by Daisy_Dean
Language ridiculous. Every time one of these boneheads opened his mouth the rating dropped for me. Very off-putting
How he guys used and abused her. Love each time a guy chimed in. The more the chimed in the higher the score. Great job.
...person, number and tense, I spent half the time rereading lines to make sure I got your intent.
Just really damn sloppy.
The pay the rent scenario and the ending were pretty good opportunities to lay down a decent NC-R story.
Sadly, that didn't happen, because you didn't seem to care enough to do a little bit of housekeeping.....leaving this a fat mess and us stuck in it with you.
No thank you.
There were the obvious problems with language and grammar. However my biggest issue was the silliness of a woman that was an anal virgin taking a huge cock in her ass with no lube and loving it.
The other comments about grammar and syntax are valid - as is the point about an anal virgin with no lube.
Nevertheless, the concept is a good one - and perhaps you might consider a redraft to close the holes (pardon the pun), raise the standard of the male members (again, pardon) and flesh out the woman’s parts (oh dear, again)?
I like where your thoughts go, Daisy-Dean
I live with a man and his girlfriend; to pay the rent I have to fuck the landlord. I've grown used to it, and honestly, it's a total turn-on for me! Sometimes his brother is there too, and they use me together. So to find this story was so exciting! Thanks for the added thrill. :-)
Kacey