The Keeping of Lena Ch. 03

His eyes momentarily widened at her latter words, and for a moment, Lena almost felt as if she'd finally broken through his misdirected fortification.

But to her sorrow, Renz shook his head.

"You're too young to understand what that means. You're too trusting. You fail to consider your own safety. And you still look upon me with a very naïve heart. We're not a fairy tale, Lena. We never have been," Renz said.

Lena glanced warily down at his hands, noticing the way his large, clenched fists almost seemed to mirror hers of just a few minutes ago. Even now, she knew that Renz would never strike her in the same way that she'd just been hitting him.

But it was obvious his body was under some great, terrible tension. There wassomething besides his own anger that he was trying to suppress.

Beware the animal...

That same devil that caused her to hit him and destroy priceless crystal urged her to shift her gaze downward.

To the front of his trousers, unmistakably hardened and erect.

Lena gulped, her throat uncomfortably raw and dry as her terror continued to bloom. Even though their only physical contact was his hand around her wrist, Lena could detect the fiery pressure emanating from his body, something powerful and destructive.

And poorly contained.

"What...are you thinking?" Lena asked eventually. She knew it was indecent for her to continue to stare at his erection, threatening even while clothed, but she was too fearful and fascinated to raise her eyes to a proper level.

"Tell me the truth," Lena urged, even though she had a very clear idea of what he would say.

"I'm thinking that I want to fuck you," Renz replied tensely. Lena inhaled sharply.

"Even though...you know it will hurt me?" Lena asked fearfully.

"Yes."

"Why?"

She slowly raised her eyes, oddly fascinated by the way the sateen of his vest rippled across his muscled torso with each strained breath, like dark water. She surveyed the edges of his coat, noting the way the luxurious fabric enhanced his wide shoulders and powerful arms.

She tried not to spend too much time looking at his tie, for the direction of the fabric seemed to pull her gaze right back down to what she was trying helplessly to avoid. But staring at his expensively clothed body was still enough to summon that...perversion within her, that devil thatknew Renz would harm her.

And mindlessly reacted to him all the same.

With great effort, Lena finally returned her eyes to his face.

"Why, Renz?" Lena asked again. Even though she'd spoken his name, she found she was questioning herself just as strongly.

Why was her heart racing just as strongly in arousal as in terror?

Why was the heat of her anger concentrating between her legs?

Justwhy was she already starting to moisten, less than a day separated from his latest violation?

"Because...you yield to me strongest when I...force you," Renz said. Lena could detect the underlying shame in his voice.

His eyes were steady and his stance was still, but Lena knew just from his gaze that he was still hard.

"And...why do you want me to yield to you...now?" Lena asked. Renz sighed.

"Because I've never been more furious with you than I am right now."

Lena blinked several times, not certain if she heard him correctly.

"Surely you've punished me enough for going into town," Lena said warily. Her reddened backside sorely bore the evidence.

Renz smiled bitterly and shook his head.

"Your repeated, deliberate foolishness with your own safety, your naïveté among lustful men...all of that pales when I think about the fact that you spent your last afternoon with my former wife," Renz said.

All of the blood immediately rushed from her body, and Lena stood frozen.

"Sir...it's not what you th—"

"Not what I think? Enlighten me, Lena. What could you and Ilise possibly have had to talk about?" Renz asked.

"Nothing, truly—"

"How many times have you seen her?"

Lena gulped and lowered her head.

"Twice, sir. Only twice, I swear," Lena pleaded. Renz's eyes narrowed.

"And the first time...when was it?" He spoke in a way that suggested he already knew the answer.

"The night of your birthday," Lena replied shamefully. His frown deepened.

"Before, or after we—"

"After, I swear it," Lena interrupted. The last thing she wanted was for Renz to believe his former wife had had something to do with Lena drunkenly kissing another man, and all to make him jealous.

"What was the nature of your discourse at the party?" Renz asked. His voice had somewhat steadied, but there was a subtle, threatening sharpness that warned her not to hide anything from him.

"She just...she just came by and introduced herself. Forgive me...I'd had a lot of champagne, I don't remember what she said exactly—"

"Try harder, Lena." Lena sucked her lower lip, struggling to remember their dialogue.

"Umm...the rings. She admired the one you gave me. And she talked about hers. She said you acquired it in...was it Burma? Oh, no...India. She said that when you purchase jewelry...you like to...display your wealth," Lena said shakily.

A sardonic eyebrow rose.

"And evidently not even one of the largest diamonds Cartier has ever fashioned is enough to satisfy my wayward lover. Tell me, sweetheart, what more can I do for you? What more can I buy to make you happy?" Renz demanded.

"Nothing, sir! I've told you countless times...I'd prefer if you didn't buy anything at all—"

"Ahh, it's because my money is German money, isn't it? Are we too brash and uncivilized for your delicate French sensibilities and the proper Sterling English etiquette you were raised with?"

"Sir, I've never..."

He advanced on her with powerful strides, and Lena fearfully cowered against the nearest wall, yelping in fright when he slammed his hands on either side of her head, trapping her in a cage made entirely of his muscular flesh.

His heated breath swept over her face, mussing her hair, as his angry gray eyes bore into hers with unblinking challenge.

"Do I not indulge your carnal urges adequately enough, Lena? Would it please you more to ride my face hourly? I'll gladly fall to my knees and fuck your pussy with my tongue if that would satisfy you—"

"Renz, please stop this—"

"Is it my physical deformities that disgust you the most, Lena? Do I appear just as monstrous as I behave?" he challenged.

Fresh tears spilled from her eyes as Lena thought of those long, aged scars on his back, those harrowing wounds inflicted by his own father's hand.

Those scars were a part of him, and not just a part of his body.

They were branded into his very soul.

Lena's felt her own back suddenly begin to distantly ache as she was reminded of the welts she'd been given under his brother's violence those many weeks ago. Karl had assured her that her wounds would not scar.

Quite unlike the near identical wounds on Renz's back.

For the first time, Lena experienced a kindred recognition with Renz she would have never before fathomed. She knew undoubtedly that the abuse she'd experienced under Ludovic's hand had been the same that Renz had experienced under his father.

Ludovic had been careful not to break the skin of her back.

Renz's father, however, hadn't shown his eldest son such mercy.

Some of Renz's scars seemed to near his full age, as deep and jagged as fractures upon a desert terrain.

Just how old, or rather young, had he been when he'd experienced such pain?

Had he been stripped, just as she had?

A dark, frightening inclination suddenly chilled Lena to near stupefaction.

...What if there had been another, far more egregious act violation Renz had experienced as a child?

She didn't dare ask him, for she wasn't certain if she possessed the fortitude to handle his response. But there was something else, something old and painful, about Renz she'd never before noticed.

The man who stood angrily before her, the man she loved, had been formed by unspeakable violence, just as strongly as he'd been formed by wealth. It shaped how he reasoned, how he felt and reacted, and how he survived within the world.

Violence, and money.

It was, sadly, all he truly understood.

She reached out to touch his face, but Renz quickly grabbed her wrist, locking her hand above her head.

Lena swallowed hard, moistening her suddenly dry throat.

"I find you...beautiful, Renz. All of you," Lena whispered.

And she meant it more now than she ever had before.

Renz laughed dryly.

"I think you're misunderstanding just who is thebelle and thebête, my love," Renz replied. Lena shook her head.

"I don't misunderstand at all. And as you've said...we are no childish fairy tale."

A whisper of a sincere smile briefly flickered across his face.

"We are indeed a very dark tale, love."

Lena wondered if she'd finally managed to subdue him, if he'd finally begun to release his anger and relax, but his large, rigid arms continued to enclose her.

She wasn'tyet free.

"Why did you see Ilise again yesterday?" he asked. Lena took a deep breath and softened her words. He was just beginning to calm, and she wanted him to stay that way.

"I fell ill after I visited the hospital. I went to nearby hotel, and she was there. There was no forethought."

Renz frowned, visibly perturbed.

"Fell ill with what? How are you feeling today? Has Karl examined you?" he asked urgently.

"I'm fine. Truly. It was only a brief spell. I took rest in Frau Wolfenbarger's suite. I didn't want to, but she was quite...persistent with her offer. I fear I was not feeling strong enough to resist," Lena confessed.

"What did she say to you?" Renz asked. Lena lowered her eyes, trying her hardest to summon courage.

"She...she warned me against having children right away," Lena whispered.

Renz's hold on her wrist suddenly released, and he took two steps away from her.

Even though she'd been physically released, Lena still felt trapped against the wall.

"And how do you feel about that?" Renz asked. Lena weakly shrugged her shoulders.

"I'd always thought I'd become a mother one day. Just perhaps...not very soon. I'd hoped I'd be married first," Lena said carefully.

Renz's jaw twitched as his expression hardened.

"Of course. To a nice, fair lad like Erich, or whoever that fool was who broke your heart the day that we met. I'm sure you imagined yourself raising beautiful blue-eyed girls in a modest home in some quaint French meadow. You'd braid their hair and tell them fairy tales before putting them to bed, and make modest love to your gentle husband. No, Lena, Ilise didn't warn you against having children. She warned you against having children withme."

His words were nowhere near as mocking or acidic as she'd expecting them to be. He was speaking as if recounting fact, unbiased and clinical.

For Renz inexplicably knew an old truth she'd never before dared to share with him.

Just a few months ago, that had indeed been her dream. She thought she'd marry Gregory and raise his children in the fields outside of Sterling Manor.

Then she thought she'd marry Erich, and settle in the countryside of Bavaria.

Those dreams had been sweet, simple, and pastoral in character. Those fantasies had been the pretty aspirations that had secured her throughout some of her greatest shames and sorrows.

She'd thought of Gregory for years, for he was her dream beyond the life of a chambermaid. And once Gregory was lost to her, and Renz had taken her, Lena had found a new dream with Erich. She'd thought of Erich as her rescuing prince, her salvation after Renz's destruction.

But Erich had violated her in a way that neither Gregory, nor Renz, had ever even approached.

Erich had sold her to a brothel.

Lena no longer craved the simple fairy tale, for the naïve girl who'd dreamt them no longer existed. She craved something else, and Renz was imbedded so deeply into her heart and her body that he was, inexorably, an essential part of it.

Something about him, from the way he courted her around Berlin to even the way he punished her body, made her feel as if she could be far more than just a servant or a wife.

Even when she'd been no more than his personal whore, he'd been the only man to ever ask her what her hopes and favorites were. He was the onlyperson to have ever encouraged her to pursue her pleasures, and even skills.

It had never mattered that she had limited education. It had never mattered that she had no wealth, nor knowledge of worldly things. Despite the fact that he'd violated her body more than any man she'd ever cared for, he still esteemed, and even cherished, the parts of her mind and heart all others ignored.

Therewas good in him, and she refused to let him fully succumb to his darkness and destroy it.

She had to believe she had enough light left in her for the both of them.

"You're still very angry," Lena said eventually.

And she now knew that if he was angry with her, it also meant he was violently aroused.

"Yes."

She slowly raised her eyes to meet his.

"Then do what you want with me." Renz frowned.

"Lena, I've already told you, you don't know what you're—"

"I know...exactly what I'm talking about. I meant it that night in Berlin, just as I mean it now. Do what you want to, Renz. I'm...willing."

Renz cursed under his breath, and brought his hand to his forehead.

"Lena, love...this is precisely why I'm leaving..."

But his words began to fall when Lena reached for her gown with shaking fingers, unfastening the buttons along her spine. She remained acutely aware of how very little remained beneath her dress, for she still was not allowed back into corsetry on account of her injured ribs, per Renz and Karl's insistence.

She stepped out of her satin slippers as she pushed the dress off of her hips, allowing it to fall in an elegant silk pile around her ankles. Blush flooded through her cheeks as Renz's eyes darkened in that threateningly lustful way, the heated gaze that confirmed his focus was rapidly reducing to nothing other than the pursuit of flesh.

Cold, near-winter air danced across her flushed skin as she pulled off her chemise with a quiet whimper, immediately followed by her frilly bloomers.

She crossed her arms over her stomach as she slowly brought her gaze back to Renz, as equally determined as she was fearful.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke.

"If I have you right now, Lena...it will be force. Hard force," Renz warned. His lustful stare swept up and down her form, pausing on the parts of her body that stirred him the most.

"I know."

"It will be very painful for you."

"I know that as well."

"Yet here you stand. Why?"

Whywas she standing there, naked and scared, with nothing more than a pair of stockings to protect herself? Logic couldn't reason her strange behavior.

But there was a sense of rightness that seemed to arise from her position, like pieces of a jigsaw fitting together, despite how disadvantaged she stood.

She knew there would be pain. She knew there would be violation. She knew he would torture her, make her cry, and cause her body and mind to ache.

But force was how she understood Renz the most.

And shamefully, her strange desire tobe forced by him was what she still needed to understand about herself.

"Because...I suspect thatyou need to force me. Just as much as I need to be forced sometimes," Lena admitted quietly.

Several moments of silence passed between them, the chill in the room growing ever more heated as Lena stood in front of him.

She cleared her throat, and spoke again.

"Renz Wolfenbarger...you have my consent...to do what I won't consent to."

A silent, invisible storm seemed to billow through the room, with thermals so wild and heated that Lena soon grew lightheaded. By the time Renz finally spoke, a sweat had formed across her brow.

"Get on your knees, Lena."

Lena gulped and immediately obeyed, falling to the floor on shaking legs, as Renz stalked towards her.

Her eyes met the massive bulge at the front of his trousers, and she reached to free him, but he abruptly pushed her hands away.

"Keep your hands behind you. If you move, I'm tying them together, as I did last night. Is that what you want?"

Lena quickly shook her head. She couldn't handle losing both the function of her mouth and her hands.

It reminded her too much of the feeling of powerlessness in the brothel.

"No, sir," she said softly, locking her fingers behind her obediently.

Renz continued to stare, unblinking, as he removed his coat and jacket, and unfastened his trousers. The sound of his fabrics, expensive wool, sateen, and leather, seemed to stir her arousal just as strongly as the sheer proximity of his erection, veined, swollen, and furious, and directly in front of her face.

Despite her fear, she was certain this was something she could handle. She knew what to expect this time, for she was just starting to understand the preferred technique Renz liked her to service him in this particular way. She focused on relaxing her jaw muscles as Renz brought his hand to the back of her head, filling his palm with a hard grip on her hair.

But nothing could have prepared her for the sudden lunge of his hips against her face, as his huge cock parted her lips and filled her mouth beyond capacity, immediately bumping against the back of her throat.

Tears immediately sprung forth in her eyes, but the deep groans he was quietly emitting indicated that he neither noticed nor cared about her suffering.

Lena squeezed her hands together tightly, desperate to distract herself from the frightening sensation of losing her ability to breathe, but his cock was so forceful in her mouth, it was all she could focus on.

He thrust against her face in heavy advances, never fully retreating, ambushing the back of her throat with such quick, hard pulses that Lena was suddenly overcome with the urge for sickness.

She looked up at Renz through teary eyes, silently pleading with him, but he continued to seek his pleasure as he stared down at her, fully aware of her suffering.

He almost seemed to...revel in it.

She tasted the salty slick fluid of his distant release as he continued his selfish thrusts, her small tongue reflexively fighting against his thick flesh. Her scalp sharply prickled from the way he was grabbing her hair, causing her to cry even harder, but Renz thrust on and on, ignoring her choked pleas.

Lena had never before felt so novice with this particular form of fleshly pleasure, for Renz was clearly demonstrating that he had been holding back with each experience prior.

But now, he was using her mouth as if expecting the skill of a well-ridden whore.

There was little she could do with her mouth, for her position was one of full vulnerability. He was thrusting so quickly, and so deeply, that she couldn't suck, lick, and tease him in the way she'dthought he enjoyed.

He seemed to have little interest in the way her cheeks could hollow around his shaft, or how her tongue could swirl up and down the length of his cock. He seemed to have no desire in the way her lips could close around the sensitive, bulbous head, sucking him into her eager mouth like a large, hot carnal candy.

She'd thought that she'd successfully pleasured him in the times she'd serviced him in this way. She'd become very familiar with the thick, salty-creamy taste of his release.

But this was almost nothing like those prior experiences.

Was she, actually...horrible at servicing him? Was that why he now insisted on restricting her movements?