemed very close to me here, and I brushed away a tear as I thought of how much he would have loved to see this.

After five days on the tour bus I craved some relaxation and someone suggested I visit Goa, the old Portuguese colony on the west coast, so I booked a beach-side hotel and flew down. Goa still has its attractions for backpackers looking for a cheap tropical holiday and you can still see old hippies who washed up there many years ago and never went home. The hotel I had booked was one of the increasing number of upscale developments in the area as I wanted a comfortable space to unwind and recharge the batteries.

I spent the first few days by the pool and in the spa. My tan was coming along and daily massages were easing the knots out of my body. The hotel also had a conference centre which seemed busy most days. One morning I had finished breakfast and was heading off to the pool when I passed a group of obviously British delegates chatting before they went into their conference.

From the back of the group I suddenly heard someone call out, 'Olivia? is that you?'

I turned and recognised one of the guys from Sam's bank who had been at the Opera. He came over and we shook hands, agreed what a coincidence this was and wasn't life strange to meet up again like this.

I knew I should have left well alone, but I asked him how Sam was. He said, 'Why not ask him yourself? he's only over there.'

Fuck, it can't be true, surely?

I turned very slowly and there was Sam, looking at me, almost shyly. He raised a hand in greeting and I instinctively raised mine in return.

I turned back and said to the guy, 'You're all busy, I'm sure I'll catch him later.'

'Better hurry then, we're only here for a couple of days.'

We said goodbye and I walked on towards the pool. I knew, I absolutely knew I should keep walking and not look back. So, of course, I turned back to look and Sam was still watching me, and the look on his face was so sad it made my heart sink.

Damn, damn, damn, why had I looked back?

I slept fitfully that night and woke up from a dream where I was back at school and Sam was chasing me and when he caught me he looked at me with the same sad look on his face as he had in the hotel.

I thumped the pillow in anger and then couldn't get back to sleep. I went down to the gym and pounded the treadmill for an hour, trying to forget that look. It seemed to work, and I went off to breakfast a little happier.

I sat by myself at breakfast and was reading the paper when I clearly heard Sam's voice behind me talking to what I guessed was a client.

I turned and there he was chatting away to an Indian guy. Without knowing why, I rose and stepped across to his table and came up behind him and I gently laid my hand on his shoulder and said, 'Hello, Sam, how are you?'

I apologised to the Indian man who graciously stood up and said, 'No problem, I was about to go back upstairs.'

Sam was stock still, and I moved round and took the seat his Indian client had just left.

he looked at me for a long moment and said, 'I'm OK, thanks, Olivia. You're looking very well, the tan suits you. What are you doing here?'

'Just some R&R. It's a hell of a coincidence, don't you think? Us meeting here.'

'Yes, it is.' He was nervous, unsure for maybe the first time in his life about what to say next.

I heard what sounded like my voice say, 'Do you have time for a drink before you go back, Sam?' I almost looked around to see who had said that and then realised it must have been me.

He paused, probably thinking should I even risk having a lemonade with this madwoman.

'Yes, I could do that tonight, the delegates fly out this afternoon but my flight isn't until tomorrow.'

'Seven o'clock in the bar then? Is that OK?' Damn, is this really me talking?

Sam nodded, and I said, 'See you then.'

A massage and a short sleep helped me repair the damage from the broken sleep of last night and at 7 I walked into the bar. For the first time on the holiday I had dressed up a bit, and I thought I looked good.

Sam was already there sitting at the bar, looking very cool in slacks and a lovely dark blue cotton shirt, and when he saw me he smiled and stood up and we shook hands. He asked me what I wanted to drink, and we settled down on a sofa with our drinks.

'Sa,' 'Oliv,' we both laughed as we started to speak at the same time.

'You first,' he offered.

'Sam, I want to apologise for what I did to you,' He tried to say something, but I held up my hand to stop him. 'It was an awful thing to have done and you didn't deserve it. I should have let it all go and moved on.'

'Olivia, you have nothing to apologise for. I deserved what you said to me and I admire you for finally laying it to rest. it's also given me the chance to think about what I did and who I was back then and to face up to some truths about myself, in more ways than one. I am the one who can never apologise enough for what I did to you.'