Lethal Weapon Pt. 02

I'll do my best to try and explain what happened, but first I have to let you know something. I know that one of your 'conditions' was to not tell you that I love you, but I guess I don't have anything to lose now, do I? I love you with all of my heart and soul.

Martin smiled as he read those words, he couldn't help but feel the same, but the words also felt like a knife had been stuck into his heart.

I fell in love with you after our first date, and I have NEVER, I repeat, never ever stopped loving you for one second. Other people had a big hand in this, but the burden is on me, I am the one at fault, the one who could have stopped it, the one to blame.

I'm sure you remember how my parents, especially my mother treated you when we were first together. You know how religious they were. Mother started telling me that I could not be with anyone except Roger, that it was a sin and I was committing adultery when I had sex with you. My mother did not recognize our marriage as being valid. My dad, although he didn't really say much, always liked you, he was just afraid to go against my mother, so he stayed out of it.

If you remember, for most of our marriage, I was at mom's almost daily. In the early years, she was constantly hassling me to get back with Roger, telling me that he had cut his hair and cleaned himself up, how he had another job. Then, he started showing up at mom's while I was there, she'd invited him.

"I had a feeling something like that was happening, I should have checked up on it. . . If only. . . " he thought.

I was NOT impressed by that gesture, and I told them so, but he continued to come, and my mother insisted that we should try and get back together. I told her that I was going to quit coming over if he kept coming around, but he continued to show up anyway. She constantly talked about me being an adulteress and how I was living in sin with you. She urged me to sleep with Roger, saying that I would come to my senses and see the err of my ways. I told her that was never going to happen!

I was grocery shopping one Friday evening while you were at work, and I ran into Amanda Swanson. At one time, we had been good friends, but we hadn't hung out since grade school, I can't remember why we had a falling out, but she got involved with, and ran with a rough crowd in junior high and high school. I avoided those people, a lot of them made fun of me and called me names because I was so shy and skinny.

I kind of consider not running with Amanda a blessing, look how she turned out. . . and most of those people she ran with either have been, or are in prison or dead.

She invited me over to her apartment to catch up. At first I thought maybe I shouldn't, but then I thought about how Roger was probably over at mom's, and I just didn't want to deal with him anymore. I decided it wouldn't hurt if I went to Amanda's for a while. I brought the groceries home and put them away first, then she picked me up and I rode with her over to her place. It was a Friday, and Jeffery was staying the night with his friend Tommy, so I didn't have to worry about him.

After we got to her apartment, she asked me if I wanted a beer, I told her that I didn't drink and didn't like beer. She went into the kitchen, and came back with a fruity drink (that turned out to be a wine cooler) and told me that I would like it. At the time, I didn't know that it was alcohol and drank three. I wasn't drunk, but I was feeling pretty good. She wouldn't drive after drinking, so she walked me home, then when I went to bed, I believe I passed out, because I didn't even hear you come in after work.

Because mom kept inviting Roger over, I started hanging out at Amanda's place while you were at work instead. I found that I kind of liked the wine coolers. I explained what had been happening with my mom and Roger to Jackie, and got her to start coming over to watch Jeffery, so that I could go over to Amanda's. Jackie and I had talked about how much I missed you during the evenings you had to work and she was OK with me going to Amanda's. After a while, she said that going over there seemed to cheer me up, she could tell. It did make me feel better, I didn't miss you nearly as much. She didn't know that I was drinking though, or at least she never let on if she did or not.

I had been going over to Amanda's for about a month, when she talked me into smoking some weed, then I really relaxed. While I was over there, we talked about all sorts of things, being a little high and drunk made me happy and things were funny. She knew that me and you were together and told me about how you two had already hooked up before you got with me. She said that you were really good in bed and that I was lucky to have you. I didn't really show it, or at least I don't think I did, but the fact that she had been with you made me insanely jealous. She told me that your dick was bigger than her boyfriend's and asked me if I'd ever had sex with anyone with a bigger cock than you.

God, how I wish now that I would have kept my mouth shut. Now that I think about it, I may have been trying to 'one up' her after she said that she'd been with you. I told her how big Roger was and how he had hurt me with his cock. Then she asked me to hook her up with him, and I told her no way, that he was totally worthless. I was able to avoid that topic for about two weeks, until she picked me up one evening and we stopped by the liquor store on the way to her apartment. As we were coming out, lo and behold, Roger was heading in. I guess he gave up going over to mom's.

I ignored him and walked right on past, but Amanda stopped and started talking to him, and to my horror, she invited him back to her apartment. I should have asked her to take me home, but I figured that he'd only stay for a few minutes and leave, that his brother and friends were probably waiting on him.

I've had a lot of reservations about telling you the details, I really feel awful describing what I did with Roger. I can't really explain why it happened, I know that I was in such denial that it was happening, that it was like I wasn't there. I felt really guilty, but couldn't even remember what all I had done until later the next afternoon. You asked why, I need for you to understand that what I am about to tell you is my theory as to why it all happened and the reasons for my behavior. Please forgive me.

Martin looked away for a moment, did he want to hear all of the sordid details of her exploits with Roger? NO he did not, and he started to put the letter back inside of the envelope. But he stopped, curiosity got the better of him, he needed closure, so he continued to read.

After we got back to Amanda's, the three of us sat in the living room, smoked a couple of joints, and drank. Roger didn't leave as soon as I'd hoped, so I had a couple more hits of weed than usual because it was irritating me to no end that he was still there. The longer he stayed, the more I drank too, I was really messed up. All at once, Amanda asked Roger if she could see his cock, I couldn't believe it. I got up to leave, but I was in no shape to walk anywhere, so I stumbled into the bathroom. While I was in there, I decided that I was going to go home, even if it meant calling a cab. Then I realized that my purse was at home locked away in the file cabinet in our bedroom.

I'm not sure how long I was in there, but when I came out of the bathroom, they were both naked and making out on the couch. I walked over and told her I wanted to go home. Amanda told me to sit down, finish my drink and watch her take this 'big snake,' she'd make sure I got home when they were done. I was too fucked up to try and walk home on my own, so I grabbed my drink and sat down in the chair. I was only a few feet from them, and looked away as I finished my drink. I was not wanting to see this, but with every moan or groan, I peeked, I couldn't help it, I'd never seen anyone else doing it before. I've never even watched any porn, and here I had a live action sex scene right in front of me.

After watching them for a while, I started thinking about you, and how badly I needed you right then, I became so turned on. . . I think that I might have even touched myself. I know that I'd made my mind up to attack you when you got home that night. Amanda asked me if she could have some help showing Roger how to lick pussy, I wasn't sure I understood what she was getting at, but the next thing I knew, they were undressing me and I didn't have enough willpower to even try and stop them. I wasn't even sure if it was real or not, was I dreaming?

I'm so sorry, I felt powerless, Amanda told me to just lie back, she was just going to show Martin how to do it, and she couldn't very well show him on herself, could she?

It must have been the alcohol and the pot, because for some reason, that somehow made sense to me. I know you don't want to hear this, but I have to tell you everything so you'll know what was going on in my head.

I let them undress me, just laid back, and let them spread my legs. Amanda and Roger got up close to me, Amanda started first, then Roger, then the both of them together. Amanda pulled back and let Roger do it by himself, while she went down and started licking around on his cock. When they first started, I was thinking that as soon as he got the hang of it, I'd stop him and get the hell out of there, but then something came over me, it felt so good and I was way past the point of stopping them. The mixture of the alcohol and weed, wanting YOU so bad, having my pussy licked and seeing a cock being sucked right there in front of me at the same time. . . Did I have to one up her? Was it lust? I don't know, but I pushed Roger up, I had to have his cock in my mouth.

I know it sounds crazy, but I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or I was even aware of what was happening. I even thought that I might have been with you at the time. I was so fucked up and so horny that I had to have someone. It had nothing to do with Roger, I never loved him, or even liked him for that matter. Could it have been another man standing there besides him? Would I have done the same? I don't think I would have, but there was a familiarity with him, something in the back of my mind said it was OK (maybe my mother's words).

If you were drunk and one of your buddies was messing with one of your ex-girlfriends right in front of you, and all at once that naked girl was licking you. . . What would you have done? Honestly think about that for a minute. What if your mother approved, even encouraged you?

"I never would have put myself in that position, I was in love with you DAMN IT!! I could have never touched another woman. . . God, I can't even do that now!" Martin cried out. But he wasn't sure if she wasn't right, he'd been drunk before, but never to the point that he was as far gone as Trish had been. He also knew that after he had been drinking, he was always horny.

During the times I spent with Amanda at her apartment talking, she had been going on and on about and describing some of the sexual things she'd done with different guys. Thinking about doing those things with you made me crazy with lust. All of those sexual feelings that I would push away when they surfaced (that I had never experienced before you), came forward with a vengeance and the alcohol and pot lowered my inhibitions enough, that I let go. I don't really want to tell you these things, but I feel like I've lost you anyway, and I want to be honest with you.

Martin stopped reading again, his heart was breaking. Reading it in her own words hurt so terribly bad, he couldn't get the images of Roger standing there while Trish took his cock into her mouth out of his head, and tears started flowing. Martin felt weak, so he got up from the table for a moment and walked around the house. Coming back into the kitchen, he went to the refrigerator and grabbed a cold Pepsi. He sat back down and then after a few tortured moments, he focused his eyes on the letter again.

Martin, being with you turned me into a nymphomaniac, you made me feel so hot and bothered. When Amanda started talking about all of the sexual exploits she'd had, I wanted to do nasty things with you, but I was afraid that you would think I was weird. Then, you were at work all of the time. I can honestly say, that if I would have smoked a joint, and drank several wine coolers before I had sex with you, you would have seen a porn star, I would have done ANYTHING sexual. I wanted to be that way with you so bad, but I chickened out.

That first night with Roger, I think there was a mixture of things that went through my mind, I was in such a haze. . . I wanted to get one over on Amanda, because she'd slept with you, and I wanted to rub it in Roger's face that this is what I do with my new husband. But something else happened too, I know I would never let you come in my face, and I never had any intention of letting Roger do it either, but all at once, without warning, that's exactly what he did. . .

Martin felt like he'd been punched in the gut, like his insides were being ripped from him, and nothing but a giant hole remained, an emptiness. . .

He took me totally by surprise. I wasn't expecting it, and I don't know why I got as turned on as I did either. I'm so sorry Martin, but at that point, I was more turned on than I had ever been in my life. I needed cock and I needed it bad. At that moment, I probably WOULD have done it with ANY man.

Me and Amanda used our mouths to get him hard again, then I watched as Roger fucked Amanda. After a few moments, I couldn't take it anymore and told Amanda to get out of the way, I needed that cock inside of me. By the time she moved and he stuck it in me, I was ready to go off. Amanda came over and straddled my face, and I actually started licking her pussy (I never did that again though), while Roger pushed his cock into me. That was the first time he had EVER got his whole cock inside of me, and I came really hard.

Roger kept fucking me and I kept coming, then he pulled out and shot his cum all over my boobs. . . and me and Amanda licked it all off. I was so turned on, that I couldn't help it.

Afterwards, I let Roger walk me home, and he tried to kiss me before I went inside. I told him no, that it was all a big mistake, that I loved you and it would never happen again. I think Jackie knew something was wrong, she looked at me awful funny, I just told her that I wasn't feeling well. I went in and took a shower and waited for you to come home, I was still wanting you really bad, but I fell asleep before you got there.

I don't know if you remember or not, but when your evenings off rolled around that week, I couldn't get enough of you, we made love every night you were off. I sucked your cock, and I let you come in my face, I pretended that I didn't know you were ready to come, but I let you on purpose. You don't know how that made me feel, I was on fire for you and I had at least five orgasms every night. You even asked me what was going on, why I was so horny, you teasingly asked me who had taught me those things. That scared me and made me feel guilty, I thought you would be able to tell what I'd done with Roger. I felt devastated after your evenings off were over, I wanted you to be there to make love to me every night. Sex with you was, and still is the best, he could never compare to you, it's true!

I tried and tried to stay up until you were home, but I always fell asleep. There were a few times that we made love after you got off, but not enough.

A few days after that evening at Amanda's, I stopped by to see my mother and she absolutely floored me. She told me that Roger had come to visit, and told her that he'd had sex with me. She was excited that we were 'getting back together,' as she put it. I told her that that was not the case, I had been drunk, it was a big mistake and it wasn't going to happen again. She lectured me for half an hour about what a sinner I was for being with you, and not my one 'true' husband. She said that Roger would be over shortly and she wanted to speak to us together about our reunion, so I left.

Amanda came over a couple of days later and wanted me to go to her apartment again. I was stressed from what I'd done the last time I was there and what my mom said to me. At first, I told her no, but she persisted and I finally told her that I would only go for a little while, and as long as Roger wouldn't be there. I just wanted to drink some wine coolers and forget about it all, so I called Jackie and she came over to watch Jeff while I ran with Amanda over to her place again.

I told Amanda that I felt horrible about what I'd done with Roger and that it had all been a mistake. She laughed at me and told me that she planned on having him over a lot, and what me and him had done was no big deal, it was only sex. She also told me that she couldn't understand why I would ever give up a big cock like Roger's. I told her that I divorced him because I realized that we were opposites, and I didn't love him, I didn't want anyone but you, Martin. I know you find that hard to believe, but it's true, it absolutely is!

By that point in our conversation, I had consumed enough alcohol that I was pretty tipsy again, and Amanda asked me if I was planning on seeing Roger again, and I said "NO," I didn't want him. Then she asked me to be honest, she asked whether or not I enjoyed his big cock, now that I knew more about sex and he got the whole thing in me. I couldn't lie, I admitted that I had enjoyed being filled up like that, but I still didn't want to be with him anymore, it was so much better with you, period. Once again, I was craving you and you were at work. I wanted to stay up so we could be together, then I remembered that I had been drinking and you would know it, and once again, fear swept through me that you would find out what I'd done.

The next evening was your last 4 to 12 shift for the week and I would have you home, thoughts about being with you on your first evening off overtook me, I was wet all day. Amanda showed up, wanting me to go over to her place again, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to. All I could think about was fucking you, and it was distracting me something terrible. I decided to go over to her place for just a little while, hoping to just have a few drinks, and get you off of my mind. Once we relaxed and had had a few, she started telling me that Roger had been over after I left the night before and had given her a 'royal fucking for the ages.'

I still smile when I think about her telling me about that with that backwoods accent she always had.

She kept talking about sex and what she had him do to her, said that he was a good student, he would do anything she asked. Amanda said that she told Roger to lick her asshole really good, and he went right to it. I have to admit, that put a tingle between my legs, because you know how much I enjoy ass play. I started thinking about being with you again, then about asking you to lick me there, and I got really wet.

Amanda started talking about what you and her did when you two were going out, she said that what you two had done was just raw fucking. She told me that you had fucked her in the ass a couple of times and how much she enjoyed it. I felt those pangs of jealousy again when she talked about that. When she asked me if I had given my ass to you, I blushed. She laughed and told me I couldn't hide it very well, then asked me if I liked getting my ass fucked. I just nodded. She said that after Roger had licked her ass, she wanted him to stick his cock in there, but was scared because he was so big, and decided against it. Amanda talked about the different positions that they had tried, and compared him to you, I was starting to get mad. . . and it hurt, thinking again, that she had had you before me.