by Ianthe
The story is okay. It has a good setup, but I think the author needs to work on his grammar. It's very difficult to follow a story that has mistakes and errors. It throws the reader out completely and kills whatever mood the author is attempting to convey. Perhaps proofreading would help.
It's a pretty good beginning. Needs the next chapter before any real opinion can be expressed. Also, in the next chapter, make sure you don't have any missing words.