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Dani remembered the day she came out to her parents as vividly as if it had happened yesterday. Despite being late May the days had been bleak and gloomy with clouds and rain. Dani was back in her hometown and living in her old house and room but it didn't feel like home anymore. A few days after the school year ended and Fani felt settled back in her parent's house, she asked her mom and dad if they could sit with her at the kitchen table so they could talk.
Pamela Meadows sat down at the table in the chair right next to Dani while Tom Meadows sat directly across from his daughter. Dani kept folding and unfolding her hands together nervously, too anxious and scared yet to speak. Dani's parents looked at her curiously and Dani felt like they were judging her already.
"Well then, tell us what's going on Dan," said Tom.
That's what Dani's father had called her ever since she was a little girl. Wishful thinking for the son he would never have, Dani supposed.
Dani's throat made a croaking noise as she started to speak so instead she just said weakly, "It's hard to..."
"What is it, dear?" asked Pamela. "It can't be something wrong at school. Your grades this year were wonderful as usual, though I do wish you had done better than a B in Macroeconomics. You're not abusing drugs, are you? Oh my God Dani, are you pregnant?"
Well, it is true that I've done a lot of new drugs this year, Dani thought. But that's not what this is about and abuse is a stronger word than I might use. Dani smoked pot a few times with Sam and Ashley last summer before everything went to shit. Mostly she smoked cigarettes and drank with them though. Since coming to college, Dani became a full-blown smoker who went through two or three packs a week. Dani snuck out of her every night since returning home to have a cigarette. She knew it was silly to hide her smoking habit now that she was an adult but Dani knew it would be just another thing for her parents to bitch about. Besides smoking, Dani had been toking weed and drinking with regularity this year and had tried eating mushrooms and dropping acid a couple times as well.
Dani shook her head and said, "It's not anything like that. I'm not an addict and I'm not pregnant. I've never even slept with a guy. In fact, that's what I wanted to speak to you about."
Pamela's eyelids narrowed and a frown formed on Tom's face as Dani continued.
"This last year I've been trying to discover myself and been thinking a lot about who I really am," Dani started to explain. "Figuring out what I want in life... and who I want. I've had... experiences that drastically changed my perception of my own sexuality."
Dani took a deep breath and felt a combination of fear and relief as she let it all out, "What I'm trying to say is I think I'm a lesbian."
Dani made it sound like she was still unsure of herself to try and make her admission seem more palatable to her mom and dad. Dani was dead certain that she was gay though. She had never been more sure of anything in her life. Dani had no idea her feigned confusion was about to backfire on her horribly. Pamela's first reaction was just to laugh.
"Seriously?" Pamela laughed with disbelief. "You move away and after a few months without mommy and daddy you're certain you're a dyke? I think you are just a very confused girl, Dani."
"I'm not confused," Dani insisted.
"You don't sound very certain of yourself," Pamela pointed out. "So I take it you've had sex with a girl then?"
Dani nodded silently and blushed with shame at confessing such a thing to her parents. She glanced at her father who sat wide-eyed and red-faced. He looked like he wanted to cover his ears with both hands.
"I bet it was really good, wasn't it?" Pamela said with a grin that looked almost malicious. "You can admit it."
Dani didn't answer. Her mom had no idea how good and there was no way Dani would admit her first time had been a wild threesome with two girls on prom night.
"Look, I get it," Pamela said as she leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms. "Some dyke tried getting in your pants and managed to seduce you. I sometimes forget you're still very young and naive about the way the world works. I'm sure being with a girl was new and fun. Very sexy and exciting too. I have no doubt about that. Most girls experience this sort of thing at some point in their lives, you certainly aren't the first nor will you be the last. But you have to understand this is just a phase you're going through. It will pass eventually just like how you gave up on painting and taking piano lessons."
"This is not a phase, mother," said Dani emphatically.
"I'm sure you think that now," Pamela replied with a sour look on her face. "You'll come around eventually, though."
Dani started to bristle at her mother's condescending attitude. She clenched her fists and grinded her teeth with frustration. Did her mom think this was a joke or a fucking game? This was Dani's life she was deriding! And her father... He just stared at Dani stonefaced throughout this entire conversation like this was his first time seeing her. Like he didn't even know who his daughter was.
"By all means, have your fun," Pamela said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Fuck a few girls this next year. Hell, fuck some guys too just so you can find out what it's like."
"Pamela..." said Tom with disapproval.
"No, she needs to hear this," Pamela fumed as she stamped her foot down. "As long as she is being careful and safe why can't she? This is basically the only time in a person's life that they are actually expected to behave this way. She should get to fuck whomever she would like."
"Um, that's cool I guess, Mom," Dani mumbled with embarrassment.
"Get all of this out your system now, Dani," advised Pamela. "Because once you do you need to grow the fuck up and put this childish nonsense behind you. If not, you'll never be able to find a man and start a family."
"Mom, this is not like a one-time thing for me," Dani said as tears started to form. "I've had multiple partners, all female. I've had two girlfriends this semester. This is not changing and it's not going away like you seem to think."
"Just how many girls have you slept with?" Pamela wondered.
"Only a few," Dani lied. "But some were on multiple occasions."
Dani thought it best to leave out the exact number of women she had slept with, certain that that double-digit figure would upset her mother. Her father too, for that matter. Dani wondered how different their reaction would be if she told them she had fucked dozens of guys over the last nine months rather than dozens of girls.
"Your deviancy is even worse than I could have imagined," Pamela said with an exasperated sigh. "I wonder if instead of going back to school you should move home permanently and see a mental health expert. There is something wrong with you."
"You really think that would help?" Dani asked incredulously. "Keeping me from my new friends and taking me out of school? Really, Mom?"
"If it will keep you from making a terrible mistake, maybe so," Pamela said as she crossed her arms beneath her breasts.
"Being gay is not a mistake," Dani said with a dangerous edge to her voice. "And there is nothing wrong with me."
"Whatever," Pamela grumbled.
Tom stared down at the table in front of him. He couldn't even look Dani in the eye.
"Let me blunt with you," Dani said. "I am never going to be with a man. I will never marry a man. If you ever have grandchildren, they will not have a father. This will never ever change. I'm not the one that needs to accept it, you are."
The attitude of Dani's parents changed visibly after this confession. Dani's father had red-rimmed eyes and looked like he might actually cry. The perception of his daughter had changed so much recently that he didn't seem to know how to feel about her any more. Unconditional love and acceptance might be a good place to start. Dani recalled how much Tom had liked Dani's last boyfriend Trevor and how disappointed her father had been when Trevor broke up with her. Of course, the reason for the breakup was because Dani wouldn't sleep with Trevor and he wanted to get laid. But since she never told Tom about that, he seemed to blame his daughter for the failure of that relationship. Dani had been a constant source of disappointment for her father ever since she had been born a girl rather than a boy.
Dani's mother frowned at her daughter and grimaced as she shook her head in disapproval. She looked pissed rather than distraught.
"I knew this would happen as soon as you started running around with those horrid girls last year," Pamela fumed. "You were such a sweet, pleasant girl before that. You had the most perfect boyfriend and a promising future. Now you've given all that up to be a degenerate little lesbo instead."
Every word stung Dani in her heart like the lash of a whip. For some reason, Pamela calling Sam and Ashley horrible bothered her the most.
"Don't talk about my friends that way," Dani sobbed as she finally broke down.
"How else am I supposed to think of them?" Pamela asked. "You were perfectly normal before you started hanging out with girls of low reputation. And if they are such great friends, where are they now? Seems to me like they abandoned you after they got what they wanted.
"Please, Mama," Dani pleaded as she cried even harder. "You have to understand, I've always been this way. I just didn't recognize it. I've never felt 'normal' despite this perfect image of me that you can't let go of. My life felt incomplete and it's only recently that I realized the reasons things felt off was because I was gay and didn't know it. I didn't choose to be this way and you don't need to blame yourself for how I turned out. It just happened, it was out of your control."
Dani's father attempted a different tactic than her mother's scorched earth policy.
"Dan," Tom said softly. "Have you really thought this through yet? Can you handle telling all your friends and family? Rights for homosexuals are one court decision away from being taken away again. You might never be able to marry, or have kids with your partner. Is this really what you want in your life?"
Father's cold reasoning made Dani even more dismayed. Getting married and having kids wasn't important to Dani now, but maybe someday it would be. Dani had been too young, naive, and filled with excitement from having sex with women for the first time to really comprehend all the potential consequences of her life choices. Would she miss out on ever being a wife or mother because she was gay? Would losing that experience really change who Dani was? She would be a lesbian regardless. Dani couldn't make herself like boys no matter hard she tried. It all started to seem like too much and Dani put her face in her hands and sobbed even louder. Pamela laid a hand on her daughter's back and rubbed her shoulder gently.
"It's okay, Danica," said Pamela consolingly. "I know this must be a very difficult and confusing time for you, sweetheart. You know we still love you, right? Just wait, and eventually you'll start seeing things correctly. I know you don't believe you like boys right now, but when you get things more figured out...? Maybe you can just try it and see? For us? I believe once you do you'll change your mind. You need to start thinking of our family's reputation around town, Dani. No daughter of mine will be the only homosexual in Cornwell. I won't allow it."
Tears streaming down her face, Dani growled at her mother viciously, "Go fuck yourself, Pamela!"
Dani brushed her mother's arm off her shoulder and pushed her away more forcefully than Dani intended and Pamela nearly fell out of her seat. Tom jumped to his feet in response and stared at Dani with rage. For the first time this conversation that had devolved into an argument looked like a physical altercation might become inevitable. Dani had never seen her angry father like this and never felt threatened by him before. But the way he glared while his hands clenched the tablecloth struck fear in his child. Would Dani's father have to restrain his own daughter?
"Apologize right this minute, young lady," Tom demanded.
"Never," Dani replied. "I have nothing to apologize for."
Pamela looked shaken as she asked, "What exactly is it you want, Dani? Did you expect us to hear this news and not be upset? That we'd just go along with it and actually be proud that our only child is a carpet-munching degenerate?"
Dani knocked over her chair as she shot to her feet. She shrieked at her parents, "What I want is for you to stop being so condescending and so goddamn patronizing to me! I'm an adult, I'm not your little girl any more! All I wanted was for you to love and accept me for who I am! Because I'm gay and I'm not changing for you or for anyone!
Dani took a deep breath before continuing. "Do you want to know the real truth? I love fucking girls, and I should know because I've fucked a lot of them. I love eating pussy and I've my tongue inside the cunts of more girls than you could believe! So from now on every time I make a girl come I'm going to dedicate her orgasm to my shitty parents just out of spite!"
"My God, Dan," Tom said in white-faced shock.
"You've become even more depraved than I realized," Pamela snarled. "Apologize right this minute for saying such disgusting things inside my house, young miss."
"FUCK YOU!" Dani screamed at the top of her lungs. "I hate you both! I wish I had been adopted so I wouldn't have to be related by blood to you!"
Dani turned and ran away from the surprise and hurt showing in her parent's eyes. She raced to the front door and slammed it shut behind her as hard as she could as she left. Dani stomped through her parent's neighborhood in a rage of anger and depression. A light drizzle rained down appropriately in the cool night and mixed with the tears Dani kept having to wipe away from her eyes.
That had not exactly been the most heartwarming coming out story. Dani expected her parents to be upset at first, but she thought that after she explained herself they would ultimately find themselves accepting her lifestyle. Instead Dani's mother had been about as rude, dismissive, and condescending as possible. Dani thought her father might actually be on her side but he didn't say... well, anything! Dani didn't know what was more infuriating, her parent's irreverence toward such a serious and important moment for Dani or their blatant homophobia.
Dani didn't know where she was walking to at first but as Dani's feet took on a life of their own, she realized where they were taking her. Pamela's best friend lived only four blocks away. Karen Wilkfield had been a family friend of the Meadows for as long as Dani could remember and she was the only lesbian Dani still knew of that lived in this dead-end town. Ashley and Sam seemed to have vanished along with their families since Dani had left for college. She tried finding them over winter break but different families lived in their houses now and no one Dani had asked cared enough to know where they had moved to or why they left.
Karen still lived firmly in the closet, with no desire to reveal to her children that her twenty-seven years of marriage to their father had been a sham that Karen used to keep up the appearance of heterosexuality. Karen did love her husband platonically and they must have had sexual relations at some point since they did manage to have three children together. But there was an integral part of herself that Karen had denied for decades until Dani became her lover.
18
After her husband died of colon cancer, Karen wanted to finally indulge in the true desires she kept hidden for so long. It had been over half her lifetime since Karen last slept with a woman and she was beyond ready to make love to a female again. But what woman could she actually find in a town this small? The one woman Karen did want had no interest in her. All her friends were happily married and Karen wasn't brave enough to approach any of the single women in town. She heard rumors of a gay bar in a nearby county but she would have felt ridiculous being nearly fifty years-old trying to pick up some tail at a bar. The biggest obstacle for Karen to overcome was that she just didn't find many women her age attractive. But who else would actually want to be with her?
Opportunity practically knocked on Karen's door one day as she sat on her porch. She had been drinking lemonade and reading outside on a hot summer day a few weeks after her husband's funeral when she saw one of the high school girls driving down her street in a beat-up Oldsmobile that had seen better decades. Karen spotted little Dani Meadows sitting in the passenger seat with her arm around the gothic-looking girl who was driving. Dani looked radiant with her hair tied back and sunglasses on as she laughed at something her friend said and kissed her on the cheek. She looked so youthful and exuberant that Karen couldn't help feeling envious of her vitality.
Karen had of course seen Dani at her husband's funeral. The girl was pretty much obligated to attend considering her mother had been friends with Karen for thirty years. Dani dressed for the service in a pretty, but reserved black dress and when Karen saw Danishe couldn't believe how much she'd changed. A girl no longer, Dani had instead blossomed into a beautiful young woman. Dani offered her condolences and complimented Karen's veil and funeral dress but otherwise they hadn't spoken further.
While Dani drove off with her friend, Karen felt a strange stirring within her as she considered Pamela's daughter. Perhaps her appetites gravitated toward younger women rather than those of her own age. Karen held Dani as a newborn and watched her slowly grow from a precocious, curious young child into a beautiful, sexy woman. Karen couldn't help noticing Dani's body develop during her pubescence and she realized early on that Dani would have a fantastic body.
Karen knew it was wrong but she couldn't help fantasizing about her best friend's daughter. Her mind kept going back to seeing Dani in that car. Karen thought she saw something more there when Dani laughed with her friend. Some familiarity that went beyond mere friendship. Throughout the next week Karen touched herself imagining Dani and this other girl doing naughty things to each other. She tried not to think about the other reason she found herself so attracted to Dani.
Karen got herself so worked up thinking of the blonde girl down the street that she finally had to do something about her lust before she went mad. Karen slyly suggested to Pamela that she might like Dani to come over and help her around the house and keep her company since Bob was gone. House was a generous word for Karen's home which was more mansion-like in scale. There were many chores to be done and Karen only had one housekeeper. Pamela and Dani both agreed that it would be lovely for Dani to help and Karen's seduction plot commenced. Karen kept telling herself this was just an experiment to see if such a thing was even possible. She never believed it would actually work. But to Karen's eternal surprise, it would be Dani who performed the actual seduction.
Dani was a very perceptive and intelligent girl who realized Karen's intentions held an ulterior motive early on. She knowingly led Karen on for weeks as she helped out at Karen's until the older woman practically drooled with desire at the sight of her. Dani finally played her hand one day when she caught Karen blatantly checking out Dani's body. Dani stripped herself bare and asked Karen if this was what she wanted. Karen nearly balked at Dani's audacity but she found herself confessing into the affirmative.
