by Daisy_Dean
I live with a man and his girlfriend; to pay the rent I have to fuck the landlord. I've grown used to it, and honestly, it's a total turn-on for me! Sometimes his brother is there too, and they use me together. So to find this story was so exciting! Thanks for the added thrill. :-)
Kacey
The other comments about grammar and syntax are valid - as is the point about an anal virgin with no lube.
Nevertheless, the concept is a good one - and perhaps you might consider a redraft to close the holes (pardon the pun), raise the standard of the male members (again, pardon) and flesh out the woman’s parts (oh dear, again)?
I like where your thoughts go, Daisy-Dean
There were the obvious problems with language and grammar. However my biggest issue was the silliness of a woman that was an anal virgin taking a huge cock in her ass with no lube and loving it.
...person, number and tense, I spent half the time rereading lines to make sure I got your intent.
Just really damn sloppy.
The pay the rent scenario and the ending were pretty good opportunities to lay down a decent NC-R story.
Sadly, that didn't happen, because you didn't seem to care enough to do a little bit of housekeeping.....leaving this a fat mess and us stuck in it with you.
No thank you.
How he guys used and abused her. Love each time a guy chimed in. The more the chimed in the higher the score. Great job.
Language ridiculous. Every time one of these boneheads opened his mouth the rating dropped for me. Very off-putting