It Didn't Work Out Ch. 11

For the rest of the night, Don couldn't get the thought of Bridget talking about him out of his mind. He wondered what the therapist thought about him. It kept distracting him. When Bridget asked him if he wanted to watch something, he didn't hear the first couple of times she tried. And then when they started watching, he just sat beside her rather than snuggling up together. Bridget didn't seem to mind too much although she looked at him funny every once in a while. Don didn't notice that either.

When he turned off the television, Don leaned over and gave her a perfunctory kiss and then rolled over. Staring over at him in the darkness, Bridget thought about moving over and putting her arms around him but it didn't seem like it would be welcome. She rolled over to face the other way and was asleep before long. Don found sleep much harder to find. Finally sometime after 1 AM, he fell into a restless sleep.

Over the next couple of weeks, Don noticed that Bridget seemed to be doing better. He couldn't remember the last time he saw her just start to cry. And when they talked about her day, she told him that she was doing better there and her boss was happy with her work again. While he was glad about the improvement at work, it bothered him the way that she was talking about her boss. Bill was older than Bridget by a good fifteen years. He was a relatively attractive guy for his age and Don wondered if he was using Bridget's troubles to try and get into her pants. What was just appreciation for the fact that he cared about Bridget and had helped her was completely misread by Don.

But then that was common now. He had almost gotten into a fight when they were at a party over at a friend's house. Bridget had been talking to a guy Don didn't know. He thought he might be the husband of a woman they had met at another party. He wasn't even particularly good looking but he was telling a story and Bridget found it funny. As Don stood against the wall watching, he thought she was making too much of an effort to laugh. Bridget was completely surprised when Don suddenly appeared at her side to tell her that it was time to leave. Since it was still quite early, Bridget wanted to stay for a while longer. She was having a good time and there had been too few of those recently. When Don started to get more heated, the man stepped in between them and suggested that Don calm down. That might have been okay but he put his hand on Don's chest without thinking anything of it. When Don swatted it away, things started to get ugly. If it hadn't been for the host stepping in and pulling the other man away, Bridget was sure Don would have hit him. As it was, she was so embarrassed by Don's behavior that she made some apologies and they left.

On the way home, Bridget was furious. "What were you thinking, Don?" she exclaimed to him. Her arms were crossed with her body as far away as she could get in the car.

"He was flirting with you. And you seemed to like it," Don growled back at her. His hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were turning white.

Letting out a long exasperated breath, Bridget turned to look at him. "First, he was doing no such thing. He was telling me the same story that he told three other people. I only caught the tail end of it and wanted to hear the rest. It was funny, Don. Second, that guy is so in love with his wife that I don't think he even really thought about whether or not I was a woman. And finally Don, even if it was someone else and they were trying to flirt with me, you should know me well enough that I don't flirt back."

"Bridget, I don't think you even know sometimes when a guy is trying to flirt with you," Don started to say before she cut him off.

"Maybe Don. But I know he wasn't. Typically guys who are flirting can't keep their eyes off a woman's body. He never looked," Bridget hotly said. "You embarrassed me. I don't know if we can show our faces with that crowd again. Hell, I don't know if we will even get an invite now." She looked out the window and watched the passing street lights for a while as they both sat in silence.

Finally Bridget looked over at Don. "I don't understand where this is coming from, Don," she said wearily.

For a while, Don didn't answer. Gradually his hands relaxed their grip on the wheel and he felt calmer. "You and I haven't made love in weeks now. That isn't normal for you. It just makes me think if you don't want it with me, you must be looking to get it from someone else. Maybe it's not rational, but that's how it feels."

With his attention on the road, Don couldn't see the surprise on Bridget's face. She shook her head in disbelief. "Don, I've tried to tell you. I just don't have any desire right now. It isn't about you." The frustration in her voice was clear. "Just because I am not attracted to you right now, doesn't mean I am looking for someone else," she said.

Taking his attention off the road for a moment, Don looked at her. Bridget may have said that she wasn't interested in sex or that she didn't have any desire before, but this was the first time that she said she wasn't attracted to him. He could feel his heart beat a little faster.

Bridget could see the look he was giving her. She groaned mentally. Her word choice could have been better, she thought. Maybe it was true, but she shouldn't have said it that way. "Sweetie, I don't mean that you aren't attractive. You are a handsome man. I mean that no one is attracting me sexually right now. It's part of the depression. Susan and I have been talking about it. It's temporary and when I am feeling better, my desire will be back," Bridget told him. She didn't often talk about what she and her therapist discussed, but this felt like one of those things that needed to be shared.

Don continued to drive. Bridget could tell from the way his hands were twisting on the steering wheel he was feeling anxious again. She didn't know which was worse, his anger or his anxiousness. Both of them tended to make him behave in ways that weren't helping to improve things between them. As they were getting closer, Don kept glancing over at her. Finally he couldn't help asking the question that had formed in his mind.

"Are you finding women attractive? Is that it?" Unlike before, Don didn't sound like he found the idea exciting anymore.

"I told you, Don. I am not attracted to anyone that way. Man or woman, it doesn't make any difference," Bridget said. Even though he kept his attention on the road, she looked directly at him as she said it. He made a curt nod and didn't say anything more.

This time Bridget let out an audible sigh. She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. What she had told Don was true. She wasn't sure if Sian showed up naked in her bedroom whether or not she would get excited, given how she was feeling. But at the same time, the last couple of sessions with Susan had focused on her sexuality. They were the most exhausting sessions since she began seeing her. After the first one, it had taken so much out of her that Bridget found it hard to go back to work. She had changed the time on the last session so that it was at the end of her day. She was glad that Don had been late that night. It gave her a chance to recover.

Thinking back to her last session, Bridget remembered how Susan had started it off. "I'm not here to save your marriage, Bridget. My goal is to help you figure out what makes you happy and then help you begin to take some steps to get there. If that turns out to be staying married to Don, then that's where we will go. But if not, my responsibility is to help you find that path." It had been a scary moment and they had talked almost half the session about that idea. While it wasn't the first time that the topic of staying married to Don had come up, it was the first time they had spent any time really digging into it.

The rest of their time had been spent going back to high school. Bridget was slowly coming to grips with the idea that while she might be bi, her basic orientation was towards women. Although she had suppressed it after the altercation with her mother, usually she found herself much more attracted to women. In high school and college, it often took her months to pick up on the interest of men and slowly start to return it. The few times she had allowed herself to develop crushes on women, they happened much faster. With Sian, she had gone from friendship to falling head over heels in a few short weeks. And unlike with her relationships with men, being with Sian had felt right from the first moment.

It was completely different with men. Don was the only guy that she had ever loved. She had been fond of her other lovers, but it never crossed that line. Even with Don, it had taken a long time before she really felt like she loved him. And it was because of the person he was, not because of an intense sexual desire. Bridget enjoyed sex with him but it was never the biggest part of her attraction to him. Once she started sleeping with him, it was generally at his initiation. It was as much to please him as it was for anything else. And her interest in sex waned over time. It was one of the reasons that Don had wanted to find ways to spice things up.

Even compared to when she was first going out with Don, sex with Sian was completely different. Their love making was just that; an expression of the love that they felt for each other. Bridget had anticipated and looked forward to every time that she and Sian made love. And Sian had the ability to arouse her with the lightest of touches or sometimes just a look. It had been easy in a way it had never been with Don. The truth was that it satisfied her in ways that were rare with any of her male lovers.

Her head rested against the window of the car as Don turned into their neighborhood. The cool window felt good, helping to alleviate the headache that was trying to take hold. Bridget felt exhausted. The almost fight at the party and then the almost argument in the car had sucked out all of her energy. She didn't have anything left to think about life choices and the future. She closed her eyes and tried to keep the headache at bay.

Pulling into their driveway, Don parked the car and sat in the driver's seat with his head pressed against the backrest. When he spoke, all the anger from before was gone from his voice. "I'm sorry I overreacted. When you aren't happy, I'm not happy either, Bridget. And it makes me nervous." He turned and looked at her. She reached over and took his hand and squeezed it. He returned the pressure.

"I know," Bridget said. "I wish there was something that you could do that would just make me happy, but there isn't. I have to figure out how to find happiness on my own." Bridget tried not to let her voice tone change as she continued. "But you getting pissed off and into fights is the surest way to make me unhappier." She gave his hand another little squeeze.

Don's head slowly came forward to rest his chin on his chest. He sat like that for a second before saying, "I know." Lifting his head up and looking at her he added, "I'm an idiot sometimes."

The dark obscured the slightest little wince on Bridget's face. Don's words were too close to ones uttered by Sian multiple times. It was a reminder of Sian that Bridget didn't need. She pulled her hand back from Don's and opened the door to the car. She started into the house without waiting for Don, thinking that she just wanted this day to end. She could hear Don getting out and then following her inside. By the time she had the door open, he had caught up with her.

As Bridget headed into the bedroom, Don looked at the clock. It really wasn't that late and he was reminded of his behavior at the party. He had hoped that Bridget might want to spend some time together but it was clear that she was looking to go to sleep.

"Honey, I am not feeling sleepy," Don said just as she got to the bedroom door. "I think I will watch something."

"Okay," Bridget said as she looked briefly back at him. "Night."

"Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too," Bridget said. Don watched her as she went into the bedroom. At least she didn't shut the door. It had taken her a while to realize that it felt like she was shutting Don out of her life when she reflexively did that. Now she only did it when she really was trying to get some separation from him.

Moving over to the couch, Don sat down and picked up the remote. After turning the television on and turning to the sports channel, Don reached over to grab a pillow. Holding it over his chest with both arms, he leaned back and watched the recap of the day's sports news. He was still there a couple of hours later. It was beginning to get to be a bad habit with him.

A week later, Bridget and Don were watching a movie in bed. It had been a pretty good day and Bridget had snuggled up to Don when he got into bed. Don had seen it while on a business trip several months ago so he was only giving it part of his attention. It let him think about things while still following the plot.

Over the last week, Don kept thinking about ways to try and get some spark back into their relationship. Although he understood what Bridget kept telling him about needing to find her own way to be happy, it still didn't sit well with Don. In the time since the end of Bridget's relationship with Sian, it didn't seem to him like their marriage was getting any better. Although she seemed to enjoy having him hold her like tonight, she never wanted to go any further. As she continually told him when he asked about it, she just wasn't feeling interested.

"It seems to me that if she would just try, maybe she would find her interest growing," Don thought to himself. "How can you get aroused if you never want to even try?" It was frustrating, and in more than just the emotional way. Don wasn't used to not having sex this long. Sometimes when Bridget was out, Don would bring out one of the lesbian videos and beat off to it. He might cum, but Don wasn't getting the same jolt out of them as before. And it was a pale imitation of the real thing with Bridget.

Don started to think about ways they might be able to just start the sexual side of their relationship. He thought if they could improve that, it would help bring the two of them together. There was something about the intimacy of making love that would carry over to the rest of their relationship. The key was finding some way to get Bridget aroused.

Even though the lesbian fantasy hadn't worked out like he planned, Don thought about the other things they had done before that. They had certainly put some spice in their love life. He wondered if maybe finding some new fantasy of Bridget's might be the right thing.

As Don watched the movie, he kept thinking about that idea. Maybe tonight was a good time to bring it up. The movie was almost over and then he would have a chance. He knew that his sense of urgency was partially driven by the fact that he hadn't masturbated in close to a week. He was feeling horny. The romantic comedy they were watching wasn't helping as the end approached the couple were making up by making love. They weren't showing a lot, but the actress was hot. Don's cock was semi-hard as he watched the two actors kissing with the woman's back exposed. He looked over at Bridget. She had a little smile on her face as she watched.

Once the credits started, Bridget reached over and gave him a hug. "Thanks for suggesting this movie, Sweetie. I really liked it." Don noticed that she had a couple of tears rolling down her face. She smiled, feeling a little shy. "Okay, I know. I'm a softy for stuff like this."

Don hugged her back. "I don't mind. Don't take this wrong, but it is nice to see tears for that reason rather than because you are unhappy."

Bridget smiled. "True," she quietly said. She obviously wasn't bothered by what Don said.

Since Bridget seemed to be in a good mood, Don decided to take a chance. "Honey, I've been thinking. I know what you have been saying about not being interested, you know, in sex. But maybe it is because we aren't trying. Maybe if you tried, you wouldn't find it that hard to get excited after a little bit."

"Don, it isn't like that. I just don't feel like it," Bridget started to say.

"I know, but maybe we could try something. You know like we were doing last year. Find a fantasy of yours and use it to help," Don said hopefully.

He instantly knew that it had been the wrong thing to try. Bridget's body drew away from him. "No Don. I'm not doing fantasies anymore!" She paused as she tried to keep control but it was impossible. "Jesus! I can't believe you. Is this just so that you can get laid? If you want that so bad, why don't you go find a hooker or pick someone up in a bar? This is about me trying to find a connection with you and you think it is all about sex. I cannot believe you! Have you listened to anything I have been trying to say?" Bridget's voice kept getting louder and her face angrier.

"We got here by you focused on your sexual fantasies rather than our marriage. And don't give me any bullshit about it being my fantasy. I was content to leave it there. You weren't! How did that work out, Don?" Bridget glared at him. "Well how did it?"

"Honey, I was just trying to find a way to help," Don tried to backtrack but Bridget wasn't having any of it.

"Sex isn't our problem, Don. Believe me, it isn't," Bridget told him. She crossed her arms and fell back against the pillows on the bed, completely on her side.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Forget I suggested that,"

"Ha! Like that is likely," Bridget scornfully said. She looked away from him. For once it didn't look like she was likely to cry. The way she looked made Don think it was more likely that she would hit him.

Don rolled over and lay there. He couldn't believe how badly that went. And what did Bridget mean that sex wasn't their problem. If not having sex for almost two months wasn't a problem with their marriage, what did Bridget think was their bigger problem? Don was afraid to ask. A few minutes later he felt Bridget stirring. He looked over his shoulder and saw Bridget getting out of the bed and holding the pillow she usually used.

"Where are you going?" Don asked.

"I'm going to sleep in the guest bed," Bridget replied as she walked to the door. Looking back at him, her voice was cold. "And don't come in and try and talk. I'm not in the mood for that either." Then Bridget walked out.

As she lay down on the bed, Bridget thought about how for once she didn't feel like crying. She was just mad. All the time she had spent trying to talk to Don about how she was feeling and what she was going through seemed to have been wasted. In the end for Don it seemed like it boiled down to sex. If they were having sex, then their relationship was good. The emotional connection that she had been seeking to rebuild didn't matter. Or if it did, the only way that he could see to fix it was through sex. And then to suggest using more fantasy play? Didn't he see that they started to go wrong when he got fixated on their fantasies? Once that happened, he lost sight of the things that had really linked the two of them. For Bridget it had never been sex. His obsession started to obscure the guy that she fell in love with.

In the darkness, Bridget sighed. She knew that the problem wasn't really what Don had done tonight. It just illustrated the fundamental issue. In the time since she and Sian split, none of those emotional connections had sparked for her with Don. Most of the time, she was comfortable with him. But as her therapy had gone on, she was realizing that she wasn't really happy with Don. It was acceptable. It was safe, especially at a time when she was overwhelmed by her depression over losing Sian. At least that was beginning to get better. She no longer felt like a black cloud was hanging over her all the time.