Secrets and Lies

"Time in which my son gets sicker and sicker, and possibly dies."

"Come come Mr Anderson it's far too early to start thinking about things like that."

"Take one of mine. I've got a spare one, give it to Alex"

"Mr Anderson in order to use a live donor we need a near perfect tissue match in order to reduce the risk of rejection. If we give Alex your kidney and he rejects it then we have gained nothing and put you at higher risk. The odds against a near perfect tissue match coming from a non-blood relative are extremely high. You'd have more chance of winning the lottery. That is why we didn't test you last time"

He was about to walk away when I grabbed the front of his scrubs.

"That's my son dying in there, now give me the fucking test" I shouted. I suddenly realised what I had done let go of him and stepped back.

"Mr Anderson I can see that you are distraught, that's why I won't be calling security, but you must see this is helping no one."

He started to turn away. This time I did not grab him or shout I just said "Doc do you have children?"

"Yes, a boy and a girl"

"If one of them was in the same position as Alex how would you live with yourself if you thought you hadn't done everything you could to save them?"

He called a nurse over.

"Nurse take Mr Anderson down for a tissue test. The paper work should be waiting for you when you get down there. Tell them it is top priority. Make sure you get all the correct contact details" Then he added "Don't forget Mr Anderson, more chance of winning the lottery."

I got back to the house around two in the afternoon and found Sarah waiting for me. She kissed me and we went into the house.

"You don't look good Harry what's happened, have you spoken to Susan?"

I told her about my morning and she hugged me. I apologised for not talking to Susan and said I thought she had enough on her plate right now. Sarah agreed and got up to fix us some lunch. I didn't feel much like eating but I sat at the table just to enjoy her company. As we ate we talked and she asked me what I remembered of our conversation in the Pub the previous night.

"I remember you said you love me No more than that you said that you are in love with me."

"It took me a long time to figure that one out. You see it has never happened to me before. Imagine that Harry a thirty five year old woman who has never fallen in love."

"I never said that I love you did I? That was wrong of me because I do. The problem is that you were right I do also love Susan but it takes more than love to be husband and wife it takes trust and I'm not sure I will ever be able to trust Susan again. As soon as Alex is out of danger I will talk to her."

That afternoon we took the bikes out to the forest and spent a few hours exploring the tracks, we came home and made love, and I made us dinner. I was about to pour us both a second glass of wine then stopped.

"Better not, Cinderella must get home before her car turns into a pumpkin"

"Can I stay the night Harry? For once, and I know it may be only once, I would like to know what it feels like to wake up in the arms of the man I love"

I poured the wine.

I didn't count the number of times we made love that night it seemed to happen whenever one of us woke up. I can say that I was high as a kite with only a little alcohol in my system. When I woke up alone I was beginning to think it was all a dream until I heard singing coming from downstairs. I threw a dressing gown on and went down to the kitchen. There, wearing nothing but an apron and holding a frying pan in her hand was the angel who had shared my bed.

"Well hello lover boy" she said with a grin "I was just about to start the eggs and bacon. Help yourself to coffee"

I poured us both some coffee and just stood looking at her. I was lost in admiring every curve of her body when I was suddenly awakened by the telephone. Still lost in her body I walked over and picked up the phone.

"Hello, Harry Anderson"

"Hello Mr Anderson this is the Renal Unit at Braunceston General Hospital. We'd like you to come in to discuss the results of your tissue test"

"Yeah sure," I replied "I'm just about to have breakfast so I can be there in about an hour."

"We'd really prefer you to skip breakfast Mr Anderson" said the voice on the phone.

"O.K. then make that half an hour"

"I am sorry babe" I called out to Sarah. "The hospital wants me without breakfast." "Then you must go" she said "and Harry - I will be there when you wake up"

Sarah was true to her word and stayed with me till the small hours. I seemed to be getting more than my fair share of attention from the nurses. I got the impression that they thought that live donors were something special. The day after surgery she brought in my laptop, as I had asked. She wouldn't let me work so I spent my time editing the porn video we had made together. Occasionally I showed her clips from it and we laughed.

The following day it got to ten thirty and I had not had any visitors. I had finished the video and burned it to DVD. One of the nurses sneaked me in a jiffy envelope so I put the disc in it addressed it and asked her to post it for me. Half an hour later the door opened and a voice said,

"Harry Anderson .. You awkward, obstinate, pig headed, wonderful, wonderful man"

Susan ran into the room threw her arms around me and kissed me after the kiss she continued to hug me, so much so that I had to tell her it was hurting.

"How is he"

"He is in great shape, everything is working and he is looking better by the hour. Just wait till I tell him he has his dad's kidney."

"I would rather you didn't tell him actually. I don't want him to think that he owes me anything. That's why I told them not to tell you. How did you know it was me?"

Tears filled her eyes as she admitted to me.

"I didn't at first, I thought that Gary must have had a change of heart. So I asked where I could find him and the admissions people said that he was not here. I didn't know how long they kept people in so I thought that maybe they'd sent him home. I looked up the number and called his home. When I spoke to his wife she laughed and told me he was in Turkey and would not be back for three days.

I was really confused Harry and I started babbling and suddenly she asked if I was Susan. When I said I was she said, 'and you think my selfish little shit of a husband donated his kidney for your son?. Well I have to tell you Gary would never do that... but Harry would.' I phoned the hospital again and gave them your name and they told me where to find you."

"Oh Harry I have missed you." she said. I wrapped my arms around her as she sobbed.

As she started to regain her composure she pulled away from me and dried her eyes with a tissue.

"And now there are no children around and you can't run away. You and I are going to talk"

I told her I was going to do just that when I found out Alex was back in hospital and agreed that we had to sort things out.

"Good we can start with this"

She produced an envelope from her bag, pulled out a letter and read it out to me. It was the divorce petition notification.

"On the grounds of irreconcilable differences. I suppose I asked for that, I half expected it to cite adultery as the grounds because that is what you think isn't it."

"Well I suppose it is but you must know that I wouldn't do that to you."

"Harry I am a stupid woman who has deceived you and lied to you, my last lie almost cost us our son, but I have never been unfaithful to you. You are the only man who has ever come to my bed and the only man I have ever wanted there."

"I see the three children were all products of immaculate conception. Why did the angel Gabriel not come and tell me?"

She started to cry again. Through her tears she began to get angry and started to shout. "You want to know who impregnated me? I'll show you who impregnated me"

She searched through her bag and pulled out a plastic tube with a rubber bulb on the end.

"Here" she shouted "it was Mr Turkey Baster that's who got me pregnant."

A nurse appeared at the door. I signalled to her that everything was all right.

I apologised and said I would try to keep quiet while she told the story. "Why don't you start at the beginning"

"OK Harry, I am sorry I lost it just now. As you say from the beginning."

"You remember what it was like. Me desperate for a child, doing all the temperature charts working out the most fertile days and your friends all teasing about being married nearly three years and no babies on the way. Gary was the worst one he kept going on about how he had got his girlfriend pregnant the first time he touched her. Then we started having tests and mine came back O.K. But yours came back as very low. I think the doctor said it was not impossible but we would need more than an element of luck. - Oh Harry, when I looked at your face I could see how much it hurt you."

"So you are saying you did it all for me."

"Of course not, Harry. Now let me tell the story. - Each of their snide comments cut you to the core and I was worried about getting too old to have a baby. It seems ridiculous now that forty year old women are having their first. Gary must have somehow picked up on the tension between us he started coming round when he knew you wouldn't be there. It was usually because he wanted to borrow a tool or you had something of his that he needed. He would hang around and talk and would always bring up our lack of children. He always implied that it was your fault. He would say things like 'Old Harry still not managed it then?' I tell you Susan you want a baby you need a real man. You come and talk to me'"

"Huh real man he called himself. He was too much of a coward to even have the tissue test"

"Anyway Harry one day he came round and it was getting close to the fertile period and you know how edgy I used to get. Well I had been reading a news story about a girl who used a turkey baster to get herself pregnant using the semen from her boyfriends used condom. When he started the same old spiel I asked him point blank Are you offering to get me pregnant? He said yes if I would let him. So I said to him O.K. you're on and went upstairs to change. He must have thought it was Christmas when I came back down wearing black lacy bra and pants and the stockings and suspenders that you used to like so much. I told him to stand up and I went down on my knees in front of him. I made him think I was going to give him a blow job but instead I just used my fingers. As he started to cum I caught it all in a plastic cup. I milked his dick for all I could get, then I said thanks very much you can go now. He was not a happy man Harry he made all sorts of threats about how he was going to tell people he had screwed me. I told him if word ever got out about what we had done I would tell you that he raped me and you would undoubtedly kill him. I also told him if I got pregnant he would have to pay child support. The last part saw him running for the door.

I kept his semen in the fridge and on my most fertile day we made love as we always did and afterwards as you drifted off to sleep I went to the bathroom, lay in the bath and injected Gary's semen into me using the turkey baster. When I got pregnant I didn't know what to do but you seemed so happy and there was a chance it was your baby Harry. I guess I wanted so much for him to be yours I convinced myself that he was.

When Alex had his accident and they started talking about transplants from blood relatives I realised if neither of us were a match that you might start to ask questions so I made up that story about a previous marriage so they wouldn't test you. I am sorry Harry I wanted him to be your baby but when push came to shove I knew the odds were against it. I went to see Gary to ask him to come in and be tested but he refused."

The tears started to flow again "I got down on my knees and begged him Harry, I begged him to help us."

"I know you did. I saw you."

She buried her head in the bed as she cried. I reached out and put my hand on her head and stroked her hair as she sobbed. I waited till she stopped crying and she lifted her head to look at me.

"So assuming that I believe all this, it only explains Alex, what about Maddy and Jacob. Even Gary is not fool enough to fall for that one twice let alone a third time?"

"I paid him - One hundred pounds a time or to look at it another way one hundred pounds a child. The bastard insisted on the sexy underwear again 'to get him hard' he said but I got two lovely children."

She looked up into my eyes. "I always gave you a head start Harry, I really wanted them to be yours."

It is said that a women looks for lies in your eyes but a man listens for lies in your voice. My ears were telling me that this ridiculous story was true, I mean who would make up a story like that?

"He has had a vasectomy now you know."

"Yes I know he rang just before it was done and asked if I wanted another child before he had the chop. He wanted five hundred pounds. I told him we had all the family we needed."

I was in a state of shock I didn't know what to do If this was all true, and I believed it was, then it was me who had broken our wedding vows and now I was going to have to make a choice and one way or another someone I loved was going to get hurt.

"Well, that's the whole story. I know what I did was wrong and that it has hurt you deeply. I love you Harry and if you think you could forgive me enough to come back to us it would make me and our children very happy. We have missed you in our lives and I have certainly missed you in my bed. I know I have brought all this on myself so if you don't want to come home I will understand."

I just sat with my head in my hands, feeling this immense pressure that seemed to be pushing the two sides of my head together. Eventually I took my hands away and looked at her. The crying had ruined her make up and she looked so vulnerable and so helpless. I didn't know where to start.

"Susan" I said, "I am probably the only man in the world who'd believe that story and it is only because I know you so well that I do believe it. What I still can't understand is why you did it with Gary, we had already talked about AID and you know that I was happy to go down that route. God knows I would have given my right arm to give you a child."

"I know Harry but I had done the deed by then. I almost told you right then but you said it would have to be someone we didn't know and who didn't know us because you couldn't live with the thought of someone coming round and claiming our child"

"My God what a mess" was all I could say.

"First thing I need to tell you Susan is that you may not have been unfaithful to me, but I have been unfaithful to you"

"Is that with your old friend Sarah?" she emphasised the old friend bit," Wendy says she can't be much more than twenty five"

"Yes it is with Sarah. She is thirty five and she is Gary's wife"

"I pushed you into it Harry, You would never have done that if I hadn't lied to you"

"Nevertheless I have done it and now the situation is much more complicated. There are more people involved"

"Is she as beautiful as Wendy says?"

"Well I don't know what Wendy has told you but yes she probably is."

"And do you love her Harry?"

"Yes I do" I said unable to look at her face to see the hurt there.

"Does she love you"

"Yes she does. I think she was going to offer to move in with me when the Hospital rang"

I told her the whole story of how I had really intended to kill Gary, beat him to death with my bare hands. I told her about the house and my depression and how Susan had pulled me out of it with exercise routines and cycling. I even told her about our porn video for Gary.

"Oh Harry how do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Here's a woman who is trying to steal my husband and I should want to scratch her eyes out but by the time you have finished she sounds so nice that I feel like thanking her for looking after you."

"She's not trying to steal your husband. She knows I still love you and probably always will. She told me that I must come and talk to you to see if there was any chance of us getting back together. That is probably why she's not here now."

"But you said that she wanted to move in with you" Susan said with a puzzled look.

"I think it's a matter of, if I am still available when the dust settles then she'll snap me up"

"And are you still available Harry"

"I don't know Susan I really don't" I said apologetically.

"Well" she said flicking the divorce notification, "you'd better make your mind up fast. These people charge by the minute."

As she got to the door she looked back at me.

"Harry, do you know the odds against a non-blood relative being a near perfect match?"

"More chance of winning the lottery"

"We could get a paternity test done"

"NO. He's my son. I changed his nappy. I helped you feed him. I am the only dad he's ever known. I'm the one who taught him to ride a bike. What does it matter whose sperm won the race? He's my son and no test in the world is going to change that."

She smiled at me and closed the door.