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"Alright, alright. I'm sorry," she almost whispered, looking around them to make sure no one was listening in. "I mean, it's fine if you were, I mean I might be a little offended if your girl crush wasn't on me, but..." she said, bringing giggles from Stella finally.
"I'm just kinda shocked...you've just been...I dunno...'categorically unavailable' for so long, it's weird to picture...I'm sure all of the guys see you as like the biggest, walking talking fantasy...come on don't look at me like that, you know they do." She said to Stella's disapproving face.
"So, do I know him?"
"No...no one does," She said, again seemingly merging existential truths with literal falsehoods. "He is so amazing, Kara...he is just so...so incredible...you can't even imagine," she said, tears flooding down her smiling face. "He sees right through me. He is everything I'm not, and everything I am, all at once...and I..." she started, but her smile was gone and she was now on the verge of openly crying in front of someone, something she had never done, with the only exceptions being her immediate family. She was a mask of perfectly cool demeanor in front of everyone else. "...I...d-don't know how much longer I can keep p-pretending. I'm tired of hiding, Kara. I just wanna be with him, and be free..." she gasped, internally trying to prop up all of the walls and hold on to the masks she kept on.
"Jesus, Stel...I've never seen you like this..." She said, utterly lost on what to do or say. Stella was never like this, and to see such a strong and immovable person like Stella go to pieces, she knew that whoever she was talking about must be something else entirely.
"How does he feel about you? Is it because you don't know?" she asked.
"No." Stella said, now laughing out loud. The thought to her was ludicrous, but as she saw the look of utter confusion in her face, she had to try to remember that Kara was clueless about what was really going on. "No...no he loves me. I mean...he loves me...so much, Kar...if you only knew..." She said, the laughing subsiding and wonder taking its place as she looked up to the ceiling, stretching her neck. "We are...we are in fucking love Kara...like you fucking read about!" she said, smiling now, the joy in this knowledge pouring out of her, spilling down her body and washing her entire world in the ever-radiant glow of her feelings. She looked back at Kara, only to see Kara now misty-eyed.
"What's wrong Kara?" she asked, concern now washing over her face.
"...Nothing I just...I want that...so much Stel" She said, trying to hold back tears.
"Oh Honey...you will. Trust me, at Stanford, you and Brooke are gonna meet much better guys than here. Just watch, you'll be in love before thanksgiving, I'd bet my life!" she said, both of them now holding hands and laughing.
"Thanks Stella. So...tell me about him."
"Oh...I'm sorry Kara, I can't. Not yet...trust me. But soon, you'll know. Everyone will know."
"Well I better be first!" Kara said, not amused.
"You'll be...first, after my family." She said, squeezing Kara's hand in reassurance. This seemed to do the trick, and soon both were back out to enjoy the summer sun with friends.
CH. 9
All too soon, the sun was well along its path to the west, nearing its game of hide and seek behind the thick wood of tall trees behind the estate grounds. People started to either pair up, group up, or trickle out of the party as dusk settled in and people started making their way inside. The hot-tub became a popular spot for a few brave, adventurous souls with a mind for bodily exploration, but since he didn't know everyone's ages for one, and he was pretty sure his parents didn't want their hot-tub to be the next teenage-pregnancy topic on Maury for another, he told them that he wouldn't stop anyone from making out, but that clothing was not optional. To keep them honest, he even turned on all the pool area lights, turning the damper switch above the hot tub on to full brightness. They could still have fun, just fully clothed fun.
With the chance of getting lucky practically gone, the last stragglers came out of the tub and into the house. Before long, it was movie watching time. 10 kids, including the twins, were still there, with everyone else having left, and the competition was fierce for good, comfortable spots for the 'mostly' couples who were there. Jack asked Stella where she wanted to be, and he saw her eyes on the most prime spot on the long portion of the couch. Then she saw Kara and her "friend" vying for the spot, since it would be prime for making out and getting frisky.
"It's fine, really, you guys take it," she said. "We can sit on the floor."
Jackson would normally go along with whatever she wanted, but damnit it was her birthday.
"No!" he said, uncharacteristically authoritative. "I'm invoking 'Birthday Privilege'. You two can go give each other CPR down there." He said, gesturing closer to the flat-screen TV. "Stella gets to sit wherever she wants!" he said, with a tone of finality.
"You tell 'em Jack!" Tyler said, surprising everyone in the room, Jackson most of all. He looked back, and saw Tyler giving him a nod and holding up his drink, smirking. Jack just smiled, feeling hopeful that perhaps he'd made a new friend. He looked to his right, at Stella, just in time to see that her eyes were positively sparkling with pride.
"I'll go get our blanket from upstairs!" she whispered, checking to make sure everyone else was looking away, before sneaking a kiss to his cheek and running upstairs. She ran up them 3 at a time, and trotted down the hall to their suite. She walked over to the foot of her bed, opened the chest and grabbed a large, soft blanket. Her favorite blanket for cuddling with Jack. It was pale blue, with deep blue stripes and it kept them just warm enough to not be cold, but not too hot that they couldn't snuggle under it for hours. She stepped into the bathroom, throwing the light on to check herself. She hadn't worn much make up today, on account of the day being centered around the pool, but she just needed a couple minutes to touch a few places. She had to look good for him, after all. Once she was satisfied, she quickly trotted back downstairs, reaching the couch where Jack was already saving their place. Before she started to sit down, Kara sat up.
"Hey Everyone! Listen up...school's over, Summer is here, and things...will never be the same," She started, looking at Stella, her best friend." I just wanted to say, 'Happy Birthday' to the fucking awesome-est twins ever. You guys are amazing, your party has been amazing, your family is amazing...you guys are the luckiest fucking people I've ever met, to have someone like each other...who will always be there. Anyways...just, happy birthday I guess."
"...Happy Birthday!!" everyone else in the room cheered, beaming at them. Stella, for once, was in tears, and Jack was not. He looked behind him, catching Paul by the arm as he walked by, towards the entryway.
"Hey, when is the Pizza getting here?" he asked him.
"Hmm...good question. It technically should have be-"
DING DONG
"-en here...right now, hopefully," he finished, chuckling as he walked briskly to the door.
"Ok," Stella announced. "Jack's choice, what do you wanna watch, Birthday Boy?" she asked, grinning from ear to ear. He met her eyes, but he didn't smile. He knew what his favorite movie was, but it was more of a guilty pleasure he forced Stella to watch with him, or his family...or better yet alone.
"Oh...uhh...no, you pick. Whatever you want. Seriously," he said, trying to deflect. Stella scowled now, confused.
"No, The whole day has been for me, I want you to pick...whatever is your favorite mo-" she started, but the realization of what he would pick hit her mid-sentence. He was embarrassed. he loved Jane Austen, after all.
"Ok, cool. My pick. I choose...Pride and Prejudice!"
A collective groan from the guys and a resounding purr from the girls came at them both.
He turned to her, surprise on his face, along with relief, and adoration. She returned his look, smiling, and underneath their blanket, squeezed his hand as tightly as she could. God, I love you, he mused to himself, happiness radiating through them. How was it possible, he asked internally, that a single day could be so full of beauty, so wonderful? Even though I've had to hide behind our act, I don't know if I've ever been this happy...I'm gonna tell her. Tonight. I'm gonna say it. If I have to go one more fucking day without telling her how much I love her, how in love I am, I'm gonna scream! She's right, there's nothing wrong with us...today is a sign. It must be. Nothing has gone wrong all day, and I've never felt this close to her. We'll make it. We will, I know it.
As Jackson came out of his head and settled into his place, Stella snuggled up to him, resting her head on his shoulder, their hands underneath their blanket holding each other for dear life. Paul finally reached the front door, opening it to a short, thin, redhead.
"I'm so sorry, sir. I know I'm late-"
"Late, shit! These pizzas were supposed to be here 40 minutes ago. I was about to call and raise hell!" he said, clearly more than annoyed at getting 6 cold pizza's. "you do know the Chief of Police lives here, right?" he asked. He waited for an answer, writing his signature on the receipt she'd handed him with the pizzas, and when he'd finished and she still hadn't said a word, he looked up...and felt the world fall out from under him.
There were some memories that stayed with a man for the rest of his life, like the day their father took them on their first fishing trip, or the day they won, or lost, their first fight. Their first crush, or the first time they got hurt and didn't run to Mom for consolation. As he looked at the young woman in front of him, he was absolutely certain that he would remember this day for as long as he lived. Before him stood a delicate, pale flower with petals the color of fire and piercing blue eyes that reminded him of a frozen lake, or maybe a close-to-freezing lake, as they were pooled to overflowing with moisture...tears. Oh, I'm a fuckin Asshole! He said to himself, as she looked panic stricken and close to some sort of breakdown. He really needed to start looking and thinking before he spoke.
"Oh sir...Mr. Chief sir...I'm...I'm so sorry. Please...I didn't know...I...I'm new here. I just moved here, and I don't know my way around. Please, I really need this job, I can't afford to lose it...I'll get kicked out of my room...and I have no family...and I haven't been here long enough to make any friends to help me...please...one more late delivery and he said I'd be fired..." she rambled on, openly sobbing. He couldn't have felt any smaller in that moment.
"Oh hey, look...I'm so sorry miss. Look, I was an Asshole, ok. Truly, I'm sorry. Please don't cry." He started, flustered and wanting nothing more than to calm her down. He set the pizzas down quickly and rushed to her.
"I'm...s-sorry...I c-cant stop..." she managed to get out between sobs.
"Don't apologize, really. You've done nothing but your best, it's all on me, sincerely...please...sit down a minute...this chair is really comfy, I promise..." he pleaded, smiling. She was managing to slow her crying and let out a small chuckle as she let him guide her by the arm to a plush chair by the door.
"Besides...The Chief lives here...but I'm not him...he's my Dad." He corrected himself, still feeling like a royal jack-ass. "I'm Paul, by the way...I am so sorry, seriously...I guess you never know someone else's struggle, huh?" he chuckled, feeling like a serious heel. Luckily, for him she chuckled back.
"Well, Paul, that's true...I guess my struggle is that I'm a crappy pizza girl." She said, trying her best to smile.
"Bullshit! I've seen many crappy pizza guys, but I've never seen a crappy pizza girl...Just pizza girls who hadn't figured out they were great pizza girls yet." He said, smiling at her, trying to coax one out of her. He was rewarded with a flash of her pearly whites, and they made her entire face glow.
"So...just so I can say one day that 'I knew her, way back when', can I ask your name, future great pizza girl?" he asked, putting it on the line. Her smile turned into a wide grin, despite herself.
"Caroline. My names Caroline." She answered, trying not to grin.
"Well, again...I'm sorry for my behavior Caroline. I hope this doesn't make you unwilling to deliver here again," he said, chuckling.
"Well, with the way you apologize...I guess I could give this place another try." She said. "And I usually go by Tillie..." she added, truly looking into his eyes. They were a crystal blue, and they were stunning.
"Ok, Tillie...pleased to meet you. So...being a crappy pizza girl doesn't seem like it's your only struggle..."
"Oh, No! really, I'm fine. Don't pay any attention to me...I was just emotional..." she said, trying to quickly dismiss her earlier confessions. "Besides, I thought we both decided that I'm just a great pizza girl who doesn't know it yet," she said with a sly smile, trying to deflect. It didn't work. Paul was truly dazzled by her smile, but he couldn't forget what she'd said. Things that can break your heart usually stay with you.
"That is true...but about the other stuff...what did you mean you don't have any family?" he asked, genuine curiosity and concern on his face.
She couldn't quite place it, but something made her want to answer.
"I meant...that...everyone has a sad story," she sighed, looking down at her feet. "...and mine ends with me being ejected from foster care at 18...and told 'good luck'," She said, the weight of her struggle feeling heavy.
"Anyway, I'm not here to bore you with my struggles Paul, I came to deliver your pizza's, and now I have. I'm sorry for being any sort of burden or unloading on you or-" she said, but was cut off when she felt his hand on hers. She stopped midsentence, looked down at his hand, and then locked eyes with him.
He didn't know what had possessed him to do it, but it was as if something inside him shocked his body into action, and he had to make some kind of motion to show that he cared about what she was saying.
"You're no one's burden, Tillie," he began, a fire in his eyes and a fierceness in his voice as he firmly squeezed her hand. "Don't you ever let anyone tell you that." He almost commanded.
"Ok." She said, not sure why she wanted to believe what he'd said.
"My struggle is that you no doubt have more pizzas to deliver, and I am stuck here, baby-sitting a birthday party." He said, a tinge of sadness dropping over his words, which wasn't lost on her.
"You're actually my last stop. I'm off now...." She said, leaving things in the air. Perhaps everything hung in the air, perhaps nothing, he couldn't be sure, but he felt like she didn't leave it there by accident.
"Ok...uhh...here, let me take these pizza's inside, ok...and uhh... you...you stay here, ok?" he said, not even bothering to hide his excitement. His excitement was contagious, and even though she had no idea why, she felt an electric current of excitement through her at the thought of staying there. "Ok!" she said, with a little more energy than she wished she'd shown.
"Ok, be right back." He said, and quickly rounded up all the pizza's in his arms, and shoved his way clumsily inside, making her giggle at his back.
She sat down and suddenly she was a bottle-rocket, full of energy. Her hands were wringing and her foot wouldn't stop tapping the floor. What is happening?? This feels...special. But why? WHO CARES DUMMY, he's gorgeous, and so...kind. Understanding...no...no this is crazy. I need to leave, now! She questioned to herself, her thoughts racing a mile a minute. She quickly shot up as if electrocuted, grabbing her pizza bag and started fast-walking to her car.
"Wait! Please! Don't go!" she heard him shout back to her, rooting her to her spot.
"Please! What did I say?" he asked, running over to her as she slowly turned around, her arms hugging herself out of nerves.
"Where are you going?" he asked, curiosity and tinge of desperation in his voice.
"...I...I don't know..." she managed to get out, her eyes now full of tears again, lost for what to do, how to handle this. She looked up at him and found him simply smiling down at her.
"Well, if you don't know where you're going, why go there?" he asked. The question sounded so silly that they both found themselves laughing together. They stood, quiet, looking to each other for a whole, silent minute. A cool, evening breeze was starting to come in, moving the bushes and trees around the driveway, whisking the scents of summer around them. It was intoxicating.
"Look," he started, once he'd found the courage. "If you have somewhere to be, I completely understand, but I'd really love it...if you stayed. If you're nervous...we can just stay out here...yeah, in fact why don't I go grab a nice warm blanket for you, and ill snag a couple slices of pizza and a couple soda's. We can just sit here and talk, get to know each other, or we can just talk about...whatever you want to talk about, I really don't care...as long as you stay." He said. She studied his face, looking for the telltale sign of some kind of hidden agenda...but he was without one. She didn't know why, but she was sure.
"Why?" she asked. "Why do you want me to stay so bad?"
"I just...there's...just...something...isn't there?" he asked, at a loss for words but desperate to figure it out. But she knew what he meant. There was something...just slightly out of reach, but it was there. She couldn't describe or define it either, but somehow, she knew just what he meant. There was...something.
"yeah..." was all she managed, not knowing what was happening, but finding that at the moment, she didn't really need to know.
"Come, sit, I'll go get us food. Don't run away again though..." he said, more a question than a statement.
"I'll be here." she answered simply. As he ran into the house, again clumsily, she sat down, and instinctively cupped her hands over her nose and mouth, hiding a wide smile. Please let this be something good...
CH. 10
Everyone was snuggled up nice and tight in their pairs...everyone but Tyler, who didn't really know why he'd stuck around. He sat at the dining room table, using Jacksons laptop to be on Facebook. In truth, now that he thought about it, Jack was the reason he'd stuck around. When things fell apart with Brooke, he'd felt the bottom finally sink out from under him. She'd embarrassed him in front on everyone. Fuckin Bitch! Fuck Her! If she wants to be single so she can go to California and have a bunch of 'college' guys run a train on her, fine! She can go and be a sorority slut all she wants! He seethed to himself. These hateful thoughts made him feel better, but only for a quick second. After, the pain was still there. She wasn't a slut. She was amazing, and probably the best he believed he'd ever find. But one thing, or person really, had made him feel better, and it was from the most unlikely place. So what if Jackson was probably gay, he thought to himself...his 'boys' had been there to watch him get yelled at and made to look like a bitch, but when he needed one of them to have his back, be there for him, they'd all turned away, pretending they didn't see. Punk ass bitches...but Jack, this dude he had beat up and picked on for years, came to him...damn. Life's a bitch, huh? He asked himself.
