All Comments on 'Diary of a CH Pt. 03'

Very well written. You have the skill to continue this story, and you may have the curiosity to finish it. I know many of us do.

OK, good chapter, but this is not finished.

I like your work, a lot. Finish the damn story.

Wtf

. . . ?? You kept us hanging for this??!! Although it wasn't hard to figure out from the beginning who the author was, this chapter fell flat. It really does feel unfinished. Relatively well written, which I appreciate, but 3* is all. Please - I know that you aren't planning another chapter, but would you reconsider?

I understand the end, but a story like this one couldn't end without an epilogue...And not because of him, but because all the other characters...And a small epilogue was enough, just telling what happened to all the other characters...3* for not having an epilogue...

The best part of a revenge (BtB) story is the aftermath of the plan coming together. The wife's life is ruined for her being a cheating bitch and her lover is punished for taking what belonged to the husband (It's even more satisfying if the lover smugly taunts the cuckolded husband beforehand). The next delicious scene is where the tearful wife begs the husband to take her back and he informs her he's moved on with an exciting new lover... especially in these prolonged revenge types of tales, where he puts up with her cheating for months (plenty of time for him to get over it and move on).

It might be formulaic, but it's a winning formula because it provides a cathartic release for all the shit the husband's put up with through the rest of the story.

Some other feedback for you, as I see you're a new writer:

The story was enjoyable, but you spent a bit too much time in the past and not in the present. These kind of infidelity tales are very much about the emotions the characters are feeling, so several scenes with dialogue between the wife and husband would have improved it a great deal, rather than simply narrate everything.

That's one of the reasons why the final confrontation between husband and wife is entertaining to read, because of all the explosive emotions finally being released! Eg. anger, jealousy, resentment, regret, guilt, sorrow, loss, fear... it makes for a very engaging scene.

I agree with others... the is unsatisfying and feels incomplete without the "what came next is...."

Like a good whiskey, a well constructed BTB goes down smoothly.

We need closure , how it all played out, with the child,the divorce the wifes lover. We need a 4 th chapter or epilogue.

dud ending

But the foundation was left to rot by a talentless contractor.

Please continue this story...through your writing I feel I have a personal connection with your main character. I hope you find it in you to continue this story.

PLEASE don't leave it there!!! Great story but I do want to know what happens over the next day, weeks and the year.

from chapter one to chapter three I kept hearing the words from the Styxx song....

Don't let end

I'm begging you

Don't let it end this wayyyy.

I'm sure you've got more in you to carry this on for at least two more.

Carry on young writer.

From one writer to another, I can tell you that this one is 100% better than your last chapter. The one thing that I can suggest is use one of the editors that Literotica has available for you to use. It will only make you even better. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. As for the gutless, no balls, yellow bellied cowards like the first Anonymous and hindsight2020, do not worry about what they say. They would not know how to write a story if their lives depended on it! I do have to agree with some of the others tho. I would love to know what the consequences of the reveal. What happened to the b*%ch of a wife and her asshole boss? Please consider doing an epilogue if not another chapter to fill in the blanks. All in all, well done, much better.

I do not mind temporal shifts IF there is a compelling reason for them, AND the shifts are obvious in the text as well as a time-date at the beginning of each shift. Oh, yeah, AND they are kept to a minimum in number and in length. Many of those criteria I am missing in this orptherwise good tale.

Oh, yeah, and the denouement was crysral clear from early on. so the shifting certaily did not cloak that.

4*

This begs for an epilogue!

But - please do another chapter.

It was good but I am having one of those Paul Harvey moments. I'm waiting for the rest of the story. Definitely needs an epilogue. Well done other wise.

You are going to have a little time because of the holiday 'Siren's Song' thing, so the regular readers will be busy feeding on the submissions by other authors and may cut you some slack for a little while. All you would have to comment is, Ch 4 coming by popular demand. Thank you for the story! CorvetteJohn in rainy Seattle

I would love to see one last chapter that deals with the carnage of the reveal.

So what did he accomplish? He made a lot of money, for his slut wife to share. He exposed himself as a feckless submissive wimp, who did not invest the time and effort to really know and understand the woman he married. She was a useless whore from day one.

Why the wife was such a shallow single-minded slut was hardly explored. Why his business associates did not see what would happen to his monetary success when he divorced is not part of the story. I guess the WOW was supposed to be the big reveal? He really thinks he can use her diary as evidence? She'll claim she made it all up, it was a fantasy. What hard objective proof does he have?

I appreciate the effort, but it was just too lame and too much whinny wimpy husband trying to get his pound of flesh from Zoe. She will have this loser replaced before the week is out. Especially considering all the money she will now have, along with primary custody of their daughter.

Fail.

Like you got tired of your own story?

OK this chapter gets a 5 from me.

It really needs a follow up for on many holes in the ending:

1. What happens with the daughter?

2. How does he keep the ex- wife from getting his new wealth?

3. How does he get even with the ex - boss?

4. How does he recover his self worth (thorpy, he gets all ex wife / bosses wealth, boss divorces)?

5. is theere a new love life?

Ending was seriosly lacking and now the story comes across as infinnished so a three is all this deserves.

I will join the chorus, this is an excellent story that deserves one more chapter. Please finish it for us.

That he was Marsha was completely predictable. But the story isn't over until you reveal what actually occurred after this. I expected the big reveal to be what happened AFTER he was unmasked.

Did his wealth give him custody of his daughter? Did he protect the money by putting it in a trust for his daughter administered by him? Did they divorce? Did he decide to live with Susan, then the wife joined him for a threesome? Did he get any revenge on the wife's boss?

So much untold.

For a second attempt, your right up there with the best of them. The story left me with a lot of unanswered questions, thus agreeing you should write another chapter or Ten:)

I also think the story is to short to be posted in three parts.

Hope to read more from you soon...good luck:))

Looking forward to future submissions. Thanks for the read.

You know I gave this Five Stars but it was a little anti-climatic. Of course our betrayed husband was the author and of course he got his revenge but, like other commenters, I would have liked a little more detail.

One other thing. I wonder how many readers would have started this series knowing that CH meant cuckolded husband? Just wondering...

There should be at list one more chapter.

Well written and while the outcome was foretold it was fun getting there. I went back to reread the clues and their placements. Well crafted. I will look eagerly for more from you and that is my highest compliment.

This is by far the best chapter of this series; even had quotation marks & in the correct places, so well done. That said, I'm sorry, but I disagree with many of the other commentators; whilst this one is better overall, you have a fair way to go to reach the standards of the best authors on LW. You need to flesh out your characters & the storyline more if you decide to continue writing on this site. Still a big improvement on the first 2 chapters. 3***

I'm thinking everyone guessed correctly the true identity of Marsha , so the denouncement at the end was also predictable.

What isn't known is did all this change his life ....... was he able to divorce on better terms ? Could he have custody of his child ? Was his wife truly , irrevocably publicly humiliated ? We're there any repercussions for her now ex paramourning ?

I guess there needs to be at least a page of epilogue.

I’d love to hear how all of their lives changed. It would be a great follow up.

Really enjoyed all three chapters, could see what was coming but enjoyed getting there.

I can understand why you left it there, but for my own selfish reasons would love to read what happens next after the fall out, How he rebuilds his life and moves on.

Cheers

It needs a better, more thorough ending.

Thanks & I hope you keep writing.

It's well written given the other criticisms and a fun read. Thank you for investing your time to write this. But the ending was underwhelming. Now what? This was the climax; where is the resolution?

makes this a rough read. "She stated that she was suspicious of my activities and concerned that I knew about them." That is one example and there are many. Read it over a few times and consider an editor. The plot was obvious, but it was a plot and that is not as common as one would hope. The title? Does CH stand for "Cheating Hore"

hell yes. May he get Ellie and move on!

in the first chapter and the ending I read was much more thorough. You started a great story, telegraphed the ending, wrote your paragraphs too short and dumped the ending over a cliff. There is much more to writing than structure, grammar and punctuation. Keep trying and learning and pick good editors and you might make it.

Well written otherwise

Dropped the score because of too many unanswered questions. Was really good until then. Did he get custody of his daughter? What did Michael's wife do? What did Zoe do? Did Nick find a better woman?

Ended to quick what happened ????

Liked it. Turned the tables nicely.

The only thing I would add was that the ending needed to be longer. The readers would have appreciated some kind of confrontation with the cheating ex after having to deal with whiny unhappy cuckold for so long. He finally gets his balls back and then....nothing?? It's a good story....painful, but good.

Please add another chapter. We followed him for three and it is a good story but i would like a little bit on her and to read how that ends. Thank you.

Keep writing

Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed your story but feel that there could be a sequel in how the divorce pans out

would like to read about the aftermath

I agree , needs a fleshed out ending. Good job so far

... otherwise there is a HUGE flaw in the story. Earlier it was stated divorce would ruin him, taking Ellie, his daughter, away from him, and intimation of financial ruin. Well, nothing’s changed, except now Zoe, if nothing else has changed, also gets the huge windfall of the payout from the new book.

Unless things are split very differently in the UK than they are in the USA, unless Zoe can be shown an unfit mother, she will get at least shared custody, if not primary custody irregardless of her infedelities. And if the proceeds from the sale of the book, or since it can be shown the book was written during the marriage, 1/2 of all profits will go to Zoe also, if not more if she is given primary custody.

You have not shown, again if UK laws are not drastically different, how Nick is going to circumvent the problems he foresaw just 8 months ago. Now, if in a following chapter you can show private investigator reports of the affair, and it being conducted in a way that might compromise the safety of the daughter, or show Zoe as being otherwise an unfit mother, that would help. If you could show Zoe not getting 1/2 the profits from the best selling book, so it looks as if Nick is financially in a much better position than Zoe? Or something else to show, especially, that Zoe not get primary custody of Ellie, and/or any financial windfall from separation due to her adultry, that would be all ok. But if you don’t address most, or all, of that then the story is incomplete because Zoe could still “win”.

Some things that might help you:

The three chapters add up to about 4 web pages; a story of that length should be submitted as one chapter.

Your story starts in the present, but almost none of the action takes place in the present, so the real story is in the flashbacks. That's okay, but it would be much easier for your readers to follow if the flashbacks were one continuous narrative. Jumping around in time during the flashback and especially inserting bits from the present (which don't advance the plot or the characters), makes your story more confusing and less enjoyable.

You might want to read your story aloud, imagining yourself telling it to a stranger in a bar. If a narrative technique doesn't work orally, it probably doesn't work on the written page, either.

Thank you for the time and effort you've put into submitting this work.

GA

I am sorry but these three chapters only add up to half a story...because of that you get a 1 star

It wold have been really interesting to hear Zoey’s thoughts in the period of time after she ended the affair. It would have gone from rekindled love to jealousy to fear and finally deep remorse. That’s something we should experience!

Very enjoyable read, although need a 4th chapter!!!

Really enjoyed the story just need an ending. What about the daughter??

This is an interesting and well-written story but ends a little too abruptly and leaves too many questions about Zoe's behaviour unresolved. Why was she so jealous and why did she end her affairs as soon as she thought she might loss him and restart them as soon as she felt secure? Interesting psychology not fully explored.

LA

Not enough confrontation kept this from being a 5*****, but 4**** is a solid score.

...with no mention at all of the daughter who seemed to be a major concern of his earlier in the story. When an author takes a whole lot of story to detail (to an excruciating degree) all the hows and whys of Wifey being a cold-hearted bitch and then drops his big GOTCHA on her, only to immediately Exit Stage Right, readers can be forgiven for assuming the writer is a cuckolding fan. Once we're through all of Hubby's emotional pain and anguish, the revenge is just an afterthought. Your a decent writer and I'll look forward to your future submissions. This one let me down at the end, but I thank you for sharing it

Rubbish and lazy ending.So why did she cheat? What about the daughter? What was the aftermath?

These are rather important. 2* as you left too much out and prattled on and on and on. Another chapter would be good, I mean a good chapter not a one page retelling of what we have just read.

Thrawn1234

How about another chapter ,the daughter,the divorce sueing the wife's lover and the company and there is Sarah

There has to be some interaction and further turmoil as she faces the retribution for what she did.

Needs an epilogue as a minimum.

You spent all that time on the story and just brushed through the ending. The story was good but with little time on the ending. That should be as important as the story.

How does this change anything? He gets divorced and loses custody of his daughter.

Probably the most unintelligent and emotionally vacant sex story ever written. And worst part? Not even the most stringent of writing classes could improve this author's lot. Some people are simply born not to endeavor creative writing. I can't even begin to critique in detail without forever regretting the waste of life's so limited minutes. Even now I feel my gut wrenching to flee!

I gave it a 5 but come on don't leave it there i need to know.....

You've left too many Loose Ends.

The bullet just left the barrel and you end the fucking story. I feel like I just stepped in a big steaming pile of cow shit. Waste of time.

Very interesting and fly by the seat of your pants drama. It has blockbuster potential....it needs another chapter or at least an epilog. Thank you for sharing!

Not going to give what could have been an excellent story because there was no ending. It was unfinished and that was unfair to your audience that ploughed through to the end just to be let down. Consider taking the vast majority of comments to heart and tie up the lose ends and let us go happily into the sunset.

Ps I would have signed my comments as Dunny69 but the dam site won't let me log in so I'm anonymous

His whole goal for staying with her and not ending it as soon as he found out was to make sure he got to keep his daughter as the primary caretaker. Also, he mentioned how because he made a lot less money than her she would get everything, no alimony and even though he was the primary caretaker of their daughter she would get custody. I do live in the US, but I would imagine British family law would not be that different than ours. So in the US he would have likely gotten custody as he was the primary caretaker, gotten alimony and child support.

But anyway, let's assume that the laws in England were as the author proclaims. How does his waiting the 7 months after discovery, coming out as he did help him with keeping the child. In fact, if anything now he has to share the proceeds of both of his books (the second was written while still married) with her. And how does he now have a better chance to keep his wife than before? That was never explained.

Yes, it's nice to have what happened after. What happened to the wife, what happened to the lover, what happened with his love life. But where the author ended it was fine as this whole story was about him and his perspective. We never really got a glimpse of the wife or even her deep thoughts, even though we had an access to her diary. She was a character in his life that affected his thoughts and we were privy to that. So what happened to the wife (which a lot of LW readers love to read) doesn't concern me as much. So I'm ok with where it ended, although I must say it would have been a bit more satisfying to know the aftermath. But not explaining how waiting the 7 months to reveal benefitted him is the real mystery to me.

Just when the story got interesting you ended it SO WRONG!!!

The ending was too abrupt. Too many loose ends. It's very good so far, but needs at least one more chapter to wrap things up.

great potential but an unfinished story is just that, UNFINISHED

There are a few stories on this site that need an epilogue or another chapter or additional paragraphs to complete a story. Then there are a very few that are well written which definitely need to finished. This is one of those very few.

Please finish this story!

Where's FTDS when you need him? FINISH THE DAMN STORY!

I like it but it need where the ex wife try to win him back

On a personal level I like to delve into the mind of the cheater more. We go a few insights but it would have been nice to see her thoughts that raised her suspicions and whether she was completely surprised that he suspected.

I would have liked the plans execution to include the Wifes interactions during the divorce and what effect they had on him. Mind you that makes it tempting for the author to do the usual forgive and be the noble cuck happily ever after.

It definitley push buttons well .It's just that it did a lot of feelings from him and almost none from her.

If the author suffred a heart attack at the same time Zoe did?

The author must have been in a hurry to go do something else. Too bad... he ruined what could have been a very good story.

I really liked what I read but agree with others it needs another chapter or two. I do hope the authors adds another chapter.

You did a great story, and a good lead up, but the ending was a failure. What happens next? Obviously divorce. What about his daughter? What happens to his soon-to-be-ex-wife? What happens to the lover? and of course what happens to him?

Gave 5 on the first 2. Gace a 2 to the 3rd . Bad ending.

Poor writing, ending too abrupt. Get another editor!

That was damn good. And at least to me, original. Well done. I have given out maybe a dozen fives in two years so don’t feel bad about a four from me

5*

I really enjoyed the writing and the storyline. It was obvious who Marsha was fairly early on, but I enjoyed the unveiling. I agree with other comments that it ended too soon, and should have another chapter. But the sign of good storytelling is that you leave them wanting more, and you did that. I want to know what Zoe did. I want Michael buried by his wife. I guess I'll just imagine it.

You came all this way and ran outa gas!

I loved it but agree with most of the other comments. I would love for you to continue and show them getting theirs.

The writing, not so much. But as long as you're coming up with plots like this, please carry on writing.

Agree with others. Ended too bluntly. No resolution on consequences to lovers or what happens with daughter.

The main character is pathetic. He has Zoe's diary laying out what she's done but he doesn't confront her. He knew she was a cheater but took her back. What's changed? He has no friends. He gets a sympathy fuck from a lesbian! Now that I think of it, maybe Zoe doesn't try to get him back. Why would she? She can get half of the proceeds from his revenge novel and find a real man. 3 stars.

reasonable man

A public outing would surely satisfy some needs for revenge, but he's a rich author now, and she'll get half, correct? And certainly shared custody, perhaps even primary custody? He'll have to show he's been primary caretaker. He took no steps to protect all his hard work.

no real or completed storry. dead end. LOVE slap hapy papy#9

pretty pathetic. grammar still suck.

Way to BTB in public and her lover too. Doubly good as he knows he blew any possible contract.

Keep up the great work!

...de ...kontrolálatlan ,levágott véggel a történet így fele annyit ér!Szépen fel lett építve,volt sok érzelmi és empatikus töltése,...de ...a végkifejlet meg lett "erőszakolva",becsapott érzést keltve az olvasókban!

Good recovery and enjoyed