Silent Love

Oh boy was that the wrong thing to say! Sarah looked at me with a stare that could melt stainless steel.

"Jesus Christ, Jim, she's deaf, not a retard! She can't hear, that doesn't make her an invalid! I know perfectly well that Lisa can dress herself and brush her teeth. She's human. Damn it, she's just as normal as we both are. Treat her like that. But, you'd better brush up on signing; you'll need it if you two become more than friends. I've gotta run now and check on that ol' man of mine."

Sarah gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and left for home. I returned to the bedroom where Lisa lay sleeping. I left the panties Sarah handed to me top of the chest. I looked over at Lisa sleeping peacefully and just stood looking at her. Sarah was right. Lisa was quite a beauty. The v-neck collar of the thin white shirt she had on was barely covering her breasts. They stood out from her chest. A small nipple peeked out from the middle of a cinnamon-red colored areola. Her legs were long and slender, and they met at a neatly trimmed bush. It was clear that Lisa took care of herself, and I wondered what could have happened to put her here in my house with so many bruises on her body. There's a lot more to this story than either Sarah, or I know.

I took the panties from the top of the chest and walked over to my sleeping guest. I raised her feet and gently flowed the silky material up her legs to her thighs and finally to her hips.

"There, that's wasn't so bad. She can either shoot me or leave, but she is dressed for bed now."

I made my way to my bedroom and crawled into bed myself. It was one of those days.

****

The alarm announced the start of a new day, and I dragged myself of out bed. My head was swimming, and I thought, "Damn, I've got to ease up on those baked tacos and creamed fish casseroles. That was one helluva dream!" I walked to the bathroom and as I passed the spare bedroom, I glanced in. Whoa, guess that was no dream after all!

Lisa was still sleeping, a blanket piled onto the side of the bed, exposing her long legs. I leaned into the doorjamb and just admired the image of this young woman sleeping in the bed. I decided to let her sleep.

I got dressed and did the usual bathroom chores and was headed toward the door. Then it dawned on me. I've got a computer in the living room. I wonder if she is computer literate? Picking up the pad I used last night, I jotted down a few lines on the paper, "Lisa when you get up, there's food in the fridge. Sarah and I pitched your old clothes out. In the chest, you will find new jeans, shirts, and underwear. If you know how to operate a computer, there's one in the living room. I'll be home about five. Keep warm, Jim."

I put the note on top of the chest and left for work.

I work for a company that deals with numbers and data. Lots and lots of data. We do medical drug studies. When a new drug comes out, we're the guys that run the clinical tests to be sure the drug doesn't grow new arms on the test subjects. All this information must be tallied, counted, recounted, crunched, and then presented as usable information the drug company can understand and use. It's long and boring work. I'm the office manager overseeing about fifty research people.

As soon as I hit my office, I had Google up and searching for American Sign Language. As I read, I had no idea. Why there's grammar, syntax, and semantics just like any other language. The more I read, it turned out ASL is a language.

I sat back into my chair. I now felt like a shit sandwich when I recall how I would tease Sarah when she went to all those evening classes to learn ASL when Wendy was a young child. I told Bob I quit talking with my fingers when I was three. God. Do I feel like a stupid dumb ass. It's a wonder Sarah still talks to me. Hell, it's a wonder I'm still alive!

Soon, I had downloaded videos on how to sign, signing 101 if you will. I just wanted to say, to sign, "Hello Lisa" before the end of the day.

I practiced. I watched and re-watched the videos I downloaded. My hands hurt. As the morning grew older, I felt my iPhone buzz in my shirt pocket. The first thing I thought of was big Bob. I wondered if he took a turn for the worst? When I pulled my phone out, there was a text message all right, but not from Sarah. It was from Lisa!

"Jim, Lisa here. I can't thank you enough for the new clothes. They all seem to fit just fine. I have nothing to repay you with. I have nothing to offer you but myself. Lisa."

Now that text message really set me back. I was worried if she was computer literate and what does she do? She not only turns the thing on; she was able to track my text number to the address book. Smart girl.

I typed a text message back to Lisa, "Lisa. You owe me nothing but your smile. Just to see you happy is payment enough. Keep warm, Jim."

God, my fingers hurt!

I practiced all day long. I half-assed got the fingerspelling down. After all, I just needed a few letters to say hello to her. I continued running the exercise with my hands till I felt I had it down pat. Even as I drove home, I practiced.

Having never been around anyone that was deaf, except for Bob's daughter Wendy, I found it somewhat strange. Barging into the house with a "Hi honey I'm home" doesn't work. I mean, how in the hell do you let the other person know you're home without scaring the shit out of them? I just open the front door and walked in as I've been doing for the last two years. I just said nothing.

When I walked into the kitchen, I noticed the place was clean. Dishes were done and put away. Peeking out into the living room, I saw the shelves dusted and loose magazines piled neatly on the end table.

I went through the house and found Lisa sleeping in her bed. Still wearing just that old white shirt of mine, she apparently got up, cleaned the house and went back to sleep. I also noticed that she had been through the clothes I got her and had selected what she wanted to wear, only to leave them piled on the chest.

Although she was sleeping soundly, I had to wake her up. She needed to take her pills, and to get those damn cigarette burns covered.

I touched her face, running my hand across it. She stretched and opened her eyes. I gave her a few minutes to get her bearings. Then, I lifted her up so she was sitting on the bed and I un-buttoned her shirt and pulled it down her back, exposing her bare breasts to me. I don't know whether she really understood what I was doing, but she never flinched. She was awake and well aware of what I was doing. She managed a weak smile.

I applied some of the salve to the open burn marks on her breast and covered it with a small piece of gauze then some nonstick tape. I pointed to her waist, and she turned my way. I pulled her panties down to expose the infected sore and repeated the treatment.

I pulled her shirt back up along with her panties. I buttoned her up and placed two pills in her hand. A sip of water and down they went. I lifted up the sheet as she slid her legs under them. She was out before I got to the door.

****

Lisa had been my houseguest for three days. I was getting more and more concerned about her and decided if today she didn't stir, perhaps a trip to a doctor would be in order. Nonetheless, I continued to practice with my signing.

My iPhone buzzed, and there was a message from Lisa, "Jim, I'm sorry. I've been so tired. It felt as though I've never been to sleep. I'm good now. See you when you get home. Love Lisa."

I looked at the message again. Yup, she sent love Lisa. I hate to admit it, but I was growing feelings for this woman. I don't know why, but I could feel it deep down inside me.

I continued to practice. I just wanted to let her know I thought enough of her to try to communicate on her level. Passing notes and sending texts were okay, but this would be something she'd appreciate, at least I hope she would.

Arriving home at my usual time, the house was just as clean and tidy as a photo out of Good Housekeeping. After being on my own for a couple of years, I grew accustomed to my own mess and clutter, after all, I was the only one around to look at them.

I called out her name, knowing full well she couldn't hear me, but it seemed the right thing to do.

Out of the back bedroom walked Lisa. Oh damn, what a difference a few days had made. Lisa wore a pair of the dark blue jeans I picked out, along with a red long sleeved shirt. The white shoes she wore made her legs seem even longer. Her light brown hair fell just to her shoulders and surrounded her round face highlighting her cheekbones. Those blue eyes Sarah mentioned drew you in like a magnet. Her eyes seemed to glow like a dragon from medieval times.

And Lisa had freckles! I didn't notice them in the dim light of the bedroom nor that first night she came here. But by God Lisa had freckles. Lisa not only had a fine figure; she was just ass kicking cute. For a woman twenty-nine years old, damn was she was a looker.

Lisa looked good. No, scratch that. Lisa looked damn good!

She looked up and saw me staring at her. She smiled and spun around showing off her outfit. I smiled showing my approval.

"Wow!" I thought to myself, "Think Jim. For Christ's sake. W…what's a W… Three fingers. Yeah, that's it. I'll spell everything out."

I put my hand out so Lisa knew I was going to sign something. "W-O-W, L-I-S-A. U- L-O-O-K G-R-E-A-T."

Damn, my fingers hurt. My brain hurt, too. I turned my eyes to Lisa. I wondered if I got it right or had I spell out her donkey had died?

Well I guess I did okay, as I noticed Lisa's eyes turn watery as I spelled out my first sign to her, either that or she really did own a donkey.

Lisa walked over and placed her arms around my waist as she lowered her head on my chest. I could see a few tears falling down her cheeks as they rolled away from her face. I've only known this woman for three days, and yet I felt such a deep connection with her. Emotions I'd not had for years came flooding back to me.

And then it happened. I didn't plan it. I didn't think about it. It just happened.

I touched her face, and well I just kind of gave her a kiss. More than just a quick back seat in the car high school date kiss, but not a longing sloppy kiss either. It was something in between.

I cupped her head with my hands and placed my lips on her's. Lisa was warm and inviting as I pressed my body slightly against hers. I slipped my hand from her face and ran my fingers down through her hair, the softest hair I've ever felt, continuing my touch as my fingers slid down along her spine. I could smell the scent of her body and her freshly washed hair. I moved from her lips and kissed her eyelids as gently as I could. I placed a small kiss or two on her ear and down along the side of her neck. I ran my hand across her shoulder and felt her bra strap hiding under her shirt. I moved the strap back and fourth across her shoulder with one finger, teasing her…

Oh rats. That wasn't planned, and I released my embrace. I could feel my face turn red, and I turned slightly from Lisa. I was embarrassed for being so forward with her.

Lisa moved her fingers slowly and I tried to follow their movements. Yes! I remember seeing that one, it means 'kiss.' She signed, "Kiss me again." I was able to understand her first sign to me! Lisa took a few steps in toward me, then she placed her arms on top of my shoulders, and stepped into me.

When I recovered from the shock of being pulled in for more, I took her into my arms again and brushed back the hair from her eyes. I ran my fingers across her ears and down the side of her face. Lisa closed her eyes and her head fell back as though she was in a trance. Her hair fell from her shoulders and hung down her back.

I placed small kisses down the side of her face and along her neck. I wanted to kiss her freckles, all of them. As I continued I made my way back to her warm velvet smooth lips, which she parted slightly, my tongue darted inside her mouth as I pulled her tight against me. God she smelled sweet. I could feel Lisa's heart pounding in her chest. Her face was aglow and I could feel the heat when her cheek touched mine.

I had moved the front of her shirt's collar to one side as I kissed down her neck and along her shoulder. I could feel Lisa melting in my arm, I felt more alive now than in the last two years.

I was caught up in the moment. Before I was aware of what my hands were doing, it was too late. I somehow managed to drop both on her butt and was slowly touching her. I could feel the outline of her panties against the tight jeans. She felt good.

Then I got a grip with my emotions, and I moved my hands from her jeans and pushed her back.

Lisa looked confused. Hell I was confused. I've only known this woman for three days, and we were getting beyond friendly. I wanted her. I wanted her badly. I closed my eyes for a second and envisioned pulling her jeans down those slender legs of hers, slipping her shoes off to see her in those white socks of hers. Touching her between her legs to feel her moisture. I knew I only had to make one move, and she would comply. But that's not what I had promised her. I didn't want her to feel as if she was obligated to repay my kindness.

I guess what we just did had an effect on Lisa, too. She wasn't upset with me, instead she took my hand and led me over to the computer in my home office. She pulled out a chair and motioned to me to sit down beside her. She opened up the word processor and began to type. Now, I can type, it's a big part of my job, but Lisa, damn could she type! Her fingers flew across the keyboard; the images of words popped up on the screen.

Lisa typed and I watched letters form into words on the screen, "Your signing made me feel wanted. It's the best feeling I've had for years. I'll work with you if you want to continue to learn to sign."

"And….you're a good kisser. For all you have done for me, I am in your debt." Lisa looked back over her shoulder to me.

I put my hand on her shoulder and smiled warmly, "You're welcome Lisa."

She smiled back and then turned back to the keyboard. "Why did you stop?"

"Consider that kiss as payment in full," I said, "I don't want you to ever think you need to do something you don't want to do. If the time comes, we'll both know it."

We smiled at each other and then I said, "I'd really like to know happened to you, Lisa."

Her fingers started typing again, "I have master's degree in English literature. Kind of odd considering I'm deaf, but I find words to be magical. They talk to me. Being deaf makes it harder to get a teaching job, especially in English literature so, I started editing manuscripts for the college kids. I got such good feedback that many of my jobs came from the professors working on their dissertations. I did a lot of books and stuff, editing for grammar and flow. I wasn't getting rich, but I made enough to pay for the rent and buy food.

"Then I meet Eric. He was much younger than I was, almost six years younger than I at the time we met. But, what a smooth talker, and within a month we were living together. I thought I was in love. He told me he loved me. I was wrong. He went through all the savings I had. He even sold my personal things. I found out too late he was big-time into drugs. All he wanted to do was get high, it didn't matter what it took to afford it, he lived to get high.

"He sold everything I owned, the only clothes I had were the ones on my back. Then he tried to trade me for drugs. The deal was I was to give his friends sex in return for some meth. I fought with him. He wanted the drugs, and I was his only source of getting them. My body for his drugs.

"When I told him I wouldn't do that, he hit me. Then he struck me again, over and over he hit me. He took off his belt, I turned my face into the bed, and he hit me again. He struck my back and legs with his belt. I cried out in pain, begging him to stop, but it only infuriated him even more. Jim, I tried to fight back, but he slammed his fist into my face.

I started to cry uncontrollably, tears cascading down my cheeks and onto the bed. I begged and pleaded to him to stop hurting me.

"Then I saw a flash. It was a knife blade catching some stray light in the room. My God I felt Eric was going to cut me, perhaps even kill me. I started to pray dear God don't let me die here.

"Just then, two of his drug buddies showed up. I remember them taking my clothes off. I thought I was going to be raped. They grabbed my waist and flipped me over on the bed. Eric, the man I thought I loved, took his cigarette and started to burn me. He burned my breast and my legs while his two buddies held me down. He was laughing at me. They were all laughing at me. He struck me on my legs with his belt again after they had taken my pants off. I yelled out in pain. Oh Jim, it hurt so bad. I tried fighting back, but they were too strong for me.

"They gave me something to drink, Rohypnol I think, and it started to mess with my head. Then suddenly they went back into the other room to get high. I seized the opportunity, and I got up, put on what clothes I could and while they were shooting up, I ran out the door. I never looked back.

"Whatever it was they gave me messed me up. It made me sleepy and put me in some sort of daze. I staggered around for hours before the cops found me. Even at the hospital I felt like zombie. I tried to get someone to help me, but they just pushed me aside. Just today, I started to feel like myself.

"Jim, I have no way to repay you for all you have done for me. Like Eric told me that night, "The only thing I have of any value is between my legs and under my shirt."

Then Lisa stopped typing. Her story unfolded before my eyes on the computer's screen. I touched her shoulder but this time she didn't turn my way. I pulled her back, and I could see her eyes were red and blood shoot. She had been softly crying to herself as she typed.

"He burnt you before didn't he? That's why some of the burns got infected."

The computer screen glowed with new words, "Yes, but he said he was sorry."

"And he beat you before with his belt. He burnt you before. Lisa, that's not love by anyone's measure. Lisa, you need to tell the cops, report that bastard!"

The keyboard started clacking, "It's three against my one word. Who's going to believe me?"

"I do…"

Lisa attempted a weak smile and began typing again, "Jim all my life all I ever wanted was to be loved. Just to have someone hold me and tell me that I'm loved. That they love me. I'm twenty-nine years old and the only person that ever did that was Eric. And it was a lie.

"My father drank himself to death when I was just a kid. Mom ran off to the west coast leaving me in different family services. I've never heard from her again. I don't know whether she is even alive. No one wants a deaf kid to adopt, we're almost always judged to be retarded or mentally challenged…slow.

"As a teenager I worked, saving my own money for college. Being deaf, I took great pleasure in books. I read anything and everything. I found that I could pick out errors in the grammar used in books and magazines. I don't know why, but I can recall facts from almost anything I read. It's as though it gets stuck up in my head. It was this gift I had, and one college gave me a free ride because of it.

"And you know Jim, college, it's just one big party. But, when you can't hear, you can't talk. I'd try, and they would all laugh at me. I know I can't speak very well, so I very rarely try.

"I was always the third person. I was always the deaf girl they made fun of. They would ask me to talk and then mock me. All I ever wanted was to be with someone, someone that loved me for being just me deafness and all. Is that too much to ask for, Jim?"