Wanting Ch. 02

*******

The day after Christmas, I sprawled in flannel pjs on my mom's ancient couch, playing chess against myself. The busted springs creaked every time I made a move. My mom kept the heat down to save money and was reading a book in her puffy down jacket. Nearby, on the coffee table, sat stacks of work I'd brought home over the holidays.

"Did you SEE this year's Christmas letter from Rose?" my mom wanted to know. "Unbelievable. And Will's 22nd birthday party -- total debauchery."

"I saw, Mom." I'd paged through the pictures. A blitz of champagne bubbles and glitter. Will looked like he was in a toothpaste commercial, and his tan looked like he'd done nothing but lie on white sand under a beaming sun for the past week. "The champagne was flowing."

My mother snorted. "There was a lot more than champagne flowing through his system, I promise you. I don't even want to know how he's wasting his time at college. You know he's guaranteed a job with Richard? When I think of him squandering that priceless Ivy League education, while you worked so hard in school..."

"He studies," I mumbled.

I didn't tell my mom that my Christmas letter from our relatives had come folded around a check. When I'd opened the rustling paper, I'd blinked in disbelief. The check was more than I made in a month. It was sitting on my dresser right now, in the city, wedged behind my jewelry box. I couldn't bring myself to cash it, and I couldn't bring myself to tear it up.

"Have you heard from them since the summer, sweetie?" My mother cupped her coffee mug for warmth. "I didn't want to say it, but I worried about you in that house with my sister's family."

"Will and I kept in touch for awhile." I picked up a black knight, rolling the heavy stone in my hand. Will had run it down my bare skin last summer, leaving a path of goosebumps behind, long before he'd won a game. When cool marble had trailed over my hot folds, rubbing my swollen clit into hardness, I'd bucked under Will's unswerving gaze, babbling out a string of pleas for him to touch me because saying yes still felt new. He hadn't. He'd made me come with the smooth marble knight, drinking in every moan that left my mouth and writhe of my naked curves.

"That's nice, at least," my mother said distractedly. "That you kept in touch. Maybe he'll turn out a little more human than his parents. I'm just relieved you didn't come out of three months at that house a different person."

"Everyone changes."

"No, Andie, some people never do. Look at my sister. Money or no, she's always seen people as things to use. And— This is gorgeous." She held up a white rook, examining it. "How on earth did you afford this?"

I shrugged. "Will gave it to me." No reason to hide it now. I'd lugged the chess set to my dad's apartment earlier this week too, my first time seeing his new place, where we'd moved the marble pieces around instead of talking.

"That was very nice of him." My mother eyed me cautiously. "I didn't realize the two of you had become so close. And this would be a drop in the bucket for them, but Andie, I've never known my sister or her family to give something for nothing."

I shrugged again. The house was cold, but the conversation was making me uncomfortably warm. "We talked. I think he appreciated it." I sat up, tossing the knight onto the board, and the couch groaned. "Mom, you really need a new couch. Do you want a new couch?"

*******

I cashed the check. I sent a polite, awkward thank-you note to my aunt and uncle. My mom needed a new couch, she needed heat, I wanted three matching chairs for our dining table in the city, it felt good to cook a fancy dinner with ingredients I never bought and jam our tiny apartment with everyone Meg and Emily and I knew... A response never came to the thank-you note, which was more than fine.

*******

Three months later, a thick envelope showed up in the mail: heavy paper, flowing script, my aunt and uncle's address on the back. Inside was an invitation to Will's graduation party in May. My aunt's elegant handwriting crossed the bottom: I'm sure Will would love to see you. We all would.

Meg, perched on one of the new dining chairs with her laptop, reached over and grabbed the invitation out of my frozen hand.

"Damn. You're going, right? Do you need a plus-one? Nah, you'll take James. Make your cousin jealous." James and I had been dating since February. It was okay. Pleasant. Other than his complaints about my late nights at work, we got along fine. "Hey, I wanted to show you— I was stalking people online and found this."

I stared at her screen. Will, bronzed, his brown hair longer and curling around his chin, his gaze like green glass, his smile perfect. Wet swim trunks clung to his thighs. Water trickled down his sculpted chest. One arm draped around a gorgeous girl, nearly naked in a tiny white string bikini. I eyed her blonde hair, wet and slicked back; her cool blue eyes; her full breasts; her satisfied little smile. Ocean sparkled in the background.

"Completely inferior-looking," Meg announced.

"Who cares?" I shoved the fancy invitation back in its envelope. "She's one of many. Hundreds, probably. And—" The name under the picture caught my eye: Madeleine Platt. "One sec."

"Andie?" Meg snapped her laptop shut. But I was already in my bedroom, pulling out my phone.

Madeleine Platt? Really? I typed furiously. As soon as I hit 'send,' I hurled my phone across the room, cursing. The phone didn't break. Will's response came back almost immediately: Just say the word, Andie.

I didn't. But the next day, I sent the RSVP to my aunt and said that I would come alone.

*******

Oak leaves rustled as I crossed my aunt and uncle's rolling green lawn. I'd expected a repeat of the garden party last June, nearly a year ago now, but the noise and laughter came from a huge tent, lit with lanterns. A much bigger crowd surged inside. Adjusting my black satin strapless dress, I smoothed it where it hugged my hips, and took a minute to touch up my lipstick. I'd pinned up my hair, and my high heels sank into the grass.

James and I had broken up two weeks ago. You just don't seem that into this, Andie. I'd thought about bringing Meg or Emily with me tonight. Meg would have eaten up every bite of clothes and dazzle, and Emily would have appreciated the free food. But in the end, I came alone.

The whole party seemed to sparkle with champagne droplets, fizzing and arcing over the laughing crowd. A glittering dot detached itself from the people milling inside the tent and walked purposefully toward me.

"So glad you came," Aunt Rose gushed. Still beautiful, maybe even more so than last summer. Once I'd noticed the resemblance between us, I couldn't help looking for it every time I saw her. The teardrop-shaped eyes, the almost-hidden spattering of freckles, the delicate frame wrapped in a shimmering cocktail dress. The shining blonde waves that used to be as red as mine. "Will will be thrilled. He's moving to the city next week, you know. We have a gorgeous place all set up for him. He's right over there. Go."

A sharp nudge on my arm toward the center of the tent, and she was off, talking animatedly to the next group walking in.

Will stood in the middle of the swirling crowd, dressed in a tux, holding a glass of champagne. From the edge of the tent, I eyed him. My cousin had the same beautiful face I'd stared at during that garden party when I first arrived: same unsettling green eyes, wavy brown hair, full lips and defined jaw. Same sparkling smile, with two differences: there were violet shadows under his eyes now, and he never, not once, looked bored. No matter what, that smile didn't falter.

And a girl was glued to his side.

Madeleine Platt was beautiful, even prettier in person than her picture. Blonde-streaked hair hung down her back, thick enough to weave into rope. Flawless skin highlighted the wide planes of her face. She was tall, leggy, and tanned, and her snow-white smile gave Will's grin a run for its money.

I pushed through the crowd, making my way toward my cousin. A few feet away, he caught sight of me. Green eyes widened and blinked a few times. His smile vanished.

"Andie," he mouthed.

But by the time I reached him, the golden face was back in place.

"Hi, cousin," he said smoothly, giving my hand a quick squeeze and leaning down to kiss my cheek. The whisper of Will's breath, his soft lips against my skin, suddenly rocked me where I stood, and I squeezed my toes inside my high-heeled pumps. Maybe I shouldn't have come, but I'd needed to.

"Congratulations." My hand was still in his. Everything in my body told me to hold on. Carefully, I freed my fingers. "I know you worked hard for this."

His eyes flickered. "I didn't think you'd come."

"Your parents invited me." And I'd said those words a year ago, when Will asked why I was here for the summer.

"Oh, you were invited?" The girl next to him laughed and turned to Will. "Baby, you didn't tell me you had cousins. Or any family at all. I thought there was just you."

"Andie, this is Maddie." Will made smooth introductions. "Maddie, this is my cousin Andie. She lived with us last summer."

"I'm Will's girlfriend," Maddie added helpfully.

Her brief hard handshake told me everything I needed to know about her. Aunt Rose hadn't been playing around when she said Maddie and Will were cut from the same cloth, at that endless luncheon with her gossiping friends. Behind Maddie's pretty blue eyes lay ice-cold calculation, and she hid it less well than my relatives did. If Madeleine Platt had lived with her rich family for a summer, without much money to her name, she would have done exactly what Will had insisted I must want. She would have taken every advantage.

I nodded, said "nice to meet you," and wondered if she'd slept with my cousin.

"It's been awhile, Andie." Will's smile was more relaxed now, but my gaze kept moving to the shadows under his eyes. "You look great."

"Thanks," I murmured. "I'll feel more great when I have a drink in me."

"Take mine." Will's fingers grazed mine as he put his champagne flute in my hand. The tingling throb from his touch hadn't changed.

Maddie was eyeing me, wondering why I was still here. Forget Will and Maddie being cut from the same cloth. The cool assessing look on this girl's face was my aunt all over again. She and Will were definitely an attractive couple. As Rose had said, they'd go far together. Unless someone threw them both in a cage to see who would walk out alive.

"We should get Spencer and Paxton to entertain her," Maddie remarked to Will, as if I weren't standing two feet away. The lazy hand she rested on his neck, rubbing it in casual possession, gave me my answer: she'd slept with my cousin. "They love redheads."

My fingers stiffened around Will's drink. Madeleine Platt really was an Aunt Rose in training, right down to insisting on everyone's full names except for Will's.

"I've met Spence and Pax." I made myself take a casual sip of champagne. "I don't need to re-meet them."

Will's lips twisted in a snort. A warm hand cupped my elbow. "Andie, how are you? How's work? Are you still living with Meg and Emily?"

Something deep inside me clenched, then melted at seeing a flicker of realness inside Will. Asking questions, caring about the answers. Like a person. And that person was almost buried. Enough time with Madeleine Platt, and the job at his dad's firm, and it would be sealed off forever.

"Work's going really well." More champagne fizzed down my throat. Will's hand was an anchor on my arm, worlds away from the toying touches he'd given me at the garden party a year ago. "I'm still rooming with Meg and Emily. Meg says—"

Madeleine Platt had clearly decided I wasn't worth bothering with. "Spencer! Paxton!" Her voice cut through the crowd. She curled one shapely tanned arm in an invitation they couldn't refuse, beckoning them in. "There's an old friend of yours here. You remember Will's cousin. Take care of her for us, okay? Someone needs to show her a good time tonight."

"No, Maddie," Will murmured. "Andie's fine."

"What do you mean, 'no'?" Behind her laughter, her blue eyes hardened. Sharp annoyance flashed across Will's face. It all happened so quickly that I barely registered it. The next second, she had my cousin's face in her hands, pulling him close for an intimate whisper. "I like to see everybody happy, baby. You know that."

Will looked toward me, his green eyes unreadable. I wanted to drag him out of his own party, into the woods or back to my apartment or somewhere that wasn't here. I knew what I wanted now, but there was nothing I could do about it.

Touching his jacket sleeve, I stepped back as Spence and Pax swaggered up, eyeing me like I was one of the tasty morsels on a passing hors d'oeuvres plate.

"Congratulations again," I said quickly.

Before Will could answer, I turned and threaded through the crowd, putting distance between us. I ate some brie and crackers. I stuck to talking with people my aunt and uncle's age, and probably made contacts that were more valuable than I could guess. I took everyone's business card. Every so often, I glanced toward the center of the tent. Will, drinking champagne; laughing with his friends; kissing Maddie; watching me.

My feet took me out of the tent and onto soft grass. I crossed the manicured lawn, following the path of lanterns in the dark — not to the tall oaks, rustling on the border of the woods and flashing with fireflies, but to the big house.

I recognized the security guard outside the back door. He'd been here last summer, and he'd pretended not to to notice, gazing steadily in the other direction, whenever Will and I crossed his path after coming out of the woods.

"Hi, Brian. Okay if I go inside? I just— want to see my old room from last summer."

He frowned. "Please," I said softly. "It would mean a lot to me."

"All right. Go ahead, miss." He spoke into his radio, letting security know I was coming in. It was hard to believe, this life.

Inside, I noticed changes. An enormous oil painting here, a lush new rug there. A mirror, moved. Everything still soft, glowing, and opulent. I took my chances hurrying through my aunt and uncle's bedroom to stare at the shining black marble tub in the adjacent bathroom. My old room sat untouched, as perfectly arranged as if I'd never slept there, or Will, or anyone.

Will's bedroom looked the same. I flipped through the stacks of books on his heavy desk, ran my hand over the bumps on the antique globe, and traced the silver-framed pictures on his mahogany dresser. The pictures had changed since last summer: a beaming college graduation photo, surrounded by other guys, with those same shadows under his eyes; another posed swimsuit picture with Maddie, looking like a magazine cover; and a picture of me.

My heart thudded when I saw it. A picture of us, really. I'd had no idea he'd framed it; the picture hadn't been here last summer. Our hair was messy in the wind. The smiles on our faces were real.

Either Maddie had never been in Will's bedroom at home, or she'd been too busy undoing his zipper with her teeth to notice the picture.

Will's huge bed still smelled like him: crisp, clean, light. Kicking off my high heels, I curled up under the snowy white comforter and buried my face in a thick pillow.

I'd come for comfort, but lying in my cousin's bed was drawing moisture between my legs, coaxing my nipples to taut peaks. I shouldn't be here, I definitely shouldn't take my clothes off, but my hand was already reaching for my zipper, just to release the aching mounds of my breasts from my tight dress...

A heavy tread sounded in the hall and stopped in front of the partly open door. I froze, then scrambled out of Will's bed, frantically smoothing the sheets and my dress.

"Andrea." Sleek male bulk stood inside the doorway. My uncle Richard raised his eyebrows at me. "What are you doing in here?"

My heartbeat sped up. I'd hoped it was Will, though that wasn't his walk. A security guard would have been embarrassing, but manageable. But Richard—

"I just wanted to see the house. I have a lot of memories from last summer."

Richard glanced at the unmade bed, then back at me. Quickly, I stepped into my shoes, the heels giving me a few extra inches of height. But I still felt very short.

"I see." My uncle's eyes flicked over my rumpled dress and loosened hair. Awkwardness pricked my skin. "It was nice of you to make the trip out tonight. No doubt it means a lot to Will."

"I— thanks." I fought down a stammer. "Thanks for everything. I guess I've never really thanked you in person, but I really appreciate the help with the job, and last summer, and, uh, the check at Christmas. I got my mom a couch."

"Glad to help." Richard smiled. "That check was just a little thank-you for entertaining our boy last summer. Rose and I know how much he enjoyed your company."

Sudden anger flushed my cheeks. There were so many things I could have said. "He's a grown man. Not a boy."

Richard regarded me more closely. His dark eyes sharpened, pinning me in place. "What do you know about grown men, Andrea?" His voice was softer now. My shoulders tensed. "Because you didn't learn about them from my son."

I swallowed. "Look, I think—"

"Has Will told you how much you look like Rose did when she was younger?" Richard asked, conversationally.

Sweat broke out on my forehead. I tugged at the hem of my rucked-up dress, trying to move it discreetly down my thighs. "I've noticed the resemblance."

"It's certainly there." Deliberately, like he was checking just to make sure, my uncle's eyes moved over the ginger waves I'd pinned up, messy now and falling over my bare freckled shoulders, then down to my small breasts and slim hips, hugged by black satin. My face burned. "Though Rose would agree you look more innocent than she ever did." He chuckled. "I've always wanted a more innocent version of my wife."

A chill ran through my body. Your son took most of my innocence, I thought. Because I gave it to him.

"I need to go. Now." Why weren't my feet moving? I was frozen. "And I haven't seen Will in awhile."

"I'm aware of that. Are you enjoying your job, Andrea?"

I blinked. "Very much."

"I understand you're doing quite well there. I'm sure you'd like some security in your position. There's a lot of turnover in publishing."

I remembered all the confusion, the arousal, that I'd felt with Will at the beginning of last summer. There was no confusion here. I knew exactly what was going on. Richard's body filled the doorway.

"I'm not worried." My throat was dry.

"Good." Richard leaned against the doorframe, unmoving. "Rose is hoping Will and the Platt girl will get married, but someone like Will— Well, he has his whole life ahead of him. He ought to take a few years to enjoy himself. In all the right ways, of course. Don't you think?"

"I don't have an opinion," I said coolly.

"Now, I can't believe that. You're quiet, Andrea, but you're smarter than you let on." Richard's tone was soft and friendly, as casual as if we were talking about the weather. "I think you know what a shame it would be if everyone found out Will's been enjoying himself with you. Your parents would be devastated. A shame for Will, too. Very embarrassing for you both. And you seem to care."

"I'm not embarrassed," I snapped. My face flamed bright red, giving the lie to my words. "I don't have anything to be embarrassed about. Will, on the other hand—"

Will had a lot to be embarrassed about, from the beginning of last summer. A lot to be ashamed of. But I'd seen that shame since then, in the way his skin had flushed when he'd apologized to me. The way he'd looked at me when I'd told him to leave my apartment. The violet shadows under his eyes tonight.