The Shepherd of Ashburn Court Pt. 03

She pulled away from his hand biting her lower lip as tears flowed.

"I'm sorry." he said lamely.

She got up and grabbed her clothes and rushed into the bathroom.

Appetite gone he waited for her to exit.

Minutes later the door opened and she stepped out looking every bit as lovely as she had the evening before, even without the make-up. The only thing marring her beauty was the soul wrenching sadness in her eyes. They left the room and left the hotel. The drive home was quiet and she slipped from the car without a word when he got back to Trish's.

He parked in his garage and sat behind the wheel cursing himself. Tina wasn't his but he was falling for her hard! He had to get that fact through his stupid, thick head. He supposed it was fortunate that he wasn't going to be able to have her over for the next few weeks. It would give them both time to get some perspective. He was still a colossal ass!

He entered the house and walked down the hall towards the kitchen. He heard the sound of chairs sliding back and the patter of bare feet on tile and the twins came racing around the corner with huge grins on their faces. Ben observed the barely their baby doll nighties and matching panties and somewhere in the back of his mind it registered as outrageously sexy.

They slid to a halt when they caught his sad expression and the tears on his cheeks. He walked by and went into his bedroom to change into his workout clothes.

He walked into the basement and began his routine. The movements were slower and the weights felt heavier. He was straining and panting heavily by the end. He sat up on the bench at the end, his muscles pumped, twitching, and sweaty as he recovered from one of the hardest sessions he could remember.

He noticed the twins sitting on the stairs watching him, their eyes big and a little glassy. He walked past them on his way upstairs and felt their eyes on him the entire way. He wanted to turn and yell at them to stay away, that he was poison! Instead he just went and had his shower. He had a daycare to renovate.

Chapter 14

Ben threw himself into the work. The team Dominic sent his way was excellent. They brought a lot of experience to the job and were deeply impressed with the renovations he'd done himself. He showed them the plans and designs he'd put together with Daphne and her daughters and they had some suggestions which would make the work go a lot smoother. They definitely agreed that doing the upstairs bathrooms while they had the walls open on the main and lower levels was the best time to do it.

Once they had their plan worked out they got to it. Ben set a brutal pace for himself and returned home every night physically exhausted. He'd have his shower, eat with Daphne and the twins then say his good nights and slip away to the welcome of his bed.

Daphne quickly picked up that all was not well with Ben's state of mind and her daughters described how he looked when he got home that first morning. She went to speak with Hannah who had a therapy group with Ben. Hannah in turn spoke with Trish who confessed that Tina was also depressed but wouldn't talk to her about it. Hannah approached Ben but he put her off saying he was too busy.

Hannah and Beth were worried about the big man but until he agreed to speak with them they couldn't do anything.

Trish went to speak with Catherine who immediately tried to run to Ben's side but Trish stopped her. Trish convinced Catherine to wait until Gabriella returned then they'd make a three pronged attack on Ben.

Work progressed quickly on Daphne's home. The upstairs washrooms were done in a little under a week mostly from Ben's own efforts. The crew working on the daycare were breezing through their steps and found having Ben on hand to make decisions and lend a hand on occasion made their job so much easier. He even arranged catering for lunches and they complained happily that they were gaining weight on this project.

Daphne and her daughters visited the worksite at the end of the first week and were amazed at the progress. They were also excited by the improvements to their personal living space upstairs. Ben had surprised them with new configurable closet organizers. The twins leapt up to give Ben hugs of appreciation and he endured it with a smile until he discovered his body reacting to the sensations of their softness crushed against him. Then he got embarrassed and pushed them away gently. He left cursing at himself causing Lori and Lisa to cast worried glances at their mother.

Ben pushed himself harder in the second week now that he could concentrate on helping on the daycare exclusively. He ensured all of the materials were on hand when they were needed even if it meant driving to the suppliers to pick up the fixtures, drywall, paint or whatever was needed.

They were actually finished in just a little over two weeks and the inspections passed with flying colors. The workers were sorry to see the project complete but they took a lot of pride on having created such an amazing daycare. They'd impressed themselves and that was rare. Ben hired a team of professional cleaners to ensure the construction dust was gone and the new material odors were eliminated. Only then did he usher his houseguests back to their home.

Daphne walked around the new home with tears in her eyes. Her daughters were running from room to room exclaiming in wonder each time they found another thoughtful improvement or surprising efficiency. Lori swore the craft supply room was larger on the inside than the outside. Lisa was giggling with glee at the activity room and how child friendly everything was. The playful glass tiles in the washrooms were a hit!

Ben looked exhausted, smiling but exhausted. Daphne moved to give him a hug but he quickly said his goodbyes and went home. The twins watched him go with tears in their eyes. They were so worried. Daphne immediately called a meeting with Hannah, Beth, Catherine, Gabriella (who had just got home earlier that day), Rochelle, Trish and Tina. She asked them all to come to her place to talk about Ben.

It took about twenty minutes to get all the parties together in their playroom which was the best space to get the adults all together. The neighbors were amazed and impressed by the daycare.

Daphne stood up and got everyone's attention. "Thank you for coming on such short notice. I've called you together to discuss our friend Ben Shepherd. Something is definitely wrong with Ben. On the first day of the daycare project he came home early in the morning with tears in his eyes. Lori and Lisa saw him arrive and he wouldn't talk to them. He drove himself so hard to complete the daycare. He gets all uptight if you try to hug him. I understand that first day he was returning from a date with you Tina. Won't you please tell us what happened?"

Tina looked around with tears in her eyes. She felt trapped by their stares and she became a little angry. Ben wasn't the only one hurting!

Trish knew that look. "Tina, I know you came home in tears that morning too. It will help you to talk, it really will. No one here is going to judge you. We're just concerned. I know you have or had a special relationship with Ben. Something happened that night. Did he hurt you?"

Tina looked at Trish in shock. She shook her head.

"Please Tina! Let your friends help you." Catherine said gently.

Tina looked at the concerned faces. "You will not understand my relationship with Ben. You will judge us as Trish did. Even now she does not understand."

Gabriella leaned forward. "We want to understand. You're hurting. Ben's hurting. We want more than anything to make things better. We were there when Ben saved you and Christopher. I have some idea of what you feel for him. You can clear that up for us. Make us understand."

Tina looked at Gabriella and knew that of anyone here she was the one most likely to understand. After all Ben had saved Miriam too. She nodded then looked at the others, daring them to be critical.

"When Ben saved Christopher from being stolen from me then protected us when we lost everything there was nothing I could give him in equal to debt I owed him. The only thing of value I have is myself. I pledged myself to Ben the night of the Catherine's lunch party. I told him that I was his servant for as long as I lived. There was nothing I would refuse him. But Ben said no. I realized I was not worthy to be his. Why would he take me when he had the love of others who had so much more to offer." Tina looked at Gabriella and Catherine who looked shocked and embarrassed.

"I was lost... then Ben accepted my offer and told me his terms. He would provide for me as long as I followed the life plan he set out for me. I was not to question his commands. I was happy as this is what I wanted most in life!"

She looked in the eyes of the women with her and saw some confusion but no criticism. This gave her the strength to say the next part.

"I am a submissive. It is who I am. I am comfortable and happy with how I am as long as my dominant partner is compassionate and not cruel. James was very cruel and mean. He hurt me often and had no respect for me. He tried to kill Christopher when he was in my womb by beating me." The women gasped. "Ben is strong, very masculine and strong willed but his heart is filled with compassion and good. There is absolutely no cruelty in the man. He believes in me! The first person in my life who ever has! I have never met anyone like him." Tina said wistfully.

"Tina, Ben is such a sweet man. It seems odd that he would take on the role of a dominant master for you." Gabriella said, careful of Tina's feeling.

The young woman smiled at Gabriella. "I know! Even though it is not his nature, he knows I need him to be my dom so, for me, he is. He is a very excellent dom. He can be very strict. There is no question that his commands are to be followed. Yet I know he would never do anything to harm me." Tina started to cry. Trish handed her a tissue and rubbed her shoulders as the other women shared sympathetic looks and waited for Tina to regain her composure and continue her story. A few discretely rubbed their thighs together and fidgeted on their chairs.

"Trish knows that Ben's first commands to me were that he would set a life plan for me. A plan that would send me to University to take the course I wanted before I was married off to James. A plan that includes daycare for Christopher and room and board at Trish's house. I asked to stay with him but it is his belief that he is not what I need in my life. He wants me to go to University and meet someone my own age. Meeting someone is difficult enough when you are not a submissive but to find someone who is my age and treats me as well as Ben does..." She shook her head in dismay. "When I stayed with him during the renovation of Trish's house he was very strict and wouldn't allow me to have intimate time with him until the last night. So I made him his favorite meal and was prepared to do anything to convince him to accept me. That was also the night I was going to make love to him properly and completely."

"Oh my god! That was the night we moved in!" Daphne gasped.

"Yes, Ben would not have allowed our intimate time with others in the house. Instead he surprised me by taking me out dancing. We danced for hours and it was magical! When I could dance no more he took me up to the penthouse suite of the hotel. I was so frightened about making love to him, he's so big! But he was so very gentle until I no longer needed or wanted him to be. The things he did to me, how he took me- No, I promised him I would be discreet." she said as a blush traveled up her face.

The twins moaned in frustration and the sentiment was mirrored on more than one of the faces in the room.

"The next morning he woke me with gentle, loving kisses. I realized while I showered that the previous night had been perfect. Not just a nice memory but a defining moment in my life which all others would be measured against. None could compare. I was ruined for everyone else. He is my perfect mate and he will never let us be together because he doesn't want me." She began to cry again but this time her silent sobs shook her small body.

Hannah got up and knelt at Tina's feet. She took the young woman's hands in hers. "Tina, listen to me. You've read Ben's responses wrong. I believe he very much wants you but he doesn't believe he deserves you. Considering how he's behaved these past two weeks, he'd punishing himself. He clings to the difference in your ages as justification for pushing you away but something in Ben's past hurt him very much and he is definitely mixed up when it comes to love and relationships." Tina looked at Hannah in surprise... and hope.

Hannah looked at the others in the room. "Has he spoken to any of you about his childhood?"

Rochelle's eyes lit up. "The funeral home! He told us his parents died when he was very young!"

Catherine picked up the story next. "He was five when his parents were killed by a drunk driver. He grew up in a foster home."

"Multiple foster homes." Rochelle corrected.

"Damn. That's likely the beginning. Do you know why he was moved around between the homes? That's not usually a good sign." Hannah asked. Rochelle and Catherine shook their heads.

"His wife left him because she was sterile but Ben blames himself." Gabriella offered. Hannah nodded as she'd spoken to Ben about this but in the group therapy sessions so she didn't feel she could speak about it.

Catherine looked at her friend recalling the day Ben opened up to them. "He said he can't have children because of the damage done when he was shot. He said he has no family other than us. He said- he couldn't please his wife. He said he had no purpose." Tears filled her eyes and Gabriella's too. They both began to cry.

The other women looked at the two in shock. Hannah's mouth hung open as dots began to connect for her. It was pretty obvious that Gabriella and Catherine were both in love with Ben as was Tina. Ben had trouble with relationships and mentally couldn't bear seeing a woman in pain hence his coming to their rescue constantly. Faced with multiple partners, in his mind he'd be unable to help one without hurting the others. Catch 22. She was amazed that he'd coped this long.

"Gabriella and Catherine, are you IN LOVE with Ben?" Hannah asked bluntly.

The personal question surprised the two women who looked at each other then nodded.

"Does it hurt you that others are in love Ben as well?" she continued. She knew Tina was selfless in her love and didn't need to be asked. She gave the young woman's hands a squeeze to show her she understood and received a grateful smile in return.

Once more Gabriella and Catherine looked at each other then at Tina. There was a moment of soul searching then they smiled and shook their heads.

Hannah smiled grimly. "Ben is in no condition to enter into a relationship at this time. He has some serious issues to resolve and some terrible misconceptions about love to unlearn. His early childhood tragedy and his years in the foster care program probably had a lot if not everything to do with his difficulty in accepting love. We are going to have to be careful with Ben in the next while. This means we treat him with love but respect his personal space. No more unsolicited sexual contact." She looked directly at Trish who nodded. "I'll speak with him in the morning. I'm going to insist he begin psychological counselling. If he refuses that I'm going to insist that we re-establish our own group therapy sessions but increase the frequency to multiple times a week. He cannot continue down this self-destructive path. We won't let him."

The women all smiled at Hannah, pleased something was going to done for Ben.