Living with the Lie

"A few," he said.

"Good," I told him. "Because I'm keeping this one."

The rest of the afternoon felt like a really good high school date. The difference was that we were in our mid twenties and we were both married to other people. We went down to the nearby lake and watched people fishing and boating.

I took my shoes off and waded into the shallows. It gave me a chance to splash Gerry. He chased me and caught me, pulling me down onto the soft grass near the sand of the beach.

I pretended to fight him off, but it was really my way of surrendering to him. He rolled on top of me. We were both laughing and I knew what came next. The sexual tension between us was so thick it felt like he was going to fuck me there on the lake front. And if that was his intention, I was going to let him. But just as our lips were about to make contact our eyes met and he froze. I lay there only inches away from heaven, with my lips puckered up and my nipples trying to tear through both of our shirts, realizing that it wasn't going to happen.

"Sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. I guess we were having too much fun."

"Maybe it's something in the water," I smiled. "Because I was feeling it too."

"It'll be dark soon," he said, pulling me up. "We should probably head back to the house."

"Sounds good to me," I said. And it did. We'd gotten so worked up that we had almost started a make out session on a public beach. Back at the house, alone and with privacy, anything could happen.

* * * * * *

Miranda

It's so strange, but at times like this, things that never mattered or made sense, suddenly become clear. Like the way they always say that if you hold onto something too tightly you'll lose it.

For the past four years I've been so afraid of losing Gerry, that I barely let him breathe. I wanted to make sure that no woman would get close enough to him to take him away from me. I also wanted to make sure that there was no way he'd ever find out about the woman I was before we got together, or what had happened between Dean and I.

But in the end I may lose him just the same. And it turns out that it won't be because Laci is too beautiful for me to compete with or because some other woman took him away from me. I let my jealousy and stupidity goad me into doing something that I knew was wrong. So if I lose Gerry, I have only myself to blame.

I know he's coming back. He has to. Even if it's only to get the rest of his stuff. And when he does I'm going to be a different woman. He can be friends with anyone he wants. Shit, he can even be friend with Laci if he wants. He can do anything that makes him happy, I just want him back.

This whole situation reminds me of something my grandpa told me back when I was a very little girl. He told me that being jealous doesn't prove that you love someone. It only proves that you're insecure about whether or not that person loves you. I wonder why it took Dean's mother to make me realize that Gerry had loved me all the time.

I picked up my phone and bit the bullet. I had agreed when talking to Dean and his mom that I would give Gerry some space. I wouldn't call him. I never said that I wouldn't e-mail him. I took my time and wrote him a very long message that detailed how much I loved him and wanted him to come back to me.

I told him how sorry I was and the reason, mostly my own paranoia and jealousy from what Dean had convinced me had happened. I explained to him that I simply couldn't live without him and that was the reason for most of my ridiculous actions and promised to get therapy to help me deal with my issues. I sent the message and never realized that at no time had I explained to him that nothing had happened between Dean and me.

* * * * * *

Dean

Miranda ... Just thinking about that bitch got me hard. It was ridiculous that I had been after one woman for four God Damned years. It was even more ridiculous that fucking Gerry had her. This whole thing was stupid. I didn't want to own Miranda. I just wanted to fuck her a few times.

Then she could fade into the sunset like all of the others. I wouldn't need any of them if Laci wasn't so terrible in bed. I needed sex, good sex, at least a few times a week. And as much as I loved Laci ... Yep, I said it. I love Laci. I always have. But fucking her is like stepping on a bunny. There's no sport in it and you feel awful afterwards.

I tried so hard, sometimes, not to cheat on her. I kept telling myself that I would quit. But then there'd be some waitress or some secretary, just bending over in front of me, practically begging for it.

And I always thought that Laci would never find out. But she always seems to. She doesn't even go looking to find out. Things just happen. Part of it is that whole small town thing. And the rest is that maybe on some level, I want to get caught.

The weirdest thing is that the four of us are mismatched. Miranda is a very sexy woman. She has the best body I have ever seen. She has long sculptured legs that should be in a museum. Her ass is incredible. Her waist ... Although she has a bigger frame than Laci's, her waist is about the same size. That is just crazy. The way her hips curve away from that tiny waist is insane. And the way her boobs jut out from her rib cage, like two large melons, drives you wild just thinking about it.

The worst thing though, is the way she acts with Gerry. She's always plastering herself to him like she's in heat. And last year, when we all gathered down by the lake to watch the fireworks, I swear she fucked him while we were all looking at the sky.

It was fucking July. The temperature that night was in the eighties. There was no way she was cold. She wrapped that blanket over the two of them and I'm sure she cried out during some of those explosions.

Miranda should be mine. She and I belong together. Laci, on the other hand should have been with someone like Gerry. Their personalities match. They're both very laid back and very ... I guess nice is the word I'm looking for.

It took all I could do for most of my life to keep the two of them apart. I'm pretty sure that one date is all it would have taken for the two of them to get together. Gerry is exactly the way Laci always swears that she wishes I was. And Ray Charles could see that Gerry has always had a hug crush on Laci. I just did what I had to do to keep them apart.

But now I can see that keeping them apart may have been a big assed mistake on my part. As my mom had pointed out to me, Gerry was probably the only guy I knew that was so honorable that I could trust him with Laci. That alone should have made him someone I would choose as a friend.

But he was also one of the few men in town that could compete with me and had done so throughout our lives. The competition had probably made us both better. And lastly, having Gerry as a friend would enhance both my marriage and my life in a lot of ways.

Gerry would give me someone that Laci could hang out with. But as my friend he would also be in my corner when I needed a convenient excuse for things that Laci didn't need to know about. Professionally, it would be great. Gerry is an engineer. He designed and modified cars and car parts, I sold cars. It was a match made in heaven.

But the best part of it is the proximity it would give me to Miranda. Right now the bitch didn't trust me as far as she could throw me. But with Gerry and me as friends, we'd be around each other enough to get to know each other. Then I could ride that familiarity right into those tightly stretched panties. And since we'd all be friends ... Laci would never know.

* * * * * *

Laci

I never knew. All my life I've been the princess ... the good girl. I always sought love. For the first time, I know what pure lust is like. I'm actually not sure what my long term feelings for Gerry are. I mean I know that he's a good man. He's a very good man. But I think that realistically, most of us have a safety valve connected to our hearts. That safety valve takes in the object of our desires and evaluates them for whether or not we have a concrete chance with them. If we don't, that safety valve keeps our level of emotional attachment to a crush or something manageable.

And as much as I thought that Gerry would be a big improvement over Dean, I had the feeling that he was simply unobtainable. Every time I looked in his eyes, something told me that everything I'd heard about Gerry having a lifelong crush on me was true. But it also told me that he loved Miranda on a completely different level that put old crushes and puppy love away.

We had spent twenty four hours together and my body was tingling in ways that I had never felt before.

We'd spent the day wandering around and had developed an easy camaraderie that felt as if we'd been close friends and maybe more for years. As the day wound down, we'd come back to the cottage, but only after Gerry'd stopped off to shop at the local store. He didn't allow me to see what he'd bought. He mumbled something about surprising me.

That was another thing I loved about him. He seemed to be trying so hard to keep my spirits lifted even though he was going through the same kind of pain that I was. In all actuality, his pain had to be greater than mine by at least two levels of magnitude. Mostly due to the fact that a: it was his first time going through this and I had been through it many times before. And b: because down deep inside Gerry still cared very deeply about both Miranda and his marriage, where Dean and our union barely registered on my "give a shit-ometer."

So it should have been me planning out little surprises and diversions for Gerry, but when we got back. He'd sent me up to my room to get comfortable while he puttered around with his surprise. I'd busied myself changing out of my soaked panties and into some fresh sweat pants and a T-shirt after a really refreshing shower.

My hair was wet after the shower but as I walked into the hallway, brush in hand, I was sure I smelled smoke and a lot of it. I went downstairs to see what the hell was going on.

I suddenly had the idea that Gerry's surprise was a campfire. Maybe it was down by the lake. That would be too awesome. I hadn't done anything like that since ... Shit I don't think I ever did anything like that.

As I stepped into the cabin's kitchen the smell of smoke was even thicker. But there was no smoke in the house. I did notice that Gerry had put a tablecloth on the small table and had actually set two places and he had candles on the table as well. There was even a small bouquet of natural rushes and wild flowers on the table.

A tear rolled down my cheek before I could stop it. If the day we'd had wasn't already enough to convince me that I had spent my life with the wrong man, that table had done it.

I heard a noise from just outside of the back door. Without thinking I rushed outside and found Gerry poking the longest set of tongs I had ever seen at something on a huge grill.

Just watching him was a treat for me. He was so intently concentrating on the fire and whatever he was cooking that he didn't notice me until I was almost on him.

He turned and noticed what I had forgotten.

"Laci, why are you ...?" he began. He wrapped his arms around me drawing me into a hug that I would have killed for. I felt warm and loved and comforted. I was enjoying those stolen feelings too much to bother telling him about his mistake. Gerry had seen the tears on my face and like most men he had misunderstood the reason for them.

My tears were tears of joy stemming from the effort that he had put into trying to cheer me up and to care for me. But somehow in typical male reasoning, Gerry had assumed that tears meant sorrow or pain. So in a typical male response, he'd reached out to hug me and try to comfort me. And I had allowed it ... More than that I had responded by insinuating myself even further inside of his defenses.

As I rubbed my almost non-existent breasts against him, he allowed it. And I soaked that in as well. After only a few seconds in his arms, my shower was wasted. I don't know if Gerry could, but I was sure I could smell my pussy gushing.

"I wish I knew how to take your pain away and make you feel better," he said.

I wrapped my arms around him even tighter and lay my head on his shoulder. 'Just keep holding onto me like that,' I thought. The tingling between my legs was making me almost too weak to stand. The only reason I hadn't ruined another pair of panties was because I wasn't wearing any.

"Oh Shit!" he said, suddenly pulling himself away from me and lunging for the grill. He used the tongs and quickly flipped the biggest piece of meat I have ever seen outside of the cartoons. It looked like one of those brontosaurus steaks that Wilma used to make on the Flintstones.

"Oh it's alright," I said. "I like steak very well done and little crispy."

"Good ... That one's yours," he smirked.

"Mine ...?" I gushed. I looked over at the grill. The grating on top was made of thick metal bars. The fire wasn't from gas or charcoal it was a wood fire. The meat smelled so good that I was suddenly hungry. "That thing can't be for me alone!"

"Haven't you ever seen a cowboy steak?" he asked. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Dean and I couldn't afford to eat things like that. We paid our bills ... Some of them were even paid on time. But I had no idea that there were different types of steak.

I looked past him at the huge grill and noticed that beside the huge steaks there were two smaller objects on the grill. They appeared to be wrapped in aluminum foil and were placed out by the edges. I guessed that whatever they were, they needed less heat.

He splashed some water or something wet on the fire, causing it to die down just a bit and turned to look at me. "I know this is rough," he said. "But every day we'll get a little bit stronger. I know you miss him, but you have to show him that he can't walk all over you like this. You matter, Lace. You're a very important person. Maybe staying away for a few days will make him realize what he could lose."

'All you have to do is say the word and he'll have lost me forever," I thought. I just nodded though, trying my best to keep the sad expression on my face. I was hoping that if he thought I was really upset that he might hug me again.

A little while later, the two of us sat across from each other at the small table. The only illumination in the room came from the candles. It was very romantic. The smaller bundles on the grill turned out to be vegetables that Gerry had seasoned and grilled. The whole meal was wonderful. The way Gerry looked at me across the table, he seemed to be intent that I should have the best time possible, was better.

He kept filling my glass with a really tasty white wine. "I know that red wine goes with meat," he said. "But I remember ... "

"That I only like white wine!" I gushed; amazed that he remembered another of my quirks that I'd told a crowd of people during our college years. Gerry seemed to know more about me than Dean did. And he didn't just know things, he acted on them.

The steak as juicy and tender as it was, was simply too much for me to eat in one sitting. Gerry couldn't finish his either. After we ate and cleaned the table, saving the rest of the steak for our breakfast, we took a walk down by the lake that the cabin was built near.

Gerry held my hand as we walked along the edge and there was no place else on earth I wanted to be.

After our walk Gerry gave me another hug and told me things would be better the following day. I was so ready for him to make a move on me that I almost lost my temper. When he told me goodnight, I decided to make my own move.

I waited for Gerry to use the cabin's small shower and gave him a few moments to get settled in his room. Then I took my own shower and stumbled into his room too.

I had pulled up the blankets and sheets and got into bed with him before he realized what was going on.

I took a few moments to let him adjust to the situation.

"Gerry, I'm feeling really depressed," I said, sniffling. "Could you hold me?"

He rolled over near me. His arms wrapped themselves around my body and shivers went down my spine. The man had no idea what he was doing to me. Even the way he hugged me and held me spoke of caring about me.

He didn't just grab me and start mauling me. He pulled me against his body and gently squeezed me. I felt as if I was in heaven. Without realizing it I started grinding my ass against his boxer covered crotch.

I was sure he could tell what was happening. He backed his hips away from me and then pulled away slightly. "Laci ... You're naked!" he sputtered.

"What does that have to do with my need to be comforted?" I asked.

"Well ... Nothing!" he sputtered. "It's ... It's not you Laci. It's me. Uhm ... Being this close to you when you're like that is causing me to ... uhm ... React!"

I had to hand it to him. Even in that situation he was trying to be a gentleman. I scooted my ass close to him again.

"Gerry, you go on and react," I said, pretending I had no idea of what was happening. In reality it was exactly what I wanted. I pulled his arms back around me, placing his hands on my breasts. As soon as he realized where his hands were he tried to move them.

"Gerry, it's okay," I cooed. "It's okay. I want this. Don't you? Isn't this what you've wanted for years?"

"Not really," he said. I rolled over and looked at him. He was absolutely serious.

"So you're just like Dean," I hissed. "Maybe it's not you guys. Maybe it's just me. My husband prefers fucking other women to me. And I mean ANY other women. Old women, fat women, ugly women ... As long as they're not me. I'm just not sexy. Apparently I can't even GIVE my pussy away."

"That isn't true," he said. "Every guy I know would love to be with you."

"Just not you, huh?" I said.

"Me too," he said.

"Then what's the problem?" I asked.

"Lace, I guess that I've always viewed you as more than just a piece of ass," he said. "You're so special. If anything was going to happen with us, I'd want it to be a case where we got to know each other and took our time. I'd want something forever. Having you and then losing you would drive me crazy. And I'd want all of you. Your mind, your soul and your heart are far more important than just your body."

"Gerry, you've just told me exactly what I've always wanted to hear from my man," I told him. "Dean has never told me anything like that. I wish I could give you the future, but neither of us knows what will happen tomorrow. I would walk out on Dean and be with you forever, in a heartbeat. But you can't say the same thing. Miranda loves you like crazy. This is as far as I know the only time she's ever cheated on you ... And Dean probably conned her into it. She loves you Gerry and you love her. I know she hurt you and pretty badly ... So you deserve a bit of revenge and I deserve a hell of a lot of it on Dean. So can't we just do what we said? Can't we just take a couple of days and forget about everything back there?"

"We had a great day today," he said. "It was perfect." He started to move his hands away from my breasts. I think that when I mentioned Miranda, it was a huge mistake.

"Don't you dare move your fucking hands," I hissed. "Leave them on my titties. I put them there because that's where I wanted them." He was surprised by both my tone of voice and what I told him. His hands went as stiff as two boards.

"Okay ..." I said. "Move your hands. Just don't take them off of my boobs. I worked too hard and too long to get them there."

"But we're pissed at them because they cheated on us," he said. "We'd be no better than they are."