And Other Duties As Required Ch. 05-07

I looked up Miki, the girl I had become. A whole debauched history unfolded before me. Slutty pictures and videos like yesterday seemed commonplace. There was a video of me masturbating openly on a train car while winking into the camera and licking my lips. It should have been banned from the site but the comments just called me a sweet girl. There was a whole playlist of videos just like it. It was like the whole world had gone mad.

I looked up Madeline. Actual Madeline. Things from her old life. The scandals, the heartbreaks, that Christmas party. A smiling sweetheart stared back at me from the hole she had made in the world. Mia, it said her name was, Mia Michaelson.

Her features were familiar but distant. Was this the real Miki? She seemed so young - the baby of the group. She was slender and fragile, with features like a porcelain doll. She looked so sad, so sweet. A delicate thing that men's hearts would rush to protect. I could see her alongside Meiling and Min. A classic idol trio.

I frowned. She was hardly the wanton whore that I had been turned into.

This didn't make any sense. None of the clothes in the closet would have fit her. Hell, they shouldn't even have fit Madeline and I was in her body. I traced a hand along my sprawling cleavage - her entire career Madeline had never had curves this vivacious. Besides, she was a model, she'd always dressed to downplay her figure.

So who's nightie was I wearing? An entire wardrobe of some stranger's clothes? Had she changed them to fit? Or had Madeline created them whole cloth? How deep did her power lie? How long had she been planning this?

I wanted to reach out to this Mia girl, to find out what she knew. Maybe she was the missing link. Maybe she could help me make sense of all this chaos. But what was I going to say? "Help, I think I've stolen your life?" As far as I knew she was just as clueless as the rest of the world.

She had had a whole other life grafted onto her. What was that like? If she didn't know that this wasn't her, then who was she? I looked at a photo of her leaving an event - She was making the scowl Madeline had made when she had been in this photo, but it didn't suit her at all. If that was the life that she thought she had lived, then had she changed with her history? Did she think she was Madeline? Was she?

I shuddered at the thought. What had she done to deserve such a fate? Did Madeline consider this revenge? Had this girl slighted her somehow? Or had she just been in the wrong place at the wrong time? An innocent that needed to be sacrificed to carry out her plans against me.

I sent her a message just in case. Something subtle. Even if she didn't know what was happening, maybe she could provide some kind of clue.

"Miki?" There was a soft knock. "Come on, we've got to go. Are you still not ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"The studio." Min was wearing a tight shirt and tiny booty shorts and had a small duffel bag over her shoulder. "Come on, we've got practice."

"The studio?" The words turned over in my mind. Of course. A house this small probably didn't have a practice room. All of their exercise, practice and singing would have to be at local facilities.

"Yeah, come on, we took yesterday off for the shoot and took the morning off today to give you a chance to recover, but if we're going to look our best for the handshake - for this concert - we gotta work, girl!"

Right. I took a deep breath. I'd been dreading this. Idols needed to constantly hone their skill and talents. A big part of a manager's job was keeping the girls to a rigorous schedule. It was a never-ending battle, a constant push to be the best. They needed to stir the hearts of even the most jaded masses, and that meant a constant honing of skills. No amount of natural talent could touch a lifetime of rigorous practice.

Honestly, I could scarcely afford the distraction. I still had so many questions. I needed to plan, to figure out some way out of this. But this is what Miki would do. I didn't want to let Madeline think I wasn't playing along.

Besides - I sighed - maybe a bit of practice was a good idea. Lord knows I was going to need all the help I could get if I was going to pass as Miki at this handshake event.

How hard could it be?

-= Chapter 6 =-

I collapsed, exhausted, to the ground.

"Is that all you've got?" The voice was shrill and disdainful. "Get back up!"

I struggled. The cold of the hardwood floor was a blissful reprieve even as I failed to raise myself off of it. My shaking arms were barely able to set me right, let alone help me stand.

"You call yourself an Idol?" the woman spat. "Get up!"

"Miki, are you alright?" Meiling rushed over to my side.

"I'm fine." I took her hand, she pulled me up. My head was spinning, vision and air struggling to get through to my brain. Every muscle in my body was screaming out in burning agony.

"We need a break." Min held up her hands.

"Again?"

"Yes, again! Miki's no good to anybody if you kill her."

"She's no good to anybody if she can't even do one simple routine!"

"Madame, please!"

I fell back to a mirrored wall. A bottle of water was pushed into my hand. I gulped it down. My tight athletic top and yoga shorts were soaked, I had no idea tits could get so sweaty.

Meiling's arm wrapped around me to keep me from falling over as Min stood between me and my aggressor. The piercing face of the former idol curling her lips in disdain. An experienced group wouldn't need a coach outside of learning new routines, but with the concert coming up and my close call yesterday, the company wasn't taking any chances.

"Fine." she relented, rolling her eyes. "Five minutes. But I'm not letting you girls out of here until she gives me one good set." She pressed a button and the cutesy music stopped.

"Miki are you okay?" Meiling whispered. "You're not going to pass out again, are you? Are you sick?"

I shook my head. I was too busy gulping down air to give a proper response. I wasn't sick, I was exhausted, and - fuck - achingly horny. The instructor wanted one more set? I'd lost count of how many times we'd been over this.

My body wasn't designed for this. Oh, the moves came simple enough, somehow, even if I fumbled with the more complicated stuff. It was another gift from Madeline I was sure - she was probably laughing her butt off at the idea of me doing all these sickeningly cute hyper-feminine dance steps. Madeline, though, had been a model and an actress. She could dance, sure, but the sheer athleticism required to do it at this level for hours was beyond her. I was straining muscles I didn't even know I had.

And that had been before she had gotten all these... upgrades. Never did these ridiculous tits and this stupid fat butt feel more humungous than when I was trying to be graceful. No matter where I stopped, my body kept moving, and endless machine of bobbing, bouncing and swaying. Most routines would have been fine, bearable. But somehow all of ours seemed specifically designed to send me jiggling around as much as possible. Even with my poor sensitive tits stuffed into two chokingly tight sports bras, it was like jumping on a trampoline with weights hung around my neck.

I struggled to breathe steady, my heart pumping furiously. The worst part was that the pain did little to stave off the advances of my libido. No matter how much I needed to focus, my mind kept wandering into the realm of lurid fantasy. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if our beautiful instructor finally got fed up with me and pulled me over her lap to spank me like the naughty bitch I was.

I leaned against the rock that was Meiling's body, the scent of her sweet sweat teasing at my nose. Her heart, too, was pounding. Her perky heaving breasts lay hypnotically level with my gaze.

No. I poured more water down my gullet and turned away, not wanting to get caught, not wanting to feed my impulses. I'd been desperate all day to avoid temptation, but there was only so much I could do. How could I imitate their dancing if I wasn't studying their every curve and bend? Visions of them in lingerie still burned bright in my memory. Thank god I was soaked with sweat, I don't know how else I'd explain the wet patch in my clothes.

I looked around for a distraction, but the tiny dance studio offered little. It was a cramped, hot, out of the way nook on the third story above a convenience store. There were a handful of places like this around the city. It wasn't the best, but it was cheap enough to book on the regular and it was within walking distance. When the girls made it big they'd get a dorm with a studio attached, but for now we'd had to make do.

My eyes came to rest on the exit sign above the door. It taunted me, promising an escape but knowing damn well I didn't have the strength to take even another step.

"Time's up!" the woman tapped her foot. "Come on, girls, I want to see some joie de fucking vivre out here. Miki, that means you! You're not leaving today until I get one complete routine without you fucking up!"

I gritted my teeth. I couldn't even blame her for her cruelty. If one of my girls was performing at my level this close to a concert, I'd be pissed off too. I was surprised the other girls hadn't turned on me. Well, okay, Min was clearly not happy, but there was no jeering, no aggression. They caught me when I fell, even when it meant an admonition.

"It's not her fault, Madame," Meling stood up, "she's still recovering from -"

"I don't want to hear it! Are you Idols or Idles? Get to work!"

"Come on, Miki, you can do this." Min propped me up. "You ready?"

I nodded and stood as best as I was able. My legs, my core, my whole body screamed with every step. This was about more than just dance practice. It was about weakness. I couldn't let Madeline's weakness stop me. I couldn't let my own. I was pouring my all into this, and my all wasn't nearly good enough. I had to do better. I had to be better.

The music started. Insipidly cute bubble-gum pop. We fell into position like soldiers.

"With feeling, girls!"

I put on a rigor-mortis smile.

The music started that slow build. I was hidden behind Meiling, echoing her motions, hands out, forcing my hip to sway naturally. I step out to the side, Min behind me, then she steps out to the other side. The three of us are a V before the mirror, in sync to the music and to each other.

Panic flooded through me. My movements were sloppy. It was at the end of a long day, of course they were sloppy. Blood pounded in my ears. I wouldn't have stood for it. I would have demanded more from my girls. And yet, here I was on the other side of things thinking how impossible of a task that seemed.

Before today I'd never seen a dance from this angle, never seen the backs of the idols. I was grateful at least for the mirrors. If I could see myself in the mirror, I could correct my flaws, but I couldn't get caught relying on it, couldn't use it as a crutch. The dance required us to look away - to have faith in our abilities.

Body undulating, arms swinging. I held my smile even as my cheeks burned. Madeline's body was simultaneously so much stronger and more capable than I had ever given it credit for, and yet so agonizingly heavy. I'd have collapsed if not for the adrenal push of my desperation, the fear of an even greater pain pushing me past this one.

Meiling broke away to do her solo. Min and I stepped back, dancing to support Meiling's bigger role. Her breath was as heavy as mine. She was off her mark on one of the poses, but she made up for it with a flourish as she moved into the next step. They were hurting just as much as I was, I was sure, but you'd never tell by the looks on any of our faces that we weren't loving every second.

My body undulated as we pushed into a series of hip sways, arms swinging, legs stomping. My breasts heaved and my ass jiggled. I fought to make the motions seem dainty, demure, intentional. The dance was supposed to be cutesy and girly but from me it seemed lurid and lascivious. I needed control. Counterbalance. Don't overshoot.

Hands in a heart, swing from pose to pose, energetic, enthusiastic. We fell back into step for the chorus, chest and body screaming as I undulated, as I dug as deep as I could to find the grace to keep my motions smooth, to remain in control.

My foot skidded as I was late to land on my mark. The instructor's eyes were burning into me. Keep to time, keep in sync. Play it up. Give her that smile.

Muscles strained and ached, but I was unable to do so much as quiver. As much as my body wanted to spill out upon the floor, as much as my lungs pounded, I couldn't let any of that out. I couldn't even grit my teeth. Had this song always been so long?

Just the finale to go. I didn't even have a hard part for it. I just had to hold on, just a few more bars. So close. I jumped, legs spread for the final pose, then landed with a wobble. Shit. My eyes went wide in terror before I could fix my expression. The music stopped. We held our poses. I tried to hide the lungfuls of air I was gasping down. Had she noticed? She had to have noticed. How could she have not? We were going to have to do it all over again, and then again and again. An eternity of this hell.

"Better!" she gave me an approving smile. "See Miki, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

I went crashing to the ground, knees shaking, my sigh of relief buried beneath laborious breaths.

We'd been going for hours, and now, at last, it was over. I closed my eyes and let the dizziness and anxiety wash over me.

By the time I'd returned to my senses, the girls had sat me down at a little card table near the window. With dance practice over, we took a break for an early dinner. The smell of it drove deep into the only part of my brain primal enough to compete with my libido. I don't think I'd ever been so hungry in my life.

I scarfed eagerly at the meal before me. Meiling had cooked earlier in the week: pre-portioned meals, carefully selected for nutrition and calories. Healthy stuff. Fresher than what I was used to, and in smaller portions. As a man I'd... well, I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a home-cooked meal.

I was so hungry that I didn't even mind the pain whenever I tried to move.

"Slow down Miki," The girls laughed. "You're going to choke"

Food had never tasted so good.

Outside, the lights of the city blinked and flashed. It was dark. Had the whole day passed already? Had we really been dancing for that long?

I was glad for the break, but afraid of what was coming next.

"Are you feeling better now?" Meiling chimed.

I looked at my empty plate and nodded. The portions had been small, but filling.

"Good," Min nodded, "because we need to talk about what's happening."

"What?" I paused, putting on an innocent face. "What do you mean?"

"Cut the crap, Miki. You know we're trying to do out best to support you, but come on, do you think we're idiots? Something is seriously wrong. It's like this is your first time at practice or something."

"Min..." Meiling reached out a hand.

"No, I'm serious." She batted Meiling's hand away. "Look, I know I give you a lot of shit for not taking this seriously, but today it's like... I can't even say you're not trying - I'm seeing you struggle out there - but this isn't anything you should be struggling with. What's going on?"

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on edge. My eyes darted around the empty studio, trying to avoid her gaze. What could I say?

"I guess," I began, "I guess it's all starting to hit home what will happen if I screw this all up." I took a shaky breath. All of the fear and anxiety welling up inside me started to rise to the surface. This was coming out more genuine than I had intended. "If I fuck this up, my life is over. I don't want that, and now I need to work harder than I've ever had to work, but the truth is, I don't belong here. This isn't my life. And now I'm trying, but I just keep screwing up. I- I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'll be able to do what needs to be done when the time comes."

"Miki!" Meiling jumped out of her chair to wrap me up in a hug. "Don't you ever say that you don't belong here. Don't ever say that you can't do this. You wouldn't be here if you didn't."

"Yeah," nodded Min. "We all have our doubts."

"Just look at how nervous Min gets before every event." Meiling giggled.

"Hey!"

"It's true!"

"The important thing," Min steered back to the topic at hand, "is that you don't give into those dark thoughts. Don't let your doubts about all the bad things that might happen get in the way of all the good things that could happen. Doubts are your body trying to hold you back, to keep you safe. But if your heart is set on something, then that's what's important. Push them out of your mind. Take the risk. You've trained, you've practiced, you're a good Idol, Miki, even if you don't take this seriously. Trust in that."

I blinked back in surprise. I don't know if it was the estrogen or the exhaustion, but I had to blink back tears. I'd have never expected such big words from someone so delicate. They had completely missed the point, but it was inspiring all the same.

"I always found that it helps to think about why we're here." Meiling took a sip of her tea and gazed introspectively out the window. "Whenever things seem dark, I think about my family and all the ways this money helps them out. I know its a bit shallow, but, well, it really makes a difference, you know?"

"Oh Yeah," Min nodded, a fond smile crossing her lips. "Seeing the look on my family's face when I first took the stage... the first time they saw what I could do? They were completely awestruck. It wiped the smug looks right off their stupid faces." She let out a sharp laugh. "They spent their whole lives doubting and discouraging me, but I worked my ass off and I showed them. That's what keeps me going. I'll show up anybody who tells me I can't. And that includes myself. Fuck doubt."

We laughed.

I glanced away to stare back out the window. My family. I hadn't even considered them. What little family I had was distant. No one really cared. Did Miki have family? Was I someone's daughter right now? I wondered how they'd feel about this hell I was going through.

The girls were right though. I had to focus on why I was here. If all of this pain was what it took to get me back to manhood, then it was more than worth it.

While the worst of it was over, the day was far from done. After dinner we had singing. Hours of going over the songs for the upcoming concert. Each part needed to be perfect. This, thankfully, we didn't need a coach for, and I could count on the girls' mercy.

As an Idol manager I'd been to a fair few company karaoke events. I could sing just well enough to not embarrass myself. Luckily, I knew all the songs we had to go over tonight - they had been drilled into me through hours of grueling dance. I was feeling better about this than I had about the choreography from earlier.

I'd never sung with another person before, let alone two. There was something strangely exciting about it. I was rarely the centerpiece of the song - thank god - but that meant I was a supporter. I had to focus on cooperation and collaboration, not competition. It was a whole different mindset than I was used to. I wasn't just trying to sing my best, I was trying to get the best out of these girls, and they from me.

Once again, Madeline's body made things difficult. Her body was larger, her voice deeper and darker than the girl who was supposed to be singing this. It was a struggle to hit the notes I needed, and yet I had to admit, I was surprised by Madeline's voice. She wasn't a singer, but she had volume. She could belt and yell like even I couldn't.