The Keeping of Lena Ch. 03

She tightened the blankets around her body as her coughing subsided, desperate to go back to sleep. But the whisper of wind from somewhere in the bedroom pulled her to full wakefulness.

Too cold to fall back asleep, Lena tightened Renz's robe around her waist and crawled off of the bed, searching through the room until she found the source of the frost.

Her frigid bones pulled hard against the cracked window, until finally the bedroom was fully sealed against the bitter cold. The sky was dark, morning still hours away, but to her surprise, the grounds surrounding Schloss Wolfenbarger had been transformed in the night. Instead of the rolling hills of rich green forests, there was a Sahara of endless bright white.

It was the first snowfall of the season, and Lena curled up against the window to watch the flakes delicately fall from the sky, until eventually, the pretty spirals hypnotized her back to rest.

******

"Has she eaten anything yet?" Karl asked later that morning.

Lena looked down at the plate of picked over breakfast. At Karl's request, the chefs had preparedbauernfrühstück for Ava, a hearty dish of various meats and garden vegetables all cooked together with fried egg. Karl had explained that he was concerned over Ava's critical loss of nutrients, and felt that the dish, despite its humble character, would be perfect for her recovery.

Lena had been able to successfully offer her a small piece of potato and two pieces of bacon before Ava had wordlessly decided she was done cooperating.

"I think she might not be hungry. Ava, would you like more to eat?" Lena asked, although she knew her words were falling on deaf ears.

Ava didn't speak, blink, or otherwise give any indication that she was even aware of their presence. She simply stared straight ahead.

Lena gathered another spoonful of the scramble and pressed it against Ava's unyielding lips, hoping the delicious scent of the dish would change her mind.

Karl sighed and stepped further into the bedroom, sitting on the opposite end of the bed.

"Please, Ava. You need your strength. Can you finish three spoonfuls for me, darling?" he asked gently.

Lena watched as he reached out and placed his weary hand over Ava's. And after several moments, Ava's pale fingers faintly curled around his palm.

Karl looked at Lena and nodded, and with a deep breath, Lena tried again.

This time, Ava's lips slightly parted, and she slowly allowed exactly three spoonfuls before firmly closing her mouth again.

"That's enough, Lena," Karl said eventually, accepting that Ava would not eat anything else. Dutifully, Lena gathered the dishes and quietly stepped into the living room as Karl helped Ava back to bed.

"We'll try again in a few hours," Karl said, once Ava was fast asleep. Lena nodded in agreement.

While still clearly exhausted, Karl looked as if he may have gotten at least half a standard amount of rest during the night. She hoped that he was in fairer temper, for she had her own medical query to present to him.

"Might I ask a question, Karl? A medical one," Lena asked softly. Karl snapped to full attention.

"What is it? Dear God, you're not falling ill again are you?" Karl asked. Lena shook her head.

"No, nothing like that. I actually...I had a question about...pregnancy," Lena said softly. Karl shifted uncomfortably in front of her, his eyes nervously darting from side to side. Immediately, Lena felt guilty for asking such a question. Surely she should have been more sensitive, considering his feelings for Ava...

"I'm happy to answer any question you may have," he said tensely. Lena felt her cheeks inflame with embarrassment, but she was simply too concerned to abandon her curiosity.

"I was just wondering if...you know...when a man and a woman...is it...dangerous...for an unborn babe?" Lena asked nervously. Karl squinted for several moments, clearly not following her timid thoughts.

But eventually, he sighed and faintly smiled.

"Do you want the polite answer or the true answer?" he asked.

"Both, I suppose," Lena replied, too eagerly. Karl seemed continually humored by her ignorance, but she chose not to mind his teasing.

"The polite answer is yes, sex during pregnancy is undoubtedly a harmful, vile fleshly perversion, and one should never consider defiling a godly pregnant woman with such abhorrent acts. The true answer? Typically not. Naturally there are always exceptions, but I've found that many of my more...openminded patients have quite enjoyed healthy relations with their husbands, at least up until the final month before delivery. Then it typically becomes a bit more unpredictable," Karl explained. Lena chewed her lower lip, unsure of how to ask her supplemental question.

"Just say it, Lena," Karl urged eventually. Lena was dually embarrassed and humored by the way his tone mirrored the sharp, no-nonsense demeanor in which she'd first come to know him.

"Well...suppose the pregnancy is rather early...what would the risk of...you know...be if...umm...the man is...peculiarly virile?" Lena asked. Karl squinted.

"Meaning what, exactly? Frequency of copulation? Duration?" Lena could feel her blush spreading beyond her cheeks and down her chest, and she nervously fanned herself in a vain attempt to cool off.

"Yes, both of those...but also...the...umm...magnitude...of his...pardon, his...umm...appendage?" Lena whispered.

Karl immediately burst into laughter, and Lena angrily slapped his arm to remind him of his need to control his volume, whilst in Ava's chambers.

Still chuckling, Karl eventually answered her.

"Apologies, Lena. I needed a laugh. Rest assured, it is my medical opinion that not evenyour lover's prick is enough to harm an unborn child at an early stage. Later on, however, that may change, as dangers often increase closer to delivery. Do you suspect you may be pregnant?" Karl asked.

Lena exhaled and immediately shook her head, with far more fervor than she'd originally intended.

"I don't think so. In fact, I feel my monthly will start any moment now," Lena replied. She wasn't sure why she felt so compelled to offer such a denial, but Karl didn't question her further.

And truthfully, Lena wasn't entirely sure if shewas pregnant. Her breasts and abdomen were certainly tender, but it still felt like the standard overtures to the monthly curses she'd been experiencing for several years now.

But her monthly was now days late, and she'd missed her last entirely...

Shaking her head, Lena abruptly stood from the lounge. She was in no condition to think about becoming a mother, for she still shivered from last night's memory of the frighteningly protean potential father.

Straightening her conservative gown for the day, she resolved to monitor her body closely and privately over the next week, and consult Karl again if her monthly still hadn't arrived.

Surely,surely there could still be an explanation for her missed monthlies that didn't involve pregnancy...

Balancing Ava's dishes on her hip, Lena excused herself and slowly exited the chambers.

But she nearly dropped the silver tray when she saw Renz moving towards her.

She had an impulse to abandon the dishes entirely and run in the opposite direction, but something about Renz's gaze rendered her body immobile.

To her relief, Renz stopped walking when he still remained several paces away from her.

"How are you this morning, Lena?" he asked softly. There was a tenderness in his voice that bled raw remorse. She eyed him carefully, categorizing the way he was fully dressed and styled for the day in a coat, trousers, jacket, and vest of varying shades of near-black.

His narrowed gray eyes were faintly red-rimmed, undoubtedly a consequence of his night of drinking, but still he appeared polished and aristocratic.

And most importantly, controlled.

Lena felt as if she could begin to exhale.

"Of good health, sir. And...how are you?" His eyes lowered to the tray she carried, before frowning in disapproval.

"You're not a servant anymore, Lena. There are many people I employ to handle things like this," Renz reminded. Lena shrugged her shoulders.

"Ava is not reacting well to the presence of many others right now," Lena explained. Renz faintly nodded.

"So I take it she still wants nothing to do with me, then," Renz mentioned. His voice remained even, but Lena knew his hurt.

And almost as if her heart were somehow linked to his, Lena felt that same pain blossoming within her chest.

It was a deathly sense of grief and concern, combined with abandonment, and fear.

"Karl is the only one who can make any progress with her. Truly. She refuses to even see her daughter," Lena offered.

"Well, I think having you around is helping Dot. She couldn't stop talking about her dear Tante Lena when we took Otto out to the snow earlier this morning."

Lena smiled softly. The little girl truly did seem to inspire a warm instinct she couldn't quite name.

They stood in silence for several moments, both avoiding the uncomfortable truths Lena knew they needed to eventually face. But for the moment, Lena was content to simply stand near Renz, enjoying his presence from a safe distance.

She didn't quite know how to reason it, but she knew undoubtedly that the man standing before her was not the same man of the night before. It was the kind, gentle man who had returned to her after her recovery from the brothel, tenderly comforting her and reassuring her of love. It was easy for her to admit that this version of Renz was the man she cared for.

It was harder for her to admit that a part of her also somehow loved the side of him that violated and hurt her.

There was somethingvery wrong with her.

"Might I ask a favor, sir?" Lena asked eventually. Renz's tired eyes grew more alert.

"Anything, Lena. What is it? What do you need?" he asked, with surprising earnest. Lena swallowed hard, fearing the untimely return of the frightening part of Renz.

"If it would be agreeable...I would prefer if you avoided the drink for a while," she said quickly. She lowered her head, bracing herself for violent repercussions, but to her relief, Renz only sighed.

"Hopefully it pleases you to know that I've made that decision on my own. I agree that I've imbibed far too heavily of late, and I do intend to cleanse my body. I only wish cleansing the soul were as simple," Renz replied.

Lena exhaled fully then, releasing the tension in her shoulders, but the gesture seemed to target a hidden, sharp soreness at the back of her neck she hadn't yet noticed.

Renz made a motion to step towards her, to comfort her, but he soon decided against it. Lena felt both relieved and guilty that he felt compelled to keep his distance.

"Are you badly hurt?" Renz asked. Lena swallowed her pain, not wanting to reveal to Renz just how severely her insides ached from his rough coupling.

But to her horror, her abused flesh automatically pulsed at the memory, and the resulting soreness seemed to inspire and equally powerful pleasure, insistently teasing her tender clit, despite the night prior of overstimulation.

The sensation was so strong, and so sudden, that Lena had to quickly pass the tray she still held to a nearby servant, to avoid shattering the expensive china altogether.

"I'll heal. I always do," Lena said, near breathless. She'd attempted to lighten their conversation with humor, but Renz looked more forlorn than ever.

"I wish you didn't have to," Renz said quietly.

She couldn't stand the sight of him like this, and this time, it was Lena who advanced on Renz, mindlessly eager to comfort him, physically.

But he quickly stepped away from her before she could reach him, as if he were afraid to touch her.

"It was too much of the Devil's nectar. That is all it was," Lena said hopefully. She realized when she spoke, however, that she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince Renz.

"You continue to astound me with your compassion. And your resilience. But we both know it was more than the drink. There's something...wrong here," Renz said.

For some inexplicable reason, it was beginning to sound as if he was saying goodbye to her.

And despite all better wisdom, Lena's heart began fearfully hammering with alarm.

"Well if there's something wrong...surely it's something that can be fixed," Lena offered hopefully. Renz shook his head.

"I'm afraid I'm not. And until I figure out what...it is, I fear it's not safe for me to be around you," Renz said.

Panic rose in her belly, so violent and reactive that it immediately bloomed to pure fury. She wanted to strike Renz, and painfully, hurting him with just as much sheer force as he had inflicted upon her.

And coupled with the anger was a strange sense of clarity, as if she'd somehow spent the last twenty-four hours half asleep, or underwater.

But now...she was surfacing.

She felt awakened and alert, almost excessively, and her anger roared through her body with a devastating potency.

"Where will you go?" Lena asked, voice beginning to shake from the high energy.

"To town, for the day. After, I'm not yet sure."

"And how long will you be gone?" Renz sighed.

"A while, Lena."

That urge to hit him struck her again, so strong that Lena's hands began to ball into shaking fists. Remembering that she was still standing in a hallway, with busy servants passing to and fro, Lena took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.

The impulse for striking him faded, just to redirect to her words.

She spoke before she could stop herself.

"You're a goddamn coward, Renz," she said, before turning on her heel.

"Lena, please," he called wearily, but Lena was too upset to listen to him. It took only three steps for furious, hot tears to fall from her eyes, obscuring her vision as she blindly stalked through the halls of Schloss Wolfenbarger.

Once she returned to her suite, that urge to break something returned. So powerful, and so seductive, that Lena felt as if she would somehow perish if she didn't indulge it.

She knew she was behaving wildly, her heart rate escalating to fearsome heights as her body shook in angry quakes, but it was as if all emotion over the last day was compounding within her chest in a single, overly excited tide.

And her body was simply too small and human to contain the tempestuous energy.

Lena quickly scanned the lounge, searching for something to throw, until her fiery gaze settled on an elegant glass pitcher, almost as long as her arm.

She reached for it in manic fervor, triumphantly hurling it towards the wall closest to the front doors.

Missing Renz's face by no more than an inch.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Renz demanded. His voice was low and sharp, not yet a yell, but uncomfortably close.

He closed the door behind him, stepping further into the lounge with his hands extended in what appeared to be a peace offering, but some devil within her caused her to immediately reject it, reaching instead for something else to break.

To her wicked disappointment, Renz athletically ducked away from her newest path, and the second vessel shattered across the floor in a bright starburst.

Undeterred, Lena reached for a porcelain water basin, but before she could hurl it against the wall, two firm hands gripped her elbows.

"Lena, stop this now! You're going to hurt yourself!" Renz scolded dangerously. His voice sounded strained, subdued, almost as if he was hiding something from her.

Lena yanked herself away from Renz's grasp and abandoned the basin, but his hand was back around her arm.

"Lena, please—"

Her palm collided with the side of his face in one loud clap, instantly sending a flare of stinging pain all the way up to her shoulder.

Something about finally hitting him seemed to settle her anger to a slightly more reasonable level of volatility. She didn't feel proud of herself, necessarily, but something about the act, particularly the deep red imprint of her hand that bloomed on his shaved jaw, granted her a sense of satisfaction she hadn't anticipated.

When Renz looked at her again, Lena's anger slowly began to lessen, its empty space replaced by a gradually increasing terror.

There was something in his eyes, a subtle change that seemed to suggest that he too was experiencing some kind of emotional reversal. Just a few minutes ago, Renz had been calm and controlled. Sad even.

But now, it was as if Lena could see the heated energy rising within him like a blossoming flame. It was almost as if he was taking her anger away from her, and it was magnetizing within his own body, leaving Lena cold, shivering, and bereft with fear.

"Are you done acting like a child?" he asked eventually.

His mocking words seemed to incite her fleeing anger, just enough to stimulate a fresh, final stream of rage.

"You're one to talk, sir! You stomp around like a spoiled toddler, crushing everyone in your path...clutching your precious brandy like mother's milk!" Lena spat back. She hadn't even noticed she'd been yelling, until the rawness in her throat made her whimper.

"You'd be wise to mind your next words, Lena. I'm trying to exercise restraint with you, but your theatrics are making it increasingly difficult," Renz replied gravely.

"Because that's all you can do, isn't it? Either attack me or abandon me. Have you no concept of balance? Or musteverything be extreme with you?" Lena cried.

Renz fumed silently in front of her, seemingly avoiding her gaze. A twitch formed in his rigid jaw just as a vein pulsed on his temple. A small voice of reason warned her that the dangerous part of him was beginning to take over the gentle, civilized side, but Lena was too overwhelmed with emotion to heed its plea.

"Where is this coming from, Lena?" Renz asked slowly. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks in immediate reaction to his question.

Was he truly that unaware?

That thoughtless?

Before Lena could steady herself with a calming breath, or even a calming thought, she flung herself towards Renz with a loud shriek, hands clenched in determined fury. He towered over her, expertly jerking his handsome face away from her swinging arms, so she settled on the part of his body she could reach, his chest, pummeling his pectorals with her fists.

She loudly sobbed and hit him for what seemed like hours, and to her surprise, Renz didn't move from where he stood.

He accepted every strike she had to offer.

Her fingers reddened and her knuckles began to bruise, but she couldn't stop herself from repeatedly flinging her arms like a drunken, unskilled pub brawler, maniacally determined to injure him in the only way she could think of. A part of her remained fully aware that she was inflicting more damage upon herself than Renz, but in her rage, she chose not to care.

Eventually, the muscles in her arms began to tire, and the length of time between each blow grew more and more distant. She tried to throw all of her body weight into one final strike, but before she could hit him, he firmly gripped her wrist.

She looked up at him through fearful, teary eyes.

"How can you do this to me again?" Lena asked sadly. Her voice had become hoarse from her screams and cries.

"Do you truly think Iwant to leave you? This is for your safety. And your happiness," Renz said. His voice had lowered even further, and he spoke as if in great strain.

"You can't simply traipse in and out of my life at your fickle whims...you lost that luxury when you brought me here those many months ago. I feel and I bleed, and heaven save me, I love you. Every goddamn sordid part of you," Lena cried.