Misadventures of Parker Posey

This got Parker more finger pointing from Jessica, but in the literal sense as she disembarked the elevator, joined by some stern words to make her own statement. "Now, listen here, Mother Canucker, saying stuff like that, you're lucky I pushed you out onto terra firma. Press your luck, and there may be no elevator there next time you go through those doors"! If Jessica was going for anything close to "intimidating", it fell flat when she giggled at the silliness of her threat.

The impish, openly smiling brunette gave a cautionary reply with folded arms to her pal's physical and verbal aggression, "careful, Jess. Wrong person sees what you just did, and hears you talk about shoving me down elevator shafts, it'll be in the gossip rags within 24 hours that you were trying to kill me! You could have Mounties after you!" Jessica tried her best to suppress further laughter and regain a semblance of toughness uncharacteristic of her when she answered sternly, "give it time. I have a wooden stake and clove of garlic with your name on it".

Her threat made and pride recaptured with her retort, Jessica walked past her vampiric co-star and now allowed her lips to make a smile as she made her way down the hallway toward her suite, to turn in for the night. She came to a halt, though, when she began to get light applause from Parker. As she turned around to find out what the clapping was for, the applause died down and Parker gave her critique on Jessica's line, "spoken like a true Nightstalker. But, you're Whistler's daughter! You need to throw a combination of 'shit' and 'fuck' in there! Maybe a 'God damn it' too". Upon hearing Parker's advice, Jessica marched up to this instigator till they were almost toe to toe. Her slight height advantage helped add emphasis to her intense stare into the lovely brown eyes of the brunette and her calmly spoken application of the advice, "eat shit and go fuck yourself with a stake... God damn it"!

Parker couldn't help it. The rather corny action movie dialogue cracked her up. It was one reason she gravitated toward independent films. Big budget, high profile Hollywood films tended toward the ridiculous and silly. About a decade before, she was a frontrunner for the main female role in "Speed", until she couldn't take seriously the fact that her would-be character was supposed to be driving a bus with a bomb on board at perilously fast speeds that, in fact, was sitting still. Parker's laughter proved contagious, as her friend added to the chuckles filling the hallway. Just what Parker wanted to hear. Things were going great. Fun and competition were two of the best means to achieve the particular end Parker wanted for this evening.

When the laughter subsided the friends continued on their way together to their respective rooms, though Parker was having too much fun poking and prodding her friend. While not in the way she wished. "You're just jealous that Goyer gave me an uzi to shoot at you with, while you're stuck with a bow and arrow", Parker bragged. Jessica frowned upon this comment and quickly retorted, "hey, I took a lot of archery training to use that bow and arrow I'm 'stuck with'. Besides, it's got a UV laser that would 'ash' you in nothing flat". "And what do you get to do with it", Parker continued her aggravation, throwing the current script into the picture. "You don't even get to 'ash' the vampire dogs. You ash a whole shit load of insignificant henchmen, though". Jessica was quick in answering here, feeling she had Parker beat...kinda. "I DO 'ash' you. Indirectly"! Parker just scoffed at this notion, replying a bit grudgingly at one ending proposed thus far, "in a 1,000 pound woman's ass-broad sense, yes".

By now, the two debating buddies' fun was about to come to an end and, especially with Parker's semi concession on the issue, Jessica cheerfully reflected on the last few minutes as she came to a stop at the door to her room, "listen to us, we're starting to sound like Wesley and Ryan". Parker rolled her eyes in disdain of this concept, recalling the little on-set disagreements between Ryan Reynolds and Wesley Snipes, and expressed her sincere wishes that this not be so. "God forbid. Those two. I saw it coming, though. They're so much like their characters. Wesley so serious. Ryan a goofball. Wes hasn't changed since we went to SUNY Purchase together. But, he's so misunderstood. If Ryan wants to find out about difficult, I should see if David would give Edie Falco a guest shot before we finish filming. She, Wesley and I could have a Purchase Mafia reunion!" Hearing Parker's suggestion that her former classmate at SUNY Purchase would keep the "Van Wilder" star in line, Jessica inquired, "so, Edie's tough on the guys, is she"? Parker smiled at this understatement and replied, "girlfriend, if she were playing herself instead of Carmella Soprano, she'd have Tony's balls on a leash". "Sounds like a woman I'd like to know", Jessica beamed, recalling difficult boyfriends she wish she'd been better able to tame.

Changing subjects, she regretfully notified Parker of her intentions to turn in, as she fished through the purse on her shoulder for her room keycard, "I guess I'm going to call it a night, then. Get some rest so I can hurry up and wait for filming tomorrow". Parker nodded her head in agreement of the "hurry up and wait" part, as so much preparation went into even a short take.

What she wasn't in agreement with, however, was ending the evening just yet, and expressed her objection in the form of a very enthusiastic and animated invitation. "Would you come to my crib briefly for me to show you something first? It can't wait. Unless you've got Dominic in there ready to sink his fangs in your neck...and elsewhere"! Keycard in hand, Jessica was ready to go in and end a long, tiresome day. Dracula resurrected from "Blade: Trinity", Dominic Purcell, was not lying in wait inside, nor was anybody else. Her pleasure would come from landing on a nice, comfy bed.

Seeing Parker's excitement, however, she was ready to put sleep plans on hold to find out what the big deal was about, turning the tables in the process. "Nothing waiting in there for me but a shower if I can find the energy, and bed. So, if you don't have your boy toy Ryan taking a break from refusing to play 'Summer of '69' to come here and ravage you, then I'm right behind you". This wasn't "Blade: Trinity's" Ryan that Jessica made reference to. It was Parker's rock star boyfriend Ryan Adams, oft confused with Bryan Adams to his great annoyance. Someone she did NOT want entering the picture on this evening. Parker shook her head in rejection of a lover waiting for her and answered with thoughtless dismission uncommon when speaking of a significant other, "he's off doing his own thing, whatever that is". It was when speaking of something other than a person on her body that Parker lit up brightly. "Laura Jean and I picked out my outfit for the final scene. It's killer, and it has to be flaunted"! "Who am I to deny a woman who needs to show off some great threads", Jessica stated cheerfully, extending her right arm and an upturned hand as if informing Parker to lead the way.

Parker happily accepted the counter-invitation, prancing by the brown haired woman in the direction of her own suite, just a short ways down the hall. Unseen by Jessica was a smile even bigger than any Parker's full, sensuous lips had smiled while the Blades were trouncing the Hallecats, or while they had been trading playful verbal barbs. Things were looking up.

Overtaken with a sudden burst of excitement inside her, and having a common pair of Nikes on rather than her usual high heels, Parker all of a suddenly took off on a sprint toward her room. Not one to just let Parker go uncontested, above all in light of the competitiveness between them tonight, Jessica took up chase despite Parker's head start. It was only a few feet away, so Parker was first there, as she rubbed in with a "pathetic mortal" remark in taunting. Jessica didn't even dignify it with words after Parker jumped the gun, except by sticking her tongue out at her. Parker smiled, the thought in her head of becoming more acquainted with that "bubble gum" tongue.

Now it was time for Parker to do some purse rummaging of her own for a keycard, which she quickly found and ran across the door's scanner. With a green light, a beep and a turn of the knob by Parker, the on-screen rivals and off-screen friends were inside. A flick of a light switch treated them to a world of blue that was Parker's deluxe studio room.

"Why did you have to get the blue, and I got the yellow", Jessica asked upon soaking in the environment of her co-star's room for the first time. "This is the 'sensual and chic' room. Of course I got it", gloated Parker. Taking exception to the implication that those things weren't her, Jessica's arms folded together and she tried to get at just what Parker intended. "And what does that mean I am"? "You are 'bright, airy, fresh, eclectic and cozy'. Or so the hotel brochures said! Although the 'tad conservative' part doesn't speak highly of you. So, is this where you shove me, tell me to kiss your ass, or tell me to fuck myself"?

A pensive look made it's way to Jessica's face for a few moments, after which she finally answered. "None of the above. This is where I say we're good at arguing, and should stage an on-set disagreement that'll get us media attention"! Media attention. The thought was appealing to Parker, as the smile that made it's way to her lips told. With her history in low profile independent film, Parker had perennially flown under the media's radar, making her less visible than less talented and beautiful women. Parker replied in overwhelming approval of the idea as she ventured further into the room toward the loveseat beside the king sized bed she so badly wanted to have her younger friend naked on. "Media attention? What's that? I guess a faked argument between us during filming of the third Blade would get me more camera flashes than Rose McGowan and I bitching at each other the short time we were around each other for "The Doom Generation".

There had been no such conflict between Parker and McGowan while making the Gregg Araki film so many years before. But Parker saw an opportunity. There was something Jessica didn't know about Parker. And something Parker needed to find out about Jessica. For the purposes of discovering if the door to Jessica Biel's certain-to-be sweet cunt was wide open to her, or slammed shut complete with Master Lock to begin with. "You were in 'Doom Generation'", Jessica asked with surprise as she followed Parker, jogging her memory as hard as she could to remember her friend in the 1995 film.

A tad tired from a long day of filming and cheerleading, Parker strolled over and rested her ass down on the loveseat, deciding to take a short breather before getting ready to model for Jessica. Parker patted the vacant space beside her in invitation to one of her newest buddies, then replied in mock happiness of Jessica having failed to recognize her. "Thank God someone doesn't remember the blonde nightmare in heart-shaped rose sunglasses they turned me into". Though not everybody recognized her, one colorful character that stuck out in the mind of anybody who had seen the bizarre teen flick was Parker's in massive long blonde hair and equally big sunglasses, with delusions of being the long-lost love slave of McGowan's character.

As soon as Parker had given the description, Jessica's eyes went wide and she said something peculiar given the sex of who she was speaking to, "I'm going to lop your dick off"! When Jess started, Parker rolled her eyes in aggravation and silently lipped the rest of her character's most famous quote from the movie. Jessica giggled at her recall of one of Parker's odder film personas and added after getting a hold of herself, "oh my God, that was you, wasn't it? How much did they pay you to wear that hideous outfit"?

Parker was quick to answer that while looking at the floor in discomfort at the memory if just how atrocious she had looked, "not damn fucking near enough". Jessica nodded her head in emphatic agreement with this statement, knowing it couldn't have been much for one of her early indie films.

Her first time in a suite in this hotel with this particular motif, Jessica's head and eyes began swiveling, allowing her to drink in the surroundings in their entirety. She changed the subject slightly, seeing from Parker's reaction that that outfit was still a healing wound, even years later. "So, what did you and Rose argue over? Did she seriously diss your outfit, or did she want you for a real-life love slave"?

Inside, Parker's sudden dark mood disappeared, replaced by rainbows and bunny rabbits. This was the subject she had hoped would come up. It would be difficult for her not to express too much joy at the raising of the subject. But, Parker knew that soon, she would know everything she needed to know. Suddenly, she heard a suppressed chuckle from Jessica, just following presentation of the question. As it turned out, Jessica was amused by something else, and as soon as she saw movement in Parker's head from the corner of her eye, she focused her undivided attention on her, trying to hold in the giggle fit threatening to break out.

Looking upon Jessica's lovely visage, Parker pressed on unconcerned with her mystery amusement. With the opportunity, she calmly dropped the hint about herself she had been dying to drop. "You hit the target the first time. Bitch wanted to think she was funny making fun of a get-up I HAD TO WEAR to look ridiculous. There was no issue on the love slave part." Parker believed in taking risks when it came to something she really wanted, and suggesting there was something more to Jessica's joking inclusion of "love slave" in her question was definitely going out on a limb.

As she began speaking, though, Parker noticed that Jessica seemed pretty distracted with something, her eyes darting to the side on a couple of occasions. Only after Parker had finished speaking did Jessica focused undividedly on her words she barely paid attention to, and the meaning of that last puzzling sentence. "...no issue on the love slave part". Was Parker saying what she thought she was? Was she reading all the signs correctly?

Meanwhile, Parker was now fully aware of what her statuesque co-star had been so distracted by before she had really given her something to distract her with. Jessica's pink elephant in the room she had been so taken by was, in fact, a realistic-looking, flesh colored and veiny dildo a full foot in length, complete with testicles and intricate in detail.

Whatever the outcome had been of the Blades vs. Hallecats, Parker had been planning on an attempted seduction of Jessica on this night. It was now or never, with filming of "Blade: Trinity" nearing an end. If she and Jessica didn't come together on this evening, they probably would not period. Something she would consider tragic. As was the case any time she tried to become more with someone she was close to, she was afraid revealing her true feelings would end their friendship. But, Parker had decided to go through with this because she felt she and Jessica's bond was strong enough to endure even a failed seduction.

Plus there had been a couple of promisingly lingering stares from Jessica on the set that Parker thought she had caught. She only hoped her own lust for Jessica hadn't played tricks with her mind.

Part of her sinister plan for capturing the alluring Nightstalker and having her in an oh so sexy way was leaving one of her newest toys that had quickly become her favorite fake phallus in plain sight for Jessica to discover. No red blooded woman wouldn't be aroused by such an erotic sight. Even the most lesbian woman, who would love to have such a stimulating object inside her, by her own hand or her lover's.

Of course Jessica was distracted, and now it was time for Parker to play the girl embarrassed to have had one of her playthings discovered to keep things headed in the right direction under bed sheets and take any edge off her subtle hint that she liked girls. Turning here head in the direction Jessica's eyes had been, Parker looked upon the nightstand and the object of interest. The dildo lay there, on it's side but no less obscene looking. Parker gasped as if in horror with accompanying wide eyes and mouth, and jolted from her seat in order to land on furniture again a short time later after pouncing belly first onto her bed. Parker crawled across her resting place with urgency, quickly grabbing her beloved toy for a lonely night and slipping it into the top drawer of the night stand.

As Parker had hoped, Jessica had been in deep in thought on the perceived revelations of Parker's sexual tendencies from only the last few moments when she was brought back to Earth by her friend's frantic effort to get across the bed to the imitation cock. While the incriminating evidence of her naughty activities in this room had already been discovered, Parker rolled over on her back to look upon Jessica and present herself as innocent, with the sweetest smile that proved profoundly devilish, and attempted a cover-up. "You didn't see anything dirty! You just think you did. It's a new kind of breakfast cereal bar I got"!

This explanation, even worse than a child's "the dog ate my homework" excuse, only got a knowing raised eyebrow and grin from Jessica, along with her take on things. "Yeah, right. You'd have been better off saying a 'long john without the creamy white filling'. I saw it. And what I see now is a woman in her mid-30s who still hasn't learned to put up her toys. Mamma Posey must've had fits over you growing up"!

It was hard to fake something like embarrassment at being caught at something you knew you'd be caught at, but Parker was so good at immersing herself in her character. Her smile decreasing to more bashful in nature, she was able to manage an adorable blush to her pale cheeks as she tried harder, not to dig herself out, but dig her hole deeper. "It's role research! I'm about to start filming this movie, 'The OH in Ohio', about a married woman who's never had an orgasm"!

Jessica didn't buy Parker's bullshit any more than Parker herself did and popped off after shaking her head, "I think you've been doing role research on dildos since you hit puberty"!

As warmed up as her body usually became being around this divine creature, Parker was becoming one horny bitch in heat now locked in conversation about dildos with Jessica. And she could sense that she wasn't the only one having fun.

Now Parker was ready to start turning things up, though only a notch. Parker sprung up to a sitting position on the bed and enthusiastically as well as unapologetically answered the accusation. "Damn right I love dildos. They make me cum so hard! But not like a warm, wet tongue"! Parker wasn't sure if she let her horniness make her a little too aggressive with those last words.

For that reason she played it safe and reverted back to joking with Jessica, "Jess, I know you're filming 'Stealth' after we're through here. Don't you EVEN tell me a fighter jet doesn't have phallic symbolism. And a self-operating one? Like a flying vibrator with balls, so don't even tell me you weren't going into your room to do some role research of your own, bitch"! Parker tended to have a very... unique view of things. That and her quick mind were two things making her one of the great improvisational actors around.

Now that it had been introduced, Jessica couldn't keep away the thought of a well endowed plane zooming around the sky with testicles flapping. That was normally something to laugh at, but Jessica didn't. All this heated sex talk, including Parker's seal of approval for warm, wet tongues was starting to get her motor going. She didn't even try to hide that. A dreamy, glazed over look came to her eyes, accompanied by a lusty little smile, and she said softly to Parker, "no, I don't have anything like that in my room. About now, I wish I did have one of those fancy fighter jets on a MUCH smaller scale for myself. Or one of those tongues you were talking about."