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I was searching her face for a sign of disgust, but it looked more like she was trying to understand.
"Well, I think I want to be there Care." Julie smiled at me. "I'm not innocent you know? I've had sex, and you haven't."
I laughed.
"Well, technically, you are still a virgin, I'm not." She pressed her point.
I laughed harder.
"Okay, I'm not a huge slut like you, but I have had a dick in the RIGHT hole bitch." She snapped at my laughter.
**** Author's note****
I want to sincerely thank so many of you for all the emails and feedback over the years, especially during my far too long hiatuses. The world really, what's the term? Fucked me a new asshole? Over the last four years. Death in the immediate family, alcoholism, prison, five figures of debt to the IRS... the list goes on.
I have been writing many different things, but this was the first thing I would consider a book. I love the first person perspective. There are so many things that I know as the author that my character who is telling the story doesn't know and finding ways to reveal them is fun for me. The other advantage of writing first person is that I can ... for a few stolen hours behind my computer here and there... become Carrie for awhile. And when I sit naked from the waist down on a towel behind my desk typing away, I get as soaking wet as she does ... or close to it, she is a bit fictional in her ability to produce copious amounts of goo.
This is ... I guess a bit of a me venting, exposing my inner ugliness for the world to see from now to all eternity. I don't tell this stuff to anyone who knows me. I fucked up with the Julie in my life from high school.
We all know, or should know, that this is fiction, these are things that simply should not happen in the real world. I do not condone abuse or rape or any such thing, no means no. I've been raped and emotionally abused enough times myself to tell you, there really... in the case of a normal person... is nothing sexy or even sexual about it. I'll be the first to tell you that I am fucked up. My shrink would probably tell you the same thing though I don't see her anymore. I relive things that most people would try to block from their memory and I add to them in my mind to make them more humiliating and take more ownership of why I deserved it. I make myself cry and I roll up in a ball and masturbate and cry... yeah, seriously, I do that. I think there is a BDSM term for it, I keep thinking 'depilation', but I'm pretty sure that's shaving your pussy. *shrugs*
I get off on humiliation. I also get off a little on crying and believe me, I have cried my eyes out at times when I wrote this book. There were times I had to walk away and cry myself to sleep at what I wrote. I broke my own heart. Those are the two things about me that I ... from external input... believe make me weird.
See, when I'm 'in the zone', the story carries me as much as I carry it. I know who's going to be in it, for the most part. I know the ending and the beginning. But a great deal of the middle part... just happened. I've had to go back and read this because in all honesty, I couldn't even remember a lot of the things that happened and I wrote it!
I just (literally just today) read Pleasing Kelsey again. And WOW! If I hadn't written the gang rape into it, that was such a beautiful sexy story up to that point. I wanted to grab it off the page and rewrite it into a love story... like it started out. A warped, alternate lifestyle love story. But, I'm not sure I'm capable of writing a love story. Somehow, my intentions start out right, like they did with Pleasing Kelsey, and they go off to fuckedupville. I got Carrie and Farin together and then I ripped them apart. I even made Julie hate Carrie for a little while.
Darla's Games, was always intended to be the first of three books. If you've ever tried to print it, you'd see its over 500 pages in Word. The next book will be Jill's World and I won't spoil the finale with the name of the final book.
Chapter 1 of Jill's World is done for the most part. I want to warn you ahead of time that it a lot of transitional material, filling holes from Darla's Games and setting the stage for a whole new world of discovery for Carrie.
- COMMENTS
ShyAndAshamed7 months agoSpoiler alert: I’m going to talk about the story’s content. If you haven’t read the story yet, you might want to stop reading.
I started to read ‘Darla’s Games’ a decade ago, when only the first 7 or 8 chapters were written. Recently, I picked it up again, re-read the first chapters, finished it and directly followed up with ‘Jill’s World’. I also read most of her other stories in the last couple of weeks. If you haven’t, ‘Meeting Kelsey’ is great.
There are a few things that sets the story apart from others in the same genre. Carrie, the main character, goes through a transformation process that leaves her stronger, while she fights her inner demons, like being attracted to women or her fetish for humiliation. While it’s still fantasy, it never gets so crazy that it gets utterly unbelievable. This shows, for example, when her teachers, the school counselor, and her parents get involved like they would in the real world. Still, Panthergirl managed to continue the story and drew it to a conclusion, which, of course, is just laying the base for ‘Jill’s World’. Most authors who write stories in this genre do not finish their stories. My assumption is that they just don’t see a way to navigate their characters out of the situation the author has put them in.
Carrie’s relationships with other characters like her best friend Jules, her lover Farin, and Courtney developed a lot throughout the story, which kept it interesting. Besides all the character development, the story is still fast paced and has a lot of action in it.
I found the story emotionally very engaging and challenging. When Carrie went through her breakdowns, it was very hard for me to read it. But the fun times with Farin and especially Jules were a great compensation. Panthergirl’s writing style is excellent.
A compliment to Panthergirl and her editors. The story had almost no typos, grammar or continuity errors in it.
‘Darla’s Games’ is an excellent story and I wish Panthergirl would return and publish new works.
Luciferseptabout 1 year agoCorrectif de ma ''critique'': Rimbaud a dit '' je EST un autre'' et non je suis un autre. Ce qui évidemment n'a pas tout à fait le même sens et correspond plus aux écrits dont je parle.
Luciferseptabout 1 year agoCe livre, car c’est un livre, exerce sur le lecteur une sorte de fascination, comparable à celle exercée par Kââ, qui nous entraîne dans un monde où la réalité est alternative, la volonté incertaine et où, comme disait Rimbaud, je est un autre.
Fascination qui découle de la longueur, du temps exigé pour la lecture et donc de l’immersion prolongée du lecteur dans l’intimité des différents protagonistes et particulièrement du personnage principal. Tout plongeur sait que plus la plongée est profonde, plus le temps de décompression est long.
Fascination engendrée par le foisonnement de personnages qui, avec leurs propres logiques, tout en étant indépendantes les unes des autres un peu comme les pièces d’un jeu d’échec, concourent volontairement ou pas, au même but, utiliser l’héroïne pour satisfaire ses pulsions, quitte à briser totalement sa personnalité.
Fascination exercée par la nature même de l’héroïne, qui oscille en permanence entre Justine et Cosette, sorte de lutine sexy qui semble surgir du livre du divin Marquis pour se plonger avec délice dans celui de Victor Hugo. Le lecteur s’en trouve ainsi emporté et plongé alternativement dans des phases successives d’excitation et de compassion.
Fascination enfin, par la l’abîme des questions posées par ce livre. Qui sommes-nous vraiment? Vaut-il mieux connaître la vérité ou se contenter de la traversée de apparences? Est-il possible d’ignorer le regard des autres? Et de quels autres? Est-on vraiment soi dans ses pulsions exacerbées ou dans le calme de la réflexion? Entre autres…
L’autrice dit qu’elle ne sait pas écrire des histoires d’amour. Elle fait beaucoup mieux: elle parle d’Amour.
Le seul regret est que la traduction automatique ne soit pas à la hauteur de l’écrit, malgré quelques formules involontairement cocasses.
beth_over 1 year agoI enjoyed your review, Anonymous (the one just before this one) because isn't that just what this story does? I remember having no particular expectations and then it just took on a life of its own in my head for weeks, it was hard to keep from thinking about it in any free moment I had. The characters just come to life; say what you will about whether some of the decisions were smart or safe or rational or not, but all of that just made them feel completely human and lovingly imperfect. I hope you enjoy Jill's World, but I can promise that you will.
