The Third Time's the Charm

It had just felt as if Brenda and I were having an argument. We rarely argued, so each one felt like the end of the world. But from the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, this one probably was.

This time there would be no chance of me thinking about the situation and giving in. I always gave in because she was more important to me than anything we were arguing over.

It almost felt like one of those TV shows where the woman was more attracted to a guy who treated her like shit than she was to the guy next door who really loved her.

Well, that was all in the past. Even though my heart told me that it wanted to die. My brain told me that I would survive this and be stronger for it. I just needed to give myself some time.

* * * * * *

Brenda

I woke up feeling as if I hadn't slept at all. The sun was already high in the sky and I felt like shit smells. I'd had the most awful dream. I'd dreamed that Dale had caught me with another man and he'd left me. Before I opened my eyes fully, I reached for him. I opened my eyes then and looked around for him. Then I realized that he was probably already out for his Saturday morning run.

He and Shannon would probably like it if I had breakfast ready for them when they got back. Then, I noticed that I wasn't in my bedroom. I was sleeping on a sofa.

That was when I screamed out my frustration. My wails of pain brought my son Jeff running into his living room and he wasn't alone. My ex-husband Andy was with him.

"Mom, what's wrong?" asked Jeff. He looked really worried about me. I just glared at Andy.

"It's about time you woke your ass up," said Andy. "Something you did yesterday must have really worn you out." I immediately hated him even more.

"Are you okay, Mom?" asked Jeff again. "Are you in pain?"

"I've lost Dale, haven't I?" I asked. Jeff just nodded his head.

"But at least you and Dad are back together," he said.

"I already told you son; that is not the case. I got a new woman. The one I told ya that I met on that intra web," said Andy. "Your mom is a little long in the tooth for me."

Jeff looked at him with confusion written all over his face.

"Hey, son, no need to get mad. She don't want me either," said Andy. "She loves that Dale guy. So everything's fine."

"So what was yesterday about, then?" asked Jeff angrily.

"Yesterday was just about sex," said Andy. "I wanted some pussy. And your mom always was kind of free with hers. You're a grown up now, son. You know how the game works."

"Actually Dad, I don't," said Jeff. "Mindy and I don't cheat on each other. You taught me that."

"Not me," admitted Andy.

"Jeff, your father used to disappear on us all the time, remember?" I asked. Jeff just stood there looking at us.

"Anyway," said Andy. "We need to go by your place and get my stuff. And we need to do it before Jeff's little wife comes back. I guess your sisters will probably be back then too. I'd rather avoid all three of them."

"Before they get back from where?" I asked.

"Mindy and the girls went up to the cottage for the day with Dale and Shannon. Lauren went along too," said Jeff.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I said angrily.

"Mom, you cried yourself to sleep last night," he said. "And I kind of wouldn't have been able to get Dad over here otherwise. Mindy and I had a long talk last night. She doesn't want Dad over here. I guess he and the girls didn't really hit it off."

"That's not unusual," said Andy. "I hate the shit out of kids and they don't like me much either. It's not fatal."

"But I need to talk to Dale," I whined.

"You have the rest of your life to talk to him," said Andy. "I need to get my stuff and my truck out of there while he's away. And I really don't want to have to spend a lot of time around your daughters, either. Laurie spent the entire evening giving me hurt looks. And the little one Shanna ... I still can't believe that little bitch TASERED me. Her own father!"

"Shannon has always been the kind of woman who does what she wants when she wants to," said Jeff. "I know my sister. And she was pissed at you as soon as you walked in."

"What about the other one?" Asked Andy.

"Lauren tends to side with whatever makes mom happy," said Jeff. "So at first, she was on your side. But once she heard the way you talked about Mom and then saw how hurt Mom was about Dale, you got on her shit list too. I think with Lauren, she's mostly kind of disappointed with you. Over the years we kind of built up an image of you. And maybe the reality doesn't live up to her fantasy."

"What about your wife? Can't you control your woman?" he asked.

"We're husband and wife," said Jeff. "We're equal partners, not slave, and owner. She makes up her own mind about things. Usually we look at what's good for our kids."

"Well ... we've already covered me and kids," he smiled. "So do you have your house keys handy?" asked me.

"No," I said. "We were both kind of naked when he threw us out of the house, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," he said. "I still can't believe he got that pissed off. I wouldn't have been and I was your first love. You belong to me. Shit, we have three God damned kids together and I don't care about him fucking you. He needs to learn how to share and take turns."

I just looked at him in shock. I wondered how I could have ever risked losing Dale over an asshole like him. The problem was that when it came to Andy, my body just took over. There was something about him that just overwhelmed me. My mind and my heart knew that Dale was a better man and he loved both me and my kids far more than Andy was capable of. But when Andy and I got together, something just happened.

The odd thing about it was that sex with Andy wasn't better. It may have been more intense, but it was far shorter and far less satisfying. I just couldn't understand why the man was able to get me to do whatever he wanted. It was just a chemical thing.

As I thought about it more and more, the angrier I got. I'm a forty-sevenyear old woman. My marriage to Dale had been the best time of my life. He had treated me far better than Andy ever had. I was a completely different person. I was more confident and I wasn't worried about my husband being drunk and wanting to punch me around.

Dale treated me like I was precious and over the past twelve years he'd also had a lasting impact on my kids as well. He thought of them as his kids. He'd helped me to turn Jeff's life around during his teens. I don't think I could have done it. And now Jeff was a husband and father. Dale had even gotten Jeff the job he had.

Dale was actually still paying part of Lauren's rent. She had moved into an apartment that was more than she could afford with her waitressing job. He was constantly trying to get her to go back to school and I swear he was winning. She had mentioned night classes at the local community college a couple of times now. I think another thing that had made her consider it was Shannon.

Shannon, if it was possible, was more Dale's daughter than mine. Shannon was younger than the other two and didn't remember Andy ever being anything other than a mean drunk. From the first time she crawled into Dale's lap he owned her heart completely.

There was never a question about Shannon going to college or even what she would study. She's the first person in our family to go to college and she's going into Engineering.

Thinking about Shannon made me realize that I had an edge. There was simply no way that Dale would walk away from Shannon.

But then Shannon had pretty much let us know yesterday which side she would be on if there sides chosen.

The three of us got into Jeff's SUV and headed for the house. As the truck started to move I noticed a scraping sound.

"Sorry about the noise," Jeff told us. "Dad ... I mean Dale was going to help me do my brakes this weekend, but..." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Hey Dad, maybe we could do it," he said.

"I wouldn't plan on that," said Andy. "I don't know shit about cars. Why not just take it to a shop?"

"Because I have two small kids and a large mortgage eating up my paycheck," said Jeff. "I need to save every penny."

"From what I've seen, your kids are kind of spoiled," said Andy. "And the bank won't cancel your mortgage over one missed payment."

Jeff didn't say anything. But the look he had on his face told me that his father was beginning to get on his nerves.

As we pulled in front of the house, I noticed now beautiful it was. And it was beautiful because of me. Dale had always let me do whatever I wanted to the house. The flower beds in front of the house, with their small borders that looked like white picket fences, were my idea. Filling the flower beds with a different kind of flowers every year; was also me. This year they were begonias. It seemed like every time we came out to do the yard, someone complimented us on it.

"Hey, Mom, the yard looks good," said Jeff. I don't think he understood why I started crying.

"I'm surprised," smiled Andy. "I kind of expected him to fuck my truck up."

"You mean he didn't?" asked Jeff. "It always looked like that?"

"He was a little mad though," said Andy. "He threw my clothes all over the yard."

"Hey, I found your keys," said Jeff. Andy was wandering around the yard picking up clothing. He picked up his jeans, his shirt and his underwear and socks. He found one tennis shoe and looked for the other. As I got close to him I noticed the stench coming from the pile of clothes he carried.

"Uh, I think someone peed on your clothes, Andy," I said.

"No shit!" he said. "I can wash them back at Monica's place. She's an expert at washing clothes. She has this black dress that she's washed hundreds of times but still can't get the stain out of. But she seems to be able to wash anything else."

I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Jeezus, you have a lot of clothes," said Jeff.

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Andy. "All I have are the clothes in this bundle."

"All of those bags on the porch are filled with clothes too," said Jeff. "There must be fifteen or twenty bags of clothes."

"Why the hell would anyone need that many clothes?" asked Andy. Suddenly I didn't feel well at all. As I ran to the porch I knew what I would find. And there they were bag after bag of MY clothes. Dale hadn't damaged anything or peed on them, but his message was clear. I sat down on the porch, too weak to stand up.

"What the fuck is going on?" screamed Andy angrily. "My keys don't work." He tried both keys and neither would turn the lock.

"I'll have to use the secret entrance," he said. He ducked under the truck and pushed the rotted floor pans up. He sat down in the seat and rolled down the window. Then he put the key in the ignition and it wouldn't turn.

"Shit, look at this," he spat. "The bastard hammered my keys. It's kind of funny though. I hammered his pussy, so he got me back. We'll have to call a locksmith."

"I ain't got locksmith money, yet," said Andy.

"Shit," said Jeff. "First it was my clothes, now you want money." Andy just smiled at him.

We had to wait on the porch for nearly an hour for the locksmith to get there. Once he got there, he wouldn't even look at the truck until Jeff gave him a credit card. Then he opened the truck and even made Andy another key.

The problem came when the truck refused to start. The locksmith assured him that the key worked perfectly. And it did. It opened the door smoothly and easily and the ignition switch turned to the on position very easily as well. The truck just wouldn't start.

We had to call a tow truck after that. We followed the truck to the station and as luck would have it, the mechanic was able to start on the truck right away. After another half hour of the three of us staring at each other, we were called into the shop.

The old mechanic had a look on his face that told us the repairs were going to be expensive.

He told us that it would cost more to fix the truck than it was worth. Andy had been driving with the truck running far hotter than it should have. He hadn't changed the oil since God knew when. He also admitted that he'd been getting jump starts from everyone he could on his way back home.

The truck needed a new engine, a new battery, and possibly a transmission. A used engine would run 7 or 8 hundred dollars, plus the labor to install it. A transmission would probably cost more. The truck was only worth 5 or 6 hundred dollars. The parts were worth more than the truck.

None of that seemed to surprise Andy though. "I guess I'll have to borrow your car, while I'm here," he said.

"Andy, my keys are in the house. I can't get inside to get them if I was going to lend you my car. And I have no intention of letting you borrow it," I said.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because you've already ruined my life. Lending you a car that Dale bought me would only make things worse between us. Besides, his name is on the loan. If he found out about you driving it, he'd report it stolen and one of ourover-zealous police officers would probably shoot you," I said. "Besides, we can't get in the house to get the keys."

"Sure we can," he said. "We could just go around the back and you could knock out a window. Even if we get caught, you live in the house too."

"No!" I said. "We're not doing it. And if YOU try it I'll call the police on you myself."

"Fuck you Brenda," he spat. "You were only good for one thing anyway."

"Well," I said. "I guess that makes me more like you now. Because since I've come to my senses, you won't ever get that one thing from me again. So as far as you're concerned that makes me good for nothing, like you."

He burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"You," he said. "We both know that all I have to do is snap my fingers and you'll be on your back with your legs spread, waiting for me."

The drive back home was silent. We were almost back to Jeff's house when Jeff spoke up. "Uh, Dad, where do you want me to take you?"

Andy just glared at him. "That bitch really has you pussywhipped, doesn't she? Are you sure you're my kid? That little sister of yours has more balls than you do. Make a left at the next corner," said Andy in disgust.

Andy directed us through the streets until we got to a house. The name on the mailbox was McMurray. Suddenly I burst out laughing.

"What's so God damned funny?" growled Andy.

"Your new woman is Monica-Lou Inski?" I said. "She's over fifty and weighs close to three hundred pounds. She got arrested last year for stalking a guy she met at a bar."

"So what," he growled. "Most of that weight is ass and tits. I could point out that you have neither of those. Maybe if you did, I wouldn't get boredwith you so quickly and we'd still be together."

"You seem to keep coming back to me often enough," I said. "There haven't been too many years that you haven't dropped by at least two or three times."

"That's only when I'm between relationships. And you're better than jacking off," he spat. "Face it woman, you're pretty much a whore. I'll bet anyone can fuck you. I feel kind of sorry for Dale."

"That's not true!" I screamed. "I admit to cheating with you. But that was because you andI were together for so long and I loved you so much. We have three children together. You were my first. That creates bonds that are hard to break. But I swear that's over now."

"Don't even start that shit," he smiled. "I happen to know there were a couple of others. Do you want me to start naming names?"

"Just get out of the car," I yelled.

Andy got out of the car and stood by the door. He gestured for me to roll down the window. Then he pointed at his dick and snapped his fingers, before turning to go inside of Sheila's house.

The drive back to Jeff's house was silent. Neither of us said a word and we didn't even make eye contact. Jeff's house was really nice but it was small. I clearly couldn't stay there for very long.

And more to the point, I couldn't stay away from Dale for very long. Just before I sank into another fit of depression, I heard a motor start behind the house. I looked out the window to see Jeff cutting his lawn.

I rushed out the back door and waved at him. He waved back but he didn't look at me. I walked over to him and noticed that no matter which way I tried to approach from, he turned his head.

I finally just went over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. He turned off the mower and faced me. The anger written all over his face shocked and frightened me.

"Jeff, Honey, I'll leave now if you want," I said. "I don't know what I did to make you so angry but..."

"It's not you, mom," he said. His voice was all choked up. The emotions in his voice were so strong and his pain was so obvious that my heart broke for him.

"I've lived most of my life as a fool. I've been so stupid, mother," he said. "I've spent most of my life hoping and waiting for my father to come. No matter how good orhow patient Dale was with us, it was never enough. There was nothing he could do to measure up to my real father. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, I never thought he was as good."

I saw tears running down his cheeks. "He kept trying, mother," he said. "He never gave up. But I kept thinking that fucking monster was my real father when all along..."

"It's okay Jeff," I said.

"He was always helping me," he sobbed. "And he never asked for anything. And he loves my kids, mom. My kids are smarter than I am. They know who their grandfather is. And you've ruined it for all of us."

"Shhh," I said hugging him. "It's going to be okay, Jeff."

"I don't want my kids growing up, thinking that asshole is their grandfather," he sobbed.

"Jeff you said it yourself, Dale is their granddad. He's not going to walk out of those kids' lives. No matter what stupid things I've done," I said. "You can bet on it. Just like you can bet on the fact that Shannon isn't going to let him get away from her."

Jeff finished the lawn with me sitting on the porch watching him. As I absent mindedly watched my thoughts were a million miles ... okay 80 miles away at the cabin with the rest of my family. I had been blessed. I had a husband who loved me and cherished me. I had three great kids, a great daughter in law and two wonderful grandkids. I had a beautiful home and everything that went with it, yet I had risked it all to cheat on my husband with a man who treated me like shit.

During our time together, Andy had hit me multiple times, cheated on me, and left me several times. He'd even left me once while I was pregnant with Shannon and came back after he was done doing whatever he did.

From watching a lot of daytime TV women's shows, I saw similarities between myself and some of their cases. If I were a guest on one of those shows, a psychologist would have diagnosed me as either having a very low sense of self esteem; so low in fact, that I felt I didn't deserve to have anyone treat me well. Or that I had the bad boy syndrome. I simply loved the danger and excitement of having a man who was simply too wild to be corralled by society's rules and norms.

As far as my cheating on Dale was concerned, that was easy. Andy had cheated on me and hurt me so much that it twisted me. I started to feel that cheating was the norm. So I had cheated on Andy too. Then when I married Dale, maybe I figured that it was only a matter of time before he cheated on me too. So I cheated first. After a while, I began to feel that what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. The thing that I was the most ashamed of was the fact that I had cheated on Dale repeatedly and that Andy wasn't the only one.

With Andy, it was a case where we had a shared history. He was my first real love and I had never been able to say no to him. The others had simply been crimes of opportunity. The one true fact in all of this that gave me some glimmer of hope could be boiled down to one word ... Love. I could see now that although there was a strong attraction between Andy and I, I didn't love him. I loved Dale with all of my heart. I was very sure that once he understood that, we could get some counseling and fix me. Then we could go forward into our future and put all of this behind us. We had too much to lose. We have a wonderful family, it seemed impossible for us not to make it.