All Comments on 'To Serve You, My Love'

The emotion is evident, but I have to agree with a pp that as a woman it's hard to get into. In addition the paragraphs are long and hard to read on a computer screen, breaking them up a bit would go a long way.

Awesome story! Please write more like this!

What I read was good but I found myself skimming several times. This is fine for a guy; they can become the 'you' in the story. As another woman, I found it distracting and couldn't put myself into the story. It would be stronger to write it in third person.