Living with the Lie

Do you REALLY want Laci wandering around out there on her own, in the mood she's probably in? Think about it. Her self esteem can't be very high. Shit, you even cheated on her with a fat girl. So what happens when some smooth guy hits her with a couple of lines that make her feel special and wanted? Do you want her out there alone or do you want her out there helping Gerry get past what you and Miranda did to them?"

"But we didn't actually do anything," I told her.

"Gerry doesn't know that, Honey," she said. "He feels betrayed and hurt by the most important person in his life. And right now you are going to have a hard time convincing him that nothing happened. And Dean, Laci will not believe or listen to a single word out of your mouth. The two of them together is the best possible scenario."

She wolfed down a few bites of her food while Dean and I were both lost in our thoughts.

"Alright, it's still early. And after the night they had they're probably not going to sleep much. So I'm going to wait until ten or eleven to call them," she said. "I'm going to do this in stages. At first I'm going to find out how they're feeling and whether or not they're together. The next time I call, I'll mix in how sorry you two are and how it was a bad decision based on a snap judgment. And the time after that I'll start to encourage them to call you or come home."

"That could take days ... At least another day," I said.

"Miranda, take the time while you're apart to figure out what you're going to say to him, and how you're going to do things differently," she said.

After that she got up and headed for her office. I thought about what she'd said and decided to do exactly what she told me to do. I was even more determined to get Gerry back. I too left the table without saying another word to Dean.

* * * * * *

Gerry

Before my eyes opened, I felt a sense of alarm. There was a light buzzing snore beside me. It was cute. But Miranda didn't snore. And then I remembered that I had left Miranda. My eyes popped open then. I looked over and saw Laci beside me. Even asleep she was beautiful, perhaps more so.

Her face wasn't drawn from the stress of the situation we found ourselves mired in. And free from the lines of worry, her perfect skin and beautiful features were simply amazing to behold.

I had seen her so many times over the course of my life. Lying here beside her was a dream come true. Unfortunately, it was a dream that could never be fulfilled because at least for the moment I was married. That realization changed my thoughts. A dream that you have to stare at, that is just outside of your reach, is called torture.

"Sooooo, what are you thinking about?" Her voice was scratchy and ... Alarmingly sexy.

"I thought we went to sleep in different rooms," I said.

"That wasn't it," she said. "There have already been enough lies around here lately, Gerry."

"Okay, I was just thinking about how beautiful you are, even in your frigging sleep," I told her. "But I'm sure you've heard that millions of times."

"But I've never heard it from you," she smiled. "And Gerry, coming from you, it means a lot. Because everyone in town knows that you're a straight shooter. So if you say it, it means you believe it and you're not just going along with the party line. Or you're not just trying to get into my pants."

"I've always thought that you were beautiful," I said.

"So Gerry, WHY did you never tell me?" she asked. "And except for a few very polite, "Hi" or "Hi Laci," incidents we've barely spoken in all of the years we've known each other. Gerry we've gone to school together since we were five years old and this short conversation is more words than we've exchanged over our entire lives."

"Well, this is the first time we've ever been this close to each other," I said nervously.

"Whose fault is that?" she asked.

"Lace, it's no one's fault," I said. "You've been dating Dean since we were six."

"Dean and I started when we were thirteen, thank you very much," she smiled. "And we didn't have sex until after we got married. I expressed interest in dating other people several times. But he never went along with it ... I thought. And anyway, no one else ever asked me out."

"No one else was suicidal," I quipped. "Dean was always one of the biggest guys in the class. He made it clear that anyone who even looked at you was going to get their ass beaten. And the ones who weren't afraid of his threats still had to deal with the fact that you and Dean were like the royal family of the popularity club. So anyone who bucked you guys would be excommunicated from the school's social register."

"But Gerry, you were popular in your own right," she said. "You didn't need to trade off of us. And all of the girls I spoke to who dated you loved it. You wouldn't believe how many women in this town got pissed when you got serious about Miranda. They're still angry now. They look at it like she just swooped in from out of town and stole you."

I smiled at that.

"Do you see that!" she said, pointing at me. "I've never had that. I want that. I dream of that."

"What?" I asked. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"That look on your face," she said. "That God Damned glassy eyed dreamy look you got when I mentioned her fucking name. Dean does not get that way about me. He never has. That look just says love. Dean just thinks he owns me. So he can take me for granted."

"So what about breakfast," I said to change the subject.

"I hope Miranda knows how lucky she is," she said.

"You mean how lucky she WAS," I replied. "We're done. As soon as we go back, I'm starting the divorce."

* * * * * *

Laci

I didn't believe him. His love for her was written all over his face. I was sure that given enough time, no matter what else happened, he would take her back. And as evil as it sounded, I decided that for once I would get mine.

"Well we both need to think about what we're going to do," I said. "What we need to do is take a few days to clear our heads so we're thinking rationally about all of this and not just making emotionally driven responses that we'll regret later on."

"So how do we do that?" he asked.

"We just relax and spend the time doing whatever we want," I told him. "We take a few days and just pretend that night never happened. Just force it out of our minds so we can think clearly and later on we can view it without the anger coloring our judgment."

"So how do we start?" he asked again. I could tell that he was at least curious.

"Take me for a walk through the woods," I said. He nodded and we went to our respective rooms to grab clothes that would be better for walking in the woods.

"It was a perfect morning. We strolled through the nearby woods talking and sometimes not talking, as the mood struck us. For me it was an easy thing to do. Putting what Dean had done, AGAIN, out of my mind was something I had experience in.

The difference was that this time felt different. I was so used to trying my ass off to stay angry at Dean, but eventually giving in. The end result was always the same. He cheated on me and nothing happened. Perhaps that was the reason that he continued to do it. But this time I HAD done something about it and it felt great knowing that HE was the one waiting at home and wondering what I was doing.

As the morning wore on, I found myself using skills that I'd never employed before. I loved seeing the results. Dean was either so used to me, that he took me for granted, or he had never found me to be special. But Gerry was another matter. I had him all tied up in knots and it required very little effort.

I could mesmerize poor Gerry by doing the simplest things. I could twirl a lock of my long hair around a finger and Gerry would be so engaged with watching me that he lost his balance.

I could purse my lips and look over my shoulder at him and he would walk right into a tree. It was too easy and it made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I envied Miranda. I wondered if he had the same reaction to her, or if he'd grown so used to her that she no longer registered to him, like I didn't to Dean. Somehow I doubted that though. The two of them, even after being married for almost as long as Dean and I had, always seemed to be holding hands and touching each other.

Gerry, as much as he was staring at me as if he was in the middle of a dream, avoided touching me as if his life depended on it. I think he was following that old adage that says you can look, but not touch.

I also believe that he was conflicted. On one hand, as I'd heard on too many occasions, Gerry had a huge crush on me that had begun long before he ever met Miranda. But on the other hand, he WAS married to her and he clearly loved her. As much as I was some sort of fantasy woman for him, he was rooted in reality and marriage really meant something to him. The only thing that was allowing my games to get me this close to him was the fact that he was both very hurt and very angry about what Miranda had done with my asshole of a husband. Under normal circumstances, I'd have had no chance. I decided to take the game as far as I could.

By the time we headed back to the house we were both hungry. We decided to go into town and have something to eat there, instead of making something at the house. I think that in reality Gerry was afraid to be alone with me. That alone was worth the trip. I was sooooo used to men who wanted to be around me but weren't in any way threatened by me. But this was refreshing. For the first time in my life I was viewed differently. Instead of being seen as a pretty picture or just a beautiful if icy dream girl, I was a sexual threat. I was sexy. Just thinking about it did something that Dean had never managed to do. Gerry had me hot and horny.

Dean and I had sex sporadically. But things had gone downhill from our honeymoon. Dean occasionally threw me a marital mercy fuck. But he spent most of his attention on other women. It was clear that my inexperience had been something he simply wasn't prepared to deal with.

I think he bought into the whole, "wives are for marriage and whores are for fucking," theory. At the same time I myself simply endured sex with him for the sake of the marriage and the hope that if I let him use me, he wouldn't cheat on me.

But Gerry had me fired up to the point that if he tried anything, I was going to let him fuck me. To be truthful, it was worse. Without trying to, just the attention Gerry paid to me and the gentle way he treated me had lit a fire between my legs that Dean had never managed.

As he watched me shyly across the table, what I was feeling ramped up. Every time our eyes met, I felt tingles. In my mind the line between what good girls did and how whores behaved was becoming fuzzy.

For the life of me, I can't remember what we ate for lunch. I do remember telling him that I was full and asking him what we should do with the rest of the afternoon.

I remember laughing as he dropped his fork, and the look of fear on his face as he suggested going to a movie while we were in town.

That too was an experience. Throughout the day, I'd been feeling spoiled by the way Gerry opened car doors for me and pulled out chairs for me. Those were all tiny courtesies that Dean apparently didn't know still existed. But when we got to the movie theater and Gerry asked what I wanted to see, I was floored.

I was so used to waiting until movies were available on DVD to see them that I got excited. I picked a supposedly scary horror movie with an ulterior motive in mind.

We had just eaten so we weren't hungry but Gerry suggested soda and chocolate. I looked at him evilly, but smiled inside. When we were growing up half of the school knew that I was crazy about chocolate.

As the movie started, I quickly claimed one of Gerry's arms and wrapped it around me. At first he was very stiff, as if he was afraid to touch me. But as the movie progressed and I did nothing to make him more nervous, he relaxed.

His arm, instead of feeling like a bar made of muscle, felt warm and comforting. I felt protected and loved by the simple act of him pulling me against him every time I squeaked or squealed at some part of the movie that I wanted him to believe scared me.

Really, there was nothing on the screen that was scarier than my real life. A mask wearing maniac chasing a bunch of teenagers that I neither know nor care about? Not scary. Try cowering in fear in your own home over the possibility that your husband, who makes barely more than minimum wage, may have impregnated some girl in town. That's fucking scary for real.

I didn't really care about the movie. I was just using every chance and every second I had to enjoy the feelings and the situation I was experiencing. And I was thinking about what I wanted from it.

I was realistic to the nth degree. My innocence was gone, shed like a snake's skin, to reveal a tougher, less vulnerable version of myself.

The fairy princess, at twenty six years old had finally grown up. I'd realized that although I was living out a fantasy existence, the dream I inhabited was not my own.

I was living in Dean's dream world, where until now he'd set all of the rules and had all of the fun. Dean got to be married to the princess and fuck all of the other girls in town at the same time. As princes go, I had married a shitty one. Maybe the fairy tale got it all wrong. Maybe the princess kisses a frog and turns him into a prince, but it was all wrong from the start. Maybe the frog had simply conned the princess into making him a prince when he was really nothing but a God Damned frog to begin with.

So now the princess was stuck with a frog who simply pretended to be a prince but exposed his true nature with everything he did. Meanwhile the real prince had married someone else.

By his refusal to let me date anyone else while we were growing up, and his fighting with or ostracizing anyone who even thought of asking me out, Dean had stolen the possibility of my finding out that someone else was better for me. Dean had stolen my fucking life.

And there in that movie theater as Gerry hugged me and kept that arm wrapped around me, all kinds of thoughts and feelings went through me.

Gerry, even after finding out that Dean had stolen the homecoming king crown from him, had never cared. He'd never raised a big stink about it, but suddenly it mattered to me. If feeling Gerry's arm around me in a movie theater could make me feel this way, what would I have felt like if we'd ever gotten the chance to press our bodies against each other while dancing at the homecoming celebration?

Just sitting beside him in that Movie Theater had my nipples so hard they hurt. I had never felt like that before. I wanted to grab his hand and put it right on top of my breast and force him to squeeze it until I shot milk out of it. I would have grabbed his other hand and put it between my legs. I wanted Gerry so badly it was becoming a problem.

But the realistic part of me knew that I had to establish realistic goals and levels of what I could achieve. What I wanted and what I could actually have were probably very different.

In a perfect world, I could divorce Dean and Miranda could die of cancer. It would have to be that way. First off, Dean and I didn't have enough money to get a divorce. And secondly if I even looked at Gerry sideways Miranda would beat my ass bloody.

Just by looking at Miranda I knew that she could beat my ass. There was no doubt in my mind. It was funny because Gerry was a thin and wiry although muscular, runner type. Dean was a big football type. On paper most people would assume that Dean could clean up the floor with Gerry. The other night had proven that false. Gerry had beaten the shit out of Dean without raising a sweat. Dean never got the chance to get up even a token resistance.

I work out and run all of the time but I'm absolutely sure that Miranda could put me in the hospital without too much trouble. The funny thing is that if it got me Gerry, I'd fight her.

The problem is that it would be for nothing. Gerry loves Miranda. I may have been his fantasy girl. But she is his real life woman. That's why in my fantasy, Dean has to live so he can watch and suffer seeing Gerry and I fall in love and start making babies, but Miranda has to die, or at least move to the moon or Outer Mongolia. If Miranda was around, I would never have a chance with Gerry.

That of course is the top, probably unreachable level of my fantasy. The second tier involves Gerry and I having a long affair that lasts through most of our lives until our spouses or at least Miranda dies and we can be together. We'd keep it a secret and everyone could be happy. Gerry and I could have each other. Miranda could still have her life with Gerry and watch over him like a paranoid hawk. And Dean could fuck every waitress in town while I turned a blind eye to it.

That wouldn't work either, for two reasons. The first is that Miranda watched Gerry too closely. From what I've heard around town, she not only makes his lunches while he's at work, but takes them out to the plant and has lunch with him, almost daily. And she starts calling him five minutes after his shift ends. They also do everything together. If Gerry washes his Mustang, Miranda stands next to him and rinses it. If he gets under the car to change his oil, she's under the car with him. If she caught one whiff of an idea that I was even thinking about Gerry, she'd beat my ass on general principals. The second reason it wouldn't work is because Gerry is too fucking honest and too nice to do it.

The third level of my fantasy involves me seducing Gerry and spending the next few days enjoying whatever I can get out of him before we have to go back to reality. In a perfect world, it would be our secret. It would be a pleasant memory that both of us could take out and enjoy remembering from time to time or whenever things got really rough. Dean and Miranda would never find out. But if need be, we could do it, they could find out and Miranda could beat my ass, but if I get the chance to get Gerry in my bed ... I'm taking it. That's probably why I wrapped his arm around me in the first place.

The movie ended and they turned the lights on. I was so busy holding onto Gerry's arm that I had no idea it had ended.

"You know, that was a pretty good movie," he said, smiling. "I had a good time."

"I'm so glad I came to see it with you," I said, and I was telling the truth. "I was afraid the whole time." I love seeing the warmth in his eyes. I just never get over the expression on his face as he looks at me. Then I see it. He looks from side to side and bites his lip.

The side to side look I'm used to. Dean used to do it when we were dating. He always looked around to make sure everyone saw us together. I didn't expect that from Gerry, but if he wants to pretend we're together. It won't take much pretending.

"Laci ... Uhm ... Are you cold?" he asked. Even as he asked me the question he took off his outer shirt and wrapped it around me. I looked down and realized what was going on. My body's reaction to Gerry was showing. My nipples looked like bullets and they were showing through my thin blouse.

"Well maybe it's something other than cold," I said. "Sorry Gerry, my boobs aren't as big as your wife's but my nipples can compete with anyone's."

He frowned and I realized how I had fucked up. "Sorry again," I said. "We were having such a good time leaving our problems and the people who caused them behind us until I brought it up. I won't make that mistake again."

"It's okay Lace," he smiled. "We'll just start again."

"Gerry did you bring a lot of shirts with you?" I asked just to change the subject. He looked at me in confusion.