Pillar Ch. 04

"He never really hurt me, but he was so angry. I did what he told me. I changed my hair and I started wearing shorts and t-shirts with sneakers. He even gave me a baseball cap. People thought I was a boy. When we went to visit family, I always wore normal clothes.

"I don't know why I stayed so long. I understand now that he was a bisexual. He didn't want to be with me, instead he wanted to be with a man, and he couldn't accept that. I'm pretty sure he never told anybody. One day I came home and he was gone. He'd left a note saying he was leaving with a friend he'd met a couple of months before. I didn't have the money to pay for both my MBA and the rent, so I had to borrow from Jenny. She knows everything. I finished my MBA and after I got a job, I buried myself in the work. No way was I going to take the risk of going through that again.

"When my mom told me she saw you kissing Alex when you were supposed to be at work, I panicked. I didn't want to live through months filled with secrets again. All these thoughts filled my mind. You also make me do stuff. I'm not good enough and that's why you went to Alex. The list goes on. I like Alex as a person, I really do, but I hate how she owns a part of you. I felt like it was a good idea to help her at first, but now I'm not so sure anymore."

"Philip, could you leave us, please?"

Philip strolled out into the garden, but kept in sight, in case he was needed. They could see him sitting outside, enjoying the breeze.

"He's wonderful isn't he? I learnt so much from him and Cris. In the years I've known them they've taught me more than I can tell."

Tom trailed off into silence and rocked Ruth as he sorted out his thoughts. "I'm glad you told me. It helps me understand why you left and why you didn't come back. You won't believe how fast I had the door open when Philip rang the doorbell. I thought it was you. He saw something was up and now he's here and so am I.

"I'm sorry about your mother. Alex had a really bad session, and she needed something to keep her together. So I gave her my best kiss, it was all I could come up with. You know I worry about her and that I care about her. The two of you are so different. You're shy, but when the person you really want to be bubbles up, then you're the most amazing woman I know. I want to be the one who lets you be her.

"I hate what that guy did to you. He abused you so he could keep lying to himself. I've always tried to make it clear what I'm trying to do, but if you're still not comfortable with the whole arrangement then we can stop it. We can be a normal couple. No more assignments and tests and training. Just normal stuff. I don't know what that'll mean for me, but I'm willing to try it."

Ruth shifted in his lap and pulled his head down for a kiss. They kissed for a long time, only stopping to breathe. None of the kisses were passionate or wild. No, they all spoke eloquently of the connection they shared. They told him that she'd hated their time spent apart. They told her that he'd waited for her to come home. Tom pulled her in closer to show her he was happy to welcome her back. She looked up at him and said, "Will you take me home, Sir?"

When she asked her question, Tom felt immense, unexpected relief. He hadn't realized how tense he still was. That one word told him they could go back. He picked her up and carried her out to the garden. His voice was hoarse and barely audible when he asked Philip, "Can you drive us home?"

Philip rolled his eyes, but got up without a complaint and slapped Tom hard on the shoulder, shocking him forward. His laughter filled the garden with joy. "You owe me dinner, boy."

"Anything you want, I'll make it."

"I'll keep you to that. Let's get you two lovebirds back to your nest. I'm glad you two got started on solving your problems. Expect Cristina over tomorrow evening."

Philip laughed again as he heard their chorus of weak groans. "You'd better be ready to have your ears glowing red. If she hears about the mess you two made, she'll want both of you over her knee. And don't think she won't, Tom knows better!"

It was hard not to smile as this massive block of mirth sauntered in front of them. They looked at each other and knew they would be fine.

***

Tom had a little trouble getting out of the car with Ruth clinging on to him, but he didn't mind. He hadn't known how much he missed the intimacy of simply touching her. They hadn't spoken on the ride home, and they didn't say a word as they made their way through his apartment. He stopped in front of his bed and cleared his throat before he spoke, his voice was soft. "Do you want to talk?"

Ruth shook her head, and he put her down on the bed. He undressed her and took his time trailing her skin with his fingertips as he removed each piece. Every touch was precious and unexpected, an unforeseen treat. They were both in a state of wonder and relief. They seemed to have forgotten what it felt like to be together and what they could do to each other with the slightest contact.

But she wanted more, and she tugged on his clothes to urge him to take them off. He undressed, not in a hurry, and showed her every part of his powerful body. Ruth kneeled on top of the bed and ran her hands over his skin, following the lines of his defined muscles. She was so lost in reacquainting herself that the heat of his cock against her arm startled her. Her little hand wrapped around it, and she slowly ran it up and down, more feeling than stroking his shaft.

Ruth looked up at Tom and her eyes told him all he needed to know. She wanted him to take her back to the way things were. His eyes didn't leave hers as he pushed her down on the bed. She stretched out her arms above her head and crossed her wrists, offering herself to him. He took the offer, locked her wrists with one hand and spread her legs wide with the other.

He pushed his cock where it belonged and kissed her. It wasn't a normal kiss, nor was it passionate. He explored with none of his usual urgency. This was about acceptance.

Tom fucked her with long thrusts, his hips grinding into hers with every stroke. He didn't change his pace, but he varied the force he used to push down on her. They flowed against each other, matching each other's rhythm. He laid down on top of her, covering her body with his and whispered, "Do you remember the first time?"

She nodded against his shoulder.

"Do you still trust me like you did then?"

"Yes."

Her breasts rubbed against his chest and her skin was warm on his. It still wasn't enough, he wanted her to wrap herself around him. He released her wrists, and she swung her arms and legs around him. Tom righted himself so she was in his lap and together they writhed against each other. She squeezed her pussy around his cock to give him pleasure while she ground her clit against him.

Ruth was the first to climax, and she came in near silence. Nothing more than a soft moan escaped her mouth as he kissed her. The pleasure washed over her in gentle waves, embracing her before it released her to drift in a still pond, warmed by the sun. There was just the one man who'd know when she needed to feel like this.

She disentangled from his embrace, and he let her go. He felt that she needed to do something. She laid Tom on his back and took his cock all the way down her throat, and she stayed there until she needed to breathe. The moment she was comfortable, she went down again and did everything she could to tighten her throat around the head of his cock, for as long as she could. Her lips slipped up his shaft as she came up, and she licked his head with her tongue until she had enough breath to take him again.

Ruth didn't want to make him come soon, this had to last. He needed to know that she wanted this. That it was her choice to do this difficult thing. Tom laid back and closed his eyes, there was no point in looking down at her, she was completely focused on what she was doing. He stroked her hair while she held herself down to let her know that he appreciated her efforts. When he finally came, she was glad to swallow his come.

Afterwards they lay in bed together, both of them still wonderfully relaxed.

"I'm glad you're back, Ruth."

"It's where I'm supposed to be."

"Are you still uncertain?"

"I... Yes. It's who I am. Girls grow up feeling like they're less than they're supposed to be."

"That might be the case, but it doesn't matter anymore. You only have to worry about what I think of you. If you disagree about something with me, then we can see which of us is right. But that's enough talk for now, there are more important things to do."

"Like what?"

"Well, nothing of course."

Tom tickled her, and she giggled before going for a counteroffensive. He didn't respond to her attack, so she grabbed a pillow and whacked him over the head with it. The power behind the hit surprised him. He took her in an arm lock and tickled her some more as payback.

They laughed. They had reaffirmed how they felt about each other, and the weight of the past few weeks faded away. Their fears hadn't been laid to rest, but they could feel they were close again.

11

Tom and Ruth had been sitting in his parked car for a few minutes now and still Tom hadn't said a word. Ruth got impatient and said, "Tom, are you going to explain why we're parked in front of a flower shop or are we going to sit here until we die of old age?"

He smiled at her quip and said, "Go inside and talk to the owner."

"That's why we're here?"

"Yes. Don't complain, just do it."

"Fine."

The moment Ruth set foot inside the shop, the scent of fresh flowers swept over her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the jumbled fragrance. She had a look around at all the different colors and shapes. A sweet voice distracted her. "Hello Miss, can I help you?"

Ruth turned around and her jaw almost dropped. Before her was the envy of every woman who considered herself plain. A textbook blonde beauty, and her dress left little to the imagination. Ruth could drown in the cleavage the woman showed. Her figure was an amazing combination of soft and tight. Her blonde locks hid some of her generous chest, but nobody was fooled. This woman had everything that boys dreamed of. She looked at Ruth with kind, violet eyes.

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry for spacing out. You're very beautiful. Could you tell me about some of these flowers?"

"Of course, Miss. And thank you for the compliment, no need to charm the seller though."

The smile she flashed at Ruth was dazzling, it lit up her beautiful face. Ruth listened to her talk, simply nodding and not saying much. She bought a bouquet of white flowers, headed back for the car and plopped down in her seat.

Tom laughed when he saw her purchase. "I see you bought flowers."

Ruth gave him a helpless look, and he nodded to tell her he understood. "What did you think of her?"

"She was amazing. Such a woman. She almost seduced me just by being herself."

"She's one of Nicky's friends. Broke off a long term relationship similar to ours about a year ago, and she's been trying to find a replacement. But it's hard for her to find anybody worth her time even if she gets a lot of attention. I met her while I was searching for the woman who turned out to be Alex. She was very excited to meet me. Nicky played me up a little. We had an open talk about what she wanted and of course I liked her. You've met her, how could I not? She's a natural."

Tom locked eyes with Ruth and put as much emphasis on his next words as he could. "And yet I didn't choose her. She's a wonderful woman and frankly, she excites me. But still I didn't choose her. She wanted what you're getting from me, and I didn't want to give her that much. She doesn't have what you have. I thought she was kind, and she's probably very passionate and obedient, but you have this freshness to you that I just can't account for in any other woman I've met. You surprise me by being yourself and that's what I love about you. You seem so innocent. I always expect you to back off, but you never do.

"I want you to go back inside. This time tell her you've heard about Sir Tom from Nick and Nicky and that you want her to tell you about me. She might want to give Nicky a call, but I arranged that while you were talking to her the first time. She's very serious about what we do. Once she trusts it's appropriate, she'll give you her full opinion about me and hold nothing back. It's important for submissives to know about their dominants. Some people out there are animals. It's like an instinctive care that grows over the years."

Ruth stared at the fragrant flowers in her lap and squeezed the stems in her tiny hand."What are you trying to pull here, Tom?"

"I could tell you what I think about you. I could say it in so many ways. But words prove nothing. I need to prove to you beyond any possible doubt that I think you're incredible. Go in there and ask her what she thinks about me. Don't tell her you've met me already. I want you to hear what she honestly thinks and what she wanted to go for. Don't make the mistake of thinking I'm unaware of what she'll tell you. I knew very well what was available. But I didn't choose her. Now go, Ruth. I'll wait here."

When Ruth returned to the car an hour later, her head still swirled with the sheer amount of advice and tips she got from the more experienced woman. One thing was clear though, she liked Tom. He hadn't lied. Had he wanted her, he could've taken her. In just two short visits she was in awe of the woman. She managed on her own now, but she'd made it very clear how much she wanted to have a master again.

Ruth felt incompetent as a woman, as a submissive and even as a person when she compared herself to the flower nymph. When she thumped into her seat again, Tom had to snatch her bouquet to prevent her from squashing it. "I have to say it again, she's amazing."

"Would you say she's everything I could ever wish for?"

It hurt her to respond, but she couldn't deny her answer. "Yes."

"Would you say she's perfect for me?"

"She'd be perfect for anybody."

"Would you say she's everything I want?"

"Please Tom, stop it with the questions. The answer's yes, every time."

"You're wrong. She's very desirable, but she can only ever be a servant, not a partner. She doesn't want to think for herself. There's a reason she's working in a flower shop. You on the other hand have two people inside of you. One of you wants to be like the woman in the flower shop and trust me, you'll be in time. And then there's the other one who wants to be cut loose. Who wants to shine bright and have fun. You have a caring side and a smart side and together they make you into an amazing woman. I'm not a boy any more, I want a woman and not a toy."

Part of her wanted to be angry at his arrogance. Look at what I didn't want, doesn't that mean that me wanting you means a lot more? Like his wanting her could negate all her shortcomings.

But that was exactly what he was saying. He wanted to let her know he didn't consider her flaws to be repulsive. The part of her that had always been deprived of certainty was suddenly singing. In his own crude way he had succeeded. By smearing her face in what she considered to be her own shortcomings and then flatly dismissing them and complimenting her in the process, he'd proven to her that he thought she was a big catch. The crafty bastard. "Thank you. You know me better than I do."

"I might."

The ride home was quiet, but they didn't mind. The need for words had passed for now.

12

"Well?"

Ruth and Tom both squirmed under Cristina's scrutiny. She met the slightest move they made with a disapproving frown so they kept as still as possibly.

"Look at you two, sitting there like scared little rabbits. I won't eat you. I just want you to explain how you screwed up so badly that you spent over a month apart without even talking to each other. Here I was thinking the two of you were smart, young people. But you're just two airheaded idiots. I had to reward Philip for what he did and if you ask me, he enjoyed himself too much. I can still feel it. Now, which one of you'll go first?"

Cristina looked at Tom before she fixed her eyes on Ruth. "Let's hear from you first, girl."

"I don't... I mean..."

"Use your words. What has the boy been doing to keep you in line? If you were mine, you'd know damn well to answer quick and straight whenever I ask you a question. Whatever. Get on with it, I won't wait forever."

"I felt I wasn't good enough, and I got afraid so I ran."

Cristina waited for more to come, but Ruth crossed her arms and faced her. The older woman nodded. "I see you've realized your mistake. Is that your doing, Tom?"

"I helped her reach some understanding."

She snorted and seemed to relax a little. "Always so modest. Take some pride in who you are and what you do, boy. You'll lose this one if you're not careful. You almost let it happen because you were stupid. I mean, really? There's a small problem, and you just let her go her own way? Anything could've happened. You might be stupid, but you can bet that she's a lot more stupid than you are. She needs someone else to take care of her and if you just drop her because you think she wants to be free like a little bird, then you failed to learn what I taught you."

She alternated staring at both them. Her tiny body towered over them, and she filled the room. They could feel her eyes lash their faces. "You, girl. Whenever something even remotely important comes up, you tell him. You don't get to hide anything from him unless you're allowed to. And you, boy. Whenever she shows any sign of distress, you make damn sure you get to the bottom of it. I don't care what she throws at you or what she sets on fire, she'll always fold before you do. That's how the two of you work. Do you understand?"

Their yes sounded weak and chastised.

"Good, I'm glad I got through your thick skulls. I should put you over my knee, but I don't have the time. So I'll make you sundaes, and you'll think about how childish and stupid you've been while you eat your kiddie treats."

After Cristina left, Tom and Ruth looked down at their ice creams, they were buried in colorful sprinkles. Kids always wanted more sprinkles, Cristina had said. Ruth laughed when she saw her punishment and looked at Tom. "I can see where you got your creative streak."

"Who knows, maybe I was weird to begin with. Anyway, now we've been demoted to being children, do you want to have a pillow fight later?"

Ruth flicked her cherry at him and it smeared his face with whipped cream. She said, "How about a food fight?"

"Sounds great, but let's first eat this. She'd know if we didn't."

"So there's worse than you when it comes to mind reading."

"You've got no idea."

His face was serious while he spoke so Ruth was taken by surprise when his cherry landed in her cleavage. She gasped and fished the sticky cherry out from between her breasts. Tom grinned and said, "She didn't say how we were supposed to eat our sundaes though."

"It's good to be back home."

13

Tom picked up his keys and said, "Ruth, I'm leaving to explain things to your parents. They'll probably want to talk to you later and hear your side of the story. Don't hide anything from them, they deserve to know. You've been hiding those memories away for too long. No need to deal with them by yourself anymore."

He hugged Ruth, stroked her hair and said, "While I'm away, I want you to talk with Alex. She's waiting outside. I know you hurt her, both physically and emotionally. She tried to hide it from me, and I let her. She thinks what you did is some kind of rightful punishment. It's up to you to apologize to her so she can forgive herself. The two of you have been through a lot in a short period. I'm asking you to make it mean something. Try to get along, she's a good girl."