It Didn't Work Out Ch. 11

The pain on Bridget's face was mirrored on Sian's. Neither one of them wanted this but at the same time, they couldn't see any way out of it. They looked at each other for a few seconds; and then Sian walked over to her. Their arms slipped around each other just like a thousand times before. The warmth and comfort it had always brought before was missing this time.

Bridget looked at Sian. "I am not going to stop loving you, Sian." She stumbled over the words and they haltingly came out.

"I'm not asking you to, Bridge. I won't stop loving you either. I just hope that over time we can bear it," Sian said.

"I want you to be happy, my darling Sian," Bridget said as she tightened her arms around Sian.

Sian got a sad little smile on her face. "I'll try." After a moment she added, "You too, okay?"

Nodding, Bridget put her head against Sian's chest and hugged her even tighter. Unable to look Sian in the face any more, she spoke softly. "Thank you for a wonderful few months, Sian. I don't regret them."

Returning the hug, Sian kissed the top of Bridget's head. "Nor do I. Thank you for letting me into your life."

Mustering up the strength, Bridget raised her head. She looked one last time into Sian's eyes before leaning forward. For a moment Sian thought Bridget was going to kiss her on the lips but at the second Bridget moved and brushed her lips against Sian's cheek. Kissing her on the lips would have just reopened the wound. The room was silent except for the little sound of their lips against cheeks.

With that Bridget turned away and walked to the door. She paused one last time as she stood in the open doorway. Even though it hurt, Bridget looked back at Sian. Her lips curled slightly up and she nodded. Sian could feel the tears start to come out her eyes as she mouthed a goodbye. The pain on Bridget's face tore into Sian's heart. She knew that as soon as the door shut, she would completely break down again. She watched as Bridget stepped through the door and slowly closed it. The sound of it shutting was one of finality.

"God, I hope that Kate and Liesl are home tonight," Sian thought. The idea of being alone was too painful. She grabbed the phone and dialed to see if they were. Once again the tears were running down her face.

When Bridget got into her car, she just sat there. The tears were falling too hard for her to drive. Bridget put her head against the steering wheel while she fought to regain control. It took her some time. The feeling of emptiness overwhelmed her. It was hard to believe. Only a couple of hours ago she had been so excited, anticipating a wonderful night with her girlfriend. How could it go from that to being over, she wondered.

Eventually the tears began to dry up and she started the car. This time she drove slowly, not really wanting to get home. She didn't know what she was going to say to Don. The more she thought about it, the less she wanted to talk to him. No matter how much he might try to offer comfort, she knew that inside he would be happy. Her pain would give him joy because she wouldn't be with Sian anymore. Whatever he would do, it would be insincere. Bridget didn't even know whether or not he would know enough to do everything possible to hide it. Would it show through? She just didn't know but she couldn't face seeing that.

As she got closer to home, her mood darkened; the more she became convinced that Don wouldn't be able to help himself. Over the course of the last few weeks, his unhappiness about her relationship with Sian had become more pronounced. Even tonight he had scowled when she left.

"He wins," she thought.

Making it harder was knowing that it was her own feelings for Don that cost her Sian. She couldn't give herself completely to Sian without walking away from Don. In the end, it was Sian who walked away, unable to continue sharing the woman she loved with someone else. And it was Don who had put Bridget in this position by pushing her. "I never wanted to do this. I was happy with just being his wife and just loving him. I never would have loved her; I never would have lost her, except for giving into him," she thought. A little ball of anger built in her stomach. It didn't really feel good but it was better than the despair she felt over losing Sian.

When she pulled into her driveway, it was the anger that she felt most. Blaming Don was easier than dealing with the hurt. Deep down she knew it wasn't fair either, but right now she was just trying to survive.

Don looked over from the television in surprise when he heard the door open. He hadn't expected Bridget to be home for hours. He hadn't even been sure she would be home tonight. His mouth dropped when he saw her red splotchy face. It was still wet in a few places. Her hair had been perfect when she left now it hung limply. She looked wretched. But it was the intense glare that caught him by surprise the most. Whatever he was going to ask withered under that glare. He watched in silence as she stalked to the bedroom and shut the door. He heard the click of the door locking.

He waited for a few minutes to see if she came out. When that didn't happen, he got up and walked softly over to the door. Listening carefully, he heard her sobbing. Don raised his hand as if to knock but then thought better of it. Backing away from the door, he went into the kitchen and stood resting against the counter.

It wasn't too hard to figure out that something had happened between Sian and Bridget. Even from the kitchen, he could still hear Bridget crying. To his credit, his first thoughts were not about whether Sian was out of their lives. The sound of Bridget's unhappiness cut into Don's heart. Even with his jealousy, he had wanted Bridget to be happy. It was hard but he was trying to handle his feelings about Sian better. And now Bridget was desperately unhappy and he could do nothing. She didn't want anything from him, at least right then. He hoped that at some point she would let him in and he could try and comfort her.

Going back into the living room, Don sat down on the couch. After a few minutes he shut off the show he had been watching. He wanted Bridget to know that if she needed him, he was there. It was only after he had sat there for some minutes that he started to think about whether or not this meant that it would just be the two of them. Even though Bridget was suffering now, he couldn't help but admit that he hoped so. She might be in pain now, but he would show her how much he loved her. He would do everything he could to make things better between them so that it wasn't so hard to no longer have Sian.

Even when the sounds of Bridget's crying faded away, she didn't come out or unlock the door. Eventually Don went into the guest room and started to get ready for bed. As he brushed his teeth, he looked down at the little case Sian left there. It was an unwelcome reminder not only of the place she held in Bridget's heart but of the pain that she was going through. He sighed. Even though he wanted to move it out of sight, he worried that Bridget might take that wrong. He left it alone and just finished brushing his teeth.

Don went out and checked the door one last time. Perhaps Bridget had unlocked it while he was in the other room. He carefully tried to turn it without making any noise. It didn't open. Looking at the door, Don wished again that she would let him in but didn't dare disturb her. He knew instinctively that it was better to wait until she wanted him. Backing away, he headed into the other bedroom and went to sleep.

In the morning Don got up. As he came out of the guest room, he noticed that the door to the master bedroom was open. Looking around, the house seemed pretty dark. The only light that was on was the one over the stove. Wandering into the kitchen, he could tell that Bridget had already eaten. The coffee was made. As he reached for the pot, Don saw a note from Bridget. He put the coffee back down and picked up the note.

"Don, sorry about last night. I will tell you about it tonight when you get home. I'm okay. Couldn't sleep so I just went into work an hour early. Love you, B. P.S. Don't worry about me!"

It was short and to the point. It left the bigger questions unanswered but at least he knew where Bridget was. The little feeling of nervousness that he had been feeling seemed to evaporate. As he thought about it, he realized it had been from a tiny fear that she had just left.

Pouring his coffee, Don read the note again. He decided to just eat a piece of toast and then shower quickly. If he was lucky, he could get in early enough to justify leaving a little early and maybe miss some of the traffic. Bridget might need him tonight, he thought to himself.

When Bridget got home that night, she felt dead to the world. She had practically sleep-walked through the day, barely aware of what was going on around her. Luckily she had a couple of friends who covered for her, even though neither one of them had any idea what was going on with her. The most that they could get out of her was that it wasn't a problem with Don. When she went to her boss to ask if she could leave early since she came in early, he took one look at her and nodded.

He would have made some comment about needing a vacation from her vacation except Bridget had seemed just fine the day before. More than that, she seemed energized. It was a completely different Bridget today. He hoped she would be better tomorrow. Bridget was popular at work and he didn't want to have any problems with her. He watched her as she went back to her cube and got her stuff to go home. Her two friends came over and gave her hugs before Bridget left.

Once Bridget was inside her home, she dropped her things and collapsed on one of the high bar chairs around the island. She had managed to not cry at work, except during lunch when she went and hid in her car. Pulling out her phone, she unlocked it and looked at the text messages. There were none from Sian, nor had Bridget sent any.

"I should be used to that," Bridget thought. "After all we went over a week with no texts or calls when I was in Hawaii." But she knew that was different. It had just been a temporary agreement to give Don what he wanted.

That triggered another one of the random thoughts that Bridget had been having all day. What if she hadn't agreed to not talking to Sian the last week; would it have made any difference? Maybe if they had been talking, Sian wouldn't have decided they needed to stop seeing each other. It was a rabbit hole of what ifs that Bridget had been falling down since waking up this morning.

Bridget could feel the tears starting again. Even if it hadn't made any difference, she at least would have had another week of being in touch with Sian. She wouldn't have been missing her the same way; the way she was going to be missing her from here on. Bridget wiped at the tears. She didn't want to dissolve into a puddle again tonight. Taking slow breaths, she gradually got herself under control. More to keep her mind off of it than any real interest in dinner, Bridget went to the refrigerator and started to get things out. Don had picked up groceries so there were multiple choices.

Looking them over, Bridget decided to do an Asian stir fry. Getting out the chopping board and a good knife, she started cutting up the chicken thighs that Don had bought. It was a good choice. Bridget went through automatic motions to do the cutting but at the same time she needed to pay attention to avoid slicing her fingers off. It didn't require deep thinking but didn't allow her mind to wander off. After making a little marinade for the chicken, she got started on rice and then cutting up the vegetables.

When she heard Don's car door shutting, Bridget looked up in surprise. It was still early. She didn't expect him home for another hour. She sighed. The anger at him from the night before had faded away. It wasn't fair and she knew it would be wrong to take it out on him. At the same time, Bridget dreaded telling him about it. It would just stir up the raw emotions. She wasn't sure how well she would handle that.

The front door opened and Don entered. He looked over to where Bridget was standing. His face showed the apprehension he was feeling.

"Hi, Honey. How are you doing," Don asked in a neutral tone. He was trying to get a read on her.

"Hi," Bridget said, flashing Don a brief smile. "I'm, uh, doing okay. Been better." She went back to finishing cutting up the carrots into long narrow strips.

After taking off his coat, Don came into the kitchen. "Honey, put down the knife for a second," he told Bridget in a gentle tone. For a moment, she didn't do anything but then she obeyed. When her hands were free, Don turned her around and gave her a hug. He just held her without trying to give her a kiss. For a brief few seconds, she resisted but then she put her arms around him and hugged him tight. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"You had me kind of worried last night, Bridget," Don said as he continued holding her.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't talk," Bridget said. Her voice was shaky. Lifting her head up, she gave his cheek a little kiss. "Thanks for the hug," she said after that.

"Anytime, Honey," Don said releasing her. "You want any help?" He looked around to see what he could do.

Bridget smiled at him. It helped that he wasn't going to pump her for information but was just waiting and being supportive. She nodded. "I need the spice mixture on the page there. I haven't had time yet."

Don smiled at her and started getting the mixture together. For a while they just worked side by side in silence. Bridget looked over at him a couple of times but couldn't bring herself to say anything. When Don finished with that, he went and got out a bottle of wine and opened it. He poured a glass for both of them. Picking up his, he went back to the cookbook to find what else Bridget might need. When Bridget finished getting the rest of the vegetables ready, she reached over for her own glass. She sipped at it. Finally she spoke.

"Sian told me last night that it was hurting her too much to only have me part time. As good as it was when we were together, it wasn't enough. She couldn't ask me to choose so she did the only thing that she felt she could. She told me it was over between us," Bridget said. Part way through telling Don she started crying again. This time it was just a slow crying without the wracking sobs from the night before. She just let the tears run down her face without trying to stop them.

Don went over and gave her another long hug. "I figured it was something like that," he said. He searched for the right words, convinced that no matter what he said it probably wouldn't be good enough. "I'm sorry you are hurting so badly, Honey," he finally said.

Bridget was glad that she was pressed against his body. It meant he couldn't see the flash of irritation that crossed her face. She knew that he meant it but at the same time she knew he wasn't sorry it was over. She tried to put the thought out her mind but she couldn't manage it. The best she could do was whisper "Thanks."

Feeling her stir, Don released her to allow her to step back to where she had been working. Bridget looked at him. "I don't really want to talk about it," she said. The tears seemed to have mostly stopped. "I needed to tell you but I don't want to talk to you about it. All I really need is a little understanding about why I'm sad. You can't solve this Don. I just need to get through it."

"On your own?" Don couldn't help but ask.

"Maybe. It isn't like I have anyone to talk to about it. The only friends who might understand me, well, were Sian's friends first. I doubt they will want to talk to me," she said a little defiantly.

"Okay," Don nodded. "But my shoulder is always there to cry on and my arms are always there to hug you." He hoped the smile he was showing was properly sympathetic. It hurt him to see Bridget this broken up.

Bridget couldn't reply. She started crying again and turned her back on Don to just try and focus once again on making dinner. She got out their wok and began to heat it up. It helped. The crying jag ended much sooner than she thought it would. And once the chicken was in the wok cooking, she didn't have time to think about much else.

Don watched her for a couple of minutes, and then he turned to the cupboard and got out what he needed to set the table. With one eye on Bridget, he got the table ready. Alternating between setting the table and coming over just in time to hand Bridget the next ingredient she needed earned Don a few smiles. Although there was still a sad cast to them, he noticed that the smiles at least reached Bridget's eyes.

During dinner, Don found that he was doing most of the talking. He tried asking Bridget questions about her day but she mostly responded with one word answers. At best, she might say a little something before lapsing into silence. Eventually Don just started talking about work and although Bridget didn't talk a lot, it still felt better than no conversation at all. He even managed to make Bridget laugh a couple of times when he was telling her a story about someone screwing up the copy machine.

When they were done, Don told Bridget that he would clean up. She wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch and stared at the wall. Every once in a while Don would look over at her and shake his head. He hated to see her so down. Even though he really wanted to forget the dishes and go try and comfort her, he kept at it until they were all done. He had forgotten how many dishes it was possible to dirty when making a stir fry and it took longer than he expected. Finally he was done. Wiping his hands off on a dish towel, he poured them both another glass of wine and went over to Bridget

"Hey Honey," he said as he handed her a glass.

"Thanks," Bridget said. Her voice sounded lifeless. But when Don sat down, she didn't hesitate to lean against him.

"No problem. So what would you like to do tonight?" Don asked as he put his arm around her.

Looking at him, Don could see that there were unshed tears building up again in her eyes. "I don't know. Curl up in a ball and cry?" Bridget said before turning away to hide her face. She felt the tears begin to leak out.

Listening to Bridget sniffle as she tried to stop the tears made Don feel very powerless. He hated that the woman he loved was hurting. A woman crying was always hard for him but knowing that it was because his wife's heart was broken by her girlfriend was worse. He didn't know how to really comfort her, especially without making her mad at him. He gave her a hug and she seemed to appreciate it.

"Maybe we could get ready for bed and watch a TV show curled up in our room? We could start watching that cop show you like again," Don suggested.

Bridget looked at him and smiled a little. They had been watching it before things had really gotten started with Sian. Once things got serious with Sian, her time with Don had been more limited and they didn't spend as much time just cuddling and doing something sedate like watching television. It sounded like a good idea to Bridget. It was something familiar and comfortable.

"Okay, I'd like that," she told Don. They stayed like that for a few minutes more but then she got up, followed by Don.

Unlike last night, it was clear that Bridget expected Don to come into the bedroom with her. But when she wanted to change, she uncharacteristically went into the bathroom and shut the door for a couple of minutes. The door was only shut long enough for her to change. She wasn't sure why but she just felt a little shy about undressing in front of Don. He joined her in the bathroom as she started to wash her face and brush her teeth. Looking at herself in the mirror while she used her toothbrush, Bridget thought about it. In the end she decided that at least for now, she wasn't very interested in sex. She felt too numb. But she knew Don and his sex drive. Seeing her naked would invariably make him at least a little horny and she guessed that subconsciously she was trying to avoid that. When she looked at her nightgown, she felt like her guess was confirmed. It went all the way down to her feet and was very loose. There was nothing tantalizing about it.