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"Um..." she began but paused making sure she had her words right.
"What is it?" He asked worriedly after seeing the troubled look on Charley's face.
"I wasn't going to say anything but I thought maybe you'd want to know," she clarified before she continued. Thomas face said it all, he was really anxious to know what had Charley so worked up and frightened.
"Charley you're scaring me; tell me," he demanded anxiously.
"Jon..." she paused and corrected herself. "He called me last night asking for you but don't worry I told him I haven't seen or heard from you in a while," she explained then walked closer to Thomas who had his head down.
Just the idea or mention of him made his blood boil. He knew it was going to take while till he was ok again but as long as it takes, he told himself. "You all right?" she asked wondering if it was a good idea telling Thomas.
He nodded forcing her a genuine smile but she knew he wasn't ok and she wasn't going to push it either. "Go Charley I'll be fine. You already hid all the knives remember?" He urged jokingly but all it achieved at that moment was a worried look from Charley. "Stop with that look alright. I'm not suicidal." He held her hands in his and stared down at them.
"You know, you didn't have to lie for me. He's gonna find me eventually and I know how much you hate lying." He told her without lifting his head.
"Hey cut that out, you're my friend not him," she interrupted then hugged the bigger figure before her. To be honest, all throughout college Jonathan never acknowledged her unless she was with Thomas so he never noticed that at one point she was totally googlie eyed over him but she soon passed that faze when she realized Jonathan would never give her the time of day.
But he did seem to interact with her more when he realized she wasn't going anywhere. Later Thomas must've told him how he made her feel cause before she knew it Jonathan was showing up at her studio with a bunch of yellow roses and a box of Lindt chocolates telling her how sorry he was if he made her feel excluded or insignificant.
He explained that he always viewed school as a place where people were forced to tolerate each other so what people viewed as lifelong friendships were all an illusion that our sub conscious created in order to cope.
She remembered that she started laughing uncontrollably when he said that then she called Thomas and told him what he said. Thomas had teased him of how over analyzing and uptight he sounded sometimes. Jonathan all but shrugged it off cause he didn't see what they were talking about.
"Hey stop worrying about me, you got that appointment at ten remember," he reminded her when she wouldn't stop hugging him, not that he was complaining or anything.
"You're more important and besides I'm in no hurry to see dirty Harry honey," she replied sarcastically making Thomas let out an infectious laughter. Thomas knew all too well who dirty Harry was.
Charley gained a lot of clientele due to her ability to make painting look like photography but there was this one guy in particular who came by way too often and his requests are let's a lot more skin than anyone wants to see.
"Wow if you're laughing that means I must be doing something right huh?" she asked staring proudly at the taller man. Thomas leaned down and kissed the top of her head and insisted that she go but he didn't cease to tell her how much he appreciated her friendship. After Charley left he called his office and requested a few personal days.
**********
"Bro! bro!" Jonathan kept hearing the echo but he couldn't see anyone. "Dude get up!" the voice demanded again this time smacking him upside the head causing him to let out an agonizing long groan whilst holding his head.
He was lying down on the couch so he sat up and scanned the room to see who had the nerve to hit him. Not that he could see well yet anyway, his eyes were a bit blurry but after rubbing his eyes he looked up again and to his surprise his brother Patrick was sitting on the couch opposite him giving him the deadliest stare.
Suddenly he wasn't pissed anymore but ecstatic to see his little brother. "Patty," he cheerfully called while trying to get up but dammnit his head was pounding, he couldn't just yet.
"Drink that," the black haired, grey eyed, 5'8", 25 year old Patrick commanded exasperatingly.
"What?" Jonathan asked unsure of what his brother was talking about.
"Drink the damn coffee Jonathan!" he snapped causing Jonathan to look at him bewildered like. Something had his brother upset and he wanted to know but Patrick was right he needed that coffee so he reached for the mug he saw before him and drank till it was empty.
"What's wrong Pat," he finally asked. Patrick got up and grabbed the empty mug and left the room without acknowledging Jonathan. "The fuck," Jonathan murmured under her breath. His head still hurt a bit but something was bothering Patrick. 'What the fuck did I do?' he wondered.
He then headed for the kitchen where Patrick had gone but to his surprise he wasn't there. He made to call out for him but soon saw him coming from down the hall. "Pat..." he began but stopped when Patrick held his hand up.
"Go take a shower, we'll talk when you get back," he ordered then headed off to the living room area. 'Had he woke up in an alternate universe, who was the bigger brother anyway, why was Patrick so pissed?' Jonathan kept asking himself but he also knew it was a rarity that his brother got upset so something or someone really must've made him upset; dammnit he needed to know but right after he took that shower.
Moment later he returned to the living room noticing that Patrick was now sitting in the couch with his legs crossed. He had to admit, that was really what he needed, his sobriety was slowly coming back but unfortunately it didn't take away that numbness he was feeling.
It was a week since everything had happened between him and Thomas and all that seemed to take his mind off everything was if he drowned himself in alcohol. He sat back in the opposite couch facing Patrick with his legs crossed at the ankles.
"What's wrong with you?" Patrick finally acknowledged his brother.
"What's wrong with me? You're the one who has been sulking and staring daggers at me since you got here," Jonathan retorted without meaning to.
"You don't even know when I got here; I found you passed out on the couch with a bottle of scotch in your hand since last night," he threw back.
"Do you have any idea how worried I was; this is not like you so I'll ask you again, what is wrong with you?" Patrick requested then waited for an answer.
'Shit, had Patrick really been in the house since last night without him knowing? When did he even end up downstairs?' He'd never been a light weight but he had to admit a whole bottle of scotch would make even the Scotts fall.
Now that he knew why Patrick was upset he had to explain why he needed to self medicate in an alcohol induced state. He made a long deep sigh then went on to explain.
"Jesus, how could you do that to him bro?" Patrick asked incredulously. Jonathan who was now standing by the huge glass wall exposing an exquisite view of part city landscape turned around and headed back towards the couch.
"You think I haven't asked myself that every day but..." he paused, took a deep breath then continued. "If I'm being honest, I don't regret it one bit. You should see him with her; he's the only dad she knows and I want it to stay that way, I'm just Uncle Jonathan," he concluded then sat back down.
"She's your kid man, doesn't that count for something," Patrick asked in all seriousness.
"Of course it does, I don't love her any less but she makes him happy and I need him to know that their relationship doesn't have to change because of my selfish actions.
"Well have you told him that?" Patrick asked curiously.
"No, I haven't spoken to him since that day at his house," he responded nonchalantly.
"What! How do you even know if he is ok, do you even know where he is?" Patrick asked astonished.
"Look Pat, I know he isn't ok, he probably won't be for a while but I do know where he is. He's been at a friend's house for a whole week now," he concluded.
That night that Jonathan called Charley, she had told him that Thomas wasn't there but his stubborn nature wouldn't allow him to just leave it at that so he told his PI to check it out and to his surprise Thomas was actually staying there.
The plan wasn't to show up at her door demanding to speak to Thomas; he only wanted to know where he was and that he was safe. "So what the hell are you doing here, you should be there groveling at his feet right now him." Jonathan couldn't help but shot him an incredulous look.
"Baby bro you obviously don't know T, I miss him and I need his forgiveness but not at the expense of getting my eyes gouged out," he replied hesitantly. Patrick tried his best to hide his smile but couldn't help the goofy grin that spread across his face at the thought of a huge guy like Jonathan being scared to approach Thomas.
"I always warned you that that controlling nature of yours was gonna get you into trouble one of these days right?" he pointed out sarcastically.
"Go ahead laugh, I don't care," Jonathan replied tilting his head to the side and running his fingers through his hair.
"No seriously though, you need to let him know how sorry you are; he needs to know this everyday cause the longer you take the more he's going to start to get over you and I'm positive that's not what you want.
Johnny for as long as I've known you you've never been a coward; please don't start now. If you're anything like the man I know you are, you will do right by Thomas and Belle; before it's too late," he warned genuinely.
"Wow, look at you little brother, you should've been a shrink," Jonathan teased.
"Fuck you asshole," Patrick shot back then burst out laughing.
"Oh you so didn't just curse at your big brother; I'm gonna tell mom," Jonathan jeered reaching for his phone and pretending to move his fingers briskly across his phone screen.
"Don't you dare," a panicked Patrick warned then rushed over to where Jonathan sat. "Gimme the phone dick head," Thomas demanded just as Jonathan stood up towering seven inches above Patrick.
"Reach high," Jonathan continued to tease stretching the phone above his head so it was impossible for Patrick to reach the phone. Patrick ended up getting frustrated and tackled his big brother to the floor. The two playfully tumbled around on the floor like they usually did as little kids and for a moment Jonathan forgot that he was sad and that it was ok to laugh too.
*******
"Damnit Charley, who locks themselves out of their apartment four times in a row anyway," Thomas mumbled jumping out of the shower then wrapped a towel around him. He had been staying with Charley for a total of six days now and for three of them Charley had left her house keys.
"I'm coming!" he shouted when the doorbell sounded for the third time. He didn't even get a chance to dry off properly; he just flung the towel around him and charged for the door. 'What was she doing back so early for anyway,' he thought to himself. Inching closer to the door he could've sworn he smelled something faintly familiar but he reached and pulled the door anyway.
All the anguish and betrayal that he thought he got rid of over the past week instantly came rushing back the minute he laid eyes on the person who caused them in the first place. The last thing he wanted was to be standing there almost naked in front of Jonathan but that was the least of his worries, his main goal at the moment was to get rid of him and that was what he intended to do.
"Leave," he ordered coldly staring at the man who once was his whole life. After thinking about what Patrick had said for quite some time Jonathan realized that his brother was completely right. Yes it was going to be a challenge to get Thomas to forgive him but no one would dare accuse him of being scared of a challenge, especially where it involved the chase for something he wanted more than anything.
The moment Thomas opened the door wrapped in only a towel; his corrupted mind went somewhere totally different. The oracle which stood before him filled his dreams every night and instantly he wanted to do the things he did to him in his dreams over and over. Before the door opened all he felt was fear but now staring at the most beautiful thing to him in the world, all he felt was adoration and lust and his eyes showed exactly that.
"I said leave," Thomas repeated when he noticed Jonathan wasn't moving an inch. He actually looked like he was under some sort of spell. No actually... Thomas knew that look all too well, he may be pissed as hell at the man but by god he knew what that look meant. If Thomas thought he was angry before, his anger just jumped off the charts.
Jonathan really had the nerve to stand there and look at him as if he were a piece of meat. Thomas didn't know what got over him but the next thing he knew he was balling his fist and planting one right in Jonathan's jaw region.
"Fuuuck," Jonathan swore out loud in agony when the blow hit his jaw.
"How dare you come here and look at me like some cheap whore who is supposed to fall to their knees for you, especially after what you did you bastard," Thomas retorted with vile anguish in his voice.
Jonathan looked at him incredulously after Thomas said that. Had Thomas really thought that was how he viewed him?
"I really thought you couldn't hurt me any more than you already have but obviously I was wrong," Thomas expressed staring up at the man who caused him so much pain. Jonathan had enough, it was time for him to say his piece but he wasn't going to have an argument at the front door much less have people pass by and see Thomas with basically no clothes on.
He moved in closer and he could see Thomas getting ready to blast him another shiner across the face but he soon grabbed both his hands in one of his palms and forced him inside the apartment. He then used his other hand to close and latch the door.
"What the fuck are you do..."
"Shut up, it's my turn now," Jonathan interrupted still holding on to both of Thomas' wrists that were trying to wriggle free. "Listen I'll be honest, I do want you right now but I know that's the last thing that's gonna happen. I came here because I miss you and I love you. I don't care if you call the cops. I'm gonna keep coming back every time because you are the most important piece of my existence.
Do you hear me, I love you," Jonathan expressed from the bottom of his heart. "I'm sorry if my actions made you doubt that. Baby I need your forgiveness more than anything but if you never forgive me, I completely understand.
What I did was despicable and condescending and I hate like hell that I hurt you like that and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making sure you know how sorry I am and how much I love you."
Thomas listened as Jonathan poured his heart out but all that stayed with him was how Jonathan betrayed him. If there was ever silver lining it got drowned by all the darkness he had inside him now. As opposed to the day before when all he knew were tears, presently all he wanted to do was unleash hurt unto Jonathan.
"Leave," he warned coldly when he got his hands free from Jonathan.
"T..."
"Leave Jonathan. I won't tell you again," The last thing Jonathan wanted to do was upset him any further so he did what Thomas asked and headed for the door but before closing the door behind him he uttered those three words again and left.
"I love you."
The words kept echoing in Thomas' head but they did nothing for him. He was in pain and Jonathan was the cause of that. What the hell was he even thinking coming there, Thomas thought. He told Jonathan to stay away from him and he couldn't even give him that.
He knew he shouldn't be thinking what he was thinking but Jonathan needed to know that he was done and since he had no intention of respecting Thomas' wishes then he needed to be told in another way.
After changing into some clothes he made a call to the one person he knew he could wholeheartedly give his love to without worrying if they're going to hurt him.
"Daddy!" the two year old angel called out to Thomas. The day after he replaced his phone he called Marian to speak to Belle and to his surprise Marian had no objection nor did she sound vile and vindictive towards him.
She hated what he did to their marriage but she was also remorseful for her part in lying about Belle's Paternity. She went on to tell him that despite what happened that he shouldn't turn his back on Belle because of it.
"Hey sweet heart, I miss you." he expressed trying his best to sound composed and joyful. Just hearing her call him daddy was enough t make his day. Suddenly she started to whimper and bite on her tiny fingers, he knew she wanted to see him and that just killed him.
************
Two days later he was back home but unfortunately it wouldn't be home for much longer. He decided to put the house on the market because Marian didn't want it and he sure as hell didn't want to live there anymore.
While packing up some boxes he heard the door bell and every bone in his body was screaming please don't let it be him but to his surprise when he opened the door it was a result of the same stock.
"Patrick what are you doing here?" he asked puzzlingly to the presence before him that he hadn't seen in over a year.
"I was just in the neighborhood and I thought I'd come pay you a visit," he replied innocently.
"Really Patty, in the neighborhood? That's the best you could come up with; did he send you here?" Thomas retorted exasperatedly.
"Yeesh dude, a hello would be nice you know," Patrick suggested skeptically studying the look on Thomas' face. Now he knew why Jonathan was scared out of his fucking mind and if the shiner on Jonathan's jaw was any indication he sure as hell didn't want to piss him off.
"Pat..." Thomas warned.
"Alright alright, no he didn't send me, in fact if he knew I was here he'd have my head," he explained. "Come on Tommy, no bullshit," he said throwing up his hands up.
"Fine come on in," Thomas smiled shaking his head incredulously. To someone who had no idea who the pair was could swear they were brothers. Whenever he'd visit the Donavon's house with Jonathan, he and Patrick became the two musketeers sometimes making Jonathan jealous which the two always cracked up over.
"You look good man," Patrick complimented patting Thomas on the shoulder and walking into the now partially packed living room.
"Sure, looking like I haven't slept in weeks, if that's your idea of good looking then thanks," he replied sarcastically.
"Haven't noticed, you and big bro got blessed with all the good looks, you two would look good in rags," he joked then sat down on the couch. Thomas shot his brows up suspiciously at Patrick then shrugged his shoulders.
'Shit, this is gonna be harder than I anticipated,' Patrick thought to himself. Over the next couple of minutes the two reminisced and drank beers and every now and then the infamous "J" word would come up, intentionally by Patrick of course but Thomas was starting to see a pattern and slowly but surely he was starting to get infuriated.
"What are you doing Pat?" Thomas requested looking at the other man suspiciously.
"What, what do you mean?" Patrick asked innocently looking anywhere but at Thomas then sipped on his beer.
"Fine you said he didn't send you but you mention him every ten seconds, what are you playing at?" Thomas demanded sternly.
'It was now or never,' Patrick thought. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer then began. "Listen he didn't send me here but Jonny is a mess and..."
