Yearning Hearts Ch. 04

He wants us to keep things as they are, with you as her dad and I couldn't agree more," she murmured pouring herself another glass of red wine.

"What do you mean?" he asked curiously and shockingly.

"Look, I always knew he wasn't going to acknowledge her as his daughter, that's why I agreed to keep it a secret in the first place. For some ironic reason he got terrified when he found out, it's almost as if he doesn't want to be a father..." she trailed off shrugging her shoulders and taking another sip of her wine.

"What are you talking about, he's crazy about her," Thomas cut in immediately almost defensively looking at her bewildered.

"No don't get me wrong, even a blind person can see that. I'm just worried that one day when Belle finds out the truth he won't accept her the way she wants him to but I may be totally wrong about everything. It's just you, you know. Your happiness always mattered more to him than his own and he won't claim Belle as his for that reason alone." she added skeptically.

"What was that episode earlier about anyways," she redirected instantly noticing the discomfort on Thomas' face.

'This is starting to get weird,' he thought. Almost two weeks ago she was hurling insults at him and now she was genuinely concerned about his well being. He sat there wondering if he should just leave or open up about everything that has been going on in his head; maybe he needed to get it out.

She could see how Thomas' health had suffered since that treacherous day and she was genuinely concerned that he'd take it much further. She could tell that Thomas needed someone to talk to; someone who truly understood what he was going through even if she was a contributing factor of why he was hurting.

'Once she was his wife and mother of his child and now that none of those titles are of any significance what was he to her and her to him,' he wondered. Was he really going to confide in the woman he cheated on about the person he cheated with? 'This is beyond bizarre,' he thought.

"If it makes this any less awkward, a few months after you started acting weird I just assumed you were having an affair so I went out to a bar just to see if I could do the same thing but instead I met someone terrific and we've been talking ever since so if you think it's weird that I'm asking this, just know you're not the only one who stepped out," she confessed guiltily.

To say Thomas was shocked right then would be an understatement and his expression revealed just that.

"I'm a hypocrite I know; I was doing the same thing I was condemning you for, very sanctimonious of me." He knew he had every right to be livid at that moment but he also knew it wouldn't solve his problems either.

If he was being honest, deep down he wished Marian hadn't told the truth about who Belle's biological dad was, especially when Jonathan wasn't taking responsibility as he should; what was that all about anyways.

And yet again, just when he thought he knew the man, he did something to shock him completely. He's the one who always said Belle was like a daughter to him so why not acknowledge her as such.

"You really love him don't you?" Marian whispered calmly. He knew she knew the answer to that question so he didn't feel like he needed to answer and he sure as hell didn't want to admit his feelings for Jonathan in that moment.

"Tommy please talk to me; I'm worried about you," she requested worriedly while caressing his hand. He didn't know why he felt like crying right then but before he knew it his eyes were welling up and tears running down his cheeks.

"Shhh it's ok," Marian came charging letting Thomas rest his head on her shoulder. Maybe it was the fact that she was soothing his back but next thing he knew he was letting out blatant sobs but not too loud for Belle to hear. Though she had screamed at Thomas that she hated him; that was all her emotions getting the best of her in the moment.

All along she had thought Thomas was having an affair with another woman but come to find out it was his best friend and also the man she had a thing for before Thomas. Filing for a divorce had been mutual but they hadn't discussed any of them having an affair. Thomas was one of the best persons she knew.

He fell in love with his best friend and with a guy at that and she felt bad that she damned him for that especially when she did the same thing. Finally Thomas calmed down and she knew all she could do at that moment was be there for him until he felt comfortable enough to confide in her.

"I don't even recognize myself anymore," he began hoarsely wiping at his eyes with a tissue Marian handed him. "Just hearing his name or simply thinking about him makes me wanna bawl my eyes out; why the fuck can't I stop crying? Why does it have to hurt so much?" he asked angrily.

Marian grasped the sides of his neck while caressing his cheeks with her thumbs then pressed her forehead against his. "Because you're in love and no matter how much you try your heart won't allow you to stop," she whispered then kissed him on the forehead.

"I know you don't wanna believe this because you're hurting but he's crazy about you too and neither of us intended for any of this to happen; so please stop this; for Belle's sake please stop this, she knows you're not ok Tommy," she assured him forcing him to meet her eyes.

"Wh... when did you two?" he asked hoarsely. He didn't need to finish his statement for her to know what he was asking plus she could tell how hard it was for him to actually say it. She had felt the same way when she thought he was having an affair. Just the thought of him with someone else made her sick to her stomach.

She wasn't sure if telling him about when she and Jonathan conceived Belle would help him or make things even worse but she could tell he really wanted to know so she thought it was the least she could do.

"It was within a month of you and I dating; but he didn't know about us. He didn't even know I was dating someone." Marian's cosmetic company had been a client of Jonathan's and while she was mostly professional she wasn't shy in letting Jonathan know that she wanted him but Jonathan told her he didn't like mixing business with pleasure.

Although Marian was the one doing all the chasing Jonathan had wanted her too, badly. She was gorgeous, smart and persistent like hell but he had only wanted to have sex with her. There was no plan of it going beyond that.

Eventually two weeks later she phoned him telling him that her partners were insistent on another agency but she had sabotaged that on purpose so she could have Jonathan. Upon hearing this Jonathan finally got the green light he needed took her to a five star hotel he had taken a lover or two and boy did the two make up for lost time.

Two days later Thomas called Jonathan letting him know he had met someone and the two were getting quite serious so as his best friend he would like Jonathan to meet her. To say the two were shocked to discover who the other was would be an understatement but they didn't revealed as much to Thomas, just that they had met through mutual acquaintances.

When Marian found out she was pregnant she didn't need to think twice about who the father was but when Thomas heard the news he had proposed immediately. If she was being honest guilt was eating at her immensely but Jonathan managed to convince her that if Thomas knew the truth it would break his heart and he wasn't having any part of that.

"Two whole years," he murmured then chuckled humorlessly. "Did you love him?" he asked grimly.

"Like many others that have been with him, I loved the idea of being with 'Jonathan Donavon' the gorgeous successful CEO but I also knew he wasn't the settling down type so I guess I settled with the bit he gave me and for me that was sex."

She could evidently see Thomas' jaws begin to tighten as she went on. If she could take a wild guess, he was probably painting himself a mental image of her and Jonathan together and she knew that was her queue to stop.

She knew she was probably out of line but she wanted to ask anyway. "Why don't you two start over?" she suggested calmly. Thomas who appeared to be in a faraway thought was startled and asked.

"What...?"

"You and Jonathan should start over cause let's face it darling neither of us were innocent in this triangle. Yes he and I lied about Belle's true paternity but we both know Jonathan's a very possessive man and it couldn't have been easy on him knowing you were with someone else instead of him every night.

And if I'm guessing correctly he probably told you as much on countless occasions. Am I right?" she asked searching eyes that were on the brink of tears. Maybe Marian was right but that didn't mean he was anywhere near forgiving much less forgetting how much Jonathan had hurt him.

Surprisingly he wasn't angry with Marian at all though she was as much to blame.

Marian wasn't the one who kept him awake at night, or the one he longed for every second of every day or the one who had his heart aching immensely every minute since the secret was revealed. Jonathan was supposed to love him and make him feel safe and protected like he always did, not hurt him to the point of him feeling empty and cold and soulless.

*************

Patrick stood outside his brother's study listening to him yell and scream as he threw a bunch of stuff around. He was privy to the fact that Jonathan had an important meeting that day but when Jonathan came home that evening he could tell that things didn't go as planned.

Not only did he look disoriented but he looked completely lifeless like he had no more fight left in him. He knew it definitely had to be more than a failed deal; it had Thomas written all over.

The day before when he got back from Thomas' he tried to keep his little excursion a secret from Jonathan but for as long as he could remember he had never been able to keep a secret and it was written all over his face when Jonathan walked in that evening.

To Jonathan all of Thomas' heart shattering responses were understandable but what really got to him was the fact that Thomas said he wished he hadn't met him. How could he even say that? Saying that meant that all ten years that they've known each other meant nothing to him. That infuriated him but he also felt like he had no right to be angry.

Patrick had apologized profusely thinking that he may have made things worse between the two. He expected Jonathan to be furious at him but instead what he got from Jonathan was a thank you. Yeah that definitely wasn't his brother.

*****

A sudden knock came redirecting Patrick's attention towards the front door and that's when he knew the shit was about to hit the fan. There stood Thomas in a fit of fury demanding to see that fucking coward, aka Jonathan.

He tried his best to deflect the situation by telling Thomas that Jonathan wasn't feeling well but Thomas had insisted that he had to talk to Jonathan "even if he was in a fucking coma," Thomas had quoted. Right then he could hear the door to the study open and Jonathan called out to him to ask who was at the door. Hearing this Thomas pushed past him and went seeking out Jonathan.

He could tell there was going to be fireworks and not the good kind and he sure as hell wasn't going to stick around especially when he felt like it was partly his fault.

In a matter of seconds he grabbed his wallet, phone, and coat and slipped out the door shouting that he'll be out for an hour or two even though he had no intention of returning until the next morning.

Thomas arrived just in time to see Jonathan exiting the study but not before catching a peep of all the debris on the floor. The only evident object that didn't fall victim to his rage had been a bottle of 18 year old scotch that he had in his hand sipping directly from it. Without acknowledging the mess before him Thomas began.

"I need to talk to you about your daughter," Thomas stated flatly walking back towards the seating area. Jonathan was happy that Thomas was there especially when he didn't get to explain what Thomas may have misinterpreted earlier back at the office.

However, he also knew it wasn't a courtesy call. Thomas was angry and needed someone to lash out at and that person was him. He walked back in the study and stayed for about two minutes trying to gather his sanity but when it wasn't working he took another sip of scotch, put the bottle back in the liquor cabinet and proceeded to have that talk.

*****

"Can I explain what you saw today?" A shirtless Jonathan in a pair of black jeans exposing that perfect Adonis belt addressed Thomas as he went and stood behind the couch opposite where Thomas sat.

"I don't care who you screw Jonathan so just keep the sordid details to yourself please." Thomas returned exasperatingly and covetously.

"I know you're angry but I'd appreciate it if you didn't accuse me of stuff I didn't do. He was just assuring me that his bosses were impressed ok? Jason..."

"Oh so he has a name. I was starting to think you slept with the poor kid without so much as an introduction," Thomas interrupted staring squarely and angrily at Jonathan.

"I didn't sleep with him Thomas. You're the only one I want. I love you, only you." Jonathan defended weakly and miserably.

Thomas knew he shouldn't care but he was relieved to hear that Jonathan hadn't been with that guy. Jonathan was no longer his to claim but it still hurt to think of him with anyone else.

"Fine but I don't care anymore. Who you sleep with isn't any of my business. I'm here because two years ago you stuck your dick somewhere it shouldn't have been, you fucked my girlfriend and you got her pregnant..."

Jonathan interrupted before he could continue. "T I... I had no idea she was with anyone, much less you," Jonathan yelled agonizingly his eyes stinging from unshed tears.

"I don't give a fuck Jonathan," he retorted with an outraged shriek.

He hated like hell when Thomas called him that but he knew Thomas was only doing it to hurt him.

"The result of what you did that day when you

betrayed me was the sweetest little angel and now that your little secret is out, I'll be damned if you think you're gonna walk away and not take responsibility.

Just because you can't keep your dick in your pants, doesn't mean she should suffer. She's yours and you're gonna do right by her, do you understand me?" Thomas asked staring wryly at a disheartened Jonathan.

Jonathan could see how painful it was for Thomas to admit that he wasn't her dad and he wished he could take away his pain more than anything.

Jonathan swallowed around the lump in his throat but when he tried to speak his words sounded inaudible so he cleared his throat and started.

"I love Belle more than you'll ever know and I'll always be in her life; but she loves you, you're her dad, I won't take that away from her. I just want what's best for you and her, please believe me." He expressed gut wrenchingly.

"Why should I believe anything you say, you've been lying to me for over two years. Did you know that I trusted you more than anyone else?" Thomas asked brokenly fighting like hell to hold back potential water works.

"Baby please, I'm so..."

"Don't fucking call me that! You don't get to do that anymore. You destroyed me." Thomas screamed lifelessly flashing darkened tortured eyes at Jonathan while tears rolled down his cheeks incessantly.

Jonathan fingers hurt badly as he gripped the back of the chair in extreme torment. He watched Thomas' depressed broken state and felt like he wanted to die. He couldn't look at him anymore.

It was far too painful. He walked over to the huge floor to ceiling window and braced his right hand palm flat against it.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep that from you? Jonathan murmured hoarsely. "I can remember it like it was yesterday." He chuckled softly then stuck his free hand in his pocket. "I swear I've never seen you so happy and that day you stopped by the office with a bag filled with all sorts of baby stuff, and as if it wasn't obvious enough you told me to guess what big news you just received and without giving me a second to answer you blurted out; dude I'm having a baby!"

With two hands now in his pockets he walked back to where a distraught Thomas stood with evident quivering lips slightly parted and tears still pouring. "As much as I knew how it would hurt when the truth came out I couldn't take that from you; not in a million years.

Can't you understand that's all I want; for you to be happy. Even if I'm not the one making you happy; I always want what's best for you. Always." he whispered nebulously. All he wanted to do was gather Thomas in his arms and hold him and never let go.

Being and feeling so powerless wasn't his strong suit and it was evidently affecting him greatly. He was watching the center of his world crumble and it was the most excruciating feeling ever. "Please forgive me; I need you to forgive me," Jonathan pleaded profusely.

Right then Thomas wiped at his eyes and laughed out humorlessly. "Are you kidding, forgive you; for your peace of mind right?" Thomas asked incredulously.

"No so you can stop looking at me like I repulse you, so you can stop hating me, so you can let me hold you and love you again. I'm standing two feet away from you and it feels like you're not even here. I want us to move from this catastrophic nightmare Thomas. We can't move on unless you forgive me," Jonathan expressed intensely watching as saddened glossy blue eyes looked at him with distrust.

"Oh -my -God you're unbelievable, you don't realize how serious this is do you?" Thomas asked with widening eyes bewildered at Jonathan's request.

"I bit my tongue and endured that pain every time you left my bed and my arms to go back to your wife. I watched you walk into my meeting with the intent of destroying what I worked so hard to deliver for months. You knew how important that was to me but you were willing to hurt me anyway. So yes Thomas I do realize how serious this is."

Jonathan noticed Thomas' pained vulnerable expression staring up at him as he cautiously moved closer to him. There was a high chance of Thomas running from him but he had to take a chance. He needed to hold him.

"Sweetheart I'm tired of being in this fucking...war zone with you. I'm nothing without you, just please..." Jonathan shakily reached out and cupped Thomas cheeks as he breathed a grateful sigh that Thomas allowed him to touch him.

Thomas breathed ragged breaths as Jonathan's fingertips stroked his jaw line and chin. "Help me fix this baby please. Whatever it is tell me and I'll do it. I'll do anything." Jonathan whispered hoarsely as he stared at reddened eyes, flushed skin and impeccable lips he missed so much.

Thomas didn't know what was wrong with him. He wanted to push Jonathan away but he felt as though he was having an outer body experience as he watched Jonathan caress his features and stared at him hungrily. He pulse was racing rapidly and though he knew he shouldn't be feeling that way, his cock was responding to Jonathan's gentle touches, he missed that.

Jonathan was the only one who made him feel like that and even if his heart wasn't respondent to Jonathan in that moment, that didn't mean his body wasn't.

He wanted Jonathan, he wanted him real bad. As much as Jonathan loved to take control and dominate, Thomas knew Jonathan wouldn't kiss him without his permission so he did something totally shocking himself. He reached up, grasped the back of Jonathan's head and pulled him down to his wanting lips.

He saw Jonathan's reluctance as if he was asking if he was sure but Thomas wasn't having it. He then grasped his head with both hands and pulled him in even closer while he made short choppy pants. As if his life depended on that kiss he pierced his lips on Jonathan's and dipped his tongue deeply into a warm mouth and hungrily sucked on Jonathan tongue.