Dirty Bitch: A Novel

'Victoria, I'd love to eat my dinner off your tush,' I said, gazing at that beautiful fucking heart-shaped arse, and trying to ignore this bunch of teenage tossers who, being the only other people currently there on the beach, were to the left of the beach tossing a ball back and forth to each other, their rambling little voices accentuated by some real fuckin' gay laughs. Bunch of bum chums they were.

'Goodness, you're so obsessed with sex, aren't you Darren?' said Victoria, shaking her head.

'I just think you got a beautiful tush girl,' I said, managing to perceive the outline of her arse-crack through the semi-translucent material of her bikini. (And it was a mighty fine arse-crack I tell ya.)

'Is that all that matters to you, my tush?'

'Girl, you everything I want in a woman. Nice tits, nice arse, nice stomach cleavage, nice legs, nice lips, nice eyes, your brain ain't too bad either.'

'Well that's nice of you to say that you like my brain.'

'I love your brain girl. It's like venus the goddess' that's what it's like. Wo it's a dam good brain.'

And this last comment seemed to please Victoria as just then she leaned towards me and planted a nice warm kiss on my cheek.

I was trying to truly appreciate the feel and sensation of it when I started to get really frustrated with those teenage wanky beachball cunts round the side.

'Those little pricks,' I said, glancing at them and their weedy little bodies, feeling an unnecessary stress take its toll on me. 'Look at those wanky little bastards Victoria, they're cheeky cunts they are I tell ya!'

'Oh leave them alone Darren, they're just having a bit of fun,' said Victoria, focusing back on her mag.

'Who the fuck could have fun with a beachball for fuck sake. It's about as entertaining as scrabble.'

I was grinding my teeth in aggravation when I noticed that the only girl of the bunch, a girl of about 15 or 16, maybe 14 as her knockers were a tad small, was a pretty dam sexy girl.

'I tell you though Victoria, that young bird's quite nice on the eye, ain't she.'

'Oh shut up Darren, you little pervert.'

'I guarantee she's gonna blossom into a real beauty within the next couple of years. Might even end up as beautiful as you.'

'Oh Darren that is sweet.'

To prove that flattery as atrocious as mine does actually work, Victoria leaned her face towards me and planted another sensual kiss on my cheek to show how appreciative she was of my complements.

I was really truly enjoying that moment when the frustration from those teenage fuckwits grew out of proportion, and when one of the cunts kicked his mother fuckin' ball over to where me and Victoria were, I'd had enough.

'Little cunts,' I huffed, leaning towards the ball and picking it up. 'You beachball bastard cunts.'

And somewhat violently, I tossed that piece of plastic shit hard towards the sea and then watched the group's disappointed faces droop down to their necks.

'Oy, you lot! Go on, clear off! You cocksucking bastards! Get da fuck out o' here, will ya!'

I gestured violently to them with my thumb and clenched my fist tight, grinding my teeth at the same time.

But one of them young lads wasn't having any of it. Oh no. And in retaliation, he put his middle finger up at me and mouthed some obscenities that were partially distorted by the sound of the wind and sea, although I'm pretty sure he called me an asshole, maybe something worse.

'Yea up yours too mate you little cunt!' I yelled back, my fist clenched and my teeth continuing to grind, a mercury filling surely wearing down to blackened dust.

As the lot of them moved over to the sea to try and reclaim their sea-swept ball, I turned my attention back to Victoria and gave her a rather amorous smile, a look that conveyed the words, 'Oh yea baby, I handled that situation alright.'

However, judging by Victoria's sulk of a face, she was not impressed and resented what I'd done to those 'harmless kids'.

'Oh Darren, why did you have to go and be rude to them for? They're just kids having some fun.' She shook her head and moaned.

'Hey, I only did that for you Victoria,' I said, clasping my left hand around her cheek and gazing devotionally into her eyes, like Roger Moore to one of his feisty bond birds.

'How was that for me? They're just kids.'

'Hey,' I said, preparing to justify my actions, 'that darn beachball could have hit you in the face Victoria. It could have injured you. And I couldn't have that happening to my beautiful girl now could I?'

'Darren, it was just an inflated plastic beachball, honestly.'

'It may have only been and inflated beachball, but I tell you Victoria, those things are lethal. Them little bits at the end. Could prod your eye out like that.'

'Oh Darren, don't be ridiculous.'

'Anyway,' I said, glancing at Victoria's peachy derriere in an attempt to divert her attention. 'Let's just put this behind us now; the sight of you is far too beautiful it's making me feel rather turned on.'

'Oh is it now?'

'Yea, it is,' I said, placing my hand on Victoria's tush and rubbing at it. Man it felt good, warm and supple, the best kind of tush; and as I moved my face towards Victoria's, I started caressing her neck, gentle, gallantry pecks turning into frenetic, passionate enamouring. 'You are such a beautiful woman, such a gorgeous woman.'

Then I started to run my hand around to her chest, groping her left breast, my cock getting hard as a rock with the outline already visible in my shorts, a frozen-sausage-like boner of a hard-on.

'Come on Darren, there's people about, they'll see.'

'What, those teenage twirps? What are they gonna do, ay? Besides, it's good for them to see. It's like sex education or some shit.'

I glanced at the lot once over by the sea, watching them still trying to get their ball – cunts weren't gonna do jack shit – and got back to caressing Victoria even more intimately, my hand beginning to move down to her cunt, the warm heat of her body so sensuous and beguiling.

'Oh Darren,' she uttered, losing control.

With Victoria now starting to moan in pleasure, I slipped my hand in and started stroking her cunt with my fingers, anticipating contact with her sensitive clit. 'You like that, don't you V.'

'Oh ... Darren,' replied Victoria, with romantic undertones to her voice.

'Oh you sexy bitch.'

Swiftly, I moved even closer and then, caressing Victoria's cheek, my hand still stroking her cunt, I got onto the back of her and felt my cock press against bikini-covered flesh.

'Oh yea, Victoria.'

I could hear those teenage wank-stains coming back from the ocean with their ball, but I managed to blank them out and instead started dry humping Victoria with my stiff cock which, right then and there, was literally harder than a piece of confessionary rock.

'They'll ... see ...' gasped an erotically overwhelmed Victoria, losing herself completely in a wave of potent lust, while I glanced back at those weedy lil teenagers, my body still rhythmically moving against my dearest bitch.

I'd noticed them stopping to take a good stare, and this made me grin real devilishly.

'Yea, you look an' lean son,' I thought, before turning back to concentrate on humping Victoria some more.

'Oh Darren, at least cover us up with a towel or something.'

Thus, in obedience to her – for what Victoria wanted, Victoria fucking got! – I fiddled for the large blue beach towel to my right and then flung it over my back, concealing myself and Victoria in a nice sheathe of blue.

I soon grew bored with the dry humping, and after releasing my cock through the fly of my shorts I yanked down Victoria's bikini knickers and started sinking my cock into her burgeoning backside. She moaned like crazy, and I felt my cock penetrate her like a warm knife through butter, with her snug, radiant cheeks almost poetically heated by the glorious sun up above; I could just picture that sun in my mind, a huge rapturous smile on its round, sunflower-like face and a large burning joint protruding out of its mouth. Haha, a funny mother fucker of a sun; even had a pair of shades over its eyes.

'Ow, not too deep,' moaned Victoria, while I pounded and pounded away, champ-style.

It was all so fucking sexually gratifying, until I suddenly thought about those teenage lot in my head. 'Hmm, are they still staring, I wonder?'

And flipping my head back, the top half of the towel blowing back a little, I glanced at the teenagers and saw them still staring, a rather shocked 'OMFG!! Look what those two are doing!' look to their visages, with the two boys, one in a rather ludicrous round pair of gold-framed glasses like The Milky Bar Kid, scratching the backs of their heads in discomfort.

The very look on their silly little acne infested faces made me smile, and I grinned hard at them, even noticing my arse bouncing up and down under the towel like a champ.

'Haha, look at that arse go,' I chuckled. Then I noticed the beautiful, well certainly attractive, girl out of the group. And man did she look a sexy bitch right then and there, with her dirty strawberry blonde hair shimmering in the light, rippling wind and her supple young teenage tits looking like they were being sucked back into her chest.

It made me even harder, and as I humped away I fantasised that my cock was in that girl's underage orifices.

'Oy, girl!' I yelled back.

Immediately, the three of them jumped back slightly in shock but then quickly regained their poises to avoid personal embarrassment and humiliation.

'Hey girl, you fancy getting your young sweet arse into a threesome?'

For some reason, Victoria didn't seem to object: she just moaned and moaned away beneath me as I pounded her like an absolute beast.

'Hey girl, I'm talking to you girl! You fancy a fuck with me and my girlfriend!'

But one of the boys wasn't going to put up with any more of my impertinent behaviour, and in some kind of pathetic, possibly hormonal rage, he stuck his middle finger up in the air and shouted back, 'Fuck you Pervert!' in true public schoolboy style. Then straight after that, rather unexpected to me, he picked up a large pebble off the sand in front of him and proceeded to chuck it at me as hard as he could, the pebble hitting my arse like a pellet of pain.

'You little motherfucker!' I yelled in retaliation, deeply pissed off but still unable to stop humping Victoria. 'You little fuckstick! You wait, I'll get ya, ya cunt!!'

I was gazing angrily at them, a bit of spit spraying from my mouth, when they all started to jog away, the pebble thrower in particular looking quite pleased with himself as he went with the wind.

'You come back here you little prick. I'll fucking ruin ya ya lil cunt. You motherfucker you!' I even clenched my fist in rage while I humped away at a moaning, and surprisingly oblivious to what was going on, Victoria; man did the woman seem to love my compacted cock lodged in her arsehole, and never had I realised that she was such a fan of backdoor loving action as then and there.

The very lascivious thought nearly distracted me from the teenagers pissing off in the distance, but then I looked back at them again, all the while feeling myself about to come.

'You little pricks,' I said, my fist in the air, my nails digging into the palms of my hands.

And then, in a giant beach-set eruption, I came inside Victoria's drilled arsehole.

It was later – 20 minutes or so – and I was standing fully naked in the shallow seawater, staring down at the patterned surface while I breathed in the salty sea air.

'Smells a lil obscene Victoria, don't cha fink?' I said, turning back to look at my girl who was still reading from that nonsensical woman's mag.

'What's that?' she called back, not bothering to look.

'The sea water, it's vaguely obscene, don't cha fink?'

'Hmm, I don't know. Maybe.'

'Real freakin' obscene.'

Turning back, I gazed out into the distance, out at the outline of some shithole of an island obscured by some vaporous cloud. And it was as I peered about the place, my nostrils stinging a little from the briny air, that I noticed a crab being washed onto the shore in a series of rippling waves.

'Hey, look Victoria!' I said, in a sudden bout of excitement, following the crab with my forefinger until it got swept onto the sand. 'A crab!'

The word crab, accentuated by my high intonation, caught Victoria's attention and she actually averted her eyes from the mag.

'Oh, so there is, funny.'

'Wow Victoria! It's a real beauty of a one as well,' I said, moving over to it, my feet slicing through the water, my eyes fixed on the creature's shell.

'It looks pretty dead,' said Victoria, monotonously.

'Of course Victoria, the mighty sea has destroyed this little creature, obliterated its existence into sea-fated doom.'

And in no time at all, I was crouched down right by the crab and gazing down at its bubbly, dead corpse, its drenched body a mauve colour and its legs pushed together like entwined, crippled fingers: it was a real fuckin' crab alright.

'This is a real fuckin' crab Victoria,' I said, prodding at the still-tough shell.

'Haha, yes Darren.'

'I tell you, you don't find one of these beasts down your underwear. Now that really would a problem then wouldn't it.' I couldn't help but let out a rapturous laugh, looking up at the sky while I let chuckle after chuckle of laughter out of my mouth.

'Very funny Darren,' said Victoria.

'I mean imagine if that's what flaming crabs really was, a bunch of mighty lil things snappin' away at your todger or muff. Now that really would be a reason to actually call it "crabs".'

Victoria didn't say anything, she only coughed slightly; I could tell she was uncomfortable.

'Man, I think I'm becoming obsessed with this crab shit Victoria, I think I've got a problem.'

Leaning forwards, I picked the crab up, slightly fearful that it was going to suddenly come back to life and snap me fingers in half, and tossed it far out to sea, smiling at the little visible splash it made in the distance before yelling, 'CRABBBBSSSSAAAA!!!'

4

So I and Victoria, after a brief period of travelling about Europe, returned to the lifeless, and ultimately fucking boring, city that is Norwich, where the grey, polluted sky casted a melancholic cloud over my Russian doll's head. (Actually, I had one too as a matter of fact, but in all honesty I didn't really give a fuck: my head had been in a permanent, non-transient cloud for a long time anyway (t'was the drugs).) All I really cared about was Victoria's beautiful fucking face and body, a body that I nearly all of the time wanted to explore in great voyeuristic style before I yanked my cock out and sprayed the cum equivalent of molten lava into a sexual orifice of choice.

'I really hate this weather Darren,' moaned Victoria, as we both walked away from Norwich railway station and in the direction of the river, the rain starting to fall from the sky and people scarcely about the place.

'Same here girl, it's a shite place to be, no question about it.'

'We should really get out of here, you know. Just some place different, somewhere livelier and where the people aren't so ... rude.'

I nodded and spat a huge glob of saliva out onto the pavement to emphasis my similar feelings.

'Rude they certainly are V. It's caus most of the people here today aren't the original lot. They're all the twatfaces from places like London and Ipswich who've immigrated here. Just plain cunts.'

'Why don't we do it Darren?'

I glanced at the glob of saliva I'd left, and then looked at Victoria to my side.

'What, you want to leave this shithole?' I replied, before clearing my throat with a Yoda-like sound.

'Yes I do Darren.'

'Well ... where the fuck you wanna go, ay?'

'I don't know. I don't know many places in England. But, I'm sure you could rent some cheap place out somewhere.'

'Hmm,' I thought, pondering, 'well it'll have to be a cheap place, I'm not wasting any of my mother's payout money on some rip-off fuckin place. I tell you, people are proper ruthless cunts these days; they'd charge you for air if they could.'

'It could be some place basic. Like a studio flat.'

'Yea, now that sounds good Victoria. I've heard about them studio flats. We should do that.' Man, I was surprisingly enthusiastic about Victoria's proposal, very surprising for somebody who'd spent the majority of his entire fucking life in the boring shithole that the rest of the country refused to acknowledge.

We'd gotten half way down the side of the river when I noticed a dead squirrel lying at the corner of the road, all squished up and mangled from where it'd been tossed about by the wheels of some vehicle.

'Oh look at that, there's a dead squirrel Victoria. You don't see that every day, do ya,' I said, my voice for a moment going all high like some joke of a Jordy's.

'Oh that's horrible Darren,' said Victoria, her eyes squinting in repulsion.

'No it ain't girl, that's a thing of beauty. Look at it, a beautiful creature desecrated in organs and blood and guts on the pavement. I mean just WOW!'

'Oh that's horrible Darren. Stop it.'

Knowing that Victoria's knickers were getting in a metaphorical twist, I moved over to the squirrel, knelt down, and pointed right at it, my forefinger literally millimetres away from the bloody surface of its body.

'You can see its little pink mangled brain through that hole.'

'You're disgusting Darren.'

'Oh, I'm disgusting Victoria,' I said, in outrage and standing back up again. 'You're the one who refuses to except that sheer fuckin' art has been sprayed all over the corner of this road. Sheer, unprecedented beauty I tell ya girl.'

'Darren, you're being insane, stop it.'

'Me, insane?' And I nearly laughed. 'I'm not the one who wants to move into some rip-off place of an apartment, some rip-off, limey fucking cunt place of an apartment.' I could already see that I was getting Victoria slightly upset and emotional.

'Darren, why are you being so nasty and unpleasant for?'

'I'm not Victoria. I just want you to acknowledge that this dead squirrel on the side of the road here is actually a really beautiful sight, that's all I want you to do.'

At this, Victoria huffed and crossed her arms even more tightly around her chest.

'I tell you what Victoria, if you say it, then we'll move out of this crummy shithole of a city ASAP, and we'll move to wherever you want to go, wherever in this shithole of a country you wanna go. How's that sound, ay?'

'Are you fucking serious Darren?' said Victoria, immediately unfolding her arms.

'Yes I am Victoria. Serious as I've ever been before. You just say that one thing for me, and we'll fuck off out of this mother fuckin' shithole I promise.'

'Well, I think you're being fucking mad Darren.'

'Fucking mad? Hmm, maybe I am, but we're all a little mad inside, aren't we.'

'Oh ...' huffed Victoria, looking as if she was giving in. 'What do you want me to say, exactly?'

'Just say that this dead squirrel is a beautiful representation of blood over matter, and a brilliant, poignant reminder of how death becomes art.'

'Oh, you're fucking mad Darren, but ... I'll say it.'

'Good girl,' I said. And with a look of joy on my face I immediately turned my attention back to the deceased little chap, pointing at it with my forefinger, glancing once at Victoria. 'But you have to look at it while you say it.'

'Oh for fuck sake Darren, do I have to?'

'Yes, yes, Victoria, then we'll get the fuck out of here and break free from the barrier of inbred arsehole scum.'

'Oh ok,' said Victoria, looking down at the squirrel; and after an immediate look of repulsion took hold of her face, she breathed out and prepared to utter her 'monologue' if you will. 'This ... this dead squirrel is a beautiful ... representation of blood over matter ... and a poignant reminder of how death becomes art. There, happy?' She looked at me, and I smiled back at her, solely satisfied and immensely pleased to hear her say such poetic words.