Friends like These

"19."

"19, MA'AM."

"Sorry, ma'am. I'm 19, ma'am."

She came and sat on her desk right in front of him and the way she had her legs he would have a view of her underwear if he had wanted to look. She was an attractive woman. He didn't know how old she was but he doubted she was even out of her twenties yet, and she could be no older than maybe 31 or 32.

"So, you're a privileged little white boy playing at being a man. Do you think you're qualified to work at this company?" she asked him.

"Yes, ma'am." he answered.

"Where did you go to college?"

"College? Um ..."

"You don't have to trip over your words. I know you didn't go."

"Well, I got hired here and I just liked it so much that ..."

"But you aren't qualified to work here."

"I can do the work. Just tell me what ..."

"The only thing you're qualified to do is mop the floor. I have half a good mind to reassign you."

"I'm really sorry you feel that way. If you give me a chance I can prove that I can ..."

"You don't want to mop floors? I thought you said you'd do anything."

Charles couldn't remember saying that. He was going to have to choose his words carefully. He'd be happy to mop the floors so long as he kept his current salary but he was pretty sure mopping floors would mean a pay cut.

"I want to be as valuable to the company as I can." he said.

She effortlessly flipped her hair and then smoothly moved towards him and before Charles could even react she was sitting on his lap.

"Value. You want to be valuable to me?"

Charles swallowed. He was not at all sure what was going on. "Absolutely." he said and then quickly added "ma'am."

She put her fingers in his hair. "I see what she means. You are so cute."

"Cute?"

"Don't talk back. I'm trying to decide what to do with you."

"I brought the numbers you asked for." he said as he tried to raise his hand to show her. She seemed to care little for it as she gazed down into his eyes.

"You seem nervous. I'm not making you uncomfortable, am I?"

"Uh ... no ma'am."

"Good. I'd hate to think you were going to cause the same kind of problems for me that you did for Janice."

"Janice? Uh ... Um ..." He started looking around the room to work out what all this was supposed to mean. Then she grabbed his jaw and forced his face to look at her.

"Janice. You know her. You broke her heart."

"She broke up with me."

"That's not what she said. You were a cruel, manipulative, selfish boy who pushed her away when she was only trying to love you."

"I don't know why she said that. That's not what happened."

"Then tell me what happened." his boss said as she leaned down to the point where her face was right in front of his.

"Ok. Um ..."

"Stop with the 'ums' if you want to keep your job."

Charles could not believe this. How could she be so pretty and so evil at the same time? How was it that she was making him feel like he was being crushed? He felt small and helpless.

"We only dated for two weeks and then she just broke up with me. She never told me why. I begged her not to but she ..."

"But wasn't she willing to take you back?"

"No. I tried to call her. I tried to ..."

"Janice is a very special friend of mine. I believe her. You are a young man who's in over your head. I can only assume you conned your way into this company because no one in their right mind should have hired you."

"I can do the work."

"You claim. I'm not convinced."

"I've been working here for over a year. You can see ..."

"Let's just put a pin in that for a moment. First, Janice. Why didn't you get back together with her. She said she tried."

"It was, well, you see, it was the cops."

"The cops?"

"The police told me I had to stay away from her or they'd put me in jail."

"And why would they say that? What did you do to her?"

"Nothing."

"The police don't issue those kinds of warnings unless you did something."

"I promise I didn't do anything. I ran into her when I was shopping for a tie and I don't know how it happened but she started just crying all over the place and then next thing I knew this cop with a gun was looking like he wanted to punch me out."

"What did you say to her?"

"Nothing besides that I just didn't want to date her again."

"Why not? You don't think for a moment that you're too good for her, do you? If a woman like Janice wants to date you, you should count yourself lucky."

"Ok, the truth is, I had a, ahem, girlfriend."

"A girlfriend."

"I tried to tell her that but she wouldn't listen. I don't want to be one of those guys who cheats on his girlfriend."

"What was her name?"

"Name?" thinking quickly, "Sarah."

"Are you still with this Sarah?"

"No. She left me for another guy."

"She sounds smart." his boss said as she wiggled her ass on his lap. "So, if you're single, you shouldn't mind giving it another go with Janice."

"Another go?"

"I can call her and then you two can get back together and everyone is happy. And I wouldn't want to see my friend's boyfriend lose his job so I guess I'll have to keep you on for her sake."

Think. Careful here. What to say? "I'd love to. I would. I thought I was falling in love with Janice. I really liked her a lot. But ..."

"There's a but?"

"I have a girlfriend right now."

"Really?"

"I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what Janice wants from me. I'm just trying to be an honest guy and not lead anyone on. I'm sorry. Please just tell her I'm sorry."

"Well, this changes things. I'm going to have to think about this. If you'd been smart you would have just gone along with my plan but of course you're just some dumb kid."

"I guess I can't argue with that."

"What's your girlfriend's name?"

Charles tried to quickly think of another name but the only one popping into his head was Sarah, the name of his high school sweetheart who had cheated on him. He couldn't use that name again. Or could he? Maybe he could say he got back together with her. That would work. Maybe. He looked into his bosses eyes and then thought that maybe that wouldn't work. It would sound contrived. Another name. Why couldn't he think of another name? Any name. Then without even knowing the name he would say, his lips parted and the name came out.

"Regina." and instantly knew that this was bad.

"It's pretty. That probably means the girl isn't, though. Or am I wrong?"

"I think she's pretty." he said with his cousin front and center in his thoughts.

"Prettier than Janice?"

"How could I ever compare them?" Janice was a parasite and Regina was the paragon of feminine virtue that other men didn't believe existed anymore. "I'm not the kind of guy to just go off looks. I look at character and morality and ..."

"You look at tits and ass like every other male on the planet." she argued as she put her tits in his face. "You want to fain being a goody two shoes but you're a dog."

"I'm just trying to do right by her."

"Well, I can't send you off to Janice if you've got another woman in your heart. It's not fair to her. But you must be punished."

"Please don't fire me. I can prove to you that I can ..."

"Quiet! There's nothing worse than a man begging. I'll take your job performance under review later. For right now I need to get it through your thick skull. You claim you don't cheat but I know you do. Every man does. It's easy to not cheat when you're such a loser you never get the chance. Well, you better prepare yourself because you're going to get lucky."

She leaned down and forced him into a kiss. Then she let him go, got up and walked around to the other side of her desk. He was still just sitting there bewildered. It's difficult to have negative feelings towards a woman who kisses you but he knew he was supposed to hate this. Also mixed in were feelings of guilt as if he had actually cheated on Regina with that kiss even though that feeling didn't make any sense at all.

"What are you waiting for?" she said. "Get out and get back to your desk."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Make sure you email me your address. I want to come collect you so you can bring me to meet the woman you'll be cheating on."

"Woman. Right. Regina."

"See you later sweetums."

Back at his desk John pulled out the company handbook. What Miss Evans had done had to be wrong. It certainly felt wrong. Sexual harassment. Sexual harassment. He found the policy. Then he felt his throat plummet through his body. It was written to specifically apply to male bosses targeting females subordinates. Just fucking great. The laws weren't going to be any help now either with a woman president in the white house. If he made a complaint, the company would be forced to either side with him and lose a female manager which all companies are required to have now despite there being too few qualified women to go around; or get rid of him, just some low level guy who could be easily replaced by any number of other candidates looking for work.

He couldn't just quit. If he quit and then they gave him a bad recommendation then he'd never get another job. He had no degree. He had no prospects. He'd been lucky to get hired here as just an errand guy. Then he was lucky to land a low level clerk job. Someone thought he was doing something right so they moved him up. If he lost this job he'd never make this kind of salary again.

Maybe this was a big wake up call. Maybe he was meant to go to college after all. But how would he ever be able to pay for it? How would he survive until next September? Fewer and fewer colleges were even letting men in, and now that he'd be 20 before he'd even start a program he just didn't see how he'd get accepted.

It was already five minutes after he was supposed to be off the clock but Charles wasn't leaving any work to be finished another day or by anyone else. He was going to make sure he did it and got credit for it. If they came for his job, he wanted to be able to defend himself as best he could.

Then it was ten minutes after he was supposed to have left. Then fifteen. Before he new it, he'd stayed over forty five minutes when he finally put his things in his bag and was going to go home. Then just as he was passing some of the other cubicles he felt someone slap him on the ass with a loud audible smack.

"Sugar, why don't you go get me and my guest some coffee." Miss Evans said.

He looked back at her and the look she gave him told him he had no choice. He cleared his throat. "How many cups?"

"Are you blind? Four. Now go before I slap your front part too."

As he was making the coffee, one of the women who worked at his same level was laughing and pointing at him.

He brought the coffee to the conference room and right after he put the tray on the table Miss Evans threw some contraption at him. He was lucky to have the reflexes to catch it before it smacked him across the face.

"You're only two seconds older than five. Try to undo that child lock."

He didn't know what she was aiming at with all this but he looked at the things and easily got it undone. He handed the two separated pieces to the woman nearest to him.

"See, what I mean?" Miss Evans address the room. "It has to be redesigned. Even that idiot can open it."

"May I go now, ma'am?" he asked.

"Did you send that email or have you managed to bungle that as well?"

"It should be in your inbox."

"Fine. I'll take a look at it later. Dismissed."

Charles was finally able to get out of the office and out of the building. He felt anger and fear and shame and a myriad of other emotions as he went. What had he done to deserve this treatment? Nothing. Nothing except say he wasn't going to be fooled by women. He wasn't going to get his life off track by dating or getting married. He was going to work on making himself better and better and he didn't need a woman to do that.

But to do what he wanted in life he needed money. The world runs on money. Those protesters could all claim they wanted their communist revolution all they wanted but the fact of the matter was none of them would ever lift a finger to help anyone else unless they were going to be paid to do so.

Plan. Think. What to do? He didn't want her to just do this to him but what choice did he have? Advice. He needed advice.

"She did not." Lisa said with shock after Charles had described to her what had happened. His actual first plan was to tell Regina what had happened but she wasn't home yet. He was going to wait but this just burned him up inside. So he went to see Lisa who was already home and in fact often got home from work before everyone else.

"What am I going to do?" he asked.

"I hate to say it but you're going to have to play along until you can find a way out."

"I can't do that."

"Why not? What's the worst that can happen to you? She puts you down while letting you get laid."

"I can't just sleep with her. It's wrong."

"You'll be fine."

"Would you say that if I was a woman and she was a man?"

"No, but you're not. Don't all guys just love it when you can score and score again and ..."

"No. Not me. I'm not like that."

"You're not like that? I've seen you with I don't know how many women. This will be heaven for you."

"I don't have sex with them."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Yes cause it's true. The only woman I slept with was Janice and she ripped my heart out for it. So I have a rule. No sleeping around and no paying for dates."

"No paying?"

"No. I get all these women to go out with me because they think I'll pay but then I don't."

"Why not?"

"Cause I'm not a sugar daddy. If a woman wants to go to dinner than she pays for her meal and I pay for mine."

"And the women agree to that?"

"If not then I don't go on the date. Simple."

"You're going to have a lot of women pissed off at you."

"They don't have to come. I'm perfectly happy to eat at a nice restaurant by myself. Or I can go with Regina. It's fine."

"If a woman goes on a date with you, she expects you to pay."

"Why? Because I have a dick between my legs?"

"Well ... YES!"

"No. That has to stop. I'm not a sugar daddy or a pimp or a true forced friendzone. I make plans and if a woman wants to tag along and share part of my great life then she can pay her own way. I'm not a charity."

"You at least have to warn women up front before ..."

"Can we talk about my dating life later? What am I going to do about my boss?"

"I don't know, kiddo."

"Do not call me that. No more. That has to stop today."

"Just give her what she wants. It's the only way."

"But then I'm just a boy toy. For Janice of all people. She's like psycho or something."

"Ok. How about I pretend to be your girlfriend. Ok. And you can bring your boss to meet me in a public place. And then I talk to her."

"That sounds like a bad idea."

"That's all I can come up with. It's that, give her what she wants or quit."

"I can't quit."

"Then give her what she wants."

"I can't do that either."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you."

"Well, thanks for listening."

"Maybe Mona can give you better advice."

"Mona? Ah ..." Charles imagined Mona marching down there with a frying pan and cracking his boss' skull open. "Maybe best not to mention this to her or Regina." He added in his cousin just because he didn't want the question to come up as to why he'd said her name as the name of his current girlfriend. Regina would probably be understanding but Charles himself was wondering if it meant something more about himself that he was going to have to examine.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. If you could just keep this to yourself, that would be great. It's just too embarrassing to get them involved."

When Regina got home, he didn't say a word about the incident. In fact, he didn't say a word to her at all. He kept just thinking and asking himself why he'd said her name. She was like the cool big brother he'd never had. Sure she was beautiful and she had a rocking body but always more than that and more than being just a roommate, she was his friend. A lot of the other guys would often tell him that men and women could never be true friends together but he had thought that maybe with Regina he was.

"Look, look, look what I got." Regina said after dinner. "Four ticket to next week's game."

Charles looked and then smiled at her but didn't say anything.

"You're still feeling down?" she asked.

Sigh. Charles shrugged.

After that she left him alone. The good thing about Regina over his sisters was that when he was in a bad mood she let him be.

...

It was almost two weeks later, day after day of his boss insulting his manhood in front of everyone and belittling his humanity before she showed up at his apartment with the smell of alcohol on her breath and demanded he take her to meet his girlfriend.

"She's still at work." Charles said.

"All the better. I should love to go down and tell her supervisor what an idiot he has on his hands."

"Her supervisor is a woman."

"Better and better. Let's go."

As Charles left, he gave three big bangs to his sister's door. "The guys there watch my apartment when I'm gone so I don't get robbed." he explained. Really, he was giving his sister the signal that his boss had come.

He led her the long way around a big park and back to a coffee shop near his building. "Oh, it looks like she got off early. There she is." he said as he pointed but then he stopped. "Can I ask you to please not do this?"

"You can but I'll say that I'm doing it anyway."

"What do you have against me?"

"Why do I need to have anything against you? You aren't special or important to me. You aren't special or important to anyone. You're a speck of dust too crummy to be labeled a particle and too unimportant to even be called sand."

"So how about I just walk in front of that truck when it passes and let it kill me then."

"Removing yourself from the gene pool might just be the first intelligent thought you've had since I've met you."

As Charles and his boss entered the coffee shop he was glad that the actual Regina and his other sister, Mona were not there and didn't know about all this.

Lisa already had her coffee and she was sitting and waiting for them. Instead of pointing her out to his boss, Charles just went up to the counter to order his own coffee. As he did so, his boss nudged him and then told him to get her some too.

"I might have to get you coffee in the office but I'm NOT going to buy you any."

"Buy me coffee or you're fired."

"No."

"No? I will fire you."

"Ok. Bye. I'm going to go sit with my girlfriend and tell her this is finally all over."

"Fine, wimp. You'd probably order the wrong thing anyway."

Charles was sort of shaking when he went to sit with Lisa. "Remember, you're name is Regina."

"I remember, sh."

Miss Evans came over and looked Lisa over to size her up. "You're dating him."

Lisa looked over at Charles. "We're back to dating? You didn't tell me that." Then Lisa looked at Miss Evans. "We're engaged for your information."

"I don't see a ring."

"Just what exactly do you want with my fiancée?"

"Cut to the chase. I like that. Your fiancée is going to be my bitch. He's going to lick my ass hole when I tell him. He's going to fuck me when I tell him. He's going to take it up the ass when I tell him. Or he loses his job. The only other way he can keep his job and not have to do those things is if he breaks it off with you. But as long as he's with you, he will do those things with me. And knowing him, he'll probably like it. So every day when he leaves for work you'll know that he's cheating on you with a better woman. Every time he pays for your dinner, it's with money that he had to fuck me to earn."

Lisa looked like she was actually affected by this. She swallowed and then looked at Charles. She took both of his hands into her own and as he looked at her he saw a single lonely tear fall from her eye.