There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 31

"It gives the backhoe driver enough space to dig his hole without compromising the other couplings."

"It's a great idea Adam, thank you. I'll order the parts now, and they'll be here in time to put them together just as you indicated."

"My pleasure Brian, just make sure my house gets water first. I promised my future bride we would be taking a shower tonight."

"You have my word."

**************

"I'm sorry Laura; our shower is going to be delayed by about 6 to 8 hours. The main coupling is broken, and according to the city engineer, that's how long it's going to take to repair. However, my new education in plumbing will help it not happen again. I told Brian what I learned, and he's going to put it into practice here. He promised we would have water first when it came back online."

"I guess I was right when I went to get you at work and came home with a plumber."

"Yes you were. I do have some interesting ideas about how to while away the next 6 to 8 hours if you're interested?"

"Does it have anything to do with plumbing?"

"You bet your life it does."

"In that case, I am very interested."

***********************

Friday 6:30 PM

Gordon walked into the house first. I was about eight feet behind him. He stopped short, and said, "Oh shit."

He did not pass 'Go'. He did not collect his '$200'. He ran straight to his room, closed, and locked his door.

I had no idea what was going on, until I looked at the kitchen table. On it were two open boxes of early pregnancy tests, and a .32 caliber pistol. One thing was missing, the smell of dinner being prepared. Things were not looking good for me at this particular moment. Jennifer and I had played Russian roulette, while waiting for my condoms to arrive, and we lost. No, we won again.

Before I moved, I made a call to a local florist who told me he was in the process of closing. I told him he would never get another client, from the members of our program, if he didn't do this for me, and deliver it within 20 minutes.

He changed his mind, and said he would deliver the flowers personally.

I put the gun on top of the kitchen cabinets, and I went in search of my lovely Jennifer. My bedroom door was locked. I reached on top of the doorframe, took the little key, popped the lock, and replaced the key. I opened the door, and found my love huddled on our bed in the fetal position.

Before I could say a word she yelled, "I hate you Even; with all my heart I hate you."

"If you hated me Jen, you would've been sitting at the table, with the gun in your hand, and shot me when I walked through the door. Why didn't you? Why am I still alive?"

"I didn't have the courage to kill you. I wanted to, I really did. When I started throwing up this morning, I knew I was pregnant. I didn't need the tests to tell me what I already knew. I did it to prove it to you that I was pregnant. You are leaving me in a month. I'm going to have to go through this just as I did with Gordon. I'm going to be all alone, with no husband, and no friends."

"No you're not. I'm taking you with me. I am not going to abandon you like that other asshole did. Rosalynn has been going crazy without kids running around her house. She is bored to death. I am going to ask Rod and Rosalyn if they will take care of Richard and Holden, until they come of age.

Joseph Oyster will take care of the scientific side of their lives, and with the move to South Carolina, I believe everything will work out fine. I will talk to the boys in the morning, and ask Rod and Rosalyn to come over Sunday afternoon. We have the wedding tomorrow afternoon, if you are up to it."

"What if the boys say no?"

"If the boys say no, their only other option is to come with us. They will not be happy with that choice. You are my first priority Jennifer. You are the only person I would survive a plane crash for, and walk through a forest to see again. Beside that, I want to see what my daughters look like."

"Even, you've had two chances at a girl, get ready for another boy."

"Do I get to fuck you in your lovely ass when you're wrong?"

"What is it about my ass that you find so inviting?"

"You can't see it the way I do. You can't touch it as I can. You can't kiss it as I do. You have the most beautiful backside God ever created, and it belongs to me and me alone."

"You're wrong Even. It's my backside, and if you really want it, you can have it, if it's a girl."

I was about to reply when there was a pounding on the front door.

I said to Jen, "Come with me, your flowers are here."

"How could you get me flowers so quickly?"

"I can be very convincing when I want to be."

I had her opened the front door, and what she saw was a field of pink flowers staring back at her.

She screamed, "Oh Even, they are beautiful, but you don't have a prayer."

The florists brought the flowers in and put them on the dining room table. Jennifer would move them around the house at any time she wanted. There must've been over 200 pink chrysanthemums, and other pink flowers mixed in, but neither Jennifer or I cared. There wasn't a blue one in the bunch.

"Are you feeling better now my love?"

"Yes I am. I didn't want to be alone. It was my greatest fear."

"Should we tell Gordon, Richard, and Holden that it's safe to come out of their rooms?

"Yes, but what are we going to do about dinner?"

"First things first dear. Boys, it's safe to leave your rooms now."

Holden was the first out of his room, running towards his mother. Richard was not far behind. Gordon was a little more circumspect. He stuck his head out of the room first to make sure there was no gunplay involved.

"Are you okay now mommy," Holden asked.

"Yes honey, I am just fine. How are you, are you still frightened?"

"No, Richard and I found a safe place in our room to hide where a bullet could not get to us. We hid there until the all clear was given."

I asked, "Where was this safe place boys?"

"It was by the wall next to the door jam. Mom would have been concentrating on the door handle, and we all know she can't shoot straight. The .32 is only a five shot pistol, and our chances of survival were very good."

"I would never have hurt either of you. I would have been looking to see if your father was hiding in your room. He is the one I would have been after."

"As I said mom, you can't shoot. If dad was in our room, and you shot at him, everyone was in danger, except dad."

Everyone laughed, except Jennifer. She didn't think it was funny coming from our six-year-old son.

"I may not be good with a gun little man, but I'm really good with spanking."

"All I did was tell the truth mom."

"Okay, either I will get rid of the gun, or I will start taking lessons."

"Get rid of the gun please, let the professionals protect us."

"I hate when children are smarter than their parents."

"Okay kids, I was going to save this for tomorrow morning, but I may as well do it now that we are all here. Your mother is pregnant, but you know that already. What you may not know is that I'm taking her with me on the Good Luck 1. I won't leave her alone, as she was when she was pregnant with Gordon. This leaves you two with a big decision. You have very big dreams, and the only way for you to fulfill them is to stay here on earth. I'm going to ask Rod and Rosalyn Laver if they will watch you, until you become of age. They will be your surrogate mother and father. If you don't accept this, the only alternative is for you to come with us on the spaceship. We know this is a big decision for you, and we can give you a few weeks to think it over. However, I have to know what your decision is by December 10, so I can make the final arrangements with the Laver's."

Richard looked at Holden, and they both laughed.

"Why are the parents always the last to know?"

"They are so involved in keeping secrets from their children; they don't see what we are doing behind their backs."

"Even, I think we better sit down. I don't like the looks on their faces."

Richard said, "Do you want to tell them Gordon, or should I?"

"It's coming out of my money, so I'll tell them."

"Oh God Even, the three of them have ganged up on us. We don't stand a chance."

"Okay Gordon, out with it, what's been going on?"

"It's mom's fault. We were sitting at the table and mom said you were playing Russian roulette until your condoms came in. Holden had no idea how gunplay had anything to do with condoms, so he asked me. I did not go into detail, but he knew enough that there was a good chance you two were going to create babies before your protection got here. As you know, you are not the quietest couple, while you are enjoying yourselves. I am not the only one that gets woken up in the middle of the night. The boys came to me and asked what would happen if mom became pregnant. I told them honestly I wasn't sure. The most logical one was dad would take mom and the both of you with him. The second thing he could do is find a couple to be your guardian's until you grow up.

They immediately jumped on that one, and asked me who I thought it would be. I said Rosalyn Laver. She loves kids, and now her house is empty. All I would have to do is convince Rod, and that was simple."

"How is dealing with Rod simple?"

"Come on dad, what is Rod's one weakness?"

"Money; you bribed him."

"I bribed him."

"How much did it cost you?"

"I started out at $25,000 a year each, and Rosalynn was nodding her head. Rod immediately said no way."

"I dropped to $20,000 a year."

Rod said, "You're supposed to go the other way."

I said to him, "I'm going to drop it to $5000, and tell my father to rewrite his Will. When you open the envelope that is in your vault, and see what could have been, but isn't because you got greedy when he asked you to watch his children, I would love to be here to watch you cry."

He asked me if I was a lawyer in disguise. "I said no, I'm just a young kid."

Rod talked with Rosalyn for a moment, and then turned back to me. He said, "I will start writing up the paperwork, where Rosalyn and I will become the legal guardians of Richard and Holden as of December 25. However, you will pay all the fees."

"That's fine; however, they also come with a $10 million a year allowance each. Rosalyn will distribute these funds as she sees fit, for the boys, and for her expenses. She will be given a bank account number, just in case the boys need more money, because of their scientific research and the cost of the boy's and her protection needs. The three of them will never go anyplace unguarded. This account will change from my name to theirs on December 25. It will continue to grow as the money from my patents continues to come in.

At this moment that account has more than $900 million in it. Richard will receive 47 percent, when he turns 21, and Rosalyn will receive three percent of the total amount remaining. When Holden reaches the age of 21, 46 percent of the balance will be transferred to him. The remaining funds will be given to Rosalyn for her kindness in taking care of my brother for the extra length of time. The continuing funds coming in from my patents will be split among the boys as they see fit. Can you think of anything else Rod?"

"I dislike you as much as I dislike your father, and I'm going to put that into the paperwork. Rosalyn is going to be so rich she's not going to know what to do with her money."

"I'll try dear; I will really, truly try to find things to do with my newfound wealth."

"I hate your father, and I hate you. At this moment, I think I hate you more."

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear about it from me, especially when he transfers his business to another attorney."

"You are just like him Gordon. You are just like him."

"Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. You can't say a word to my father about this, or I'll have your license pulled. I will have so many lawyers suing you, paperwork will fill this house. While you're working on it, you can think about Rosalynn basking in the sunshine, on the beach at Hilton Head, playing with my brothers, with a boyfriend on one arm, and another putting suntan lotion on her legs."

"Now I'm sure of it Gordon, I hate you more than your father. Get out of my house. I will start the paperwork now, but your father and mother has to sign it to make it legal. How are you going to pull that off smarty?"

"It will happen as smoothly as giving Rosalyn $10 million a year for the boys to play with, while you have to work for them for $10 million a year to keep their affairs in order. When we are gone, there will be another attorney watching over your shoulder just to make sure everything goes smoothly. It's not my father's idea; it's mine. He knows nothing about it."

"I think you cost me a friend Gordon. He may never talk to me again."

"He'll talk to you dad, but if he sees me, he may cross the street to avoid me."

"Look what you've done to my son Even. You've turned him into a lawyer."

"There are worse professions in life dear."

Jen looked at her two little ones and asked, "Are you sure this is what you want to do? I know Rosalyn will treat you like princes, and Rod is a creampuff inside, but if you have any doubts please let me know now."

"Holden, you or me?"

"You take this one Richard; I'll take the next one."

"Mom the first thing Holden and I discussed was how we would feel if we were in your position, and it was very hard for us to do. First, we are not girls, and we are not emotionally equipped to react like girls. We went to the computer and read more things than we should know at our age. Sex looks like fun; giving birth doesn't look like fun at all. We watched it live, several times, and even though the baby looks tiny afterwards, watching it come out is gruesome. Holden and I wondered why the earth is so overpopulated after seeing it. The dad is all smiles, and the mother looks like she's been through a battle. Thinking of you having to go through that alone, with only us here to support you was not going to be enough. We decided you had to be with dad. We cornered Gordon and told him what we wanted to know, and he told us. We told him we had already made our decision, and since he was giving us his money anyhow, this is how we wanted it spent."

Jennifer took Richard into her arms, and kissed him 1000 times.

"Mom, now I have to go wash my face."

"Don't you dare, those kisses are just the beginning of the billion or more you're gonna get before I leave."

Holden started running towards the hallway, when Gordon grabbed him.

"No little man there is no avoiding this. Take your punishment now, it will be worse later."

He handed Holden to his mother, who drowned him in kisses.

"Enough mom, enough please, I can't take anymore."

"Yes you can, and you will."

**********************

Teddy said, "Is okay to go grandma now."

"Why would we want to go to grandma now sweetie?"

"She not use gun."

"What gun?"

"By gun kill grandpa."

Delicious yelled, "Gray grab Newton, we're going over to my folks, now."

Gray knew that voice too well to ask questions. He opened Newton's door signaled him to follow, and ran after his wife.

Delicious started pounding on the front door, as Gray huffed and puffed up the steps.

"This is ridiculous, I've got to get back in shape."

Gordon opened the door and said, "Hi sis, what's up?"

"Don't give me that what's up line, Teddy said mom bought a gun to kill dad."

Taking Teddy from her mother, Gordon said, "You are right again, Teddy."

"I know."

"I know that you know, what took you so long to get here?"

"Wait stories end."

"That was very considerate of you."

"I know."

"When you decide to expand your vocabulary, I'll take you to the "Creamy Cow."

"Can you take me on Saturday?"

Everyone in the kitchen laughed.

"Now that everyone has decided my daughter is funny, what is going on over here?"

"We were getting ready to go out to dinner. Do you want to join us?"

"Teddy, good grandpa or bad grandpa?"

"Bad grandpa."

Delicious raised her hand to hit me, but I grabbed it before it could do any damage.

"You wouldn't hurt a father to be would you?"

Delicious' head spun around to look Jennifer in the eye.

"You too?"

Gray yelled, "Delicious."

"Oh fuck."

Jennifer cracked a smile and said, "You too?"

"He's going to kill me. I promised I wasn't going to tell anybody for a few weeks. I just took the test and it turned blue. I'm pregnant. I just told him tonight."

"What an amazing set of circumstances. Look at the kitchen table and tell me what you see."

"No shit, today, you found out today? When did you have time to buy the gun?"

"I threw up this morning. I did not need anything else to tell me I was pregnant. I went to buy the tests, and I remembered my husband telling me I could get a pistol at my local 7-Eleven. He wasn't correct, but the store next door sold them. I warned him not to get me pregnant before he left, otherwise I'd kill him. I chickened out. He's taking me along on the Good Luck 1, and the boys are staying with the Laver's."

"We better check with Doctor Finch to make sure there are enough little diapers on board, babies run through a ton of them."

Teddy said, "More babies to come."

"Yes baby I know, more brother's, and sister's for you to play with soon."

"Sooner."

"What do you mean baby?"

"You see, you see soon."

"Do you want to go out for dinner, or should I call in for something?"

"Call in for something dad, the five of us don't get a chance to be together very often. Let's see what mischief we can get it into in a few hours, okay Teddy?"

"Build train, no wheels."

Newton looked at his sister and asked, "What are we going to do with the other hour?"

"Make magnet float on."

Holden said, "Never fight with a girl, you will always lose."

"Where did you hear that Holden?"

"Richard and I had to do some research for my mom. Everywhere we looked; it said never fight with a girl you will always lose. Does your father ever win when he fights with your mother?"

"No."

"Ask your dad if he ever won a fight with your mom, before they were married. I guarantee you the answer is no. Our father doesn't win either. Learn now, it's better that way. Don't pick a fight with a girl, you will always lose."

"That can't be true. My mom keeps telling me marriage is a 50-50 proposition. I'm going to ask my dad."

We were seated around the kitchen table when Newton walked in. Delicious was in the process of pouring coffee when he asked, "Dad did you ever win an argument with mom, before you were married to her?"

There wasn't a sound in the room as Gray looked over his shoulder at Delicious.

"Yes Newton I did, several as a matter of fact."

Dripping venom from her eyeteeth Delicious asked, "Please tell our son what arguments they were dear."

"When your mother was too tired and refused help, I said to her, "I'm going to carry you, and I am not going to take no for an answer."

She also capitulated over which running shoes to wear, because I argued with her over it. She became a much better runner because of it. She never became as good as I was, but she was good.

All in all, I would say I won my fair share of arguments with your mother. Why do you ask Newton?"

Holden said he did some research, and it said, "Never pick a fight with a woman, you will always lose."

"As a general rule son, that is excellent advice, especially after you get married."

"Thanks dad, I'll remember that."

"Don't you hit me?"

"Why would I hit you Gray? You told the truth."

"When did that matter with you?"

"You came close to the line, but you didn't cross it. I've been a good girl lately haven't I?"

"Yes you have, what do you have up your sleeve?"