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"Definitely the bee's knees, and I wouldn't mind having a suit, but then I'm a clerk in a store."
"Does make me ponder one thing, do you have a skirt style jacket?" Sigh and shake my head, then brighten up since there is one thing.
"No but I can figure one out, need to figure out how to get the jacket to sit right with a pistol, so I'll make me a jacket first."
"You got a pistol?"
"Yeah, Mr. Capone handed one over and then before we sat guard on a warehouse he gave me a shoulder holster, why I will make a suit." Amanda's jaw has dropped.
"You met Capone?"
"He is the one that decided I'm a dick, even though I'm a skirt." Amanda is giggling and I join her in that, it is funny."
"I think we should go visit a diner, the skirt dick can pay." Has us giggling harder, almost full on laughing.
"I am a flapper I'll have you know." Amanda snorts and waves her hands.
"Flapper Dick."
That has us all laughing for a little while, and we get our martinis so we are downing those. Giovanni is right I could stand to eat again, so I get us moving on going to a diner, Amanda comes along, she got in her nookie already too. I'm a little excited, I'll get a dick license tomorrow, and then I am making me a suit.
I can't decide which is more exciting, getting the dick license so perhaps we can advertise, or making my own suit. I'm leaning toward the suit on account of there is no pattern for a skirt style suit jacket, and probably should be one. Not that being a licensed dick isn't exciting, Amanda pointed it out, most skirts don't know we can do that.
- COMMENTS
hoo_hoo_booalmost 8 years agoI think you've done well with the words, they are authentic to the period I think. Not being American it's difficult to know. I suspect though that it is about more than word substitution, that the whole construction of the language was different and there were times when I felt the construct of it wasn't in keeping with the vocabulary you used. To write in such a vernacular is difficult. There are books that use the language- I think Raymond Chandler may be one author of the time. It's not my specialty and I may be wrong.Let me say your story was a very good effort.
I have a concern about the story though. I read so much of this story but couldn't finish it. The story seems to meander with no real direction, nothing to say. It is almost as though I'm expected to bear witness to your writing prowess without getting any thing in return. Seven pages is a lot. I saw another story of yours had 22 pages. Wow. That is huge. I'd need a cut lunch to read it and does it do more than meander with little to say? I'm not game to find out. I think you should edit a lot more- cut swathes out of it so it can be interesting, stick to your story and don't mix it with off story language, sharpen the story to give it impact......
I think you have the capacity to be a wonderful writer- when you apply the necessary discipline to it
.I hope I have it right- it is only what I think and I have no qualifications at all.I too am always desperate for feedback. There is so little here, I wish some one else would comment on your work. I'd love to know if they share my opinion. I have found that when I submit a roughie I don't get comments or they are rude and disparaging. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to read it.
Rick
