That Was Then - This is Now Pt. 03

After the ceremony, Jim, Sonja, the bridesmaids, flower girls, ushers and I left with the photographer while all the guests headed to the community hall just across the park from where the ceremony had been held. Jim and Sonja hadn't wanted a fancy meal, just a good old fashioned smorgasbord and an open bar. Of course soft drinks, coffee and tea were also available since there were quite a few kids running around. They'd hired a DJ for music and dancing later.

Photographs finished, we headed into the hall to be met by all the guests. We mingled, got some beverages and then began the reception. Of course the normal toasts to the bride, groom, their families, etc. were made, as well as some hilarious speeches by people who had worked with Jim or Sonja or had been involved somehow in business dealings with them. I'd arranged with the master of ceremonies to be the last speaker. Jim and Sonja had no idea that I was going to speak outside my duty toast to the bride.

"Jim, Sonja. I can't begin to tell you how much this day means to me. Yes, it's your day, and that's the way it should be. But, I like to think that somehow I had a small part in making this happy day happen, and that's why I find it so special. When you both approached me, at different times of course, about the "no dating" policy that I had, and after I had explained that it applies to only me, not the staff, I had no way of knowing that this would be the result. I think I speak for everyone here that we're all mighty glad that Jim saw the light once I explained the facts of life to him."

I paused and looked around. "Jim, since that very unhappy day a few years ago when we met, you've become my best friend and confidant. I know, and you know, that things could have turned out a lot more different than they did. I say unhappy because of the circumstances under which we met, not the fact that we did meet. In retrospect, I think it's one of the best things to ever happen to me. That being said, there is no way that I can continue to have you and Sonja as employees."

You could have heard a pin drop. Shocked faces looked my way as I tried, somewhat successfully I hoped, to keep a serious face. "No, no longer will you be employed by me because I have here in my pocket documents drawn up by my lawyer that make you, as a couple, full and equal partners in our business. That is my wedding gift to two of the nicest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

The roar that followed almost blew the walls out of the building, and Jim almost smothered me as he pounded my back and hugged me. Tears were freely flowing from Sonja, my sisters, and most of the people there. It took a long time for things to settle down.

Once things quieted down somewhat, the master of ceremonies looked over at me and asked, "Evan, is there anything else you'd like to add. It would really be hard for you to top that one."

"Just one thing. Let's get this party going." And we did into the early morning hours. I wasn't quite sure when Jim and Sonja had managed to leave. The girls were going to be looked after by their grandmother at Sonja's apartment until the honeymooners got back. I only had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner so I was in pretty good shape to do some taxi driving if need be, but it never turned out that way. Almost everyone had come to enjoy a good party, not get loud and drunk.

Next day I went to the shop to find Max, his son, and their crew hard at work tearing apart the coffee shop since that is where most of the changes would be made. I left them to it, promising to stay out of the way, and went into my office to tackle the ever present paperwork. Having the shop closed except for emergencies freed up lots of time for me to get caught up. If any of our business customers needed some support, I'd handle it or get one of the techs to go over and check it out. Max had promised to hire both of them to help with the construction, using their technical skills to run wire and set up the wireless hotspots. At least they would be getting paid for their work, and they'd get some networking experience under their belt.

Over the next week Marie popped in to check on how things were going every day or so. We'd chat a bit and end up going up the street to another cafe for lunch. She was really excited to see what was happening and really looking forward to seeing the finished product; as was I.

It was the Friday, after we'd sat down for our usual lunch, when Marie said, "Evan, I think I understand where you're coming from with your old flame, Erica. I don't know if you're aware than Barb and Wendy, and even Sonja, and I have talked about her various times. I think even Debbie has mentioned it a few times when she came in for coffee. I know the whole sordid story, how she wronged you. As a friend, can I give you some advice?"

I was silent for a minute, toying with the food on my plate that I no longer wanted. "Just what did you have in mind?" I asked quietly.

"Just this. You either have to let her go and get on with your life, or alternately, work on getting her back and letting her gain your trust. You can't go on as you are with this eating at you like some damn cancer. It's not good for her, and it's really not good for you. You've got a real chance to build a good life here, but you have to let yourself live to do it. I don't have the answers; I'm not God, just a friend. Only you know, only you can figure out what you should do. Nobody else can do that. I just know that you had better do it soon because I can see the whole thing eating away at you. I'll help all I can, but in the end it's up to you."

I sat there without answering. I knew she was right, but I really didn't have any idea which way I wanted to lean. Would I ever be able to trust Erica again or would that doubt always be there, hanging like the Sword of Damocles over our relationship? Would she, would I, ever be able to put that away and have a normal, loving partnership? I'd been badly burned once, should I take a chance again? And Erica, could she ever forgive me for the way I treated her? Yes, she had wronged me, but she didn't deserve the hell she'd gone through. Of course, much of that I had no control over, or knowledge of, but still...

"Evan, Evan," Marie's voice brought me back to the present. "I thought I'd lost you there for a minute."

"I was just letting the various options go racing through my head. Nobody was winning, yet."

"It will be tough, I know, but this is the perfect time to work it out. It's relatively quiet and you have another week before Jim and Sonja get back and the cafe and store reopen. If it will help, I'll get together with both of you and go from there."

"Thanks Marie. You're a good friend, but this is something I, we, I mean me and Erica have to work out. Maybe I'll take the rest of the day off to think about it and give her a call."

"Sounds like a good idea. If you need a sounding board, you have my number. By the way, you're buying the lunch you didn't eat," she laughed. I hadn't even noticed that I'd hardly touch my plate. I was able to smile at her, then went and paid for our lunch, leaving a generous tip.

We left the cafe and separated, Marie to her home, me to take a walk in the park. The autumn air was crisp with a definite bite to it. Winter was well on its way.

I let the phone ring four times, on the fifth ring I got the answering machine. "Erica, Evan. I'm just wondering if you'd like to get together for coffee or something. Please call me back and let me know. Bye for now."

Well, now the ball was in her court. Maybe she was at work or something. I turned on the tube and tried to find something worth watching. It was dark when the strident ring of the phone woke me up.

"Uh, Evan here. Hello," I mumbled.

"Evan, it's Erica. Did I wake you?"

"Uh, yeah. I must have fallen asleep watching the tube."

"When do you want to go for coffee? Where? I'm so glad you called. I was at work."

"Actually, I'm fairly flexible for the next week, so you name the time. I know you work, but I don't know your schedule, of course."

"I work most days, and have every third weekend on call. How about tomorrow early afternoon since I'm off this weekend?"

"How about we maybe do lunch? Does that work for you?" What the hell, I had to eat sometime didn't I?

"Sounds great. How about you pick me up and we'll decide where to go from there? You know where I live don't you?"

"Uh, no. Just your phone number."

"Okay. I'm in the Fairfax Apartments in Fairview. It's on 12th, about two blocks from the hospital. Apartment 201."

"Okay, how about I get there for noon?"

"Oh Evan, you don't know how much this means to me. I'll see you tomorrow." She disconnected, and I got up from the sofa and fixed something to eat. I didn't sleep much that night, at once dreading and looking forward to the next day.

Chapter 12

"Hey Tim, I know it's Saturday but can I talk to you for a few?" I asked my parole officer. "It's not about parole or anything, but I need an objective opinion."

"Hi Evan, when's good for you. I'm pretty much open. Not much happenin' here at home right now."

"Uh, well. Tim, it's a personal thing so I don't think your office is the best use for this. Could we just meet for coffee or something?"

"Okay Evan, I understand. How about we meet at the Coffee Coral? Say an hour? You're buying."

"Sounds good, thanks Tim."

I pulled into the parking lot of the Coffee Coral just as Tim was going through the door. I threw my truck into park and followed him inside. He was just heading to a booth near the back. Good. We wouldn't be interrupted.

The server took our orders and we chatted about nothing in particular until the coffees arrived.

"Okay Evan," Tim said as he spooned sugar into his coffee, "what did you need me to talk about?"

"Well, it's not you in particular Tim, but I need someone who can give me an honest, objective opinion about something."

"Well, I can probably do that, but it would help if I knew what you're talking about," he grinned at me, trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, you remember with all that happened that there was a girl, woman, involved, right?"

"Yes, Alice or something like that if memory serves."

"Her name is Erica. Anyway, I'll give you a brief recap just to refresh your memory..." I went on to relate the events before and after the shooting. Most of these Tim was aware of since he was still my parole officer.

"... and so, I'm hoping you can give me an idea of how I should handle this. Should I really try to get together with her, or just let her go. I know she screwed up, but I'm no saint either, and don't pretend to be. But I never, ever, cheated on her. Not once, and not even since getting out of prison. I've just been too busy for a social life."

"Okay, Evan, so what you're saying is that you sort of want to get back together with her but you're afraid of getting hurt again, right?" I nodded. "Okay, it seems to me that you have to ask yourself a couple of questions and then honestly answer them, or get honest answers to them."

"Okay."

"First, do you really think that she had planned to leave you when this all started? You say she was chased by this Brad until she finally gave in. You said she indicated that she broke it off, but was she going to before she got caught? Second, she broke a trust once, but only once by her own admission. Everyone screws up, you just happened to be in the way of this one. Has she been dating anyone since you caught her?"

"No, I don't think so. She sees my sister Barb quite often for coffee and Barb has never mentioned anyone. All she says is that Erica is always asking about me."

"Okay, fair enough. She's been sort of faithful, at least to a memory. Now a big one. How well do you really know her? People change, and there's been a lot going on that affected both of you over the past few years, you especially. It's been nearly ten years since this all started and yet neither one of you seems to want to move on. Do you really believe she wants to resume your relationship since she probably doesn't know you that well either? Maybe she's just holding on to what used to be."

"I think you just hit the nail on the head. Do I really know her, or am I like you're thinking? Am I willing to get together with the current Erica, or just the Erica I knew years ago? To tell the truth, I really don't know her anymore, and she probably doesn't know me that well either."

"Well, try this. Tell her that. Be honest up front. It could be that she never thought of that part either. Then, if everything is okay from that point, start off as if it were a brand new relationship. The worst that could happen is that you go your separate ways. The best, well, that would be up to you two, wouldn't it?"

"Tim, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your insight. Every time I start thinking about this my mind goes in ten different directions all at once. Now, how are Barb and Wendy doing? I haven't seen them for a couple of weeks. They missed the family barbeque a couple of weeks ago, and I couldn't make last week." I relaxed back in my chair, feeling better than I had for quite some time.

"They're doing good. They got that contract for their neighbours' place and it sort of snowballed from there. They might even hire my wife, Meg, to handle the phone and stuff. At least it would get her out of the house once in awhile."

We chatted for awhile longer then left the restaurant. Of course I picked up the tab. I jumped into my truck and waved to Tim as I exited the parking lot and headed back to Kent. He had certainly given me something to think about, and some questions to ask Erica. I decided that what future we had would be determined by her answers. I'm sure she had questions for me too, but I had no idea what they might be. She'd been getting info on me from Barb and Wendy for months, years.

Next morning I was up fairly early for a weekend. I was on the road to Fairview by 10:00AM since I wasn't sure where her apartment was. Turns out it was easy to find, and I was outside the door of the Fairfax Apartments just before 11:00. I locked up the truck and went to push the call button. Erica must have been watching for me because her metallic voice came over the intercom telling me to come up at the same time the door clicked open just as I pressed the buzzer. Apartment 201 was easy to find. It was in the front of the building, down at the end of the hall opposite the elevator and stairs. I had taken the stairs.

Erica was waiting in the doorway as I walked down the hall to her apartment. She looked lovely standing there in the ambient light, dressed very conservatively as if going to church. She had, in fact, just returned from there.

"Evan, come in. I just have to change out of my church going clothes and we can go. Would you like some coffee, I just put some on?" Her tone was sort of friendly neutral, as if she was uncertain about what might happen. I felt the same way. I had no idea how this day might go.

"Sure, coffee sounds good. I'm way early so we have lots of time."

"No problem. Go have a seat in the living room. I'll get your coffee. Black, right?"

"Yes, please," I answered as I sat down in one of the large arm chairs. There was another matching chair against another wall, and a matching love seat in front of the French doors. I looked around as she handed me the coffee. The apartment was clean and neat as a pin, a far cry from mine. I wondered if this was normal, or if she had cleaned up to make an impression. I guess that was unfair, but I did wonder about it.

Erica walked up the hall to her bedroom. I could hear the rustling of clothes since she didn't close the door. In a few minutes she came back into the living room dressed in casual slacks and a sweatshirt. There was some kind of logo on it, but I couldn't make it out. She went and got a coffee then sat down in the other arm chair.

"Evan, I told you that you have no idea how much this means to me, and I meant it. I've been hoping, praying for this day for a long, long time." She leaned back in her chair trying to look casual, but her body language screamed tense.

"Yeah, you did say that. I've wanted to call but kept putting it off. I've really been torn about what to say, what to do. Erica, I'm not sure what's going to happen, or if we'll even have a relationship, but I do need to ask you some questions. Stuff that's been bugging me for years."

"Go ahead," she said quietly.

I took a couple of deep breaths then said, "You told Barb and Wendy that the day I found out about you and Brad; that you were going to break it off with him. Is that true? Were you really going to stay with me or leave me for a better fuck?"

Her face reflected the bluntness of the question. I'm not a politician, so I usually say exactly what I'm thinking. Sometimes it gets me into trouble, but over the years I've found it works best for me.

"Well, that's putting it out there, isn't it?" she replied, not angry or upset, sort of neutral. "Yes, I was going to break it off with Brad. I was going to tell him that night that it was all over. I had planned on staying with you, forever, since all he was, was a fuck, as you put it. I told you before he was just that, a fuck. You and me, we, made love. There's a huge difference. The worst part about it is my being unfaithful to you, that is unforgiveable. I still haven't forgiven myself, so I can't expect that you would either. Was it exciting with Brad? I'd be dishonest if I said no, but after the first couple of times it was pretty routine; almost like it was scripted. There was no love, no intimacy. I think I was just another notch on his prick."

"Okay, fair enough. I think you sort of said that before, but I had to know." I paused for a minute then asked," Erica, do you really know who I am? Do you want a relationship with me, or with the me that used to be? I'm not that person, Erica, and never will be again. There's been far too much happen." I was still speaking quietly, in a neutral tone. I wasn't either hopeful or discouraged, I just didn't know at this point.

She thought about that for a few minutes. "Evan, believe it or not, until Barb told me you were in prison I had no idea of what happened. I was in love with the you that you used to be, and heartbroken when you wouldn't even talk to me after, well, after you caught us. Over the past few years I've got together with Barb and Wendy for coffee fairly regularly. Barb told me how you had changed, some for the better, some not. She told me how when you got out of prison you went into business, and how successful you're becoming. What really surprised me though, was that there was no indication that you were bitter, or blaming others, me, for what happened. You had taken responsibility for what you did, and didn't blame circumstances, or finding me with Brad, or anything like that. You did it, you admitted to it, and served time for it, and in a lot of ways came out of prison a better man than you were before. There's not too many people could ever say that, and you're the only one I've ever heard people say that about."

She stopped for a couple of seconds and took a huge breath, "So I guess the short answer is that, no, I don't know the Evan Wright that exists today, although I know a lot about him from others. Am I in love with the used to be Evan? No, I don't think so. He and my used to be exist in another time, a time when we were carefree and had our whole lives ahead of us. I love the memories of that time. As for the new Evan, it's too early to tell. I don't know if he wants to know me, or even have anything to do with me."

I sipped at my almost cold coffee before replying, "Wow, that's a lot to take in all at once. Barb and Wendy did try to talk to me about you several times, but I made it plain that it was a taboo subject. She did tell me about your life and what happened to you after, well, after all that. My guess is that it hasn't been all that easy for you. Do you have any social life, no boyfriends, girl friends?"