Her Brother Ch. 01

Lisette responded in French, something that sounded dubious.

She received a phone call as we finished up and retreated to our bedroom to take it. A friend was apparently having a crisis, and I knew Lise loved solving other people's problems, so I expected her to be on the phone a while. I began clearing away the dishes. Julien quickly moved his plate to the sink so I wouldn't have to.

"Sorry... sorry I didn't eat much," he mumbled as he noticed me noticing the food left on his plate. "Not that hungry I guess."

"It's okay." I glanced at him curiously, wondering if he really wasn't hungry or just didn't like the food. I wasn't the sort of person to ask.

"I can help with dishes...?" he offered.

I shrugged. "There isn't much. I can put most things in the dishwasher. I've got a few pots and pans to wash by hand though. You can dry if you like."

"Sure."

After loading the dishwasher, I rinsed the pots and pans as best I could and then filled the sink with soapy water. I found washing dishes strangely comforting. Something about soaking my hands in hot water, perhaps. Julien stood next to me at the drying rack, ready with a clean towel.

"The sweet potatoes were really good," he finally remarked after a few minutes of silence.

"Oh... I'm glad." I smiled hesitantly, but he kept his eyes down. I was curious about what he'd been through, that Lisette warned me he was going to be a handful. He certainly didn't come across as some kind of hoodlum. He wore a baggy black t-shirt with a classic Batman logo on it, and slim fitting black jeans with slashes across the knees. His hair spilled down almost to his shoulders, sometimes falling in front of his eyes, and he gave a little toss of his head occasionally to get it out of his way.

"I can make them anytime you like," I added, and then paused, still wondering if he didn't care for the rest of the dinner I'd made. It was starting to bother me - not because he wasn't being forthright, but because he was our guest, and I wanted to be a good host. "If you let me know the sorts of things you like for meals... I can make them for you. We can... you know... compromise."

He licked his pretty lips and thought about this. "You always do the cooking?"

It was my turn to take a moment to think. "I guess so. Most of the time we've lived here it's just been a habit I fell into. I make breakfasts and dinners. We take care of our own lunches. Lise does the shopping - maybe you could go along with her one day and pick out things you like. I'm sure she'll let you know if she won't allow it." I chuckled lightly.

He released a sharp sigh. "She's like... the fun police."

I suppressed a laugh at this. "I wouldn't exactly put it that way. She... cares about her boys."

He looked up at me with an expression that was so raw and piercing I nearly lost my breath. "I think she thinks everyone in her life would go to hell in a handbasket if she weren't around." He swallowed hard. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "Our mom was always the same. I'm so tired of it. Dad was too, and he took to drinking and left years ago. I mean... I don't want to sound like I'm being critical of you for liking her or anything. There are all kinds of people in this world, and there's someone for everyone. But my mom drives me crazy, and so does my sister. I'm not going to stay here long if I can avoid it."

I had no idea how to process or respond to any of this, so I just stared into the suds for a little while.

"I'm sorry," he whispered after a minute or two. "That probably sounded mean."

"No... no, it's okay," I said cautiously. "You can be honest. It's... not as if I don't understand your point of view. Lise has to have everything 'just so'. I guess I'm just... yunno... fine with that. I'm not that opinionated. And we have a good life. She keeps me motivated to take care of myself. I might be living in a cardboard box, weeping and covered in my own filth if I didn't have her." I let out a monosyllabic laugh. "I'm easygoing. I match well with, uh... dominant personalities."

He looked down at the pan he was drying for a while. He took a few deep breaths, held them, letting them out again after pausing. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but was having trouble speaking up.

"Hmm?" I prodded gently as if he'd said something and I hadn't quite caught it.

He shook his head, finished drying the pan, and clutched at the dish towel. He took another deep breath, and looked up at me again with that aching, raw expression. "I just... I mean...," he began, twisting the towel in his hands. He lowered his voice to a soft whisper and leaned slightly closer to me. "I know I've only known you for like... an hour and a half. But... I think you're really nice. Too nice, maybe. I... I just don't like the way she talks to you. To us. That's all. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

He dropped the towel into the empty dish rack and fled the kitchen.

I continued cleaning up, occasionally looking across the island to watch him go about his business. He settled on the sofa and spent some time sorting through his possessions. He had two cardboard boxes, a small suitcase, and an ancient-looking but sturdy backpack. He dug through the backpack, rooting around for something specific. The something was his phone charger, and as he pulled it out, a fluffy teddy bear briefly popped out with it, its leg tangled in the cable. He quickly grabbed it, stuffing the little fellow back in his bag. He glanced across at me, noticed I had witnessed his bear, and blushed. But I loved that he had a stuffed bear in his backpack - I absolutely adored it. I smiled widely at him, and his expression softened a little. I thought he might smile back at me, but the closest I saw was a little twitch of one side of his beautiful mouth.

Ten minutes later, while I was busying myself with preparing a lunch for tomorrow, I heard a crinkle of plastic cellophane from the living room, and moments later, Julien crept up behind me. I turned to face him, and he was holding his hand out, palm up. Upon it sat three Oreo cookies - an offering. I glanced toward the bedroom; I could hear Lisette, still embroiled in conversation. I felt a strange tingle of exhilarating rebellion wash over me, and I grinned uncontrollably as I reached out to accept the sweet contraband.

"Thank you," I whispered.

He placed a finger to his lips, and smiled behind it, ever so slightly.

I almost dropped my cookies. He was so beautiful. Julien the Beautiful.

==========

I reached for Lisette as she was undressing for bed.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Love you too," she yawned, shrugging me off and crawling under the covers.

I joined her, and reached for her again. "I miss you."

"What? I'm right here."

"I know. But we haven't... you know.... It's been a long time."

"What's the matter with you?" she hissed, pushing me away. "My brother's in the next room!"

"We don't have to... I mean...." I trailed off, sighing. "Could we just... cuddle?"

"I've got a lot on my mind right now, Cody. I'm not feeling very touchy-feely. Please respect my personal space."

"Of course... of course. If you need space, I respect that."

She fell asleep quickly, and I lay there awake for some time, hugging my pillow. I knew I was supposed to be "the man", but I felt needy, affection-starved, and fragile.

An hour went by and I still couldn't sleep. I was almost tempted to masturbate, but I knew she'd wake up and be offended. I finally got up and crept out into the main area of our apartment, dressed in a t-shirt and boxers. I moved very quietly so as not to wake Julien, intending to get a glass of milk, but when I glanced at the sofa I realized he wasn't there. I looked over at the bathroom, and it was unoccupied. The door to the balcony was slightly ajar. I went over and pulled it open, slipping outside to join Julien, who was leaning against the railing with something clutched to his chest. He quickly drew a wrist across his face as I stepped through the doorway, but it was obvious he'd been crying. I felt immediately guilty at having barged in on a private moment. There was no way I could undo my intrusion, however, so I stayed and tried to make the best of it.

"Sorry," I whispered, leaning against the rail beside him. "Are you okay?"

He shrugged, crossing his arms tightly over the object pressed against his chest, which I realized was his teddy bear. I felt like melting. Whatever harsh impression Lise had of her brother, I could see that he was only a boy, and a sad one.

"Sorry," I reiterated. I could feel the sorrow radiating off of him, and it worsened my existing fragility. I had to do something for him, but I didn't know why he was crying.

I looked out over the cityscape, and all its twinkling lights beneath the dark canopy of night sky and barely visible stars. It was always a tranquil sight for me. "I come out here sometimes... when I can't sleep," I whispered. "It's crazy to just... look at all those thousands of windows out there, and think... every human experience is happening in front of us. People out there are laughing, crying, eating, sleeping, dancing, making love, being born, dying, hurting each other, meeting for the first time.... I dunno, I just find it really... calming. Maybe that sounds weird."

He sniffed. "No. No... it's... really nice. Kinda beautiful." He paused and squeezed his bear tighter. "Really beautiful, actually."

I let the silence sit for a few minutes. I wondered if he was worried about school, about his future, about his strained relations with his family. I wondered if he was upset about something to do with his mother and her boyfriend, or if Lisette had made him feel bad, or if he'd gotten his heart broken. My instinct was pointing toward the latter. I spoke up again, hesitantly: "Do you miss someone?"

He nodded slowly, and then faster. I heard him gulp back a sob. He needed a hug... badly. We both did. I didn't even think about putting my arm around him. It was just the right thing to do. Unlike Lisette, who often showed no reaction to an affectionate touch, or even pushed me away, Julien responded instantly as if we were a pair of magnets, and he'd only been waiting for a touch to activate. He shifted his weight to lean against me instead of the balcony rail. A moment later, he turned his whole body toward me, and I turned to him, and he was pressed fully against me, his head on my shoulder. Both of my arms went around him, squeezing him just as he squeezed his bear.

I let out a long breath. Empty parts of me suddenly felt filled. Needs I had only marginally realized had been aching within me were being met. Years ago I had been in a car accident and spent some time in the hospital, hooked up to a morphine drip. I remember pressing that button and the rush of blissful ease, weightlessness, and relief from pain that had followed. Julien was a shot of morphine to me. I had no hesitation about holding him. I had no hesitation about stroking his back, about pressing my cheek against the top of his head, and inhaling the scent of him. His hair smelled like apples.

He released his grip on his teddy bear and wrapped his arms around me instead. The bear stayed sandwiched between our chests, insulating the pounding of my heart. Julien clutched me tightly as he cried on my shoulder, his fingers pressing into my back.

"I've been really lonely," he whispered against my neck.

"Me too," I whispered back, not fully understanding how true it was until I'd said it. "Me too!"

He was shivering. It was a bit chilly out tonight, but maybe that wasn't why. I continued to stroke his back. The way he held me with need was possibly the most perfect moment I had ever experienced.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be. Honestly. Don't."

We continued to hug each other, and I felt the tension in his skinny body gradually ease, until he just felt warm and pliable in my arms. We rocked a little, getting to know each other, bonding in silence. In that moment, I could not remember what it felt like to experience worry. I gently tousled his hair, which was the same chestnut colour as Lisette's, and every bit as soft. Softer, even, since it wasn't full of assorted styling products.

"How can you be lonely?" he asked suddenly.

I sighed, and inhaled the sweet scent of his hair again. "I guess sometimes two people can be close... but still really far apart."

"Oh," he said softly. "She's... keeping you at arm's length then?"

"I guess so," I sighed. "Literally."

"Oh...."

"Sorry, that's... probably a little TMI," I chuckled awkwardly.

We were still hugging. His grip on me had relaxed a little, but now it tightened again.

"It's okay," he whispered. "I, um... ha. I guess I was... a little weirded out about staying here at first... knowing my sister might be... doing stuff with her boyfriend while I'm in the same apartment. Like... ew. But now... I actually feel kinda bad you're not getting laid." He let out a short laugh. "Been, uh... a while?"

I smirked. "Yep. A long while. Like... not even once since we've moved here."

"Jeez. What's her problem?"

"Wish I knew. But I don't really wanna... yunno... have expectations of her just because we're in a relationship. Her body, her rules. I respect that."

"Hm... I guess...," he mumbled dubiously. "Still. That really bites. She does seem kinda... weirdly cold toward you. Especially considering how sweet and understanding you seem to be with her. I mean, she's a heinous bitch to me, but I give her a lot of the same. Isn't a girlfriend supposed to... actually act like she likes you?"

I considered this silently for a while. The things he was saying sounded very similar to the complaints my family and friends used to have about my girlfriend. And in recent months, the only friends I had around were her friends, who were always on Team Lisette and expected that any boyfriend of hers should worship her, without any expectation of it going the other way.

"I'm sorry," Julien added after a long pause. "I shouldn't be... criticizing your relationship like that. It's none of my business."

"No, I... I'm actually kinda glad. It's possible that I really needed to hear all that. I make a lot of excuses for her. Maybe... maybe I need to.... I dunno." I trailed off, thinking.

"Stand up for yourself more?" he suggested. "I only say it because... it's something that I struggle with. I think you and I are... similar."

"I think you're right." I smiled slowly. "Thank you. Thanks for your perspective. And for the hug. I really needed one. A lot."

"Me too," he chuckled, squeezing me once more. "Although I... think it sort of became a cuddle a while back."

I felt a tingling warmth spread over my body. "Uh-huh. I guess it did."

"N-nothing wrong with that... right?"

"Course not. Two lonely guys... enjoying a cuddle. Nothing wrong with that."

He sighed contentedly. "Um... thanks for not making fun of my bear."

"Why would I? He's adorable. I'd never disrespect a man's relationship with his bear."

Julien laughed. I wished he weren't still resting on my shoulder, because I would have loved to see his face.

"Anyway," I continued after a pause, "as far as Lise goes... this conversation never happened. Right? I kinda think she wouldn't appreciate me discussing our lack of a sex life."

"No problem. I wouldn't tell in a million years." He lifted his head finally and looked me in the eye. "And the Oreos?"

I smiled widely. "They never existed."

"Not in this household. God forbid we should put anything into our bodies but good, nutritious food!" He mirrored my grin.

The full weight of his gorgeous smile hit me like a ton of bricks. I could have almost bitten his darling face. "Oh, you're so cute!" I exclaimed before I could stop myself.

His expression was momentarily startled. He flushed and stepped back from me, grabbing his teddy bear before it could fall. He pressed it against his smiling mouth as if to hide his cuteness behind it. I noticed then that the bear had a little red felt heart stitched to its chest. "S-stop being so nice... you're cheering me up."

I blushed a little myself. "God forbid," I chuckled nervously. "Uh, I guess we should probably get some sleep, hm?"

He nodded, and lingered a few moments before retreating back into the living room. I followed, shutting the balcony door behind us.

"Well... good night," I whispered. "Hope the sofa isn't too bad."

He dove into a snarl of blankets and writhed until he had made himself comfortable, still clutching his bear. "It's pretty nice, actually." He smiled at me, making my heart thunder. "Thanks for... making me feel better."

"Ditto. And... I'm really glad you're here."

"I'm starting to feel the same," he whispered. "Night!"

==========

Lisette shook me awake in the morning, ten minutes before my alarm.

"Breakfast," she said groggily.

I squinted at the clock. "I've got time." I yawned and rolled over, hugging my pillow.

I heard her scribbling with pen and paper.

"What are you writing?" I wondered.

"I'm making a schedule for Julien. He'll just sit on his butt all day playing video games or abusing the Internet if I don't give him tasks. He needs to focus on job hunting."

I felt a surge of annoyance flare up in the pit of my stomach. I rarely, if ever, felt annoyed at my girlfriend, but since the conversations I'd had with Julien yesterday, I was seeing Lisette through a lens other than infatuation. "Sweetie," I began carefully, "it's been several years since you've lived with your brother. Aren't you making some big assumptions there?"

She stabbed her notepad hard with her pen, either dotting an "i" or ending a sentence with particular passion. "Of the two of us, Cody, who do you think knows him better?" she asked curtly.

"Well, you, certainly," I said with as much patience as I could muster. "But... that doesn't mean he's not an adult now. Why not give him a chance to prove himself?"

"You're so naive," she muttered. "You have no clue what trouble he's gotten himself into. And have you even looked at him? He's a mess. Those horrible shoes of his - they should have been in the trash a year ago. He dresses like a homeless kid. He needs a haircut. He slouches, and he mumbles, and has no idea what he's doing with his life. I guess you didn't really follow the conversation yesterday at dinner, but we were talking about course selection. He's just planning to take an assortment of classes that sound 'fun'! He has no career prospects. He has no major in mind. He's going nowhere. He's going to waste his time and his money and end up in the gutter or in jail if I don't step in. I've also got to take him shopping - he's not going to impress anyone in a job interview the way he's looking now."

I pressed my face into my pillow. It was difficult to listen to her tearing Julien apart like this. I sat up finally, unable to stay silent. "Lise, couldn't you give the poor guy a break? Honestly, most people just entering college have no idea what they're doing with their lives. I think taking a variety of courses is a good idea - it's exactly what I did my first few semesters."

She regarded me with a furrowed brow. "Yeah - and you were floundering, as I recall. Directionless, not to mention socially inept, and a complete slob. Thanks to me, you got yourself sorted out. He'd do well to look to you as an example of how a man can improve himself."

"I wasn't...!" I began, frustration coming across in my voice. My connection with Julien last night seemed to have broken a spell. My brain wasn't putting Lisette the Beautiful on a pedestal anymore. It used to seem like the worst thing in the world to disagree with her, but now it seemed necessary, and I was suddenly exasperated with myself for not doing it more often. I took a breath and calmed my tone. "I wasn't 'floundering'. Lise... I wasn't 'directionless', and I wasn't 'inept'. I was figuring myself out, and for goodness' sake, I'm just a quiet, introverted person who doesn't care for parties and noisy pubs. You dragging me to all those things didn't 'improve' me - I just wanted to spend some time with you, so I let it be on your terms. You know what I like? Relaxing, and wearing comfortable clothes, and yes, eating junk food once in a while, but you didn't care what I liked, because it wasn't what you liked. I really miss my comfortable clothes, and my old sneakers."