Zinger

"Use Kevin's name, please."

"Fine. We don't want to live with you and Kevin." He had hit my name hard, obviously to convey contempt for having to use it.

I picked up my plate and left the table. I was not angry at the slight. I was conflicted. I selfishly loved Matthew's solution, but it seemed permanent, and I did not want to be the reason Teddy and his oldest boys cleaved in two. I finished my dinner on the screened porch. Kurt and Kyle joined me as I did, I later found out at their father's direction.

To say I got along better with Kurt and Kyle than I did with M&M was an understatement. I got along better with anyone and everyone better than I got along with M&M. With my therapist, I posited that I should not really blame them after all the tumult they had been through, that they may see my presence as an act of betrayal against their martyred mother, that they were teenaged boys wrought with hormones and change and not sure how to deal with that toxic combination, all sorts of solid, rational explanations for the cold war that gripped our house. But, at my core, I thought they were just insufferable little dicks, and I could not believe how far off they were from their father. I had never met Melissa, but if they took after her, I am glad I hadn't.

"Do you boys want to go away to school, too?" I asked.

Kyle and Kurt looked stunned by my question and then looked at each other.

Kyle started, "No, sir. We want to stay with our dad."

Looking at me, Kurt added, "And with you."

I could not help myself. I grabbed them both and pulled them in. The tension in the house was palpable, and those three words had cut through it for me. I started to cry. When I did, they collectively squeezed me. I felt ice melting, walls coming down, barricades being breached.

We were holding each other like that when Teddy finished talking to Matthew and Mark and found me on the porch. Without saying a word, Teddy joined the embrace. I did not realize it then, but the symbolism was ripe. The four of us were pulling together, and M&M wanted no part of it.

As was our custom, Teddy and I did not talk through the decision in front of the boys. Instead, we waited until we were in our room for "quiet time."

"Quiet time" Teddy's invention, I think mostly to avoid fracture in the house. At 8:30 p.m. Monday through Thursday, all televisions were off, the downstairs was dark, and all of us were in our respective rooms with doors closed to read, write, work, or, in our case, talk and fuck. The television rule was easy, as none of us had one in our room.

While stripping down, Teddy raised the subject. "What do you think?"

"I don't know what to think, Teddy. Part of me thinks we should send them off tomorrow, but that's just me being selfish. Most of me thinks I should find an apartment and not be the reason the Azinger boys break up."

"Are you ready to give up on us?"

"I'm not suggesting that. We can stay together, just under different roofs so there can be some sense of detente."

"That is not going to work. They just made it very clear. They - and I say 'they,' but this is mostly Matthew - want to go away unless you are out of the picture completely. That's their 'deal.'"

Revulsion overwhelmed me. I thought I was going to throw up. Or pass out. They were making Teddy choose between me and them. It had to be an easy choice for him, and it had to be them. He was their father. I was his past.

I looked at Teddy. He immediately read my thoughts.

"Kevin, the decision's easy. They have a list of schools, and we are going to leave tomorrow to visit them. Kurt and Kyle can stay here, if that's okay with you."

"It is. But, are you sure about this?"

"Yes. The situation here is untenable. It has been from the start. If they go away, I am not going to lose my boys. They will just be leaving a little sooner than I expected. But, if they stay, I am definitely going to lose you. And, I am not willing to let that happen."

"Aren't they going to feel like this is some huge betrayal, that you picked me over them?"

"I hope not. I just explained that is not what is happening. I told them I thought they had offered a very adult solution to a very adult problem, and I appreciated their willingness to talk it through with me. They seem enthralled with the idea of boarding school. I think they forced the choice on me only to force me to agree to let them go. I think they know I would have said no otherwise."

I did not sleep that night. I feared I had come between Teddy and his sons, and he would resent me for it, even if he thought he would not. I was the realist who saw things as they were. He was the optimist who saw things as he wanted.

Teddy and Matthew and Mark drove off the next day to visit a half-dozen elite, East coast boarding schools. Kurt, Kyle, and I stayed behind. With no trials scheduled for the following week, I planned to work from home as much as I could, so I could spend time with Kurt and Kyle. And, because I did not trust two 12 year old boys at home alone for a week.

Teddy was buoyant when he reported in on their visits. He said M&M's attitude and demeanor changed as soon as they pulled out of the garage and started their drive east. Their icy approach toward him thawed. They were excited and excitable again.

I assured him that Kurt, Kyle, and I were having a great time as well. With the pall of the "candy boys" lifted, Kurt and Kyle brightened and filled out. They talked and talked and talked. I heard all about their childhood in Spain, the loss of their mother, their August with their grandparents, and their plan to talk their father into letting them take the whole year away from school. According to them, they needed a "gap" year. Kyle asked if I thought their father would say "yes" if they told him they would leave if he didn't. I could tell by the glint in his eye he didn't mean it. But, I decided to play along.

"No, I think he will let you leave, just like he did with the 'candy boys.'"

"He wanted them to leave. They've been such dicks. He'll want us to stay. We're not like them."

"True, but he also knows you want to stay. So, he'll call your bluff and tell you you can leave, knowing you won't."

"You think he's that smart."

"You know him better than I do. What do you think?"

"He's that smart."

Our week was like that. I settled into this alien role of caregiver. And, Kyle and Kurt accepted me in that role. Teddy was going to be shocked when he returned.

When he did, he and the "candy boys" had settled on a school. It was small and elite and expensive at $20,000 per semester per student. I made $189,000 per year as a federal judge. I had some savings, but $80,000 per year for 2.5 years would deplete it rapidly.

During quiet time, I broached the subject. "Can we afford this school?"

"Sure," he said, so cavalierly that my interest was piqued.

"Maybe I shouldn't ask this, but how much money do you have?"

"Enough."

"Enough for what?"

"Enough for anything."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Let me put it this way. I don't have to work. You don't have to work. And, the boys will never have to work, if they don't want to. And the boys' children will not have to work, if they don't want to."

"Holy shit. . . . Just from some formula?"

"I was a very commercial formula. Billions have been made from it and will continue to be. As they are, I get my little share and will continue to. But, more than half the money came from Melissa. She had a large trust fund. I inherited it when she died."

I relaxed against my pillow. "I better be getting one helluva Christmas present. Speaking of which, what do you want for Christmas?"

"You already gave me my gift."

"Really . . . . what?"

"Watching you and Kurt and Kyle tonight. It was like watching, I don't know, a father with his two sons maybe. I am not sure what you did while I was gone, but it was the best gift you could ever give me. The four of us are going to be very happy in this house."

Teddy kissed me. "I love you, Kevin."

"I love you, too."

"What do you want for Christmas?"

"I'm easy," I said, as I grabbed his dick. "This."

Our house had turned a corner. The "candy boys" were looking forward to leaving the house, and their impending departure was like the sun peaking out after days and days of cold, grey rain. And, it had freed them from some of their demons. They were not quite friendly, but they were friendlier.

The anticipation liberated us that night. I worked Teddy's dick with my mouth like I had not in a long time, repeatedly bringing him to the edge of orgasm before backing off. When he finally came, it was an enormous load. I took it all and continued to work my "gift" with my mouth and my tongue until he could not take any more.

I straddled Teddy's chest and buried my dick in his mouth. This was his favorite position to suck me, as it gave him the best view of the V that formed my pelvis. And, it allowed me the best leverage to fuck his face. I controlled my own orgasm in this position, and I had no interest in delaying it as I had delayed his. I filled his mouth as soon as I could and then collapsed onto him.

If we had been adults, that probably would have been enough. But, we were not. We were teenagers again. It was 1986, and love was in the air. So, I kissed his face, smelled his armpits, sucked his nipples, and licked his navel before lathering his dick with my spit and riding him recklessly, carelessly, freely. He cried out when he came. His cry released me, and I came without touching myself all over his chest and stomach. When neither of us could take any more, I collapsed onto him again, smearing my cum between our sweaty bodies.

We slept like that, slimy and dirty and then dry and sticky. We were awaked by Kurt and Kyle climbing into our bed the next morning, the first time they had done that since they moved in. Through some clever maneuvering of our thick, down comforter, we were able to hide both our nudity and the remnants of our "quiet time" the prior night, but we were going to have to remember to lock our door going forward. Or, at least, to take showers before going to sleep.

They climbed between us. As Kurt rested his head on his dad's shoulder, Kyle rested his on mine. It felt like a family. As we laid there listening to the house wake up, the sun shone brightly through the shades and into our room. For the first time in a long time.

Part Twelve

As a condition of sending M&M away, their father insisted they attend weekly therapy sessions. They needed it. They had been through a lot. Being teenaged boys is difficult enough without the added tumult of the death of a parent, a repatriation from a leisurely life in Spain, and the introduction of me and a life they never expected from or for their father.

Whether it was the therapy or just being away, M&M seemed to be thriving in New Hampshire, both academically and socially. But, the wall between themselves and their father remained solid. Therapy did not crease it, much less crack it. M&M talked to their brothers regularly, but not often to their father. And never to, or even of, me. The Ks had learned to avoid the topic altogether. While we were "Teddy and the 3 Ks" in Evanston, the third K was nonexistent to them.

They betrayed their attitude toward me and what I represented for Teddy through their attempted involvement of Melissa's parents in our life in Evanston. Conservative Evangelicals, Melissa's parents - urged on by Matthew - called Teddy on a February Saturday and spent the better part of an hour-long conversation condemning him and me, berating him for betraying their dead daughter, and threatening him with legal action if he insisted on raising Melissa's children in a "sinful environment" that was "not Biblical." Unless Teddy returned to the "straight" and narrow, they wanted the Ks to live with them, and they wanted Melissa's trust fund restored with them as trustees and Teddy's boys as sole beneficiaries.

I learned all of this later that day, as Teddy had taken the call in the kitchen but - when it was clear it was headed south - had moved into the office and closed the door behind him to ensure neither I nor the Ks overheard it. When it was over, Teddy was silent. But, it was clear he was troubled; his blue eyes were flat, and he either would not or could not smile. At times like these, I knew not to press or pry. Teddy would come to me when he was ready. Until then, he would brood, lost in his own thoughts and trying to digest or work out whatever the issues was.

When the Ks left for basketball, Teddy brought me into the loop. I was shocked. After all, it was 2018, the gay marriage issue was settled nationally (and had been for 2 years), and atavistic views like those of Melissa's parents had, for the most part, been shamed into the closet.

After assuring Teddy he need not fret about custody of the Ks or actions on the trust, I asked "What did you say to them?"

"They're the boys' only grandparents, what could I say?" Teddy asked, reminding me his parents had died years before.

"You could them to fuck off, to mind their own business, to stop invoking the ghost of their dead daughter in the name of controlling things they have no say in."

Teddy blanched at my mention of "their dead daughter." Then, he glared at me, showing he thought I had crossed a line.

"I could have. But, I have things to worry about that you don't, namely my boys."

I blanched at the exclusion. He, too, had crossed a line. Afraid we were headed down a dangerous path, I retreated.

"What brought this all up today?"

"I assume it was Matthew. They would never have known otherwise. I certainly didn't tell them. I haven't told anyone."

Teddy inadvertently stoked a burgeoning resentment. While he seemed fine with our life in Evanston, he did not seem fine with it anywhere else. His brother and sister had no idea he even lived with me, even when they pressed him to explain why he had moved from Spain to Evanston instead of someplace where he had family, or at least someplace sunny and warm like the coast of Spain had been. So, Teddy was fully integrated into my life; my friends and family knew him and accepted him. But, I was not remotely integrated into his life; I had not met a single friend of his or either of his siblings. With Teddy reeling from the call with Melissa's parents, I should have subordinated my pique. I did not. Instead, I turned and left the room. Already dressed for a run, I took off before Teddy could reign me back in, just as I had in Jackson all those years before. I cried as I ran. It was cathartic.

When I got back from my run, Teddy was napping in our bed, a Cardinals throw draped over his naked body. Teddy was on his stomach with his arms crossed above his head, which was turned to the right. As I sat in a chair removing my running shoes, I stared at him. Even after all this time, I found him breathtaking. He did not shave often, so his cheeks were stubbled. He slept with a slight smile on his face. His hairy armpit was visible to me, as was his the right nipple and hairy chest. The muscles on his back rippled, even at rest. The throw covered his ass and the tops of his legs, but his hairy calves and athletic feet were visible.

I loved looking at him. My dick twitched almost every time I did, especially when he was naked. I was not one to believe sex cured all ills. But, it certainly did not hurt them, either. So, I stripped out of my running clothes and moved toward him. I pulled the throw off of him and climbed onto the bed, hovering over him. I kissed the back of his neck as he woke up.

"What are you doing?"

"Fucking you," I said as I licked down his back. He spread his legs as I moved my tongue down the crack of his ass. I loved eating his ass, and I proved it, burying my face and rimming the hell out of him. His moans and movements validated my efforts.

I moved to his inner thighs, licking them as I moved down his legs to his feet. I licked the arches of his feet, teased the balls of his feet with my teeth, and alternately sucked his toes and licked between them.

I worked my way back up his legs, pulling his dick and balls back between them so my tongue had access to both. I licked the underside of his dick. I licked and sucked his balls. I licked his taint. I rimmed him again.

As he pushed back into me, I penetrated him with my tongue. His groans and movements invited more, so I kneeled behind him, took him by the hips, and slowly entered him. He inhaled deeply as I pushed into him as deeply as I could. He clenched his ass, holding me still and tight. I lowered myself to him, hooked my arms under his, and buried my face in his neck. He hooked his ankles around mine, so we were as entwined as we could be. It was perfectly intimate.

"I love you, Kevin."

"I love you, too, Teddy."

"Then fuck me."

"I'm trying, but your ass won't let me."

He chuckled and loosened his grip. I fucked him slowly, pulling out as far as I could without leaving him before pushing back in. My pace was glacial, almost like I was trying not to make a sound. I loved the feeling of his velvety ass around my dick. I do not know how long I fucked him like that, but it seemed like forever. Every time I got close, I backed off.

I needed to kiss him, but doing so was not easy in this position. I did not want to, but I pulled out of him and rolled him onto his back. He raised his legs in the air, and I hooked my arms under them. I re-entered him and then lowered my mouth to his. I kissed him as deeply as I could. He held my head in with his hands as I did. As we kissed, he clenched and unclenched my dick with his ass. Combined with the depth and breadth of our still unbroken kiss, the sensation of his ass working my dick started to overwhelm me.

"I'm getting close."

He let go of my dick, and I started fucking him with purpose. He let go of my head, but we maintained the kiss. He grabbed my ass and drove me in as deeply as he could. I came as he did. He used his ass muscles to milk me dry. Our lips never touched each other.

When we finally broke, Teddy's chest hair was slick with our sweat, and I smelled like a goat. I had not showered, had gone for a long run, and then had gone for a marathon fuck. I pulled out of Teddy and whispered "I need a shower" in his ear.

"Me, too."

In the shower, Teddy kissed me again as the water ran over both of us. It was another deep, long kiss. I ran my hands through his chest hair and around to his ass. I pulled his hard dick into my stomach. I lowered my head to his right nipple, sucked it, and then moved to the left. I kissed his stomach and then took his beautiful dick into my mouth. I started to suck him, wanting desperately to taste his cum. But, Teddy had other ideas. He stopped me and pulled me back up, kissing me again.

When he broke the kiss, Teddy turned me around and positioned my hands against the shower wall. I was standing as if I was about to be searched. I expected Teddy to fuck me. I wanted Teddy to fuck me. I needed needed to fuck me.

He did not. Instead, he filled his hands with shampoo and slowly washed my hair. Then, he used body wash to slowly, gently, softly clean my entire body. It was sensuous and lovely. As he caressed my chest and stomach from behind, he rubbed his chest against my back and his hard dick against my ass. I pushed back again, trying to force him to fuck me. He resisted, slid between my legs from behind, leaned his back against the shower wall, and took my dick into his mouth. He gripped my ass and fucked his face with my dick. He went all the way down, his soft tongue working the sweet spot under my head. I came fast and hard. He used his throat to milk me dry again.

I was spent, having come twice - hard - in short order.