All Comments on 'To Serve You, My Love'

What I read was good but I found myself skimming several times. This is fine for a guy; they can become the 'you' in the story. As another woman, I found it distracting and couldn't put myself into the story. It would be stronger to write it in third person.

Awesome story! Please write more like this!

The emotion is evident, but I have to agree with a pp that as a woman it's hard to get into. In addition the paragraphs are long and hard to read on a computer screen, breaking them up a bit would go a long way.