The Diary

John looked her over. "It was another life." He said tentatively. "But you really can't tell anyone." She had that familiar curiosity that churned his old feelings. He knew that she liked him. It had always been plain to see.

Heather crossed her chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

"I swear everything lately is making me think of sex. It's bizarre."

"Wait! Rewind. Come on, John. Did you and Sarah like to do that kind of stuff? Like were you really into it or just sort of?" Her heart began to race. He was so close to admitting it. It seemed like he wanted to say more but there was something holding him back. His gaze was distant as if he were a million miles away.

"I've only shared those details with one person. Sarah was the only one I told about that part of my life." He finally said looking back at her.

"You mean it was before Sarah?" She hadn't gotten that far in his journal yet. It was a revelation.

John's mind drifted while all those needs filled him up again. It was just like this morning when Callie was bent over the coffee table and he shot his load on her ass. When all the restraint he'd practiced since his wife's death had disintegrated and he didn't care about anything but his dominant persona—that inner beast. He wanted that power again. He wanted to fuck and see a woman beg. Heather's tits were so big, he noted as he stared at them. It would be easy to tie them into a breast harness. He wondered how she would fare with some heavy nipple weights or how they would look after he took a crop to them. Yes, he thought to himself, she would look good on her knees prone and submissive.

"Yoo hoo!" She whistled and then waved her hand in front of his face. He snapped out of it looking up. "What happened there? You zoned out."

"Sorry. I... I was just..." He could see the expectant look on her face while she waited for an answer. And then he felt that old smile creep across his face. The one he used to flash when he knew a woman would give herself over to him. "I was thinking that I could do a lot with those." He nodded to her breasts.

"Oh!" She said with genuine surprise. "Aren't you feeling naughty all of a sudden! Don't tease a girl. I haven't been laid in months."

"When I was younger I realized that there were two things in this world I was truly good at." He said feeling that old confidence take over. "Finance and fucking."

"Whoa... uh... Shit, John." Heather was really taken aback by his comment. All her fantasies aside, it was a remarkable thing to see this well-mannered man reveal his darker side. It caught her off guard. "Wha... what's gotten into you?"

"You wanted to know, right? I was into bondage and submission. And I learned from an experienced female dominatrix. I learned really well. And I wasn't just good, I was great. I did some shit that most people wouldn't dream of in their boring vanilla lives. And when I met Sarah, she asked me to train her to be submissive. I loved her. And I dominated her. And now after all these years of dicking around and playing suburban house dad, I want my old life back."

"I... uh... I don't... uh..." Heather stammered in shock.

"Is that too much for you digest?" He asked in a curt, even tone. "Do you know what I see when I look at your tits?" He reached behind her neck and pulled the tie on her bikini letting the top flop forward and watching her breasts spill out. "I see a breast harness. I'm thinking a six gauge nylon rope with a double wrapped shoulder harness. I'd want it to be tied real tight to let you feel the rope dig into your skin. I'd leave just enough flesh visible to whip with a riding crop." He reached forward and rubbed the top of her breast as if choosing where to strike her. Then he squeezed her left nipple. The massive light pink areolas nearly blended in with her skin. "Maybe some eight ounce nipple weights to start. I'd like to listen to you beg just like that"

"Fuck." She gasped quietly. She lifted her glass and poured it all back and then took his and downed it as well. Her face was flushed and she felt overwhelmed. Her own hand had moved to her breast squeezing the flesh as if she were imagining all the sensations he described. "Who the fuck are you?" She whispered quietly in a sultry tone.

John couldn't believe he said it all. It just came out and he couldn't stop it. He didn't want to stop it. He wanted to be rid of this shell. And now he stood at the end of her lounge chair feeling free and determined for the first time since Sarah was diagnosed.

"I'm your neighbor and fellow single parent. I'm just an involved father on the PTA and prom committee and arts council." He noted with a coy smile. "Come here." He crooked his finger and beckoning her forward. Heather inched down to the end of the chair. Her breasts jiggled and the lower half of her bikini top was still tied around her chest. John ran his fingers around the back of her neck and into her hair tilting her face up toward him. "Does that turn you on?" He asked.

"Yes." She uttered huskily. He had her completely unhinged. Her breasts were exposed and she was soaked between her legs.

John used his free hand to unbutton his shorts and drop them down. He wasn't wearing underwear. He grabbed the base of his cock lifted his half hard length to her face and tapped the fat head against her lips. "Over seven years." He stated. "It's about time I had a wet, warm mouth around my cock."

Heather's big, blue eyes stared up at him as his words registered. He let go of her hair and she grabbed his cock in her hands and looked at it for the first time. "Oh god..." She whispered with dumbfounded approval. She looked back up at him wondering if it was really happening. The whole thing was big and thick and she could feel it stiffening in her hand. Then she looked back at the fat head and pressed her lips around it.

John let out a long overdue groan. How could he have let it go so long? He missed the feel of a woman's lips on him. "Is that good?" He asked.

Heather pulled the head from her mouth and used her hand to coat it with her saliva. "Why is this happening?" She begged for some clarity. It had been years that she lusted after him and suddenly one afternoon he skipped all the formalities and put his cock in her mouth. It didn't seem real. She squeezed the shaft in her hand examining it. "I've wanted this for so long. I never thought it would actually..."

"Just suck it." He said without much emotion. "We'll turn this into a good slut mouth." The words sent shivers down her spine.

******

Callie was working diligently in the corner of a FedEx Kinko's at the strip mall in the middle of Mendham. She found a copy machine in the back where she could have a little privacy. Page by page she copied each one of her mom's diaries. There were twelve books in all and each one was fairly thick. It was too conspicuous when she read them, and she hoped if she could get them on her computer that no one would be the wiser. Not even her dad.

It took her forty five minutes before she had every journal photocopied. She put all the pages in order and then stared at the huge stack in front of her. It was ten years' worth of memories although there were times when a month or more passed between entries. She even copied the letters that her mom wrote. She loaded the whole stack into the feeder and scanned it to her e-mail address.

Callie sat at a table near the plate glass window and waited for it to finish. She was startled by the knock on the glass. Allison Costas was standing on the sidewalk outside with a shopping cart brimming with groceries and waving at her. Callie forced a pleasant smile and waved back. Allison held up a finger and mouthed 'wait a minute' before parking her cart and quickly unloading her haul into the trunk of her Chevy Tahoe.

Callie didn't want to be disturbed so she rushed to finish. She shoved the stack of journals back into her backpack and zipped it up just as Allison came in the door.

"Callie, hi!" Allison said trying to act chipper. "I'm so glad I ran into you. Are you doing schoolwork on a Saturday?"

"Hi, Mrs. Costas. No. It's nothing." She replied grabbed the huge stack of photocopied pages and dropping it in the trash. "It's just a personal project I've been working on."

"Oh, okay. Well I wanted to apologize about everything that happened yesterday. I know that Kelly was spreading some nasty rumors about you in school. Her dad has her grounded until prom." Allison stated. "I'm still hopeful that you both get to go."

"It's alright." Callie replied. "I don't want her grounded. It's fine, really."

"How did your dad take it when you guys got home?" Allison asked. "He seemed pretty upset."

"He handled it okay. I thought he'd be a lot more upset."

"That's good. Did he say anything about me? I think he was mad at me when we spoke afterward. I feel terrible with all the work he did getting the enchanted forest ready for prom."

"He didn't mention you."

"At all?" Allison asked more pointedly. She wondered if he felt like she wasn't worth his time. It bruised her ego.

"Nope." Callie responded. "Not that I heard. Anyway, I've got to get going. It was nice running into you." She grabbed her backpack and checked her phone to see if the e-mail file had come through. "Bye, Mrs. Costas."

"Alright. Bye, Callie. Tell your dad I said hello."

Callie was relieved to get away from her. It was awkward and uncomfortable. She hurried back to her car and tossed the backpack into the trunk with her shopping bags. Mrs. Costas wasn't the least bit subtle about her father. There were a few moms at school that asked about him a bit too frequently. Callie was used to shrugging them off and playing dumb. It bothered her sometimes though.

Allison watched Callie rush out of the store. She wished Kelly was better behaved like Callie. Her daughter was a bit of bitch. She glanced back at the copier and saw a single page that didn't make in the trash. She lifted it up to throw it away and quickly glanced at the words. There were some pretty lurid details about sex on the page. She glanced into the trash and pulled out the larger stack of papers and began reading the first page. Allison almost choked when she began to realize what it was. She grabbed the stack and ran back to her car feeling like a thief.

******

Callie carried her new clothes upstairs to her room. It was such a crazy day so far. The thought of her dad spraying cum on her ass had consumed her. Sure he had acted strange afterward, but that had faded from her mind. What did winning look like? Callie decided that it would be when her dad pushed that huge cock into her and made her feel all those amazing things. She didn't care about anything else.

She dropped the shopping bags on her floor and quickly downloaded the new file to her computer and saved it. She wondered what she would say to him when she went downstairs. Should she acknowledge the fact that he came on her? Should she pretend like everything was fine? She thought that maybe she should wear something sexy again. Would that get the desired reaction?

Callie heard the commotion outside and went to her window. The sight below made her heart sink. Ms. Mills was bent over on a lounge chair and her dad was fucking the shit out of her. Callie watched as her huge tits swung back and forth dragging on the chair. Did he like big tits? She reached up and grabbed hers. They were nice, but not huge like those. How could he do it? That was supposed to be her cock. He had cum on her ass this morning. And now Ms. Mills thought she could drop in and take it away from her. It wasn't fair.

Despite her upset, she admired his naked body. His chest was still muscled and he had powerful legs and arms. She hated that woman for fucking her dad, but that didn't stop her pussy from gushing at the display. Callie pulled off her clothes and let her fingers dive into her sensitive, wet pussy. She imagined it was her on that chair. She was rubbing her clit in fast circles when her father looked up and spotted her in the window.

Callie froze except for her fingers which had a mind of their own. He didn't stop when he saw her watching. He fucked the big-titted blonde even harder, and he kept his eyes on the window—on her. John made sure she got a good view of his cock plunging in and out of Heather's pussy. Callie placed a hand on the window as she watched and came so hard. She dug her fingers back in her pussy desperate to cum again and again.

******

Hours had passed since her dad and Ms. Mills went inside. Callie was too scared to go downstairs. What would she say to him? He had been celibate for years and now he broke that celibacy to fuck the blonde woman from across the street.

Callie buried herself back in her mom's journal. As if she weren't horny enough already, the entry where her parents finally fucked drove her into a tizzy. It wasn't that they had sex that set her off. It was about the way it happened. He stroked his cock in front of her first. Callie remembered him stroking his cock downstairs this morning. He made her mom bend over the bed and he jerked off on her. Callie had bent over the coffee table while he did the same thing. Even what he said to her was similar: "Keep your eyes forward." It was as if he recreated that evening all over again. Well not entirely, but the similarities were too big to be ignored. The only difference was that he had fucked her mom in the end. Callie was certain that he wanted to fuck her too. He was holding back. But he still crossed a line with her and that could only mean that he would cross it again.

She scrolled down on her computer to the next entry and kept reading.

******

Dear Diary - I am so totally and completely in love! It's the best feeling in the entire world. It's totally crazy to me. How did I even survive before I met him? I'm not even sure I was ever really happy before now. All of the dates with different guys! All of those failed relationships! How could I have been upset about any of it? None of those guys were right for me. I've finally found the one.

I haven't seen Tessa and Paul in a month or more. I've been so consumed with John and work and Callie that I put everything else aside. I felt bad about it. Like I've been a bad friend.

I pounded on the door frantically. "Tessa! Open up!" I called out.

Tessa finally came to the door in a short silk robe. "Sarah? What are you doing here? It's not really a good time."

"Bullshit!" I said pushing in. "We haven't seen each other in forever. There is so much to talk about!" I walked in and flopped myself back on the couch. "I'm in love! I'm head over heels, without a doubt, hopelessly in love." I poked my head up over the back of the couch and really noticed her attire for the first time. "What's with the sexy robe? And why do you have your hair in side buns?"

"It's nothing." Tessa answered quickly. "We should totally have a girl's lunch and talk about everything. How about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow!" I whined. "What's wrong with right now?" Tessa fidgeted. "Is everything okay? Oh god! Did I interrupt you and Paul doing the dirty?"

"Well... you sort of caught us on date night..."

"Yo! Princess Leia, are you going to come back in here and suck my light saber or do I have to use the force?"

"I..." Tessa stammered quickly.

I realized why her hair looked so familiar. It was the Carrie Fisher hairstyle from Star Wars. It dawned on me what was happening. "Are you role playing with Star Wars?"

Tessa looked so embarrassed. "Paul, Sarah stopped by..." She announced a little too loudly.

"Oh shit! Can she come back later?" It was a voice of deep disappointment.

"Stick that light saber back in your pants, Paul." I yelled out. I turned back toward Tessa. "I'm so judging you right now."

"He likes Star Wars!" She tried to explain. "Look we've been together a long time... sometimes I need to stick to the things that get him going..."

"So what? He's Luke or Han Solo?"

"Darth." She answered dejected.

"I'm going to try and unhear this whole conversation." I stuck my finger in my mouth like I might vomit. Then I quickly changed the subject. "Whatever. I'm ignoring all that. So... Like I said... I'm in love."

Tessa cheered up pretty quickly. "Like you personally are in love? Or you and John are in love with each other?"

"He said the words. And not 'I love you.' He said 'I'm in love with you.' It's unreal Tess! I've never been so happy!"

"And he's okay with Callie?"

"Oh god! I have so much to tell you. So last weekend he came out to have dinner with me and my parents. They love him by the way. And when he showed up Callie looked at him and said 'da da'! Her first words! First of all she's only nine months old and that's early for a first word... which says worlds about my parenting. Second, you should have seen the look on his face. He was elated. It was all he could talk about. My mom was pissed of course that her first words weren't 'grammy' or something. But the point is that he loves my little girl."

"Shit, Sarah." Tessa leaned in and hugged her. "This is really happening, huh? It's really working out?"

"Yes!" I squealed. "And it's thanks to you and Paul. I hated when you set me up with people... but this is life changing! I owe you both so much."

"You're welcome." Paul shouted from the next room.

"You don't have to hide, Paul. Come join us!"

"So I take it you guys... you know?" Tessa gestured the international sign for sex.

"Fucking mind blowing." It was all I said.

"And the centerpiece in your place?" She asked with a coy smile.

"Did not do it justice."

Tessa couldn't hold in her excitement any longer. "Holy shit, Sarah! I can't believe I lived to see it! I mean you're glowing!"

"I won the fucking lottery, Tess. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world."

"Second luckiest girl in the world." Paul noted as he popped his head around the corner; his lanky, pale white body clad in only a pair of boxers. "Tessa became the luckiest girl in the world when she got all this." He gestured his half naked frame.

"It's true." Tessa responded with a dry, facetious tone. "Who doesn't envy me? I mean look at him. He's a walking panty dropper. I practically have to beat the other women away." She turned her attention back to me. "So... do you think this is super serious? Is this like I want to marry him, serious?"

"I swore I'd never get married, Tess. You know that."

"But..." She said waiting for more.

"But... If he asked me tomorrow I'd say yes." I couldn't believe the words were coming out of my mouth. "For the first time I think the house and the kids and the whole domesticated package are what I want most."

Tessa stood up and jumped around excitedly. "You're not kidding!" She squealed. "Oh god! It's so exciting!" She broke into a little dance. She really was happy for me. I joined her and we hugged and hopped around giddily. "You fucking bitch! You're gonna end up getting married before me!"

"That's not true. I'm sure Paul will get his lazy ass in gear!" I said it way to loud so Paul would hear it.

"I hope so." Tessa said equally loud. "If my best friend got married before me, my boyfriend would have his weekly blowjob revoked for life."

"Weekly?" I laughed.

"He takes forever." Tessa said in all seriousness. "I'd rather someone just punch me in the jaw and pour chlorine in my mouth. It's the same difference as far as I'm concerned... and it takes a fraction of the time."

"Ew."

******

John sat on his black leather couch in the basement throwing a tennis ball against the wall. He needed time to think by himself. John felt invigorated and renewed. The deep satisfaction of dumping his load in a wet, juicy cunt had him seeing clearly for the first time in years. His inner beast had clawed itself to the surface and he liked it.