Lisa Ch. 03: Learning

"Why don't you wager something Jess, it's a hell of a lot more fun. You can get whatever you want,'

"Hang on," Scott interrupted, "anything you want within reason ... it has to be something we have the ability to actually give you."

Jessica's eyes darted to where Angus and Riley sat. They hadn't heard the conversation. She hesitated, and then shook her head.

"Come on Jess," Jimmy continued, "anything at all ...As long as it's in our control ..." Jimmy added before Scott could speak. "For example ... if we win, I want my laundry done ... washed, folded, put away. That's my bet with Scott, and Josh ... takes my next turn to cook,"

"Right," Josh said as he picked up his cards. "And if we win this round of Euchre, Jim has to clean out the horse stalls for me tomorrow."

"Jim does toilet duty for me tomorrow ..." Scott added.

"Geez Jess," Jimmy said, "here's your chance to ask for anything, anything!"

Scott gave Jimmy a sideways glance. What the hell was with him and promising Jessica the moon. Jim caught his look and held his hand up. He'd seen a flicker of something cross over Jessica's face, he was close, he could feel it!

"Come on Jess, unless they physically can't, the guys will honor whatever you ask. Right guys?"

"It can't have anything to do with Angus or Riley," Josh said leaning in, and speaking in a hushed voice. He remembered what Jim went through a few months before when Jessica had persuaded him to talk Riley into letting her read books. It was a long, ongoing battle. If Jim hadn't finally suggested to Riley that Jessica might stop being so difficult if she were distracted, he would've lost the fight and been at odds with Riley forever. As it is, Riley, and Angus, view Jim as a push-over. That wasn't a can of worms he wanted to deal with. He snuck a look over his shoulder to ensure that Riley and Angus weren't eavesdropping. They sat huddled over the kitchen table focused on their work.

Jessica leaned forward. She'd decided on something, and Jimmy couldn't tell if the expression on her face was one of defiance or victory. She leaned in even further and held Jimmy's eyes with hers.

"Okay. I want to shower alone."

Jimmy blinked. What did she mean? She always showered alone. Jessica's eyes moved to Josh and then Scott. Jimmy's did too. By the expressions on their faces, he supposed that it wasn't the case when she was with them. Jimmy groaned. He hadn't seen that coming.

Scott cleared his throat. "Jess, you know we can't leave you alone in the bathroom ..."

"No, not in the bathroom," Jessica said shaking her head, "in the shower. On the nights that I'm ... " Jessica hesitated, "with you, I want to take my own showers ... alone ... from now on."

Scott and Josh looked at each other in disbelief. Neither could think of a reason that she couldn't shower alone. Riley and Angus didn't need to know. Out of pure selfishness, it wasn't something they really wanted to give up.

'Damn it!' Scott thought to himself. Ah ha, an out! "Only if Jim has to do the same," he said. That'd fix things pretty easily.

Jimmy shrugged, nothing would change for him. "Okay," he said, "is it a wager then?"

"I guess," Josh replied, giving Jim an evil eye. There was always the chance that Jessica and Jimmy would lose, and at least he and Scott would look like the good guys ... willing to go along with it, but then 'oops, too bad you lost' and they could continue on as usual. If Jim and Jess didn't lose however, he was going to be stuck abiding to something he wasn't sure that he could. Could he simply sit in the bathroom knowing Jessica was behind the curtain, all pink from the hot water, rubbing soap everywhere? If he broke the pact he'd look even worse than if he didn't go along with it.

"I'm not crazy about this ..." Scott said while mentally cursing Jimmy for capitulating so easily, "that forever part, it's pretty long ... couldn't we just make it a day or two?"

Jessica shook her head and leaned back against the sofa.

'What the hey' Scott thought, if Jim and Josh were willing to give it up, so was he. It was bit of headway with Jessica. Why smother it?

"Alright," Scott said, "I'll go along. But there's to be no table talk of any kind during the game."

"Jess?" Jimmy asked. She nodded As Josh turned over the top card in the kitty, Jessica showed an attentiveness to her cards she had never displayed before.

Jessica rapped her knuckles on the coffee table, Jimmy picked-up the upturned card. It was a nine of hearts, he hoped Jessica had a better hand then he did, if she didn't he could end-up doing a heck of a lot of cleaning in the next day or two.

As the round progressed Jimmy was amazed. Jessica led out with the Ace of diamonds. She managed to win the hand, and at the same time find out that Scott had no trump. The next round she led an Ace of Clubs, won the hand. Ten of clubs forced Josh to play his left bauer, the second highest card of the game. She beat his Queen of spades with a King, and the rest of the round was touch and go, they won by the skin of their teeth. Jimmy marked their point. Jessica didn't seem the least bit frazzled by the close margin of their victory.

As the next round fell to Jessica and Jim again, Scott began to wonder if they'd been hoodwinked. They got a point on the next round, but although the next seven were close, they always went to Jessica and Jim. She was a shark ... plain and simple. Despite the fact that they'd lost something significant to her, Scott couldn't help but be impressed. She'd played every hand perfectly.

"Woo wee!" Jim exclaimed tossing his last card onto the table, "We won! I don't know how ... but we won!"

"That wasn't exactly the way you taught the game to us," Josh said, not sure what to think about her obvious sneakiness. Next time he planned to be on her team.

"No, " Jessica replied with a smile, "that's what I like to call 'Suicide Euchre', it helps if your partner can back you up." She looked at Jimmy with a shy tilt of her head.

"You counted on us sucking at the game!" Scott declared a look of astonishment on his face.

"Oh yeah!" Jessica replied and giggled. When Scott shook his head and smiled, she giggled even more.

"We've been had!" Josh said to Scott and despite himself, he was actually happy about it. This was a real, genuine giggle, they were few and far between.

It had caught Angus and Riley's attention. They sat watching the group around the coffee table. To hear Jessica giggle out in the open like this was unheard of. Every so often a giggle could be heard from within Jimmy or Scott's room, and sometimes even Josh's, but in front of everyone, never before.

Jessica noticed Riley and Angus looking over. Riley didn't look angry anymore, and Angus had replaced his normally hostile expression with something resembling tolerance. Jessica looked away before she could do something to change their mood.

"You look awfully happy for a couple of guys who just lost," Angus said.

"We're in shock," Scott replied. He looked at his watch. Ten o'clock. Jessica was in a good mood. Now was the time to get her out of here, before Riley or Angus bullied her back into a bad mood. "Okay Jess. I don't know about you, but I'm bushed. Let's call it a night." He stood, and held his hand out to her. She took it and got to her feet.

"Good night kisses Jess, " he reminded her. Jessica pecked Josh and Jim on the lips. She turned and hesitated for a moment. Scott heard her take a deep breath and then she moved toward Angus and Riley. She kissed them both on the lips and moved quickly to the hall leading to the bedrooms. Scott was right behind her. Quick exits were always good. He was pretty sure that both he and Jessica held their breaths until they were safely in the bathroom. It didn't take much to set Riley or Angus off. They weren't beyond calling her back and questioning her about why her eyes crossed or some other equally mundane thing.

The bedroom door closed behind them. Jessica was wrapped in a towel, and with her back to Scott, she slipped into her pajamas. It had been weird, not showering with her, but compared to the rest of the day, it barely mattered.

He'd given up on sex in the shower with Jessica, ages ago. In fact, he'd pretty much given up on sex with Jessica, period. He'd had his share of girls before, mostly one night stands, and he knew when a girl was into it, and when one wasn't.

Jessica, without a doubt, wasn't. It had gotten to the point where it was too depressing to even try. He'd always tried to make it good for her, he knew all the things that made most girls beg for more, but little surprise, Jessica was not like most girls. So, he'd resigned himself to the fact that a shower with her was merely the thrill of being close to her. He enjoyed lathering her up, toweling her off, and yes, once in a while it led to other things despite the fact that Jessica just didn't get out of it the kind of pleasure he had hoped. Invariably, his pleasure suffered also.

He got into bed and waited for her to join him. There was always the cuddling. That she didn't seem to mind. In fact, if he didn't know better, he would've sworn that the cuddling was what got Jessica off.

She was faster than usual in getting into the bed, and something seemed different. She bounced up and down on the bed, on her knees, and actually had a smile on her face. It probably had to do with the fact that she actually had some food in her. She had eaten more that night, than she would normally eat in a week. He had been a little freaked out by that, until he'd heard Riley's plan. Although Riley'd tried, as usual, to pass it off as a collaboration between him and Angus, Scott knew that there was no way Angus would've come up with the idea. In fact Scott was amazed that Riley had managed to get Angus to go along with it.

None of that mattered ... it seemed like some positive change was finally coming. He took it as a good sign that Jessica seemed willing to finally take advantage of some incentives. It had always been frustrating in the past when she had opted for the hard and painful path. It had not been a picnic, for anyone.

"Riley said that if I'm good for a month, I can go horseback riding with you." Jessica announced as she bounced on the bed. She seemed so excited, so alive. He'd never seen her like that before. "Can I ride Chestnut?" She asked bouncing closer to him, "Please, please, please!"

"Chestnut?" Scott asked, overwhelmed by her enthusiasm. He laughed, "Why Chestnut?"

"Because, he's your favorite horse, " Jessica lifting her pointer finger, "he's young, and fast, and he's beautiful!" she added, raising a finger for every point. Jessica was so pumped that Scott pulled her down to him, and kissed her. No matter what she did, she got his juices going, but now she seemed so passionate, so ready ... Jessica tensed.

"Come on Jess, just relax, I'll make it good, I promise ..." he whispered as his hand ran the length of her body. She fell onto her back next to him, and he proceeded to kiss every inch of her body as he worked his way down toward his favorite reward. He was so primed, all that pent-up sexuality ready and willing, until he opened his eyes. Jessica was lying, as stiff as a board, staring at the ceiling. She looked like she was counting the specks in the stucco to entertain herself.

Scott dropped his forehead on her stomach, he couldn't go on. He stayed like that for a minute, two minutes, and Jessica didn't move. He looked up, she hadn't even noticed that he'd stopped. Suddenly he realized that she was making a low, repetitive noise. He moved up her body, closer to her head ... she was humming, humming! She still hadn't realized that he'd stopped. He dropped his head onto the pillow next to hers. She turned to look at him, confusion evident in her expression.

"This is no good for you, is it?" he asked. She had a blank expression. "You don't feel anything? Not even when I touch you down here?" he asked, sliding his hand between her legs, "or kiss you here?" he asked nibbling on her neck. She didn't respond. Any other woman would have at least tilted their head against him as he nuzzled her neck. He was stupefied. He considered himself to be a damn good lay ... he always took care of his partner's needs first. What was going on?

"Jessica, I need an answer from you ... this isn't going to get any better for you unless you tell me exactly what's going on. Tell me, what do you feel when I do this?" he asked probing expertly between her legs. Jessica closed her legs around his arm, effectively halting its motion. "That bad?" he asked. Jessica didn't reply, she just turned her eyes back to the ceiling.

"No Jessica," he said taking her chin and turning her face back to him. "You don't just act like I'm a door to door salesman and ignore me! I need you to speak, and now! Isn't there something that would make this feel good for you? Some sort of story? Like, I don't know, you're walking down the street and some completely gorgeous stranger accosts you and does things to you that make you want to melt on the spot?"

Jessica looked at him like he was crazy.

"Oh come on!" he demanded suddenly enthused by his mission. He propped his head up with his fist his elbow next to her pillow. "I have a zillion scenarios in my head. Sometimes you're the cute lifeguard on the beach who has just saved me from certain death in the deep blue sea. I have great fun getting the sand out of all your crevices ... then there's the nurse, the teacher, the policewoman, if you can believe that! Come on Jess, who is it for you? I'll be that guy. I don't have to be me. I don't care who the hell you fuck in your head, so long as you get off ... come on," he said patting his hand against her cheek, progressively harder. It seemed as though she'd completely phased out. She began blinking, and then suddenly sat up, pulling her knees to her stomach. Scott sat up beside her.

"You go somewhere else, don't you?" he asked disappointed yet glad to be getting somewhere. "Jess, you need to talk to me, because now that I know, I'm not going to let this go. Somehow we're going to find what's right for you and for me. I'm not going to be satisfied until you're screaming at the top of your lungs, begging for more, so fess up."

Jessica looked at him for a moment and then looked away.

"Well?" he asked again, "Unless you start giving me some info, I'm going to have to go through all the possible scenarios. There's the strangers having sex in a movie theatre, there's the elevator bit, there's the wake-up sex ..."

Jessica flinched, and looked over at Scott.

"Absolutely not that one!" she said so emphatically he wondered whether she'd been fantasizing all along. Maybe he was misinterpreting her body language? Impossible!

"Alright, no sleeping sex ... what instead? Tell me Jess ..."

Jessica slowly shook her head. "I don't know," she said.

"So, you feel nothing, nadda, zilch?" Scott asked, hoping it wasn't true.

Jessica shook her head again, "Nothing," she confirmed. Scott sat in silence, staring at her. On the one hand he was thrilled that she was speaking to him about it, yet he had dreaded that answer. What now?

"Alright, " he said, "I can work with that ... I'm going to get you some books," he said an idea coming to him, "just between you and me. Maybe in one of them you'll find that something that gets you going. Okay? Will you read them for me?"

"Scott ... "Jessica began.

"All you have to do is read them. I promise, I will not touch you that way again until you find something that works for you. Okay?"

Jessica exhaled. "Alright," she said, "just don't get your hopes up," she said, "because, I doubt I'll find anything, I think I'm just broken."

"Jessica!" Scott exclaimed, taking her in his arms, feeling like the biggest heel in history, "you are not broken!" He kissed the top of her head as he held her as tight as he could. "You just haven't found your thing yet. Hey, maybe it involves horseback riding! You sure get excited about that!"

Jessica looked at him. "Do you think Riley will really let me?"

"If Riley said so, he will. So long as you live up to your end of the deal."

"Hmmm." Jessica said turning her eyes to the ceiling again.

"Hmmm?" Scott asked.

"I just don't get Riley and Angus, they were so different today, so calm. Once I realized what I'd done, I thought for sure I was going to be in trouble. But nothing happened."

"Probably because Jim had given you permission to ride Ebony, I think they didn't mind so much."

"I guess ..." Jessica said still staring at the ceiling. There was something about her tone ...

"You guess what?"

"It turns out that Jim didn't really give me permission."

"What?" Scott asked.

"Well, I tried to ask, and I guess there was a snake that distracted Jim, I wanted to ride so badly ..."

Why was she telling him this? Scott wondered what sort of scheme she had figured out. And Jim had lied? What the hell?

Scott rolled onto Jessica, straddling her, he pinned her hands above her head. He stared down at her. He didn't like this, he felt like he was being played somehow. Jessica stared back at him in surprise. He struggled with his emotions, wondered what he should do next when he remembered something Jim had said to Josh and him. They had been asking him how he could be so damn sure that Jessica was being honest with him, when he'd said, "she tells me things, things that let me know I can trust her. When it happens to you, you'll know what I mean."

Was this it?

"Why did you tell me that? I could go to Riley right now and tell him the truth. Not only would you not be going horseback riding with me ... ever, you'd lose all your privileges and probably get a good beating out of it too!"

Fear replaced Jessica's surprise. She looked trapped, terrified, and .... betrayed? Had she expected duplicity from him? "Well?" he demanded.

"It ... it just came out. I'd tried to ask, I thought I had asked ... but Jim said that he never really answered me. I guess I thought ... it was just a misunderstanding. I didn't think you'd get angry. If you don't want me to tell you next time, I won't."

They stared at each other. She'd put him into a hell of a position. If he said something to Riley, he was betraying her. If he didn't, he was betraying Riley and the other men. Plus, he was making himself her accomplice. It seemed that Jim had already gone down that road. Well, there was only one thing to do. Use it to his advantage. Two could play at this game.

"No, you weren't wrong. I'll keep this to myself, and I appreciate your honesty. I guess my only problem is knowing whether to trust you or not. How can I be certain that you aren't just using me?"

"Scott, I wouldn't lie to you!" Jessica said as if the possibility that she would was completely outrageous.

"Of course not," he said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "Just like the time you didn't pretend to choke on a grape so you could break my nose with your head."

Jessica ducked her head. Of course he wouldn't believe her!

"Or all the other zillion times you manipulated me into a position of vulnerability." Scott continued. "No, this time, I'm sure you wouldn't lie to me, but I would be more certain of it if I felt a stronger connection with you ... if I felt that you really enjoyed being with me, felt passionate about me ..."

Jessica swallowed. "Scott, I don't know how to ..."

"If," Scott interrupted, "you were to really try and find some way to enjoy yourself with me ... find some way to enjoy it, I'd feel like I could trust you."

Jessica looked lost. Scott felt a pang of guilt. What if she were being honest? What would the advantage be to her taking a risk on telling him the truth? She could've lost everything in a split second.