Goes Without Saying Pt. 02

"You were never short of common sense," she rejoined. "I relied on that."

David made to get up to help her.

"Sit back," she said. "I can manage. I've not been working all day long without a break."

She came back into the room, her task completed.

"Have you eaten?" she asked, hands on hips, "No you haven't, I can see."

He made as if to get up again.

"For God's sake sit down, David!" she ordered, with just a touch of exasperation. "I'll make you something."

She disappeared into the kitchen, he realising she knew her way around from when she lived with him and from visiting Gwen.

He turned on the TV and watched the late news, and as it ended she brought him a cheese omelette with tomatoes and peas, and a baked potato from the microwave. He got up, pulled up a TV table and she served the meal, bringing him a mug of tea and one for herself.

David realised two things in his befuddled state: he was ravenously hungry and Celia had always made the most fabulous omelettes. It used to be one of the few meals she did not ruin one way or another. Nothing was said as he ate and the news continued to tell its depressing tales of woe. When he had downed his second mug of tea he sat back and Celia cleared everything away and then came back to him.

"Time for you to get an early night," she prescribed, "but before you do, let's sort out Beth's night feed. She does wake during the night for a feed and a change?"

He nodded and they went to the kitchen where he showed her where everything was and watched as she made up the feed and put it in the fridge.

"I'll lock up, and I'll sort Beth out in the night," she said. "You need a lot of sleep. Leave Beth to me. Off you go!"

He was about to object, but the lure of a night's uninterrupted sleep was too much for him, and he nodded his silent agreement and smiled wanly at her. She grinned and winked at him, and memories came flooding back of their time together. He could see that long lost affection in her beautiful eyes but it aroused no emotion in his tired mind.

He slept deeply. He didn't feel the nightly arrival of Evan into his bed as he usually did; he was vaguely aware of Beth crying, and then heard a woman's voice as she fed her and changed her.

"Oh good," he thought sleepily, "Gwen's seeing to her."

Then, surfacing again, and still mostly asleep, he felt the bed lighten.

"Come on little man," the voice said, "back to your own bed," and the murmur of a sleepy child.

He felt warmth and gratitude and was again deeply asleep.

-

Chapter 09

Next morning, Friday, the sun was streaming through the bedroom window, lighting the curtains, when David came to consciousness. He glanced at the alarm clock and sat up with a start. Eleven thirty! The children!

He leapt out of bed and grabbed his dressing gown, throwing it over his body as he ran to Evan's room. It was empty. Then to Beth's. Empty again. Then he heard Evan's voice, obviously playing with a toy. He went downstairs.

It took seconds between his leap from bed to his reaching the bottom of the stairs, and it was only then that he remembered Celia's visit the previous night and her taking control. He walked into the living room. Evan looked up.

"Daddy!" he shouted, "Aun' Ceela here!"

His little face was wreathed in smiles, and David fleetingly thought he had not seen him smile like that since before...

"You glad she's here, eh?" he said, tousling the young one's hair.

Evan nodded, "Ceela plays with me."

David went to the kitchen, to find Celia feeding Beth at the kitchen table. The child lay nestled in Celia's arms against her breast as Beth sucked vigorously on the bottle's teat. The scene was beautiful, so natural and serene, that the normal emotions of possessiveness and resentment at another's caring for his baby simply did not arise. It just seemed so right somehow.

He stood in the doorway at a loss, for a moment.

Celia looked up at him and smiled.

"Feel better?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Yes," he said, "I haven't slept for so long or so deeply for months. I feel much better."

"Good," she smiled at him again, and turned to coo at the baby. Then she returned her gaze to him.

"Evan had his breakfast, and finished it like a good boy."

"He seems very happy to see you."

"And I'm happy to be with him as well," she said. "Does he come to your bed every night?"

"Yes," David answered. "He used to wet his bed soon after... you know. When he came to mine the wetting stopped, so I let him carry on."

She nodded, in approval he thought.

"Can you get yourself some breakfast?" she asked. "I'm a bit busy at the moment."

"I think I'll wait for lunch, it's so late," he replied. "Have you eaten?"

"I had breakfast with Evan," she said as she put Beth over her napkin-covered shoulder and patted her back to burp her.

After a number of brief but conclusive eruptions, Bethan's eyes closed and she slept that easy sleep of the infant on Celia's shoulder, who put her in her pram in the hallway with all the loving care of a mother. David felt a warmth for this woman who had come decisively into his life and had obstinately refused to leave him.

Then he felt immediate guilt that another woman, not their mother, was seeing to her needs, and perhaps winning her love away from Gwen. At some level he knew it was irrational; the baby would have no memory of her mother at all, but the emotion aroused by his own commitment to Gwen was stronger.

In the afternoon, David put Evan down for his afternoon nap, and then returned to the living room, where Celia awaited him. She seemed to know that he would want to talk to her and he reminded himself that she knew him as well as anyone, even Gwen.

Now there was the powerful urge to get back to his life with the children; letting another woman near his children was a betrayal of his loving promise to Gwen.

"Thanks very much for your help last night and today," he said. "I can manage now. You'll want to get on your way."

There was a silence and Celia frowned. Then she spoke.

"No."

"Sorry?"

"I said 'No'. I'm not leaving."

"But I can manage now you've given me the night off. I've managed since... and I can manage again."

"David," she said, leaning over from the sofa and taking his hand in hers. "Listen to me. You weren't managing when I arrived, were you? And you'll soon be back in that state again in no time without help. You made a promise to Gwen, didn't you, that you would look after your children?"

Her statement arrested him and came like a blow, though it was said with great gentleness. How did she know that? He nodded, but didn't take his hand away from hers: there was comfort in it.

"Everyone admires how you've devoted yourself to Evan and Beth. They admire how good you are with them. You do want what is best for them, don't you?"

He felt irked that she should question his commitment, but he nodded again and made as if to speak. She had not finished.

"Look," she went on before he could intervene - she was good at that, he remembered. "In our time together you were always full of common sense, you could always read situations: you're very sensitive. Look how you set me up when I was seeing Gary. I'm asking you to use that sense now.

"You were very tired last night. Let me repeat some of what I said: you may not have heard it properly. You will have to go back to work soon; neither you nor the children can live on air. You need a nanny for them. Is it not better for Evan to have someone he knows and loves looking after him? You've seen I can look after Beth as well as anyone. You and I had six years together; we know each other well and we can work together.

"I've left my job to do this for Gwen, not just for you and the children, but for Gwen. I resigned from my job to blackmail you into hiring me. Are you going to throw it in my face and tell me to get lost? You can't lose by giving me a trial. Think about it: with me around you can spend more time just enjoying playing with your children - you won't be always having to do all the housekeeping jobs."

"You left your job to do this for Gwen?" David showed his lack of belief in her words with a certain amount of scorn. He was suddenly aware of what he thought was happening. She was trying to get back with him after her failure with Gary. She actually thought her devastating good looks would eventually ensnare him. He resented her arrogance.

"How do you explain doing it for Gwen? What's your real reason for coming here Celia?"

"I told you last night," she said patiently. "Gwen and I talked about all sorts of things, and she asked me to look after you and the children if anything happened to her. Neither of us believed anything would happen; perhaps she was just saying that, the fact remains she did say it. Personally, I think she meant it, 'cos she said she was going to talk to you about having me as godmother to Beth. Ask Alex, she told him as well."

"So after this wonderful promise you made, you waited three months to get here?" David said petulantly.

"You might have been here all on your own," Celia retorted hotly, "but I've been keeping up with our friends, especially Alex. You know you've alienated most of them by your attitude - your selfish attitude - when it comes to the children?

"Why do you think none of them visit any more? Alex has been faithful, but he's been putting me off coming until you seemed able to see reason about getting someone to look after the children while you're at work. As soon as he got that promise from you, he told me the time was right. Does that answer your question?"

"I think you have another motive for coming back," he asserted, "Gary's dumped you so you're thinking of getting back to your second best lover."

Celia laughed out loud. He could see she wasn't putting it on; she genuinely thought it ridiculous.

"David, my darling," she said, rather patronisingly he thought, when she had recovered. "It's been years since Gary left me. I've been living very well on my own. You and I were young and probably got together too early. I'm not saying that if you wanted to date me again I would dismiss the idea, but I'm not looking for anything like that from you."

She drew breath with a shake of her head and smiled affectionately at him before continuing.

"Sweetheart, when we were together we got on very well until I had the Gary brainstorm. We found living together very easy. We can have that comfortable existence again now. I know how you think, what you like and don't like. We fit.

"I'll make you this promise. I will never make any move towards you beyond friendship. I'm here for the children primarily. If you ever want more from me, you'll have to make the first move and take your chances. I don't need you anymore, David, but I do feel I owe you for all those years I threw away, and yes, I love you, as a friend. Understand?"

"You really mean you want me to employ you?" David could not hide his scepticism.

"Exactly that. Board and lodging and a salary; I want nice clothes and other things and I have a car and a flat to run. I want a day off or two evenings each week, and the odd weekend, thirty working days holiday with pay, plus extra days in lieu of public holidays when I can't take them on the day.

"I look after the children with you, not instead of you, I do all the housekeeping except where you want to help. I'll need a housekeeping allowance and an account to put it in. I'll provide full accounts of what I spend. Anything else you can think of?"

David felt that things were running away from him again. Again he felt torn between keeping his children to himself, and the relief that someone else would take the strain, someone whom he realised was more than competent and in whom he could put his trust. It helped that Evan obviously loved her and was delighted she was there.

"So, we give it a trial and see how we go?" he said at length. It was really more a statement than a question.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes, of course."

Then she added "Give it four weeks, two before you go back to work and two after."

"It will be a wrench going to work and leaving them," he said wistfully.

"You did it when Evan was a baby," she answered gently, "and yes, I know it was different then, but I bet you played with him when you got home, while Gwen made the dinner. You'll be able to do that again."

He felt gratitude for her sensitivity and delicacy, and then briefly wondered if the children would become so attached to Celia that he would have to keep her even if things went badly between them. Somehow that did not worry him too much. He would cross bridges like that when he came to them.

"OK," she said with the satisfied air of one who has won an argument decisively. "Down to business. I can get by on twelve hundred pounds a month. I want Saturdays or Sundays off - you'll be working during the week - or two evenings after dinner. We can play that by ear. I need a joint account with you for housekeeping. Can we set that up today? I've also done a survey of what I think we'll need from the shops."

She passed him a piece of paper, and he remembered her perfectly neat handwriting. What he didn't remember was how efficient she was when they were together, because he knew she wasn't! Cecilia had changed. No longer a scatty, impulsive, untidy girl, but a highly organised woman. He wondered if her cooking had improved as well.

The list was comprehensive and made him realise that he had let things slide.

"Shall we go shopping when Evan wakes up?" she asked. "A family outing?"

David shuddered at the thought. Shopping on his own with the children was a nightmare, and he had resorted to internet shopping, getting what he needed delivered, and taking the children to the local shops for any extras. He could cope with that. But now, with Cecilia...

"Problem?" she asked, with a mischievous grin. He saw how easily she read him. She was so attractive when she grinned at him, and again he felt warm and relaxed having her there.

"Not if there's two of us," he said doggedly. "I didn't shop very often with both of them. It was hard work."

"It's good for Evan to go round the shops," she asserted primly, "He needs to learn about getting what we need and how to behave."

"OK," said David. "As soon as he wakes up, and we'll go to the bank and get a household account set up for us."

They did everything that afternoon, and David found he was enjoying the outing. Evan alternated holding hands with Celia or David, and they took it in turns to carry Beth in the sling against their chests. David began to feel elated; life was already so much easier.

Once home, he played with Evan, while Beth lay gurgling in her baby chair. Celia was busy preparing the evening meal. He could hardly believe she had only arrived the night before, she seemed so much at home with him and the children.

It was then that the guilt surged over him. Here he was enjoying himself with Gwen's child and she was cold in the ground. Then it was anger he felt. Why her? Faithful, loving Gwen was dead and sluttish whoring Celia was enjoying the family life that belonged to Gwen. It was Evan that jerked him out of his mental storm.

"Daddy," said the little one, "Mummy sent Aun' Ceela?"

It arrested him. If Celia and Gwen had talked of this as an eventuality, Evan in his childish and simple way was right. Gwen had sent Celia.

"Yes son," he said with a smile. "Mummy is looking after us."

"I love Aun' Ceela," proclaimed the tot. "She love us."

"Yes, Evan, Aunty Celia does love us all."

It was a remark that surprised David himself, but at that moment he knew it was true. Celia had left everything to carry out Gwen's wishes. He saw that she was a much more mature and balanced person than she had been those years ago. He got a flash memory of her bouncing naked on him in bed with a mischievous grin on her face and her breasts shaking. There was a stirring and it shocked him.

He looked up and saw Celia in the doorway to the kitchen, leaning on the door jamb with a look on her face he could not fathom. She saw him looking and smiled before turning away to her cooking, almost embarrassed, he thought.

It reminded him to set up a regular payment to her own account, and to that end he asked for her bank details and, on a second thoughts, her national insurance number. At work he would use the Human Resources department to sort out national insurance and pension payments.

The next few days of that July weekend were a challenge for David and provoked extremes of emotion in him. Each evening Celia would tell him she would look after the children in the night, and at first he agreed. He needed the sleep. Then he noticed Celia looking tired and in a strange way he missed getting up in the night. There was a peacefulness feeding Beth in the early hours of the morning.

The problem was he did not know how to approach Celia about the problem. In the end he jumped in with both feet.

"Celia," he said on the following Monday after dinner, "would you mind if I gave Beth her night feed?"

"You missing her?" she asked with a knowing smile.

"Well, yes," he said. "I'm well rested, and to be honest, you are looking tired. We need to spread the load."

"You're the boss," she said. "You want to take over half and half until you go back to work, or just a few days on and a few off?"

They were both feeling their way, uncertain of the dynamics of their employer/employee relationship.

"I haven't thought it through," he admitted. "I just want to share the load."

"Well," she responded. "When you're back at work you'll need your sleep, but on my days off you'll need to get up to her."

"Or do it weekends, when I'm at home all day?" he asked.

"That would do fine." Again there was her gentle and calm smile.

It surprised him afresh how easy that discussion had been. Celia was so easy to live with and to decide things with. Again it reminded him how they had been together and his confidence in her grew.

He did the night feed for the next two nights and Celia took over seamlessly for the next two. Both began to look more rested and Celia suggested that David take the children and Evan especially, for little holiday trips. They went to the coast for a day, to the inevitable zoo, and the town centre park which had more facilities for small children. David impulsively asked Celia to go and she went with them.

Something changed in David over those days. It had something to do with the trips, certainly. He saw the wonder in his son's eyes and his excitement; he heard the gurgling laughter of his little daughter and perhaps for the first time since Gwen's death he was truly happy. Celia noticed. At the end of the first 'holiday' week she commented on the change as they sat together after the children were abed.

"It's nice to see you smiling again."

She dared not risk anything further.

Immediately his face, previously open and at peace, clouded with guilt.

"David," she chided. "It's OK! You are allowed to be happy. Gwen would want you to be happy with your children. If it had been you who died, wouldn't you have wanted her to be happy again? Of course you miss her and you always will, but you would have wanted her to move on and she would want the same for you."

If she, or anyone, had said as much to him before the week with Celia he would have been incensed, but now he could reflect on her words without rancour; it was sound sense. It occurred to him that Celia knew Gwen better than anyone. Those two were so close.

"I know," he said sadly. "It's just I feel guilty when I forget..."

"When she was at home with Evan, did you always remember her while you were working? Was she always on your mind?"