All Comments on 'Crime & Punishment Pt. 03'

"You married Laura in the presence of God for better or worse. For you that's an eternal bond." Guess forsaking all others is secondary and since it's the obviously weaker female failing the stronger male must be the only one to live up to all promises. She fucked for money, prestige and promotion. All you are doing, I assume, is extending a simple story. I don't see the need for the hospital stay, the near rape induced pregnancy or the callous comment at the end. She learned nothing. You promise retribution but frankly what you have written thus far gives me little trust that you will follow through. I have said it before, forced plots are unsatisfying and lead to feelings of unbelievability. Interesting for awhile but failed for me at the end.

Should be credited.

I really liked chapter1, liked 2nd and this one. But... It's getting to be so much like DQS's stories that it doesn't really add anything. Again we have husbands that are lawyers with a strong moral sense, nothing special in looks, that love their wives. Wives who are the most beautiful women in the whole universe, or the hottest, almost magically so. And the list of similarities keeps growing with each chapter.

Thye author is good, but IMO he should try to differentiate more

This was a fine story with a few flaws that veered RIGHT into the ditch. Forced marriage counseling that entails hours of traveling ? Only in the fevered brains of desperate housewives and authors does this happen. Suddenly Laura was also the willing easy pussy in Albany? Please.

The narrator was DA, a position with both cachet and power. Two powerful aphrodisiacs and yet the guy can't even score a date. The double-talking counselor talk was actually pretty good, in terms of being infuriating. The trouble was he bought into it like a chump. I'm sorry, but this story lost the thread in so many ways in terms of credibility .

I'm not against reconciliation , far from it. Mistakes happen. But her infidelity was a chain serial event with a loathsome individual so her career wouldn't stall. Fie on that. Kudos to author for first two installments, but this one was horrific. Not since Katmai's " Nice Guy " has a multi- installment story started so strongly and then gone rogue. Maybe the next one will be better, but I'm so peeved right now, I don't see how.

.

No offense, but all these lawyers are making me sick. So you are banged up in an accident, that doesn't mean you have to go back to your slutty lawyer wife. Go to rehab, tell her to go fuck herself. It is still time to move on. I have found that most lawyers are nothing but pussy's when they are not in their venue. They have no real guts. Like bullies, they can only fight when they have an unfair advantage. Yuck. (BTW how does he lose the election when he is the local hero?)

Not sure why you veered so far off course but it's terribly disappointing.

there will always be crime and criminal of a sort. ergo punishment must follow TK U MLJ LV NV

have a funny way of disappearing, TK U MLJ LV NV

So...she started an arrogant bitch...and she continues an arrogant bitch. You spent 3.5 pages trying to instill in us a sense that she had grown, that she understood her actions...that she had compassion on the pain she caused her husband.

And you blew it with one little off the cuff line at the end.

I have a very specific sense of fair play. If you follow the rules, I will follow the rules. We will fight it out using these rules...but we HAVE to follow the rules.

As soon as you 'go off the reservation' and decide the rules don't apply to you, you as a person lose all consideration for me to keep one hand tied behind my back due to my morals, rules or sense of civilization. I will not let my 'sense of fair play' give you an advantage to use against me.

So while I understand that Bella is saying, she had no rationalization for WHY he should allow himself to be hampered by principles which the wife doesn't abide by. By doing so, you set yourself up for the 'bad guy' to win all the time because he has greater scope of action.

And that plays out here. How exactly would MS. Bella react to these post accident actions of Laura? Frankly, she'd probably cheer her head off of 'two people who love each other getting by stupid male pride'. Instead it is a tale of one partner getting her way without remorse and against the will of her partner. That is not reconciliation. That is dominance games and abuse.

I could write the fourth chapter and it would be a sad and pathetic tale. Personally, I'd take the baby to Bella's office, outline exactly what happened to me and spit in her face! THAT for what she did and what she excused. IMO, Bella is the big villain of this piece.

**

Sir, I have a double standard when it comes to writing. In the case of most people, I cast a blind eye to many writing errors, using the 'dancing bear' dictum: It isn't that the bear dances well, it is that it dances at all!

However when someone can spell and define 'cert' (I can't without a dictionary) who uses the word 'strait' for 'straight'...well...you get held to a higher standard. Homonyms are not your friend. Do a better editing job. Many sentences had missing words. I get that there is a rush to publish, but the final product was a bit choppy.

I liked the tale, even if I don't like the people. The comments about how abrupt the ending was were well made.

However, this is your first effort. So kudos for the start and I hope you improve. The fact there were so many errors verifies you are not DQS, who writes a VERY polished product...even as one screams at the screen (this is not a bad place for the writer to be. At least the readers are emotionally engaged).

If you've ever read the comments I've left for others, then you'll hopefully have noticed that I don't criticize the plot or the characters; my opinions and observations are typically kept to the craft of the story itself. That said, here are my thoughts....

You started your work in Part 1 with a very definite tone and flow. Part 2 continued that same tone and flow, yet Part 3 suddenly finds both of these dramatically changed...and with no explanations provided to the reader. In a nutshell, you made it possible - nay, inevitable - for the reader to lose their suspension of disbelief.

Fiction ultimately (and utterly) depends upon suspension of disbelief. Without it, the reader is unable to actually enter the world the author has worked so long and hard to create. Suspension of disbelief is what makes a story something more than merely words on paper or pixels on a screen. Sadly, it is also something which is incredibly ephemeral - it can be lost in an instant, never to return. Sometimes this occurs due to spelling and grammatical errors; other times, it is something far subtler which leads a reader to that point. Unexplained or poorly-explained changes in plot and tone will invariably result in such a loss, as the reader is no longer able to understand the world they had managed to place themselves into...and that results in their return to the real world instead.

If you have a need to throw a twist to the plot or tone into your work, then your choices are limited. You can:

1.) Do the work and create the exposition needed for the reader to make the change along with your protagonist. This is a very slow process, however, and is a balancing act which few authors can successfully accomplish; the difficulty is in creating a window into the protagonist's thought process which allows the reader to accept changes - and an epiphany is not a suitable plot device unless accompanied by a deluge of exposition showing how that epiphany was processed by your hero.

2.) Weave the threads of this conversion into the story from the very beginning, so that when the change (or twist) finally occurs, it is something that the reader can look back and see the roots of - think "The Sixth Sense" and Bruce Willis' realization that he was actually dead; it's a shock, and nobody sees it coming, but looking back it is obvious. This takes even more effort than the first option, though, as well as an editor who is going to take the time to identify any inconsistencies where these threads touch the main line of the story.

3.) Do nothing. As the author, you have the option to leave things as-is with your work, and the end result will be opening chapters with fairly good ratings, followed by finales with dismal marks. It's an inevitable outcome, as you're going to continue to lose the readers' rapt attention with a jarring change to plot and tone.

Ultimately, it's your story. You're going to write what you want to write. However, if you're working on your craft, then hopefully my words will be of some assistance.

...because your last chapter was just like the title of this comment: Craptacular.

Here is my take. Bella is not the villain in this tale. She is the paid employee of Saul Solomon, unofficially, of course. Her job was to manipulate the counseling sessions to increase Laura's value in Pat's eyes and allow the divorce to drag out as long as possible. When that didn't work she gave in and Saul changed tactics. I fully believe the accident was somehow instigated by Saul to injure and maim Pat to give Laura a fighting chance to rehab the marriage. It worked, but not with Pat's consent.

The bottom line is that Laura is a cheating worthless cunt and her boss is a powerful prick lawyer with money. Pat was a naïve man dominated by the whore cunt. Only her being caught being unfaithful turned Pat into a man who takes care of business no matter the cost. I am eager to read how he is able to "get out" and gain control of his life again. Also help the friend Steve get his balls back from the cunt Susan. Keep up the good work.

Five Big Stars

From the highs of chapter one down to this dross. The bullshit counseling sessions are so fucking cliche and awful storytelling when a supposedly intelligent character falls for them.

I don't understand why you are so critical.. its way better than anything you have ever done.

Well, I've read & commented now on all 3 chapters & while you set an extremely high standard in ch 1, since then it seems to be a slow slide downhill. You spent so much time & effort with Bella & their sessions that this chapter was just bogged down with therapy drivel. I was waiting all the time for Patrick to grow a set & tell Bella to go to hell but no you've changed him from a smart cookie to some kind of wimpish dickhead. Then the ending where Laura virtually rapes him so she can become pregnant to force him to stay; no, no, no, please don't go that way, it'll just make all your previous chapters second rate. A low 4 ****

If you leave them together I don't think much of you.

... but, really, who was I to think that you actually meant it when you said that this was a three part story. God only knows how long you'll drag this thing out now.

The beginning with his first meeting with the counselor was bad enough to make me not want to continue. The second part with the murder investigation was more interesting. But the end with more bs counseling, losing the election, the "reconciliation" with his wife, made no sense and threw me back off the story. I wish you had stopped right before the end of the original 2nd part. You seem to have become carried away with yourself.

unfortunately, the Laura angle forced me to give it a 2-star rating. Harsh, I know, but I do hate to be so disappointed like that.

Of course, this back-under-Laura's-skirt COULD BE a temporary thing, before the accident, the fucking, and the nursing and the God created you for a purpose, and that's to make Laura happy.... but it's just such a shame for me to hard to give the incredibly entertaining author a 2-star, when both previous installments would have received more than 5 stars each, were it possible.

Again, this third and last ---- until a "sequel" ---- installment was really good, WHEN IT WAS NOT ABOUT LAURA. Sorry, but for some reason, I just don't want to think about her problems. I think the story OUTSIDE of Laura's little imaginary world ---- in profitable bond/corporate law and now lobbying.... personal lobbying whore for old Saul Solomon ---- was so much better; and the story does not in anyway way whatsoever need that little Laura world, or Laura, to be enjoyable.

In fact, Laura's character and existence make it LESS enjoyable for me, so, again, the 2-star rating... for that alone...

I am not a lawyer, psychologist by education and sometimes by profession. It seems to me that to many people know what Laura's firm has been doing to circumvent the family law I would think that there would be consequences or is the system that corrupt? Bella would definitely lose her license. That is a professional opinion. I found her portrayal of my profession distasteful.

This story has turned into cuck crap! The wife is a ruthless bitch and the husband is a spineless wimp. 1 star

A very readable story, and the few grammatical mistakes weren't enough to spoil it. I liked the variation in the plot and the different scenarios going on at the same time. That's not easy to do. I also liked the way you gradually signaled his increasing acceptance of Laura's position, so for me, even though I didn't want him to take her back, i't didn't come as too much of a turnabout when he did. I do wonder if they'll last though, and I for one am looking forward to finding out. I'm afraid RG that you're discovering that wandering off from the 'accepted' line brings you grief, but it's your story so stick to your guns please.

Lived up to the promise of part 1.

I can not figure this out. I started the story wanting him to BTB. Now for some reason I want him to keep her, but on his terms. She still appears in control of the situation and that has to change.

I am a sucker for wanting couples to stay together if they have a child.

Thank you very much for the criticism. It told me exactly how to fix my stories. Oh...wait...no it didn't. I want to write better. I try to help others write better. I have no issues if this turns into an R story. I just was not convinced by this chapter. He's suddenly NOT holding to his principles and allowing himself to be obviously trapped by someone who only has HER best interests in mind.

Being stuck with her because he is crippled and unemployed isn't an R. Let's see where it goes from here, but he set a very high bar to jump in the next installment.

Let me solve your angst. Don't read my stuff.

You are a long way better than most. I know I am in a tiny minority on this site but some of us like our heroes to be big enough to forgive if there is genuine and heartfelt remorse. Anyone can be small enough to hate.

this story has all kinds of twists and turns in it, makes a good story. nice to see the story from both sides of the coin with his wife and him. keep up the good writing

you are the best new writer on this site

Not as much as the previous installments.

This one was odd. But I think one theme hiding in all of them is that the main character is letting his pain destroy who he is. He can decide to leave the marriage but he should do it in a way that will leave him as much of his old self as possible.

I do think that Laura is getting a bit of a bum rap. I do not condone her actions but she was clearly a confused and troubled person. Several of the anecdotes from the last post hinted at that. She desperately wanted to give him his family but had fixated on the need to make partner first. I think she really saw this as doing it for THEM and never saw the pain it would cause. Sad and tragic but not evil. Even here, I can imagine her thinking that this is what will save her husband from himself. Maybe she is delusional, but I could imagine it being her motivation.

One silly thing that did bother me was the witness testimony. They go to the trouble of obscuring her identity but then have her given enough personal details to clearly identify her. Hooker, two boys, husband died in work accident. That alone would narrow it down a lot. Maybe the unquoted text was the Main Character reminiscing but it read as if it was testimony. At least that was how I read it the first time. Second read I think is is ambiguous. Still it bothered me.

Thanks again for the interesting tale.

I'm willing to hazard a guess that the kid isn't Patrick's. I also get the feeling that he's going to find out and get out before the kid's born. Just my guess, though. I've enjoyed this tale quite a bit, and even my wife can't explain legal maneuvers without slipping into "Legalese". You do it very well, so thank you.

5 Big Stars.

Simply magnificent thank you so much

You are such a good story-teller that this was rather sad. The cliched injury with the wife looking after him? Come off it-she's Laura! The scheming sex at the end-and he didn't think of Frank when she surprised him with her oral skills? Come off it again-he's Pat! Their characters have changed-and that's not good. The counseling was shameful, a caricature.

The proof-reading descended to the level of Part 1. Somewhere between appalling and risible. It detracts from the readers' enjoyment; if you don't respect us why should we believe you?

You can do so much better than this.

This is why I don't like chapter story's you get the real thoughts in the first chapter, You get to see what the author feels and where he's going with his or her story. But then they read the comments and try to change the story to make the readers happy. Then the people in the story make about changes that were done to kiss ass to the commits and the true thoughts of the author disappear and what's left is dribble that's ruins the story .This was a 4 to 5 star story till you let the commenters rule your thoughts .Go back to your thoughts whatever they are and tell that story you started with it was great some will like it some will hate it BUT YOU WILL BE A WRITER all the great writers on this site write there story with there thought not others .A writer who is really liked on this site once said if you want to learn about your story's don't allow comments till the end then be judged on your work not commenter work. DAGOATMANDAVID said it Cya latter

I really am. This story had me rooting for Pat the entire time and now I feel it would be better to shoot him in the head than let his wife keep him as a tool. That's all he is to her and it shows by her last statement to him. In chapter one you made his life hard and he fought back, good. Chapter two you decide that we need to see laura as human, I can understand why at the time. You wanted to show that she loved him and that she missed him. Now in chapter three you stack the odds against him and add yet another antagonist to reference his daily job but instead of letting him have a small victory of any kind you took a shallow way out and physically cripple him to that he can be the perfect trophy husband and cuckold. Not sure how you plan to then this around or if you are going to but I will give you the courtesy of finishing this series bit understand this: you can build characters and break characters all you want but if you ruin them you have to deal with the consequences of your readers avoiding your work like herpes. -P.O.I.

The scores reflect how the majority of readers feel about this story. All of the candyass RAAC girly men should be content to sucking their own dicks.

It was a well written story but the shrink was highly unprofessional and Pat went back to the whore. He was in a bad spot but should have found anyone but his almost ex to help out.

No burn the bitch ? Let's just make him a cripple. I can see a black baby or one with the wrong DNA in the end. Hope I am wrong!

Don’t let him end up being another spineless wimp who takes the cheating whore back! The attempt to soften her image and make her more loveable through counseling failed. The final bedroom scene and the bit with the test strip showed her total lack of respect for him and demonstrated what a scheming, self-centered bitch she is. It is all about her. She doesn’t give a damn about what he thinks, feels, wants, needs. To get yourself knocked up in order to try to force a man to stay with you demonstrates you don’t deserve him, that he needs to get far away from you, and is a really shitty thing to do to the kid. What a bitch.

By the way, I was a marriage counselor for many years and I have to admit that some of my colleagues were worse than Bella. Some were so lazy that they counseled everyone to get a divorce and then tried to make a paycheck out of helping the poor client “recover”. Others were predisposed to always be on the side of the husband, or the wife (most common). Some refused to accept that sometimes divorce was the only way forward (and besides, the longer they kept them in “therapy” the more they got paid.) You did a good job with her character, and though she started out as unprofessional and unlikeable, in the end she did what was right and important.

For the RAAC crowd, I have to say that true reconciliation can only take place when there is true repentance (not just remorse) on the part of the offender. The wife here is filled with remorse but is not repentant in the least. You can only truly forgive when the offender repents. Having said that, reconciliation does not necessarily mean restoration (continue in the marriage.) You can be reconciled and part amicably. Some offenses are so grievous that though forgiveness is given there are still painful consequences. Sometimes you cannot live with what a loved one has done and though you forgive them, you cannot continue in the same relationship with them.

For the BTB crowd, you have my sympathy but there is really nothing to be gained in seeking revenge. It is far less painful for you to just walk away. Pat has had some revenge, but it will just cause him more pain. They only way he will be free of the pain is to walk away from her, and after Frank comes at him and he has to defend himself, just walk way and leave him to God, the authorities, and Saul. The only thing that matters in the end is that his integrity and self-respect be restored so he can get on with life.

Great story, really can’t wait for the rest. I have to give it a solid 5.

To make a mistake is human...if she is realy serious about her love and about her being faithful for ever, I think he must forgive her...If not, he must get out of that marriage...

Usually they do. I think that cheaters cheat and if she cheated once, she would do it again. But I am just not sure. Because the voice of the story is the protagonist's we see Laura without really knowing what she is thinking, but I kind of get the sense that this relationship can work.

Who knows? But its been an enjoyable read. I totally agree that it is highly parrallel to WWWM, up to and including drug dealers and the protagonist getting attacked.

I don't mind where an author leads a story: it's the author's story to decide. But if you read the last part of this chapter, Laura behaves smugly and contemptuously. "Oh, we just dismissed the divorce" (and implied is, "and you can't do anything about it," which is obviously ridiculous). Where is his brilliant lawyer friend Steven, who would have no trouble making legal counter-moves?

She may be acting lovingly, and she sexily seduces him, but any trace of kindness or lingering repentence for what she did is totally gone. Her behavior is exactly what would lead him to throw her out again--and exactly the opposite of what would lead to a softening attitude on his part.

The author writes very well, and the intensity of the first chapter certainly drew me in (along with many other readers). But I have to agree with others (and with all due respect--believe me, I know how hard it is to write a good story) that this has gone downhill since then.

Thanks, ohio

Disjointed, throughout. Difficult to read. The protagonist let the psychiatrist run all over him, unbelievable. Suddenly the divorce is dismissed?? very convenient to let the bozo get injured as a ploy to get him together with Laura!! Pregnancy takes the cake, one fuck and the cunt gets pregnant. who is the father?? how is he not a cuckold?

i also am one the minority that would like to see them stay together. too many authors on this site are btb but that is not real-life. i for one are tried of seeing the husband dump the wife by the wayside and lo an behold there appears another women to take her place. sure some of the writers pen in an sub-note staying that the wife also finds happiness in the arms of another but no one in real life is that lucky. when you marry it should be for the long haul . as for her being smug in the last portion of this story she knows that without this injury she had no way to get back in his arms or heart. she is as much an victim as he is so i would like to see him man up and take her back. but that is just my opinion

Whatever happened to the threat to prosecute the loverboy's drunken driving if he didn't convince Laura to allow a quick divorce?

I'm sorry but you lost me completely with this one. I really loved the first 2 chapters but you lost the plot with this one. Damn shame you went this direction with it.

give your head a shake. Started out good and went straight down hill.

Well the line in your opening paragraph about no cuckolds was simply false. That is exactly what this guy is. If he don't get a paternity test then he is so far beyond just a cuckold but there is absolutely no doubt that in the very least he is a CUCKOLD!

You need to check factual data; the maximum campaign contribution limits are wrong; please see the following link:

http://www.fec.gov/pages/brochures/contriblimits.shtml

In addition the Judge would never have made comments to a witness on a personal level and the witness's answer to the Judge’s question compromised her identity. The entire exchange compromised the case as well as the Judge’s personal relationship to the witness could in all likelihood cause a mistrial.

I do not like the direction the story has taken in regards to his divorce case, counselor/counseling sessions, pregnancy, etc. for several reasons; 1) no Family Court Judge would have met (had lunch/discuss) with either party or their counselors in a case because it would present an ex parte that would result in the Judge having to recuse him/herself or mistrial, 2) counseling would not have been ordered for six months, possibly six to eight weeks then a report would have been provided to the court for further determination if further counseling would be conducive to reconciliation, 3) a divorce case would not been dismissed from a court docket without the knowledge of the plaintiff and in the event of a health issue all scheduled hearing would have been postponed and/or rescheduled, 4) if his attorney was at all reputable he would have recommended in his initial consultation his client change his will, issue a durable as well as medical power of attorney to a party of Patrick’s choice which would have eliminated Laura from any decision making in regards to his welfare and/or personal business, 5) numbers one – four would have eliminated Laura’s ability to manipulate decisions/circumstances and a seduction/pregnancy would not have occurred, 6) Patrick’s involvement in this murder trial would have resulted in the issuance of one or more bodyguards and I assume that is why a deputy was with him, that deputy would never have allowed Patrick to leave a building without his accompanying him.

Also, what is up with Susan and her animosity toward Patrick and why are Steven and Susan allowing Laura to live with them? Something smells fishy.

Personally I would rewrite this entire installment because so many inaccuracies detract from the believability of the story. Up until this installment I have enjoyed the story; however the content and believability of this submission has prohibited the story to flow well. I really enjoyed the first two submissions of "Crime & Punishment"; anxious to see Patrick succeeds in achieving his professional as well as personal goals/happiness and provide a little justice to a few stuck up the ass, know it all, manipulators; it’s time they were handed some of their own medicine. Keep writing!

This story is the definition of it. Unfortunate.

I enjoyed the story, but instead of wrapping it up the 3rd part just made it more confusing. What happened to the quicky divorce? Maybe another chapter or to tie this together?

Really do hope you get him out, for me it was just depressing in the end. I really do hope it gets better.

Looking forward to the next chapter. I think I'm pulling for them to reconcile. However, I'm also concerned for Pat if Laura's motherly instinct doesn't prevent her return to prior slutiness.

5*

I don't know why this is the lowest scoring of the three episodes because it is the best one. But then again, no one can explain Loving Wives' scoring. 5* for me.

In view of your comments at the beginning of this episode, do you really think that people who give 1s for a story like yours are reasonable? They are pathetic morons with no ability of their own and their only hope of any type of satisfaction or acclaim is to denigrate others. DON'T bother with them or treat them like real human beings. They are mindless scum.

Good read and very much reminds me of a DQS tale.5

But you left him in a horrifying place.

1. Jobless

2. Crippled

3. In the hands of Laura and her Law Cronies obviously using and manipulating him.

If you ended the story on this note, you would have had electronic torches and pitchforks galore. this isn't 'going off the script' as one commenter suggested. It is 'breaking a character we like'.

So it is actually a WISE thing to keep going. You haven't sold an R yet (and you can NEVER sell that to some of the readers), but you haven't closed this story out in a satisfying way either.

Interesting idea the almost sex rape for kid to change the story plot. I agree with imhaples the story became more interesting............

but you left his friend Fitzgerald situation (wife sleeping with Gov chief of staff) unresolved. Why bring all that up, if it was nt relevant in some way?

Also, love to see a continuation of the story with Pat and Laura,. You dont have to, you could choose to leave the situation as-is happily ever after, but be real interesting to see how it plays out over time.

Great dialogue, crackling writing, just moves the reader along quickly. Thx for your efforts.

but truly if this is your first submission anywhere in the literary world, well done.

Look at all the comments you are getting, you are new of the best new writers on the board since TUO and Oshaw.

"Your" rather than "you're" and "strait"for "straight" and partial sentences that slowed the flow. The thing that bothered me, and maybe some other readers, is that he had no control over anything by the end. He's fallen into an abyss and can't get out. The writer never addressed why the wife cheated, or what caused her to cheat. We never heard what Frank had that made her jump into his bed. The reader was never given the chance to forgive, or understand, the wife. We were unable to identify her issues and she never established her love for hubby, at least to the reader. That left a bad taste.

After the shooting Laura come into his bed and gets herself pregnant. She is so sure of herself, a self centered bitch . We still did not get her reasoning for cheating ,money , power, job partnership, did she enjoy the hook up etc we know she would have gotten the position without who rung herself out..we know her biological clock is ticking and she tricks him into seduction without the pill. Now if he wants the divorce he will have a problem being a new father, with that whore for she sold herself out for what I mentioned above. Now what does he do? he is out of a job and she has the income. Let's see if his principals hold up. So she took advantage of his situation to put herself back into life can this continue without some real answers.

nuff said. 1*

First the counseling was an obvious sham but since when is that new in this type of story.

What gets this a 1* from me is the the totally impossible events after the election.

First, the hospital wouldn't, in a million years, allow the whore into his room once he was awake and able to tell them to keep her out. That is unless they look forward to lawsuits.

But the biggest problem is, as others have mentioned, that the divorce case was "oh we had that dismissed." Okay...granted our legal system is totally corrupt and the story so far does point this out but damn!

Screw the one's that does not like this let them read bdsm,gay or some other sight this is god and well written keep going Larry

I think I'm kind of pissed off with how your starting to slant this towards the wife....especially since I'm thinking maybe the wife and her boss had him (Pat) injured. And how did they manage to get a DIVORCE petition...backed up by a Marriage Councillor dismissed? Since they don't know WHO was behind the attack(as the attacker was dead) the wife he was divorcing would have been a prime person of interest. Was his lawyer sleeping that week? Doesn't he know how to file an appeal? The wife wasn't needed for his wellbeing,he could have been in a long term facility,or Home with a nurse,all while under police protection. Has no one ever heard of Home Care in this city? Series started OK...now looking lame.- BGunns

A husband on the verge of divorce getting injured in a accident and taken home by the unfaithful wife in a helpless state clearly is a cliché in this genre. I don't know how many times I found that in a story. This story started good - author, you did not need this cliché, it weakened the storyline.

Or do you intend for him to find out in the end that it was not really a revenge-attack by villains but the doing of his wife and her accomplices? (That would make the plot even more unbelievable.)

4* (only because of the good start)

You are writing like several authors here that love to degrade men. Nothing they do turns out right. The judge is against him. The counselor is a flake. He puts together a case for murder and the feds let the guys off. His wife is cheating. He runs a spectacular election, .. and loses. He is attacked and although the attacker is killed, the motorcycle still hits him. And he doesn't just have impact injuries, he has a stroke and is partially paralyzed and will never recover. And his wife gets to direct his care even though he is awake and taking and perfectly capable of expressing his wishes (where are all his friends). The wife effectively rapes him and gets pregnant. On and on and on and on and on and on and on. A guy with this much terrible luck should just shoot himself and get it over with. It isn't interesting reading.

.....I loved the first two chapters and was severely disappointed in this one. I guess what it comes down to is you brought us along to not like Laura, a standard old win on your back cheater. Now you've brought them back together, even after Bella was going to let them get on with the divorce.

I'll hold out for the final chapter, hopefully ol' Pat will be able to turn the tables on the cheater and comes out ahead. Perhaps somewhere in the fun and sun with someone who deserves a good guy. No man deserves to be an unwilling cuckold, no matter how much his wife wants him there.

This is the logical next chapter of this horrendous story:

He is sitting in the corner of the bedroom, slumped in his wheel chair while he watches his wife fuck her bull. A thin drip of spittle hanging from the paralyzed left side of his face and a thin drip of pre-cum hanging from his cock. This is all that is left to him. A crippled cuckold drooling over his wife being fucked by a real man. "Well, it is better than nothing" he thought. "I guess I am a born loser, this is my lot in life, to be a rag for a cum dumpster to wipe herself on!" He checked his balls again, to his surprise they were still there, it sure didn't feel like it.

Here is a suggestion, if this is your idea of a good ending for our protagonist, if this is reflective of your life or the way you deal with difficult situations you need to think about making some serious changes! If this is just a TROLL piece, well then fuck you very much!

I agree the story has themes that have been used before, but you can say that about virtually everything. The focus should be on how the elements are used creatively. I think the story is processing well and I'm not going to prejudge the conclusion until the author has completed the story. Flawed characters and imperfect resolutions are what MAKE a story in my opinion. Sure it's fun to read about the superspy spouse who is able to defeat all those who stand in the way to preserve his honor, truth, justice, and all that but real life is sloppy and in a way more fun as a regular staple.

Definitely not a FAP story. Almost no sex. None. Until the very end.

Put your personal beliefs and Politics where the sun doesn't shine. Several years ago a Dem and a Rep could argue, disagree on politics and still walk away as friends who agreed that they disagreed but...no longer and you have the audacity, the unmitigated gall to not only insult us with your story vernacular but also your Politics. A minimum of half of your readers are on each side of Politics so...I don't think anyone appreciates your condescending tone and innuendo - wait, your position that you wish all of us to suck up! Well, stick your PC and Politics up your ...You Know What!!!

Now this story Mr. DQS was aggravatingly slow for two chapters but held the promise of some really great reading but NOW - Chapter 3? This is a different story altogether and not even a SMIDGEON of Literary redemption. What a joke, what an insult!

Most of us avoid the daily news and try to enjoy a good author/writer for a good story - YOU...sorry, you're a mistake, juvenile, insulting and need to grow up. Chapter three is an outrageous piece of crap/nonsense. BTW, a good author caters to all of his readership, not just some of it!

Please, leave Lit and go somewhere else!!!

and in particular, the one sentence from old Man Saul's bond-to-lobbying whore Laura that bothered me the most ---- in fact, I think that's the only few words that forced me to give this extremely good author a 2-star rating, as an imaginary *punishment* for the AUTHOR --- is:

"We had that nonsense dismissed," she said, "Who's going to take care of you if not me?"

Of course, another commentator mentioned "I'm both an MD and a PhD" Bella's clearly UNETHICAL pseudo professional bullshit.

Seriously, THIS IS ONLY A STORY, albeit decently believable story. But as NTRAP, FD45, Ohio, Lordsdawgg and others said, it is ONE THING to have Laura or Bella ---- fictional characters in the story ---- TO TRY HARD to cut down our little story's hero at the knees.

It is SOMETHING ELSE for the AUTHOR himself to do it, like this.

Now, as NTRAP said it best, HAD the author made our little hero into somewhat of an AMORAL ---- not immoral but amoral, ambiguous ---- guy from the start, someone who is just average in terms of his approach to life, his views on personal morality and ethics, a guy who is not absolutely bright but who thinks he is... then, sure, I could understand Laura and Bella AND THE AUTHOR HIMSELF cutting his knees from under him like this. We the audience would just go, "Well, y'know, that happens sometimes."

But this HAD BEEN a story of a rather strongly moralled and ethicized character. Unlike his former classmate who married one of the slutty but extremely rich, what was it?, Singleton sisters... and who, therefore, HAD to make compromises EARLIER on... so we the readers COME TO ACCEPT such a situation.... THE AUTHOR told us, in about 10 long Lit pages, in the first two installments, quite a bit about protagonist and his sense about his own worth...

And we were ALL ROOTING FOR HIM... until, well, that awful sentence above...

Of course, as IRON or some other commentators said, now that the author had us NOT being able to suspend our beliefs anymore, THE ONLY OUTCOME is, then, for him to cut LAURA'S KNEES from under her, by making her pregnancy SOMEONE else, not our hot headed Irishman's.

And, even though, the way the author both symbolically and literally cut our hero down.... I guess it doesn't really matter, TO HIM SAY, as 90% of these stories do: "Well, even though the kid's not mine, I've come to love her/him so much, I can't imagine a life without Laura and the baby..."

I mean, what else could the hero say, at this juncture in this story? Not a whole lot. Because his sense of self, of worth, of direction, of decisiveness... all have been whittled away, again, literally and physically... said best by Laura:

"And who is going to take care of you, if I didn't?"

Indeed. Very sad.

Nonetheless, I still giggled, when Laura dismissively said, "That little nonsense has been dismissed".... when our INCAPACITATED hero half-brainedly asked Laura, "Aren't we supposed to be getting a divorce?"

That, to me, is worth the two stars I gave the author. I was leaning towards giving it a 1-star.... again, as some imaginary punishment, for the author, to have turned such a favorite story of mine into such a bullshit story.... but the clearly good author earned an extra star by delivering one of the most overstated BS of all time...

I was liking the story till the forced reconciliation.

Just because he is seriously injured he has no say inn whether his wife is involve with his treatment?

And I'm sick of these stories where the wife and/or (usually female) therapist tells the cheated on spouse, "get over your fragile ego!" These are the SAME people who if the husband was the cheater would take no prisoners.

I loved the first two installments of the story. This one was very disappointing. I probably won't read later chapters. :-(

This chapter was such a disappointment it's almost as if it was written by a different writer. It's just sad to see so many clichés rolled into one chapter.

Bullshit and shady legalese - check

The worst case of psychobabble counseling on lit - check

The cheating wife getting pregnant - check

Major change in the husbands personality to that of a wuss - check

Husband actions making no sense for his character - check

Husband in accident and wife back on the scene to take care of him - check

For a story based on lawyers and with so much effort put into the legal jargon of the previous chapter, having the the divorce dismissed along with the judges actions, is just pathetic storytelling. Jesus Christ, Pat is ment to be a shark in the courtroom yet hires a lousy lawyer? He is the DA but just follows along with all the judges bullshit without even trying to fight it? 6 month of counseling, WTF? Pat allowing his whore of a wife who he has been trying to dump, take total control of his medical care? And as for having him lose the election, against a fucking nobody, with his outstanding ADA record, after such huge and successful case and the media worshiping the ground he walks on ! Seriously? I have to agree with the poster who said you shat on the main character in every possible way.

And you claim this is better than what you had originally planed! Holy fucking shit. Personally, and this is just my opinion, but when I saw.....

"OK the protagonist is in a tough place. I intend to get him out so bear with me."

that this was an apology to the reader and you, as the author, knew this chapter was shit and the story had turned into garbage.

In the sense that it is just not believable. One thing is that it reminds of some absolute humiliating cuck stories. Still we have the author's promise of a reasonable conclusion!

you wrote yourself in. first you almost all of copy another story, contentwise and then you fuck up even worse than the original.

minus ten points. no court would allow any kind of proceedings as long as one party is out of "his mind" and he has a lawyer as well who would loose his licence if it would have happened like this.

don't bother with a part 4. who could stand even more bullshit

i kind of agree, that you are starting to lean toward Laura. It will be interesting how the next chapter/chapters play out. I did not vote as I'm not sure how I feel about this one, previously I've given you 5's.

You've turned him back into a pussy whipped, nutless fuck! Fuck that!

-10

No US based drug gang would ever try to physically injure a prosecutor. It is paramount to a declaration of war against every local, state, and federal prosecutor. They would respond by launching their own war against the gang. The gang would not be able to survive the outcome.

he is over 21, she could not take him over without his permission, and she could not stop his actions for divorce. And he has the right to decide whether to move in with her or not. Also if she has sex with him without his consent it is rape. especially since hes disabled and unable to resist.

Writing was good, legal play was not.

His competence was never in question so the rights of his separated in process divorce wife assuming control of his life is not only wrong but illegal. This plays into malpractice for both his doctor and if licensed the counselor.

BTDT. (US state law)

Just hope you pull a rabbit out of the top and fix things.

This guy is a good atty, correct? A really smart cookie.

AND YET, you have him acting like a MORON.

He is smart enough to set up BOTH his atty wife and her senior partner lover, but not smart enough to deal with a run of the mill shrink.

Or smart enough to even point out to the judge that being NEW DA, weekly out of city trips would disrupt his ability to perform his duties as DA and, on those grounds, it would take him about 10 seconds to get her order nullified.

Of course, he also doesn't seem to be smart enough to manage to have Sol stopped with a broken tail light and a kilo in his trunk, and then his little marriage problems could quickly vanish......

And what managing partner wants to get his law firm wants to get on the wrong side of "THE "DA simply over some woman who can't keep her legs closed??

And you, Mr. Author, while throwing around terms like "certiorari" seem to have never heard of "tacit admission", "negative pregnant" and a few others.

Every DA has, however. NO atty would have sat through the shrink's personal attacks and allegations of illegal conduct.

So your ridiculous bullshit pissed me off.

Less than 1.

'nuff said.

Please tell me you aren't going to turn it into a sissy cuck story.

Somehow a guy who outsmarted everyone and was tough as nails is now a stupid insipid weakling, and that was done in a matter of a few paragraphs, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

The story was ok but you turned him into a wimp half way thru the chapter.

Your writing is still good, but the plot development went to crap. How the hell did he lose the election? How did he let a shrink, who he saw coming, manipulate him? Basically, how did we get 3 chapters in, and a guy who is originally written to be smart, seems to be further behind?

This has something to do with writers on this site glorifying simpletons. Not only glorifying them, but making them a walking self-loathing whiny pricks. Preferring a Honda over a BMW for financial reasons is understandable, but when a character goes into how he doesn't like to drive a high performance German sedan over his Honda, the character goes from being frugal to being another type of self pretentious prick. What next: he drives a fifty thousand dollar muscle car, and somehow that makes him worthy of adoration? Like I said, just another type of prick. The oxymoron is when you write a guy who came from nothing, made something of himself by fighting and scraping, but somehow cannot exhibit any existence of a spine when it comes to "the one" Then all the time and effort put into character development is pretty much pissed away. Especially since this character has been done SO MANY TIMES! It's a step away from writing full fledged cuckold stories. Dumb man + sexy manipulative wife = you cleaning up someone else's cream-pie. I'm so sick of the 'dumb man' who is a victim of his whole pathetic life, but on the side is a successful..... IT"S CRAP!

Is this how writers see themselves? Because media seems to be inundated with it. I don't want a guy who 'burns the bitch' or outmaneuvers everyone do to his training as a Navy Seal. I would like to see an intelligent, logical man who is just that. Make him a little complicated. Hell, have him dress in drag! But for gods sake please keep him somewhat consistent with the morally superior, highly intelligent, simpleton you originally made him out to be.

you have changed fhe storh to crap. Good job!!!!!

Is a good term,it is all over the place.Neither patrick nor laura is very likable,and the author doesn't seem to know what to.do with them.At times Laura is almost sympathetic,yet in the end it looks like she has done and continues to do things fgor herself,and patrick is a hapless schmuck who breaks all the rules,only to lose....and who is doing what is all over the place.I actually think the counselor had a point,that in some ways they are,destroying themselves because they can't face the truth,but her methods are dubious.The other problem is the author throws out all these characters,like susan,has them say something interesting,them leaves it.To finish this is going to take a lot more then a last chapter,if the author tries to finish it in one chapter it will leave the audience angry,and not talking the Fox news he man,anti raac brigade,but rather readers who like the writing but will feel let down.

Im glad you posted that little blurb at the end it means there is more to follow however, the BTB grp wants to throw you to the bears, the cock grp loves you and then there is the grp waiting for your next chapter trying to decide which grp to support . Good cliff hanger.

...come on Man: the divorce action was dismissed and she get pregnant with the "keep the dude, baby". What's next? Frank come back around and does Laura in front of him while he is helpless in bed convalescing? Shit, why not make Laura the one who hired the biker to disable and trap him. These latest development really suck.

Unless my man, BTB, brings downs the law firm, divorce court judge, then gets appointed to the post of State AG (or NY equivalent) by Governor not sure how you save what started out as a great story. ...but it is your story to tell.

Whilst I agree with "some" of the feedbacks, I still think it's a great story and I look forward to the next Chapter. Good luck and keep up the good work. 5*

if you have Laura and Patrick get back together you will lose all credibility and it is unlikely any thinking readers will ever read anything else you write.

Also, you need to end this soon, in my humble opinion.

Yuck!

But you have a lot of making up to do. This chapter was excellent in building tension on the legal front, but fucking sucked on relationship issues and character development. Other than crying on the car ride home, Laura shows no remorse or penance that would justify reconciliation. Both she and her her counselor want to excuse all her actions as "sacrifice for her family", taking absolutely no responsibility. Apparently, Pat was supposed to protect this selfish bitch, and his failure to do so makes everything his fault. If this is the direction you're headed, you will disappoint even those who believe in reconciliation under the right circumstances, pleasing only the "she can't help it" cucks.

He doesn't come to his own, or regain his prior morals either. His efforts to rid the streets of crime are also overriden. The only victory is Laura's self serving manipulation, Susan's even worse selfish degradation of the men around her, and the goddamn rebublicans. Horrid.

The writing is superb, and I've scored other stories highly for that even where I disagree with the ropic or outcome. The way this is heading, though, would be a betrayal of the principal characters, and what makes them great. I hope you pull this one out of the shitter.

Nice story line...full of twists& turns. You've got my attention...can't wait for the next installment. A little more rigorous editing would be useful. Damn, it's hot. 5x5

Thanks for sharing.

I really liked this story.... Up until the 'hero' suffered a minor stroke. It's not the sort of injury anyone can just 'recover' from. There are only means and methods of dealing with the loss that it brings.

I've really been enjoying this, especially the insight on being a lawyer, but I have to say, I'm a little miffed at the way this one left off.. Now she's prego so he's stuck with her? That sucks... If they end up staying together, then I at least hope he and Steven start banging every easy lay they can come across.

not sure what to think about Part 3

gonna have to wait for Part 4 before................

I've just reread this again because I was so disappointed with this chapter & I needed to see if I'd been mistaken. Unfortunately not it was worse than I thought, Ch 1 brilliant, Ch 2 very good, this chapter average at best. Sadly I've revisited my score & lowered it to 3 ***

I can't recall any story on Lit, that started of so well written, going from such potential greatness that rivals the likes of Rehnquist, to such utter trash so quickly. You even managed to use every possible cliche in the book in the space of 3 pages! Bullshit counseling, all his fault, insane legal wranglings, the hero having an accident, his complete change in personality, and the whore being pregnant. Dreadful storytelling by the numbers.

It's almost like you you were on a mission to piss off the posters who liked your previous chapters.