What Kind of Man I Am Ch. 01-04

Well, Another day out the house and away from The Kraken. Pool, BBQ, and horseplay. I may make it through this weekend yet!

I made my escape from the kitchen and started doing some lawn work and investigating the Jeep's sound system. As I came into wash up, I passed Joan on her computer. Saving up her strength for gardening?

I should just go over there and dick slap her with the Captain. Headline! Man slaps wife with penis! Can you be arrested for that? Probably assault.

We all got our own snacks around 1 pm. 2 pm rolled around and I told the kids we would leave in an hour. Mostly for Chel to get ready on time. I jumped in the shower and shaved. I figure I'd bust out the periwinkle V-neck that Joan says goes with my blue eyes. Shorts? I'll go with the swim trunks. Those rotten children will try to push me in the pool!

Everyone was ready on time and we did the shout from the front door.

"Bye Mom!"

"Have fun!"

We piled into the Jeep and jammed to a little music on the way over. Great song was on. At least to me. I love satellite radio!

"This time will be the last time that we will fight like this."

How is it some songs just hit you with how your feeling in that moment.

"I've been caught stealing once when I was five."

That perked me up.

We roll up on the Jackson house and jump out of the Jeep with our towels. The kids will go bananas and I'll have to drag them out to get them home. Wait a minute. It's Summer! We can stay later. Hooray for me! But school is right after Labor day. Crap! Back to school shopping. But it does get me out of the house. Lots of women at the mall. Glass half full Chip!

"Hey guys. We need to get your back to school shopping done soon."

My bobble head gang nods in response.

We made our way to the backyard. Now where are the beers? I spot the coolers and make a bee line for them.

I'm a friendly guy, so I made the rounds once I grabbed my first beer. Being a light weight I needed to be careful. But If I pounded 2 beers quickly, I can ride the buzz. Drinking three days straight was not something I planned on doing. I usually only have a drink once a week.

With the mingling done, I settled in to a chaise lounge with the second beer and just tried to enjoy the sun. My mind wouldn't relax though. My eyes wandered onto some attractive curves. No sex in 3 weeks is not going to help the situation. The Captain started whispering to me about getting some pussy.

"Chip! Look at the ass in the white shorts."

I love white shorts on women!

Her name was Theresa Porter. Her daughter Jessie is pretty close friends with Chel and Becky.

You could see her panty lines through the shorts. The Captain decides to add some mood music to my head.

Fucker.

"Stacy's mom has got it going on!"

The panties were the smaller bikini cut. Or was it a bikini bottom? Stop looking Chip!

She had to be only 105 pounds and not much taller than 5' 2". Her tits made my mouth water and on her frame, they looked impressive! You could see her puffy nipples poking through her tank top. She has long blond hair that you could wrap around your cock. Where the hell did that come from?

Stay down Cappy! Swim trunks, hard ons and neighborhood gatherings. Which one doesn't belong with the others?

I ending up retreating to the bathroom. I walked in and closed the door. I was looking at way too many titties. I'm gonna have to take matters into my own hand tonight.

I checked myself out in the mirror.

I look pretty good for 40. A little over six feet tall and last week weighed in at 195 lbs.

The Captain is solid and above average.. Ranking myself against the dads here? Complete package? I got be a contender right?

Then Joan crept back in my head. She might try to give me a good-bye fuck sometime between now and labor day.

You know what! If it goes down? I'll give her a fuck so hard she will never forgot it. I'll throw her legs up and pound that cervix like a jack hammer. Then spray her ass when I cum. Damn straight!

Fuck! I gotta take a piss and get rid of this hard on.

The bathroom door opened while I was trying to point my still hard dick down. Shit! I forgot to lock it. I tried to turn away.

"Oops!"

Fuck! Of course it was Theresa! Well that certainly shrunk me quickly.

I finally pissed and washed my hands. I reached for the door bracing myself for an embarrassing moment. I stepped out into the hallway and it was empty. Phew!

The first 20 minutes after that I avoided her. Then I said fuck it. So she saw my dick. I wasn't really paying attention and that is a mistake with my kids. In the pool I went!

Everyone thought it was so funny when my kids pushed me in with my shirt on. To be fair, I usually launch my kids into the pool first. After that, I devoted the rest of the afternoon playing volleyball and basketball in the pool.

"Alright everyone the food is ready!"

The food was great! There were ribs! I love ribs! I sat and ate with the adults, trying really hard not to perv for nipples and camel toes. Most of the parents I knew and we had interesting enough conversations. I thought I handled the question of where Joan was well.

It was after 6 pm and I had consumed 2 beers and 2 waters. So I decided I would have 2 more beers in rapid succession.

I was making my way back to the pool and saw Theresa. Her lovely hair. Those nipples again! Can she feel the pull from my dick? My tractor cock beam. Or is that cock tractor beam? I'm walking by the pool edge as she is coming the other way smiling at me. She's like an angel. Me? Bad Chip wants to fuck her on the steps of the pool and maul her tits. I'm such a Fucker!

As I got closer, I started to tighten up remembering the bathroom incident. What? That little minx hip checked me into the pool. She is walking off laughing. I'm all smiles too. Okay, things are cool with us at least. But, she is going to get it tonight when I'm in the shower!

I finally dragged the kids home after 9 pm. We had stayed to help clean up the outside.

On the way into the house, I checked my phone. Matty had fired off a text to me that we would meet up Monday at 5:30 PM with his friend Brad.

I sure do hope Joan took a pill and went to bed. She does have to get up at 5:30 am.

The kids went straight to there rooms and did their thing. I took a peak in on the dragon. She is asleep!

I went to the kitchen to check for her phone. Jackpot! Okay. So the only way I know how to get the messages without leaving a trail is to take a picture of them screen by screen in order. Going back as far as I needed. What a fucking pain. But at least the pictures I take will show that it is her phone. Maybe I should do a video before I start?

I tip toe to the toilet off the TV room and lock it! Always lock the door if your snooping or your doing anything with your junk. I just learned that today.

So, I did record a little video of me saying I had Joan's phone and that I was going to check her Facebook messenger and take some pictures of the messages. I pulled up the "I don't love him" message and read it out loud.

After that, I snapped the pictures but was going to wait till Monday to read the rest of them in my office. With that done, I headed for the shower.

In the shower, I just relaxed and let the warm water rain down on my back. I don't know how long I was just standing there.

Then I started to fantasize about Theresa's breasts and started stroking my cock. How would we hookup for a quickie at a pool party?

"Oops."

Theresa walked in on me in the bathroom while I was taking a leak.

"Oh. Chip I'm sorry"

She giggles. Someone is feeling good.

"Close the door woman!"

She does and comes over to me.

"I really have to go bad Chip."

"Hey! We can't cross our streams. It would bad!"

"Huh? Your so funny Chip."

I start shaking the Captain so everything was out. She's waiting but then drops her shorts and puts the seat down. She wiggles in and sits down grabbing my trunks before I can pull them up.

"Chip. Let me make sure you got it all out."

She's peeing and starts stroking me. Bamm! I'm and full length. She finishes peeing and drops her straps of her tank top while still stroking me. No bra in the dream sequence!

Then she starts licking my shaft and sucking my knob. I started a low moan and had a thought.

"Theresa did you lock the door?"

"Mmph hmmph"

Oh fuck. She starts slowing taking me a couple of inches at time. Pretty soon she is bobbing at 3 inches deep. Those lovely cherry red lips wrapping around my girth.

She's starts arching her back and has her breasts thrusting out. One hand on the Captain and one squeezing my ass. She is so fucking hot.

She takes a break and looks at her work. My cock looks as if baby oil is all over it. She rubs the glistening Captain on her lips like chapstick.

"Theresa you look so sexy."

She gets back to business by playfully nibbling at my shaft. Then she powers it down her throat as much as she can. She settles back in, bobbing down 5 inches at a time. She moves her other hand to my ass going hands free. Its the law in this state.

"Theresa. I'm going to cum soon."

She pulls off for second.

"I always swallow for the Captain, Chip"

She mounts those red lips right back on, grabbing my cock with one hand and my balls with the other.

Oh shit! I grab her hair with my right hand and wrap it around. I can feel I'm so close to blasting off.

When I started to cum, I grabbed her head with my left and my right was still holding her hair. I just pumped slowly in and out so we could both feel my cock spasming. She had her eyes closed and I could hear her swallowing.

Once I was done, I let go of her head. She pulls her mouth off and lets my cum dribble off her lips on to her breasts. She stroked me some more while looking up at me with her mouth partially open. She was going to say something?

I was close to cumming for real in the shower. Fuck yeah! The first shot was a long spidery fluid blast. I directed my load all over the far wall of the shower. That was a tremendous amount of buildup.

Evil Chip had an idea! I rubbed my hand on the wall with cum and put it on all over her conditioner bottle. That bottle is always kind of slick from the conditioner. Heh heh.

I'm leaving the cum on the wall too!

I'm felt tired enough to try and sleep. I crept into bed and fell asleep quickly.

Monday August 14, 2017

I woke up when Joan's alarm went off but kept my eyes closed. I normally didn't get out of bed till 6:45.

By the time I'm done in the shower, Joan is usually gone. It used to be she would say good-bye and give me a kiss. maybe even a fondle. When did that stop? I fell back to sleep smiling about the conditioner bottle. Enjoy my magical jojoba!

I arrived at work with an energy drink and a water. Man I was tired from all that sun and beer. I postponed looking at the messages until about 10 am when I had some time.

When 10 am rolled around I went to the first picture and reread the "I'm not in love with him."

Most of the other messages had comments about me being clueless, happy and stupid, asshole, etc etc.

She actually told Laura in October that she started siphoning cash by direct deposit. Well that is handy.

Then some of the messages were a little harder to swallow. This one was from the end of July.

"Last night was the last time. It was just sex. It's best to cut him off so it's not so difficult. I have my boyfriend in the drawer to get me through. LOL"

Then the next couple of messages from early August I read stopped me cold. They were said in jest. I didn't think they were funny at all.

"What I would give to travel the world. But the only way that is going to happen is if I win the lottery or Chips dies. A girl can dream. JK!"

"I can't wait to take those cruises! Counting down the days. No Chip and no kids"

Me too bitch! Me too. Weapons free from here on out!

Next, I went through the bank statements on my phone. It only took about 30 minutes to determine she had taken over $10,000. I looked at how much she normally deposited before she started her plan. Then I subtracted her new deposit amount. That came out to be $500 a paycheck every two weeks. There was also a $2000 withdrawal right after we got our tax return! So probably $12,000 plus. That ball sucker!

My day really dragged from there on. I was actually looking forward to meeting Brad and Matty at JC's Sports Bar.

I arrived first and took a booth at the back and asked for a water. Matty arrived next.

"Hey fucker!"

"Have a seat fucker."

"You get the messages?"

"Yep. Also I went through the bank statements. Looks to me like $12 grand plus."

"Brad's here."

We wave him over. Matty orders a pitcher of Adams.

"Chip. Sorry to meet under these circumstances. I hope I can help. You find anything specific?"

"Yeah it looks like maybe $12 grand and that's just an educated guess."

He asked what I had in checking and savings and a lot of other money matters. He told me don't worry about the house, my retirement and inheritance money.

"You both make about the same and have the about the same in retirement. She can't get your inheritance."

"So with Checking and Savings you have about $30K? You need to move $15K ASAP out of those accounts to even things up."

"Shit!"

"Here is what you do. Move the money first and then come up with the expenses and reasons. First hit the ATM twice a week for $300 or so at at time. That's will add up to about $2000 in three weeks. Your bigger move is to take about $4000 every 3 to 4 days so that you have it all moved the week ahead of when she serves you. Don't ask why, just do it. That should square you up."

"Now the fun part. You guys should go to Vegas this weekend or next. You can spend a lot of money in Vegas. Matty lost his debit card right? He needs to borrow some money. What are friends for. We didn't know they were hookers! You left like $1000 in your pants and its gone? We were so drunk and didn't know what happened. We were at a strip club and you think someone slipped you something. Matty takes some funny pictures and videos that kind of give it some validity and he posts them on Facebook during the trip."

The Vegas trip could take care of $5k. The other $8K you can look at my suggestions that I will send you an email. When's your wife's birthday?"

"Umm. October 15th.

"Perfect. In the email look specifically at fake expenses and the gift."

"Okay."

"You also might want to consider seeing where your wife is at with your phone when she is not at home. I can show you how to do it. You can use it for your kids phones as well. She might lead you to what attorney and bank she is using. Maybe she is meeting with someone? Is she really working late? GPS will tell you. Look. I'm not saying she is. You need to play catch up and information is critical. Give me your email address. I'll send you my how to guide and you can use it as a checklist. Do not take this home or leave it in your car. Keep it at work only!"

"But she could think its all bullshit."

"She could. But she can't prove it."

I gave him my email. He then showed me how to see where Joan was at. Well, at least she was at work.

"Hey. She may be cool and you don't have to go to a cage match. Be prepared! Oh. There are 2 lawyers that I recommend in the guide. The guy Tate is a fucking soul crusher and has the resources. But he is tier one money. Ms. Johnson doesn't cost as much but she know's how women think."

We sat there for a minute. Matty spoke up.

"Thanks Brad. I owe you one."

"Nah. Bros before hoes. Bring me a killer shirt from Vegas and were good."

Brad left. Matty thought I should buy a fire safe and I could stash the cash and prizes there.

"Matty. You are activated my wingman. Umm. But we need cool nicknames like Iceman and Maverick."

"I'm a package deal man. Jacy is your wingwoman. She'll love to come up with the nicknames. But just so you know, she is going to want to go full throttle on finding you a woman. So if your not ready for that I'll tell her to back off."

I stare into my beer looking for answers.

"This whole situation sucks. The things she said. I can only imagine what she says about me to her friends.

"Like what? How bad?"

"I don't even want to repeat them."

"Okay. When you're ready then. But you should be prepared to use them if things get ugly. Send me a copy of them and I'll secure them somewhere safe. Chip you got big hairy balls man. Time to grab em and use em. Me and Jacy got your back."

"I shave my balls."

"Really? You got big shaved balls doesn't sound as cool."

"Ask Jacy if she likes your hairy balls."

"I will fucker."

"Later fucker."

On the way home I gotta a text from Matty.

"Fucker!!"

That made me smile.

I arrive home to an empty house. Joan was working till whenever. The kids had texted earlier who's house they were at.

I quickly changed into basketball shorts and a tank top. Might as well hit the gym. I group texted that I would be at the gym and home by probably 730-8 pm to make dinner. I got 2 K's and Joan said she would be home a little after 8.

I dazed through my workout and again chastised myself for eating very little and not drinking enough water. Damn it.

Once back home I started cooking some pasta and making salad for the family. They all came in about 10 minutes apart from each other.

"I'll have dinner ready in about 15 Minutes."

One of the Facebook messages blipped in my head. Joan hates it when I get all up on her when i'm sweaty.

Don't know if I can pull this off. But one goal was for the kids to keep seeing her reject me or disrespect me daily. That primarily happened when they were out of the house or in their rooms.

"Hey honey. How about a big kiss from your sweaty man?"

I moved toward her for a hug and with kissy lips.

"Eweh! Chip your all slimey."

She tried to push me away but I gave her a sloppy kiss on the check. She turned her head to avoid the lips. I made sure I rubbed my armpit on her shoulder!

"Chip. Take a shower!"

"No can do. Gotta smooch my kids too!"

Kixx took off immediately but it was too late for Chel.

"Dad! Gross!"

"Is it that bad?"

"No. But its dad sweat. Boyfriend sweat is okay."

"Boyfriend? What?"

"Never mind. Dad you should buy some cologne. Mom might like it better if you have a sexy sweaty smell."

"Good idea Chel."

Damn. My daughter is good at distracting me. Boyfriend sweat?

We had a family dinner. It wasn't that bad. Mostly because I was starving. Soon as it was done though. Poof. Where did they all go? So I did the dishes and went to the TV room in my sweaty gear. I picked up my phone and texted Matty.

"Wingman. I need Jacy's advice. I need to score some cologne that will mix with my manly barbarian scent and melt panties!"

Now to start Varsity Blues. Whip cream bikini tonight! Monica would look tasty in one. Although her breasts would take one can themselves!

Matty replies and added Jacy to the text group.

"Were on it! Well she is. She's contacting her hoes now."

Another reply.

"Jacy says they are not hoes. Just women with questionable decision making skills. And she smacked me! She said she can call them hoes but we can't."

"Your a stupid fucker."

Close to 10 pm my phone vibrates with a text. When did Kixx come in to the room? Looks like he is enjoying the movie.

"Chip. I sent you an email with what me and my hoes advise. Just do what is says! L U Puss-n-heels."

Laughing, I send the reply.

"Is that your stripper name or wingwoman nickname?"

"IDK. Just thought of it. Not sure if it's the one."

"Is Matty Shrek or Donkey?"

"He is certainly no donkey. Sorry honey;)"

"Fuckers!"

"Thanks for the intel Heels!"