In the Wake of That Night

He spoke softly into her ear, "Good... let's move."

She stepped off with her one foot first, then the other and slid her bottom off his thighs. She stood and turned around grabbing his hand and pulling him up from the chair. He took her in his arms and kissed her lips, her mouth opened and their usual passionate tongue dancing caress began. Her arms corralled his neck as he slow walked her towards the bed, his stiff, thick manhood sandwiched between their abdomens.

At the edge of the bed he broke the kiss. "I want us face to face, but... first, kneel on the edge of the mattress, okay?"

"You mean... doggy?"

"Yeah, okay? I... I have to look at your incredible ass, sweetheart, just... just a couple minutes."

She exhaled sharply, but got on the bed in the position he wanted. Her calves cantilevered off the edge of the bed. She reached beneath herself between her thighs. Her fingertips moved his thick cock to her channel. Her hips swayed as he pushed the head into her wet pussy. Her hand planted on the mattress. "Why do we..." His cock plunged into her. Smat! "Oh! Ohhhhh... gahhhhd." She was suddenly glad he had wanted to do it this way. One of his hands held her waist, the other slid under her. His fingertip once again diddling her clit. "Ohhhh... ohgod." She heard their hot sound again.

smat... smat... smat... smat...

For the next couple minutes, he varied his rhythm. His finger never stopped playing with her pearl. His other hand moved from her waist to stoking and caressing her back and shoulders. He pushed her down so her profile was on the sheet, his hand continuing its sensual massage.

"Lana... you're so beautiful, so hot, so... feminine." He shoved his cock deep and stay planted as his torso descended. He kissed her shoulders, then her neck, her profile, and finally her ear. "I want to see your eyes, Lana. I need to look into your eyes."

She didn't understand why but she suddenly felt overwhelmed with a mix of emotions - love, fear, sadness, happiness. Her voice squeaked, "Yeah... I-I want to look into your eyes too."

He slowly retracted his throbbing cock from her tight, slippery pussy. He watched her move on the bed. His eyes taking in all her subtle and sensual curves. She turned onto her back and her legs opened to receive him. He looked at her face and he was sure if the light was brighter he'd see she was blushing. He moved onto the mattress and between her slender legs. His hands slid under her shoulders, then cupped around them, as his cock slowly slid up and down between her slippery labs. He saw her eyes well with tears. His brow pinched. "What's wrong, baby?"

She felt like crying and didn't know why. Her voice squeaked again, "Nothing." She gazed into his blue eyes and it seemed as if she could see into his soul. She knew he had demons within him, but at the moment, all she could see was the good within him. He could be so caring and loving and wonderful, and smart and logical and in control of his anger sometimes. She wanted him to be like that all the time, and it seemed he had been for five weeks now. It had been five weeks, hadn't it? A tear ran down the side of her face.

His brow pinched. His voice was soft and low. "What's wrong, Lana?"

She cleared her throat and shook her head. "Nothing." His eyes were still locked with her own as his thick manhood slowly entered her. It made a shiver course along her spine. Her tears started to evaporate. Her breathing quickened once more.

"Feel good?"

She nodded. "Uh-huh."

"You're very beautiful, Lana. Did you know that?"

Once more she felt her heart swell with emotion. "No... but... I wanna be for... for you."

"You are. You always were."

She felt his rhythm increase tempo. She started a counterpoint rhythm, pushing towards him, raising her bottom from the sheet. Soon they were both breathing heavily. Sometimes he'd thrust deep and stay there, grinding his hips as she did the same, her clit stroking against his pubic bone. She was again on the path to an orgasm. His plunging cock varied speed and intensity over the next few minutes, sometimes so slow and sensual, sometimes so full of passion and need, but no matter what the rhythm, she felt every moment permeated with love, their eyes stayed locked the entire time.

Finally they were moving like crazed animals, as if each of them was trying to show how much passion they had for the other, how much love they had for the other, how much they truly wanted their bodies to join as one if only for a minute, to lose themselves in the other, in their passion, in their love, in their need.

He plunged deep again, then grinded wildly into her. She mirrored it, pushing up towards him.

She was rubbing her clit against him. "Now... oh god... now please... now... oh... oh... OHHHH!" As she peaked, she felt his cock expand and the first dollop of his hot seed shot into her depths. Her body went into spasms, inside and out. His stiffened but also twitched as each surge of his manhood pumped another portion of his viscous heat into her. It seemed to go on and on but it couldn't have been longer than a half minute. His face grimaced but she knew it was from pleasure not pain. His eyes never left her own. During their mutual orgasm, she truly felt as if they had become one. Finally his body began to relax. She saw his mouth open and heard his gasping breaths sound very much like her own.

He smiled with parted lips as he leaned down and planted a half dozen kisses on her face, then another one on her lips. His fingertips touched her face. He whispered, "You're amazing."

Again she felt a mix of emotions swell inside her. "You're the amazing one."

He let out a few huffs of air in lieu of a laugh. "No, arguments tonight, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay." Her mix of emotions was being replaced with sleepiness, almost exhaustion. That was rare, it was usually the opposite when they made love as they just had. She would feel energized, at least energized enough to talk, and laugh, and tease for a while. She drew in a deep breath and sighed.

"You're feeling dozey, aren't you?" He smiled.

"Uh-huh. A little. Are you?"

"Mmmm... yeah, I guess." He kissed the corner of her mouth, then gazed into her eyes.

She again felt as if she was looking into his heart, into his soul. The mix of emotions rose again, but it was muted by how sleepy she was suddenly feeling. She sensed his cock shrinking. A minute later it slipped out of her. They both flinched when it happened. They both laughed softly for a moment.

"Lana? Want to go to sleep?"

"Uh-huh. Is that all right? May I put my head on your shoulder?"

"Yes, and yes." He kissed her lips warmly, lovingly.

He moved to her side, then she snuggled closer, placing her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest and as she turned towards him her leg folded and slid on top of his thigh. His hand stroked her back. She felt so safe, warm, and protected.

He kissed her head. "Lana? I really like the new 'do' of your muff, but..."

"What?" Her brow pinched, expecting some stupid joke. She yawned.

"After a month or so, ahh... could you grow it back? Like it was before?"

"I thought you wanted me shaved. You said it a few times."

"I know, but... I think I want you to... well, to be you." He smiled. "I realized I really like that little fur pie against my face."

She exhaled somewhat in irritation, yet also felt thrilled by his words. "You know, it's going to itch growing it back."

"Don't worry, I'll scratch it for you."

"Shut up." She drew in another deep breath. "I don't know why I'm so sleepy."

"Just close your eyes and relax. I'm sleepy too."

She knew he was lying but thought it was sweet he said it. She could barely keep her eyes open. She snuggled closer. She loved his body. Her lips curved slightly when she remembered him saying they fit together perfectly. She thought so too. She took another slow, deep breath. She knew she was on the verge of dozing off.

He spoke softly again, "And Lana, one more thing."

She was nearly asleep. "Huh?... What?" His lips kissed her head again. It made her smile and once more feel safe, warm, protected.

"I want you to stop worrying about me. Everything's going to be all right from now on. Don't be scared, don't get anxious, don't be sad, sweetheart." He kissed her head again and whispered, "Promise me you'll stop worrying about it."

She was at the edge of sleep. "I promise."

"Lana? You know I loved you from the very beginning, don't you?"

"Uh-huh... I mean now... I do." She sighed. "I love you so... so much."

"I know you do, Lana. I can feel your love all the time, even where I am now." There was silence for a minute before he added in the same soft voice, "Go to sleep, sweetheart, and... remember to forget." His lips moved to her ear and he whispered even softer, "Remember to forget."

"Huh?" She waited for a response but drifted off to sleep before he did.

Lana knew she waking, but not quite yet. She was in her half awake, half asleep state, her once in a while twilight zone. A small smile curved her mouth. She was hugging him tightly again. She did that sometimes in her sleep. He felt different though, softer, neither her head nor arm was against his bare skin. Did he put his T shirt on sometime after she fell asleep? Had he ever slept in a T? She sensed herself drifting off again but then the last thing he said before she had fallen asleep earlier popped into her mind -- 'Remember to forget.' What an odd thing to say. She hugged him tighter. He did make her feel warm, safe, and protected. Yes... that last thing he said was a very odd. It didn't make any sense. What could he have mea...

Lana's eyes popped wide. She reached for the lamp on the bedside table but it wasn't in the right spot. She felt for him in bed. It was a pillow. No! No, he's up... going to the bathro... Lana's breathing suddenly turned shallow. It had been so real! NO! NO! It WAS real! He's here! That other night didn't happen!

She reached for the lamp again and knocked the clock radio to the floor then almost did the same to the little lamp before she got it switched on. She looked at the bed. It was a pillow. She hurriedly looked around the room. It wasn't their bedroom. It wasn't even her bedroom. All the horrifying visions of that night hit her with full force. She started gulping breaths, some catching in her throat sounding like loud hiccups. When she finally realized she was in her grandparents' house it made the horror in her mind intensify. It was like she was there again, his blood on everything.

She couldn't let her grandparents hear her! She slid off the bed, knowing she was going to start crying, not knowing why she thought it would be quieter if she was on the floor. She sat with her back to the bed, she folded her legs up against her torso and hugged her knees tightly against her chest as tears formed rivulets down her face and her mouth formed a wide "O" of a silent scream. She knew what was coming next and she tried to figure out how to silence it. She couldn't. The first loud sob escaped her throat, followed by the almost as loud staccato grunts, then another sob, more grunts that then got all mixed up between crying, sobbing, rapid shallow breaths and gulps of air. He's dead! HE'S DEAD! It's all my fault! Oh GOD... I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Please! PLEASE GOD! I'm SORRY!

Maureen had yet to fall asleep trying to imagine and intellectually and emotionally digest what Lana had told them about her life, and Barbara's life. When she heard the clock fall to the floor in the guest room, she had held her breath hoping it was knocked off by accident, maybe Lana reaching for the lamp, accidentally pushing the clock off the table, it was a strange room to her. At the first sound of crying, Maureen exhaled, threw the covers back, and rushed down the hall not bothering to put her robe on over her long T nightshirt. At the guest room door, she was sure her granddaughter was sobbing. She knocked twice and called, "Lana!" She didn't wait for a response and opened the door. She saw her on the floor next to the bed, holding herself in a tight ball. "Lana... oh sweetheart!" A moment later Maureen was on her knees, her arms wrapped around her granddaughter.. "Breathe, honey, just breathe."

Lana's voice was high pitched and strained as she spoke between sobs, "I l-loved h-him... I l-loved h-im, b-but I... I-I... k-killed him... he's... he's d-d-dead... b-b-b-be... c-c-cause... a-a-of... m-m-me-e-e-eee." She gulped air a few times, coughed and sputtered, continued sobbing, still trying to talk, trying to confess. "It's.... all... m-my... fau... a-a-ault... I'm... sor... r-r-ry... I-I'm... s-s-s-so... sor-ry... I... k-k-killed him... i-i-it's... m-m-my... f-f-fault... so.... s-so.... sor-rry."

Lana stopped speaking even though she desperately wanted to tell her grandmother everything she had never told anyone, only sort of to the cops. She wasn't sure why she wanted to now, to a woman she didn't even know. Maybe it was the reason he told her to find them, for her to confess. Maybe it was so her grandparents would see how selfish and evil she was, and punish her by pushing her out of their lives forever.

Maureen was trembling almost as much as Lana. She turned her face to the open door. "Patrick! Pat..."

Patrick was already in the hallway. He ran into the room. He hadn't bothered to put on his robe either, only wearing pajama pants. "Oh, christ. What happened? What's wrong?"

"Get dressed. I think Lana's having an anxiety attack or something. We're taking her to the ER."

Lana heard some of it. She kept sobbing but began rocking her petite body almost violently. "N-NO!" More sobs. "N-no... hos... hospi... tal... P-please... n-no... NO!... p-please." It as all she could get out.

Tears were running down Maureen's face. Her mind was working fast. "Patrick, call... call Bill, get him over here. He owes you."

Patrick's face pinched. "Bill Henley? Why the hell wou..."

Maureen interrupted, "Not Henley, Dickenson, that doctor at the Med Center." She knew their own internist would tell them to take Lana to the ER, and he might not even be the doctor on call at the practice tonight.

"Oh, that Bill. Yeah, good idea. His number is on my rolodex."

"Call him but get me a glass of water first."

"Yeah." Patrick hurried from the room.

*

"Just breathe normally." Dr. Dickenson moved the stethoscope on Lana's T shirt to her heart. He listened for 20 seconds before removing it and clamping the ear pieces to his neck. He reached to the bedside table for the plastic bottle that Maureen had found in Lana's suitcase. He showed it to her. "This the only med you're taking, right?"

"Yes. Only that."

"What about recreational drugs, marijuana, coke, ecstasy, designers, any recreational chemicals?"

"Nothing. I don't do anything like that."

"Good. I'm going to give you a light sedative, nothing heavy, just something that will make you a little drowsy." He knew that wasn't quite the truth but she needed sleep.

"I-I don't want it. I don't want any drugs. I-I don't want to be suddenly... suddenly out of it."

"It's not quite like that. I can skip it, but I really recommend it. It's really just a sleep inducer, that's all." He smiled. "You won't get high from it, you'll just get drowsy. And I think from what you told me, you really need to get more sleep. How long have you had problems sleeping."

"For a while... nine months or so."

"Nightmares?"

"No, not many."

"It's fairly common with PTSD."

"No, not many bad dreams, just... it's sometimes hard to fall asleep, and... and stay asleep."

He smiled again. "Which is why I suggested the sedative tonight. Do you want it?"

Lana realized what a big problem she had become for her grandparents, people she didn't even know. She decided to get some sleep and then figure out tomorrow if she should just get out of their lives. "I... I guess... um... okay."

"All right. Now... your grandparents are obviously very concerned, so would it be all right with you if I told them how you're doing?"

She bit her lip and considered it for a few seconds. They probably thought she was really crazy, maybe she was. "I... I guess... Yes, you can tell them." She didn't see any harm in it. She thought she had already sort of confessed her guilt to her grandmother. She knew she'd have to tell her, tell both of them everything, the entire truth... tomorrow. She was so tired of lying, so tired of being afraid. She'd tell them the whole story and then leave. She suddenly really wanted to be asleep.

"I'm guessing they're standing in the hallway, may I let them in to see how you're doing?"

Lana nodded. She didn't think her grandmother would ask her anything right now.

Dr. Dickenson rose from the edge of the bed and went to the door. He opened it. Maureen and Patrick were both standing right there, Pat was leaning against the opposite wall of the hall.

Maureen's eyes were teary and wide as she looked passed Bill to Lana. "Can we come in, sweetheart?"

Bill smiled. "Yeah, Lana said it's okay. I'm going to give her an injection." He moved towards his bag on the dresser.

Maureen rushed to the bed. She bent down and kissed Lana's forehead, then slowly stroked her head a few times.

Patrick stepped inside. "What kind of injection, Bill?"

Lana's eyes welled up. "Maureen... I'm... so sorry. I-I..."

"Sssshh... nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart. Just relax. Please, just relax." Maureen forced a smile to her face. She was still wondering what exactly Lana had meant earlier. Maureen had an inkling of what the real truth was. She had caught it when Lana told them how it happened and had gotten so upset. She kissed Lana's cheek, then the other, then the first one again. She looked into Lana's teary eyes. "I've wanted to do that, kiss you like that for years, sweetheart."

"I... I-I remember you... you kissing me when I... was sitting in the blue chair."

Maureen eyes welled up instantly and tears dropped from her eyes to the sheet. A grin also formed on her mouth. "You... you remember that? Us playing? You remember that blue chair?"

Lana was fighting back the urge to cry again. All she could do was try to smile and nod her head.

Maureen grabbed a few tissues and wiped Lana's eyes. "Do you want to blow your nose?" She took a couple more tissues when Lana nodded. She handed them to her, having to fight the urge to hold them to her granddaughter's nose herself.

Lana used the tissues and watched the doctor walk up with a little plastic tray.

"Can you sit up for a moment, Lana?"

As Lana sat up with her legs over the edge of the mattress, Maureen sat next to her and moved her arm behind her granddaughter.

Lana felt Maureen's hand start slowly rubbing her back. It was something a concerned mother would do. The touch brought more tears to her eyes.

Dr. Dickenson set the tray on the bed. He opened an alcohol pad to clean her vein area. He then uncapped the syringe. He found the vein on the first try and made the injection. He capped it, and set it in the tray. "That should make you drowsy soon. I want you to get a good night's sleep, sleep to noon if you can. All right, Lana?"

"Yes, Doctor. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He looked at Maureen. "Why don't you sit with Lana for a few minutes, and then I'll talk with you and Patrick for a couple moments."

Maureen stood. "Get under the covers, sweetheart."

Lana lay down again, her grandmother pulled up the sheet and comforter.

Pat looked at the doctor. "Come on, Bill. How about some coffee or something?"

"Coffee'd be nice."