That Was Then - This is Now Pt. 03

"After all that happened, I decided that I wasn't going to get hurt again and I wasn't going to hurt anybody again either. So I've basically become a sort of recluse. I work, I go for walks, I read, sleep and eat. That's about it. I really don't have, or want, any close friends. I do go out with the girls from the lab for a drink once in awhile, but not too much. You know I meet Barb and Wendy for coffee and there are a few others. I'm single and alone, not lonely. I can't say I'm happy with my life, but I'm fairly content. Oh I've been asked out lots of times, but only went on a few dates. They were nice enough, but there was not spark, no feeling of wanting to build a relationship."

"Sounds almost like me, except I do get to the family barbeques on Saturdays. Other than that, it's just work, no play." She got up to refill the coffees as I continued, "You know, much like you, I decided that I never want to be hurt like that again, and for me, the best way to make sure of that is to not put myself in a position where it could happen. You know, of course, that my roommate caught me with a shotgun in my mouth. He got it away from me before I could pull the triggers. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal was so bad I just wanted to get away from it all. There's the odd day once in awhile where I still feel like that. It's a good thing my therapist is on speed dial."

"Barb did mention the suicide attempt. It just tore me up, what I had done, what I had caused. That's one of the reasons I was hoping you would call, so somehow I could make that up to you. I don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive me for that." She was quietly sobbing now.

"There's nothing to forgive. I don't, and didn't, blame you for any of it. Oh I did at the very first then I started to think there was something wrong with me that you'd hook up with, well, someone else. It took me a long time to come to terms with how I dealt with what happened. Until my sentencing, I didn't really know what depression was. With the hospitalization for a year, and monthly therapy since I got out, I think I could write a book on it now, at least on how it affects me and I deal with it." I was still speaking quietly, intently, trying to impress on her just what I was trying to say, what I was feeling. I don't know if I was succeeding or not. My problem was, I didn't really know if all what I was saying was the truth, or just that I'd been stating it for so long it sounded like the truth. Did I, or didn't I, deep down blame her for everything, and I just won't admit it? My therapist and I had knocked this around quite a bit and had never come to a firm resolution.

Tears were running down her face. She made no attempt to wipe them away. "You have every right to blame me, put the blame where it really belongs."

"You're right, I could. But would it solve anything, would it undo the past, would it help either of us in the future? I don't think so. It happened, and it's over. That's the way I look at it now." I took a deep breath and decided to go for it. "Erica, I love the thought of being in love with you again. Will it happen? I don't know, but I'd like for us to try."

"Oh my God, Evan. You don't know how much I've wanted to hear those words. It's something I've hoped and prayed for, for years." She was openly sobbing now, but in relief. It took a few minutes for her to regain her composure. "I know we're supposed to go out for lunch, but I don't think I can. Not now. Why don't I throw something together and we can stay here and visit. There's so much I want to tell you, so much I want to ask."

"I think that's a plan. I don't much feel like putting on my public face right now. What can I do to help?" I was sort of relieved. I didn't really want to leave the comfort of her apartment. It was time to learn about each other and see if there would, could, be any relationship.

Together we made a couple of sandwiches, got some fresh veggies and homemade cookies and had lunch. Erica put on a fresh pot of coffee. We sat at her kitchen table, almost like old times, and chatted the whole afternoon away. I learned about how her parents had heard about her cheating and our breaking up, how she was made to confront my mother and sisters, her life in Burnaby while at BCIT. She hadn't had an easy time of it, but neither had I. I told her about prison and getting my degree there, the classes I had taught, my fathers' funeral. She admitted that she hadn't gone, knowing she wouldn't be welcome. I guess it wasn't her I'd seen at the burial.

It was late afternoon when I finally decided I had to leave. There was a lot we had discussed that I had to take in. Erica walked me to the front door of her apartment block.

"Evan, oh Evan. I'm so glad you made that call. I've really enjoyed this afternoon, well, most of it anyway. Do you have any inkling of what might happen with us?"

"Erica, I'm glad too. What's going to happen? I don't know, but I know I want to see you again, take you out for a good dinner, have a real date."

"I'd love to do that, too. Just tell me when."

"I'll have to check my day book. I don't think I have too much scheduled for the next week. We're doing renos so the shop is closed but I might have to look after some of our corporate customers. Can I call you?"

"Please, anytime. If I'm not here call my cell or leave a message." She gave me a quick kiss on the lips and returned to her apartment. I walked to my truck, deep in thought. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound. Maybe it will work out. Time will tell.

I was busy the next week. With Jim and Sonja on their honeymoon I got to respond to all the calls that Jim would normally take. I was quite happy to do that since it gave me a reason to re-connect with our customers. The renos were coming along with Maria supervising the crew redoing the restaurant part. We still hadn't found anyone to help her, but I didn't expect to start searching in earnest until after we re-opened. I was able to catch up on the never ending paper work as well as taking care of our customers. I was starting to appreciate just how much work Jim had been doing. It was a good move, making him and Sonja full partners.

On Wednesday I called Debbie, "Deb, still doing the yard clean-up and barbie on Saturday?"

"Yeah, Evan. Bring your work gloves and be prepared to get dirty."

"Can I bring a guest? I'm sure they'll pitch in to help."

"Of course. Anyone we know?"

"Well, Jim and Sonja aren't due back till late afternoon so I doubt it, but you'll see. See you on Saturday. 'Bye Sis."

"Bye Evan, see you Saturday."

I called Erica, but her phone went to the answering machine. Of course, she's working. I didn't want to call her cell if she was working so I left a message for her to call me. At least at the family barbeque it would be neutral territory, sort of, and she would know almost everyone there.

Erica called me back later that evening. I told her that she should wear grubbies since we'd have to work for our supper, but I didn't tell her where we were going.

Saturday morning I got my stuff together and headed to Fairview. I had told Erica I'd pick her up before noon so we could grab a bite to eat on the way. We didn't have to be at my sisters' place at any set time, but I wanted to get there fairly early in the afternoon. There was work to do. We grabbed a quick sandwich and coffee at the Coffee Coral and headed to Bridgeville. I still hadn't told her where we were going, but she was okay with that. At least we were together.

I pulled up in front of Debbie's home. "Okay, we've arrived. Here's some gloves. You might need them."

"Uh, okay Evan. Just where are we anyway?"

"My sister Debbie and her hubbie live here. You'll like Gerry, he's a great guy."

"Are you sure about this? I mean, the last time I saw Debbie I wasn't in her good books."

"Just go with it. I asked to bring someone with me, but didn't tell her it was you. Barb and Wendy will be here too, and James might even bring his latest flame."

She sounded skeptical, "Well, okay. If they don't mind..."

"Relax. They'll be happy to see you. Water under the bridge and all that. And anyway, you see Barb and Wendy all the time."

We walked around the house and into the back yard. Debbie started, "Evan, 'bout time," then noticed who was with me. "Erica," she shrieked, "It's Erica. My God, how are you?" She came running over and enveloped Erica in a huge hug. "Evan said he was bringing someone, but he never said it was you. Come, come. Sit down. Can I get you something? Are you two...?"

"Sis, give it a rest. She's my date for the family barbeque. I told her that you would be a slave driver and make her work for her supper." I was smiling at her reaction.

Debbie came over and gave me a hug, "I'm so glad to see you together. Barb and Wendy will be thrilled. James too, if he comes."

Debbie introduced Erica and Gerry, who remarked that he was happy to meet the mystery woman he'd heard about. Debbie got some coffees for her and Erica and made it known that Gerry and I were on our own as far as yard work goes. She and Erica had some catching up to do.

Barb and Wendy showed up a bit later, and resulted in the same shrieking and hugging. Of course Barb and Wendy had been meeting Erica off and on for quite awhile, so there was no catching up on their part. Still, they were happy to sit and chat while Gerry and I worked. It wasn't onerous, and I enjoyed being out in the fresh air away from my desk.

James and his girlfriend, Joan, showed up a bit later. She was a cute little blonde with a bubbly personality. She and James seemed to get along great. I later learned they'd been together about four months, and were officially a couple. James came down to the back of the yard where Gerry and I were working. We continued cleaning up the yard and talking. The women sat at the picnic table chatting and having coffee. We bitched and moaned until Debbie and Erica took pity on us and brought us some coffee as well. Erica handed me mine then sat on the ground beside me to finish hers while I drank mine. I could see that some of the spark was back in her eyes. This family outing had been a good move.

Coffee break over, Gerry, James and I got back to work. Gerry had one huge, old pine tree in his yard as well as several smaller trees. The pine had some dead branches just out of reach from the ground. We decided that they should be removed since we were doing the whole yard. I'd always climbed trees and almost anything else when I was a kid, so I told Gerry to forget about the ladder. Just hand me the saw after I climbed up.

"You sure, Evan? It's no big deal to get the ladder," Gerry asked.

"Hey, I haven't climbed a tree for years, but it's like riding a bike. Some things you don't forget," was my cocky reply. I handed him the pruning saw and I began climbing up the tree. I really didn't have to go too high, maybe ten feet or so. Gerry handed me the pruning saw and I began to cut the dead branches, allowing them to fall to the ground. All was going well until I was holding onto one branch and cutting another when the branch I was holding onto broke. The last thing I remember was hearing the sickening crack as my left leg broke, just above my ankle. The fall knocked me out.

Chapter 13

I came to in the hospital. At first I didn't know where I was, only that my head hurt abominably and my leg was excruciating. The room was dark except for the glow of the quiet, digital machinery. I slowly became of wires running all over the place from my body. Monitors. Why did I need monitors? Slowly it came back to me; the tree, falling, branch breaking. I also became aware of something else; I couldn't move. Why? Panic was setting in and I tried to move my arms and legs. I tried to turn and see who else was in the room. No go. Now panic was really setting in.

I guess my moans and attempts to move alerted whoever was in the room because within a minute a nurse came in and turned on the lights. She came over to check and saw that I was, indeed, awake, well sort of.

"Good to have you back. Just rest quietly. We had to restrain you so you couldn't move around and cause more damage. You have a badly broken leg and severe concussion. I'll be back in a minute. I need to let the doctor know you're conscious."

I couldn't move so I just blinked my eyes. A shadow fell over my face as someone leaned in front of the lights shining in my eyes. I couldn't see who it was, just sort of a shape of a head.

"Evan, you really had us worried. You'll be okay, son. I'm so glad you're awake. I was so scared."

Mom. What was she doing here? I tried to speak but there seemed to be something in my throat. Just then I heard someone come into the room. It was the nurse returning with a doctor.

"Evan. I'm Doctor Evans. I did the work on your leg. Just relax for a few minutes. We had to restrain you because you were moving around while you were unconscious and we couldn't risk you causing any more damage. Now that you're awake, we'll get those restraints off you." The nurse began unfastening the restraints, starting with the one holding my head. "You can't talk yet, there's a breathing tube in your throat. Do you remember what happened?"

I shook my head 'no'.

"Okay, you broke your leg when it caught in the branch of a tree. That was Saturday afternoon, over three days ago. You also struck your head and have a concussion. I know you're sore. Do you need something for pain?"

I nodded yes, hoping the pain in my head and leg would go away.

"Okay, I'll authorize an increase in your medication. You get your rest. I'll check later this morning to see how you're doing." He made a note on my chart and the nurse put something into the IV running into my left arm. Blackness returned.

It was daylight when I regained consciousness. I could tell because the room was brighter even with the lights off. I looked over to my right and saw someone in a chair next to the bed.

"Evan. I'm so glad you're awake. You're goin' to be okay." It was my sister Debbie. "We were so scared, so worried. Do you remember what happened? I'll get the nurse. Be right back." I heard her open the door and walk down the hall, returning moments later followed by a different nurse.

"Evan, I'm Michelle, your day nurse. The doctor will be in to remove the tube from your throat in a few minutes. I know you're probably in pain. Do you need anything more? I can increase the dose if the pain is too bad." I shook my head no. She made a few notes on my chart. "I'll just let the doctor know you're awake. Be back in a few minutes." I heard her leave the room.

"Evan, you'll be okay. We'll look after you, all of us. Oh my God, I'm so sorry, so sorry. We shouldn't have let it happen. Jerry is devastated. Says it's his fault."

I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't really know what she was talking about.

"Do you remember climbing the tree?" she asked. I shook my head, no.

"You, Jerry and James were working in the yard..." she went on to relate the events that led to me lying here in a hospital bed. As she talked parts of what happened were coming back. I clearly remembered the sickening snap as my leg broke.

"...and so you finally woke up three days later. That was around three this morning from what Mom said. We've all been taking turns sitting with you, waiting for you to wake up. We were all so worried, so scared." She was openly weeping by the time she finished.

I was trying to digest all this as the nurse returned, followed shortly after by a doctor. "Evan, I'm going to remove the breathing tube. I don't think you'll need it any more. Your throat will be sore for a couple of days and you probably won't have much of a voice. Don't worry, it's only temporary." He slowly removed the breathing tube from my throat after the nurse turned off the respirator.

"Thank you," I whispered, "head hurts. Leg."

"Yes, you have a severe concussion. Rest will take care of it eventually. It will take some time, but I expect that it will heal completely. Your left leg has a compound fracture just above the ankle. Your leg must have caught in the fork of the tree when you fell. I'm afraid that you're going to be off your feet for quite awhile, months anyway."

"Have to get to work," I whispered.

"Not for awhile. Your partner will be in later today. He and his wife have come in every day after five to check up on you. He'll fill you in if you're awake." He turned to the nurse and asked about the medication, then made a few notes on the ubiquitous chart. "Okay Evan, I'll check back later. I've left orders to increase the pain medication if needed. You can also have some liquids like soup or broth if you're hungry. We'll wait a couple of days before we try solid food." With a small wave of his hand he left the room.

The nurse said, "Okay Evan, you're in intensive care, the ICU right now. We'll probably move you out of here tomorrow. If you need anything just push this buzzer. Your family have been with you since the accident, so they'll help as well. Now you behave, I have to check on my other patients." She left the room.

I whispered to Debbie, "How long was I out?"

"You were out over three days. We've all been taking turns sitting with you, even Jim and Sonja and Erica. Mom and I have been here the most since we don't have jobs. Jim and Sonja have been coming in after the store closes. Oh, that reminds me; I'd better call them and let them know you're awake." She pulled out her cell and called the store. "Sonja, Evan's awake." "Yes, around three this morning and just a few minutes ago." "Yes, of course. We'll see you later."

"She said they'll be in after five. Everyone sends their best. They'll all be in to visit when they can. They just want you to get well. We all do. Now you get your rest or I'll sick the nurse on you."

"Thanks, Sis," I whispered, "tired. Sleep." I drifted off again.

The next day I was moved into a two bed ward. Over the next few weeks I slowly healed. My headaches virtually disappeared and I started doing physio to strengthen my leg. I went from wheel chair to crutches relatively quickly, but it would be quite awhile until I was in a walking cast. Jim and Sonja ran the business and from what I could gather, it continued to do well. I couldn't wait to get back. All the women, including Erica, came and sat with me during the day, taking shifts. Now that I was awake and sort of ambulatory they couldn't see any point in staying overnight.

Jerry was almost a basket case, feeling guilty about the accident, until I angrily told him to knock it off. If anything it was my fault for being a dumbass and trying to pretend I was a kid. He stopped blaming himself, at least out loud. We remain friends.

Erica came in when she could, and the weekends she had off, she spent most of the day with me. We just relaxed and talked about nothing in particular and visited with all the others who came in. At one point the doctor had to put restrictions on the number of visitors since everyone wanted to come in, and it seemed all at once. When it became evident that one of my family or Erica would spend days with me, they allowed only two other visitors at a time.

Erica and I were becoming more and more comfortable with each other. My Mom and Erica's parents were happy, even relieved, to see us together after everything that had happened. My Mom told me that it was Erica who sat with me all Saturday night after I came out of the OR, and most of Sunday until they almost physically kicked her out of the hospital to go home and get some rest. She did have to work the next day, after all.

About six weeks after being admitted to hospital I was discharged. Since I still needed care, I would be staying with my Mom in her apartment. It was two bedrooms on the ground floor of a +55 complex. She had received special permission for me to stay as long as necessary. As tiring as it was, I was happy to be out of the hospital and able to at least go outside and sit in the late autumn sun.