The Diary

"What did she do?" I asked taking a bite of the chicken liver crostini. It really was delish.

"She ran a private establishment for... um... certain fetishes."

"A whorehouse?"

"No. It's not a place you paid for sex. She was a dominatrix." He took a sip of his wine and I could tell he was uncomfortable. "She taught people about the Dominant / submissive lifestyle."

"You mean bondage?" I asked confused.

"Well the two things are different... but... yes she taught both."

"Whoa. So wait... you were like her submissive plaything?" I suddenly felt more nervous than he looked. Was this the moment where his perfect image shatters?

"No. Nothing like that." John said with a soft smile. "I was intrigued by the idea of it. I wanted to see it for myself. She let me join her one evening at her place. I'd never seen anything like it. I had this list of rules regarding what I was and wasn't allowed to do while I was there. It was like walking into another world. I don't know how else to describe it."

"So you watched her boss around another guy and make him do things?" It was all very confusing.

"That session was with another woman. She was bisexual. Maybe more of a lesbian that enjoyed men on the side." He corrected me. "Are you sure you want to know more? I don't want to scare you. I want you, Sarah. That's not something I need in my life anymore."

"I want to understand." I said nervously. "So what happened? Did you see her with other people?"

"Many other people." He answered. "I liked it more than I should have. I'm not sure why she allowed it. The more I learned about her the more I realized that she didn't invite people to watch this part of her life. She didn't keep men around as long as I was with her either. She didn't talk about it with outsiders. For whatever reason, Becca made an exception for me and soon she began teaching me what it meant to be a Dominant. I didn't ask her to. She let me get more involved in her sessions. And then she let me handle some sessions on my own. She said I fascinated her."

"Shit." I gasped. "You slept with these women? Were there a lot?"

"Yeah... I slept with most of them. There were quite a few over the time I spent with her."

"So you like know how to tie someone up and stuff like that."

"I became very good at it. Becca knew that I was in school, but she offered me a place to come work with her... not so much as an apprentice but as an equal. She said that she liked the idea of having a male Dominant around full time. She said I had a gift for the lifestyle. She'd never made someone an offer like that before. But I couldn't invest that much time in it. I kept that entire part of my life separate from my social life at NYU. And there was a part of me that wanted it too much. I don't know what to call it. Like they were dark needs and I felt like I should get away from it. You're the only one that knows the truth."

John sat there and watched me. It was like he was gauging my reaction. He sipped his wine and then I sipped mine and then we looked at each other silently for what seemed like forever. "I have so many more questions." I finally responded. "It's crazy. I think I'm equally turned on and scared at the same time."

"You shouldn't be." He calmed me. "There is nothing scary about it. And I'm not asking you to be a part of it. I left that behind."

It made sense to me now. Every time we saw each other he had this ability to make me feel so nervous, and he maintained such control. He was far more experienced than I had assumed. Everything started to become clear. How he touched me the first time we met. The things he said to me that night. It was all very dominant. It's like Paul and Tessa didn't know anything about him. No one did. And part of me felt special being the only one he'd ever told.

"How... how would it work if I showed up to that place?" I asked softly. "What would you do the first time you saw me?"

John stared at me pensively. "Everyone is different, Sarah. You have to take some time to examine someone, physically and emotionally, and understand what they need. It takes patience and practice."

"What do I need?"

"Stand up." He told me. I lifted myself from my cushion and stood in the center of the room. He got up and walked over toward me. He walked around me looking me up and down. "You have very little self-control." He stated. "You do what you want. You lack structure. You're impulsive."

"Well... that's not..."

I felt his hand slap my ass and it startled me. "Don't speak." He undid the silk tie on my robe and pulled it from my shoulders. This was the most undressed I'd been in front of him. I felt his fingers run down my back and wrap around my hips. His touch was so gentle but electric. "You have an amazing body. I bet you've thought about using that dildo every day. It pains you to ignore it. You've never waited this long to sleep with someone. The restraint is difficult. You don't like being restrained. It's not in your nature. But I haven't given you much choice." His fingers disappeared beneath my panties. "You want me to touch you here, don't you?" His lips were millimeters from my neck and my pussy screamed for attention as his fingers brushed over it.

"Yes." I whispered as if he lulled me into some dream.

He pulled my panties down slowly and crouched down behind me. I felt his lips kiss my ass. His fingers ran between my legs along my slit. It shot fire through my body. And then he was standing again behind me. I wanted him so badly in that moment. My bra fell away from my chest as he flicked at the clasp. "On your knees." He instructed and I dropped down in front of him. "I know what you want, Sarah." He told me as he pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He tossed them aside. I watched as he unlaced his shoes and set them aside. It was finally going to happen. John stood in front of me and unbuckled his belt. Everything was happening so slowly. His pants fell and my eyes were trained on thick bulge in his boxer briefs. I reached up to grab it and he bent forward and pinched my nipple. "Hands at your side. You don't have permission to touch."

"But..."

He pinched my nipple again and I gasped at the sharp pain. "No talking." I kept my hands at my side and watched as he dropped his underwear. I could have died right there. That beautiful cock throbbed mere inches from my face. John reached down and stroked it. Seeing his hands working up and down the length made my pussy gush. "You want to touch it?"

"Please! Yes!" I pleaded.

"I told you when we met that you would beg, didn't I?"

And then it occurred to me that's exactly what he had told me. It's exactly what I was doing right now. "You did." My breath was ragged with anticipation.

"Right hand only. You can touch it."

My hand shot out immediately. I groaned out loud just feeling it. The dildo didn't do it justice. It couldn't match the sheer hardness of it and the heat of it. My hand looked so small on his shaft as I pumped it back and forth.

"I love a woman in lingerie." John said as he watched. "You dressed exactly how I asked." He held out his hand. "Come with me."

He walked me toward the bed in my small studio apartment and bent me over. I could feel him pull my arms back behind me. He used his necktie to secure my forearms together. His right hand pressed into my back as his left hand slipped between my legs and attacked my clit with deft movements.

"Oh god!" I groaned.

"Let me see you cum, Sarah. Show me how that pretty pussy cums."

"Oh god!" I cried out again. His words could have made me climax on their own. But his fingers did things I didn't think possible. They plucked at my clit like some exotic instrument. "Please fuck me..." I gasped. "Oh god! Oh yes..." He toyed with me. Every time I got close he stopped. Then after I whined and begged he would start again. I'd never been teased like that before. My body was near shaking as the orgasm built up and he held me on the edge. When I couldn't beg anymore and my words had become mumbles, he let my climax shatter through me. "Oh fuck." I whispered as my chest heaved.

While I lay on the bed recovering my senses, I felt the thick head of his cock rub up and down my slit. I felt him press it into me and my pussy stretched to accommodate his girth. I let out an embarrassing groan. "Tight and wet." He said approvingly. He pushed it a little deeper. "That's what you want, isn't it?"

"Yes!" I cried begging him to keep going.

He pushed it in so slowly. I wasn't used to someone that was quite so big. And he was thicker than I thought. Finally I felt him move his hips as his cock started to piston inside me. It was still slower than I wanted. Torturous. He pulled himself out completely. "Keep those eyes forward." He instructed. I could hear him stroking his cock. "Your body is perfect." The words made me feel even needier. He liked me and he wanted me and he was driving me crazy. I wanted his cock back inside me. He didn't say another word. I lay there panting until I felt a huge splash of cum shoot all over my ass.

"No! Did you cum?" I asked. "But..."

John leaned down and whispered in my ear. "That's what I would have done if you showed up at Becca's place." He said. "That's how I would've treated you. You need to learn a little discipline and self-control. You're not ready for real discipline. That would scare you away. So I chose self-control through denial. You should be happy I let you cum at all. Someone like you only needs a taste of submission. It takes a hold of your thoughts and you'll need to come back. And then it's a dark spiral into a world that will make you want things you didn't know you wanted." He stood back up and took on a more relaxed tone. "Or something to that effect."

My mind was lost in his words. Is that what submission was? It didn't seem so bad. Or was he making it easy to draw me in? Is that how it worked? He was right that I wanted more. I'd drop to my knees in an instant and wait as long as he made me. Did that mean I wanted to explore it more? I wasn't sure. I could hear him behind me getting dressed. He came up and untied my arms. I reached back and rubbed the cum into my skin. I loved the feel of it on me.

"Are you leaving?"

"That's how a first session works."

"Then I want a second session starting right now." I demanded.

"That's not how it works."

"No!" I stated firmly. "You may not leave. Not after that. Stay here. Sleep next to me. Even if you won't fuck me... just stay. I'll beg if that's what you want."

John stopped and looked me over. "Okay. No begging." He began getting undressed again and he climbed into the bed. I crawled up next to him and wrapped my arms around his chest and draped my leg between his. This felt right to me. Being naked together in bed felt very right.

"I love you, John Anderson." I whispered. "I don't want you to leave. I don't ever want you to leave." He kissed my forehead and held me close. "I'll be whatever you want me to be."

"I don't expect you to be submissive. I only wanted to show you a tiny taste. You were curious." He said it as if it was bothering him. "I like our relationship. I was just as afraid to tell you about that part of my life as you were to tell me about Callie." I squeezed him tighter to let him know it was okay. "I love you too, Sarah. I'm falling in love with you."

I think I stopped breathing for a minute. There it was! After two months and so many amazing dates, he said it! I wanted to get up and jump for joy. I wanted to go up to the roof and megaphone it to the whole city. "Attention New York City! John Anderson is in love with Sarah Stone. Attention New York: John Anderson is off the market! That's right, ladies, he's mine! Back the fuck up!" But I didn't get up and make that absurd announcement. Instead I rolled over and straddled him. I leaned in and kissed him so hard. "I want to know everything about that part of your life, John. I don't ever want you to be afraid to share it. And I want you to make me your submissive. Don't you understand? I'm in love with you too. It's like you are the missing piece that makes me whole." My emotions got the better of me and my eyes watered.

John smiled up at me. "Fuck me." He said quietly.

I gasped at the words and reached behind me to find his cock was hard again. I guided it up to my pussy and then sat back hard letting it fill me. He didn't direct me. He didn't have conditions. He just let me ride him. It was earth shattering.

******

"God damn! Mr. Anderson, that was so fucking hot!" Jenny Mills tapped the screen on her mom's tablet and e-mailed the photos to her secret account—the one her mom didn't know about—and she printed a copy to the Bluetooth printer in her room. She hopped off the bed and stuck the tablet back in her mom's lock box and used the spare key she had made to lock it all up.

Jenny knew her mom had been hiding something lately. It was evident in the way she got herself all done up to go across the street earlier. Now she understood why. For the life of her, Jenny couldn't figure out how her mom managed to find the diary in the first place. No one would leave something like that lying around.

She wasn't surprised by the ingenious idea of taking a picture of each page. It was a typical maneuver on her mom's part. Always snooping and trying to be sneaky. Jenny knew all about her mom's tricks and gave her just enough information to make her think she had the upper hand. Jenny had her own tablet that her mom didn't know about, and it allowed her to stay in touch with her friends without being spied on.

She was surprised that Mr. Anderson had taken an interest in her mother. She always liked him. He was always nice to her and never seemed to be the overbearing kind of parent that she'd come to hate. On some level, Jenny didn't want her mom to find a guy. Her dad may have cheated but she always blamed all their problems on her mom anyway. After they split, Jenny's life became difficult with all the new house rules that made her resent her mother.

Normally she would sabotage the relationship. She drove the last guy away by talking back to him when he stopped by and acting like an unruly bitch. The guy before that she had offered to blow. He was a little hairy and kind of gross, but he was so thankful for teenage mouth on his cock that he didn't last more than a minute. She'd told him to beat it after he came on her tits or she'd tell her mom that he touched her. He practically ran for the door and never called again.

Jenny wasn't so sure that would work on Mr. Anderson. She didn't really want to hurt him in that way either. It wasn't his fault that her mother was a cunt. Usually she just had to dress sexy around anyone her mom brought around. Jenny was a much hotter version of her mother. She had the same massive rack and similar long blonde hair. She had the same blue doe eyes that made her seem a lot more innocent than she was. But her body was thin and taut, unlike her mom's curvier figure. She had the perfect thighs and narrow waist. She had the slim neck and gentle features. She had the ass that bubbled out and looked irresistible in a pair of jeans. She had been the definition of jailbait. But she was eighteen now; the same age as Callie but a year ahead in school.

This one was going to take some thinking. Maybe a harmless flirt with Mr. Anderson would give her an idea of his interest. It's not like he was an innocent guy. Nope. Not after reading those journal entries. Worst case, she thought, he ignores her flirts and she figures out something else. Best case, he flirts back and she goes in for the kill. It won't be a quick blowjob this time either. She wanted to fuck him.

******

"I'm so sorry about that." John announced stepping out onto the deck with a tray for drinks. "I have a nervous investor in a new fund I've been working with. I swear I never get calls on Saturday. Anyway, it's all settled now." He set the tray on the table getting a look at her in the lounge chair. "I've never seen you in a bikini, have I? You look amazing."

"Thanks." She beamed but did her best to act modest. Truth was she tried on every bathing suit she owned trying to look perfect. She settled on a white bikini with pink rhinestones. The cups could barely hold in her bust. "It's not new. I just don't have an occasion to wear it very often."

"My lucky day I guess. I have a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and I've got tonic, orange juice and grapefruit juice. That should be enough to get in some trouble, right?"

Heather giggled. "You're in a good mood."

"I've been reevaluating my choices. Have you ever had a bunch of things happen and you could swear that the universe was trying to tell you something?"

"Uh oh. Your daughter gets in trouble once and you've gone all existential."

"No. It's got nothing to do with the suspension. I don't know. Maybe it was giving that old trunk to Callie. Maybe it just brought up some memories or something. But it's like the last two days have been reminding me about what my life was like before Sarah died."

Heather paused momentarily at the mention of the trunk. "Your life is great, John. I don't think you've made bad choices. Your daughter is smart and sweet. Everybody loves you. I told you that you're all the women talk about at school."

"Exactly!" John said. "Callie wore this outfit yesterday that Sarah wore the night I met her. She couldn't realize the significance of it. But I thought about Sarah a lot yesterday. I loved my wife. I loved her so much. And I was heartbroken after she died." Heather looked at him sympathetically. "But you know what she said before she passed? She told me that I had permission to be happy again. She didn't want me to stay single. I was only thirty-four." He poured himself a greyhound and tipped his glass back. "So yesterday, I'm looking at Callie wearing this outfit and I remember that conversation and I wonder why I stayed single. I haven't had sex in over seven years. And why? You said it yourself. All these women find me attractive. I'm hot dad. I'm Mr. Fucking Mom."

Heather was taken aback by this side of him. She wondered for a minute if Callie did know the significance of that outfit. At this point she must have read that she wasn't his biological daughter. There were so many dark corners in his life. It looked like his resolve was already cracking. Did it happen naturally because Callie wore her mom's old clothes? Did it matter? She hoped it would work to her advantage.

"Well I couldn't have done that. That's too long to go without intimacy." She replied without being too suggestive. "Any woman would be lucky to have you."

John poured back his drink and made another. Heather tilted her glass back as well. "It's just these little things, Heather. They keep reminding me of this other part of me. It seems uncanny."

"Maybe you should try and sleep with someone. See if it feels right. Seven years is a long time."

"I don't know. Maybe."

Heather leaned back in her chair and sipped her drink. She pulled out her lotion and a book. John gave her a quizzical glance.

"What?" She asked.

"The book." He noted.

"All the moms are reading it." She said. "Haven't you?"

"No."

"Well the writing is awful. But everyone is reading it for the sex anyway." She set the copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on the little table. "Who knew it could be so exciting? I mean I never would have guessed that bondage would turn me on. You can borrow it when I'm done."

John's head was swimming. "This is exactly what I'm talking about." He said exasperated. "Why of all days would you bring up that subject?" Part of him really thought he was losing it.

"Bondage?" She asked dumbly. "Wait! Did you used to be into bondage?" He didn't answer. "Oh come on, John. Tell me. I promise I won't tell a soul." Heather had only bought the book last night hoping she could use it to bring up the subject organically. She hadn't actually read it. "I thought we were in the single parent's club!" She pleaded. "We keep each other's secrets!"